Dating Guys From The Gym

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 12:36 AM GMT
    So I've been going to Crunch for about three years. It's a great gym, love the abs/spin/boxing/dance/cardio classes, love the weights, love the equipment and I really like the people that go to my specific location.

    It isn't uncommon for a guy to hit on me while I'm there, which makes me terribly uncomfortable. When that happens, I change the subject or smile and pretend like I don't notice what just happened.

    I am very friendly with everyone there, men, woman, newbies, beef cakes whoever so my general demeanor doesn't discourage interaction. Recently, a few guys have been getting progressively more aggressive in their flirtations and have alluded to wanting to go out sometime but since they don't ask directly... I smile and play stupid.

    They've been following me around smiling all googley and watching me in classes and waving all cute and stuff whenever they see me. The increased frequency of this behavior and their continued attempts to speak to me for more than a few moments leads me to believe that in the next week or so one or more of them is going to directly ask me out. One has even found me on Facebook.... (I know! The horror!) ;)

    They are all very nice guys who under normal circumstances I'd be elated to go out with, but I'm very apprehensive about compromising the integrity of my "gym sanctuary" (I know that sounds retarded but roll with me on this).

    What if he wants to work out together?
    What if he he's all demonstrative and tries to show public displays of affection as a sign of adoration OR worse yet "ownership"?
    What happens if it doesn't work out, do you pretend like you don't know each other when you see one another?
    What if it ends badly does someone get "custody" of the gym?
    What if you go to the same classes or have the same gym schedule?

    I'm very conflicted and feel like I'm running out of time and that I'm going to be in my abs class all chatty with the 70 year old woman who's always there and one of these guys is going to ask me out and in my conflicted, confused and bewildered state I'll say something highly inappropriate or offensive. (how is that for a run on sentence?)

    I'm a competent communicator and I'm usually very considerate and thoughtful of others, I don't really need answers to the above questions because I know I have be kind and thoughtful and polite.

    But I would like to know if anyone else has had as similar dilemma or if you've dated someone from your gym and what obstacles and pitfalls I should avoid.

    Thanks for any feedback to my rambling post.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 3:56 AM GMT
    If you have a policy--don't violate my sanctuary--stick to your guns. God, if you were more interested in this(these) guy(s) you'd break this policy in a heartbeat. But be courteous (as you are, undoubtedly), and mention your policy to them.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:02 AM GMT
    I dated someone from my gym. There were a few guys that would check me out every so often, but this guy actually worked up the courage to ask me out. So we went out. Went out a couple more times. I guess I was too boring for him, so he stopped calling. I got the hint. Thank goodness we didn't have sex.

    From that point forward, it was just a casual hello whenever we saw each other at the gym. But we had different work schedules, so we didn't see each other that often anyways. After a while, we just kinda ignored each other or stayed on opposite sides of the gym. Eventually he moved away, so that was the end of it.

    By the way you describe them, they sound like a bunch of gossipy high school girls. If things don't work out, you can probably expect some drama. Maybe become gym friends first? And get a feel for their intentions. If they just want a quick fuck, then forget it.

    I totally get what you mean by "gym sanctuary". I go to the gym to workout, not to cruise guys. I really don't need any distractions from previous bad dates or psycho ex-boyfriends.

    It's ultimately your decision.
  • tobyb

    Posts: 111

    Jan 16, 2009 4:20 AM GMT
    I think you're thinking way too far ahead, and letting possible bad outcomes get in the way of all other possible outcomes, both good and mediocre. What if you start talking to one of these guys, it goes really well, and you start a really fun hot sexual affair? What if you start having really strong feelings for ones of these guys?

    Or, what if before you start dating any of these guys who are interested, they move to another gym? What if the guys at our gym come spring are not hot, or hot but not into you? What if your current gym becomes really badly managed and you and everyone else you like has to move to another one?

    Even if you try to stand still, the world keeps turning, so why not mix it up and see what happens. Pick your favorite guy and go on a few dates. Why not? If it doesn't work out, you can decide to be an adult about it and smile and say hello next time at the gym until it becomes normal. Many guys I know feel their ex'es are their most loyal friends. It's not so terrible to speak to someone you dated previously.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:33 AM GMT
    If you REALLY want to adhere to that, then do it but as mickeytopogigio said, one of these days you might find someone you really have an interest in and you'll most likely break the rule in a heartbeat! Hell, I'd be THRILLED if some of the guys I admire at the gym expressed and interest in me. For me the gym seems the most likely place to meet someone. We both have an interest in working out so that gives us at least one thing in common from the get go. Don't limit yourself I guess is the message and don't worry about stuff that hasn't even happened yet. You may pass up a good thing just because of what MIGHT happen.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:35 AM GMT
    As a general rule: The gym IS NOT a pick-up joint. You go there to work out.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:42 AM GMT
    Although I find guys that are hunky motivational, the gym is one part of my life that is my "private time" and time I want to think on really one thing only: working out.

    While I do "network" from time to time at the gym, and I have some friends at the gym that I've known for decades, I go to the gym to workout.

    I specifically will tell folks to google on me, or give them my email, or give them my home office number if they have questions.

    I don't train anyone as a hobby, or for sex, etc. The gym is about me doing something I love doing and that I'm exceptionally good at.

    When I train for a show, and REALLY don't want to be bothered, I'll wear my sunglasses. That's usually a very obvious hint to folks that I'm really not wanting to be conversant.

    I try to lead by example in the gym, however, being approachable, picking up my weights, having a smile, not walking in front of folks, and stopping to say hi to long-time friends when I'm leaving or entering.

    I've had little guys follow me around the locker rooms with cell cams (I put a stop it very quickly); I've had folks stalk me to and from the gym; I've had folks send me strange messages; I've had folks get incredible erections when I've walked into the lockerroom. It's all in the territory, but, if you step to far into my space, I'll let you know in short order.

    I'm not insensitive because I have not forgotten where I once was decades ago, but, I cannot attain my own goals and not give 100% if I'm not focused on what I'm doing.

    The gym is my private time. The gym is my passion. The contest is my goal. It makes me feel good. Let me do it.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:56 AM GMT
    For me, I guess i had the rule that the gym is a work-out joint...go there to reach my goal and what not. However, I did meet my BF through a friend....well he asked someone i know whom he was working out with about me and then one day when he didn't go with him...we ended up chatting at the water fountain. Seemed like a cool guy and so we went out to eat after our work out and ended up chatting for a long time. Didn't really expect to be dating...just ended up that way and now we've been together for 7 months....so the oppourtunity is there....but i guess i would say don't go about seeking it. If it knocks at your door...cease it icon_smile.gif
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    Jan 16, 2009 5:03 AM GMT
    one that works for me when i don't want to talk to someone is a nod with a slightest smile i can master, and to carry on as if nothing happened with my own thing. when reverse happens to me, i usually get the hint pretty quickly. however, i have made friends in the gym over the years. since my gym is not too gay, i enjoy meeting all kinds of people. i am not a serious lifter, so to me, the social component is a lot of fun. besides, the guy i am dating right now, i sort of met at the gym first, well, that's where we first noticed each other...
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    Jan 16, 2009 5:10 AM GMT
    cat
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    Jan 16, 2009 5:29 AM GMT
    Wait a minute... doesn't every other thread on here conclude that quality guys can't be found at bars and clubs...? I thought the consensus was that quality dates could be found at the gym or the sports league. Not that I know from experience, (although I have "hooked up" for a bike ride a couple of times) but it sounds like a good theory to me.

    I have witnessed a couple of breakup spats at the gym. But that could happen anywhere. What's the worst that could happen? So those guys don't spot each other any more.
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    Jan 16, 2009 7:11 AM GMT
    I'm o.k. with dating someone from the gym - I'm doing it now. We met more than a year ago - said hello several times over the year - talked about our workout routines, and other topics - since we were both there sometimes at the same hour. Nothing clicked though - and we didn't start going out until we ran into each other outside the gym - in a grocery store. We stood there talking for a long time - in a way we had not talked at the gym. Next thing you know - we're an *item*.
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    Jan 16, 2009 7:44 AM GMT
    I'm all for staying focused in the gym on your workouts but that doesn't mean you can't be friendly and say hello to people without pulling them into long conversations and monopolizing their time and equipment in the gym. Looks like at least a couple of people here have met beaus at the gym or at least seeing each other there has broken the ice to strike up conversations elsewhere and that's all I'm talking about......breaking the ice and maybe getting something started. You don't have to interrupt people or get on their nerves while they are working out to be friendly and possibly meet someone nice. I am starting to train for my first competition this summer and though I will be training at a private gym with a private trainer and very focused for the next six or seven months, I still won't be rude and scowl and grumble at people if they say hello or ask how I'm doing! icon_razz.gif
  • GQjock

    Posts: 11649

    Jan 16, 2009 11:59 AM GMT
    What if he wants to work out together?
    What if he he's all demonstrative and tries to show public displays of affection as a sign of adoration OR worse yet "ownership"?
    What happens if it doesn't work out, do you pretend like you don't know each other when you see one another?
    What if it ends badly does someone get "custody" of the gym?
    What if you go to the same classes or have the same gym schedule?


    Is your closet filled with 24 white button downs and 6 black slacks?

    icon_confused.gif If you are interested in a guy Then go out with him
    and if you're Not then don't
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 16, 2009 1:22 PM GMT
    It goes back to that old metaphor "you don't shit where you eat". I do think it is a better place than at a bar or the internet, but then again it's just one man's opinion.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 16, 2009 2:31 PM GMT
    I agree, don't deviate from your policy for a date it doesn't seem like you really want, anyway.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 16, 2009 2:37 PM GMT
    flex89 said, "As a general rule: The gym IS NOT a pick-up joint. You go there to work out."



    Allow me to strike down your comment. Neither is a supermarket, library, bookstore, cafe, church or many, many, many other social environments. But sometimes people connect with those of the same interests because of these primary-reasoned locations, gym included. So big deal if someone asks someone else out at a gym. There are down times before or after workouts where it's okay to approach someone.
  • styrgan

    Posts: 2017

    Jan 16, 2009 3:41 PM GMT
    over_and_over said

    They are all very nice guys who under normal circumstances I'd be elated to go out with, but I'm very apprehensive about compromising the integrity of my "gym sanctuary" (I know that sounds retarded but roll with me on this).

    What if he wants to work out together?
    What if he he's all demonstrative and tries to show public displays of affection as a sign of adoration OR worse yet "ownership"?
    What happens if it doesn't work out, do you pretend like you don't know each other when you see one another?
    What if it ends badly does someone get "custody" of the gym?
    What if you go to the same classes or have the same gym schedule?


    You're thinking ten steps ahead, and creating issues that don't really exist. For all you know, some of these guys are only interested in hooking up and want nothing as serious as a relationship at all.

    If you choose to go out with any of these guys, all those questions will ultimately resolve themselves, and if these guys are thoughtful or mature, they will resolve themselves in a way that is positive for both of you.

    For example, if he wants to workout together, consider if your workout routines and goals are compatible, and if you'd be interested in the possibility. If you're not, be an adult and explain why.

    I think you should focus on finding out if any of these guys are actually worth dating, if they have the usual qualities you look for. Showing good judgement in who you spend your time with is much more reasonable than blacking out whole areas of your life from the possibility of meeting people.

    And if you break up or lose interest after three dates, neither of you get "custody" of your gym.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:26 PM GMT
    I agree with styrgan, you're really putting the cart before the horse here.

    Sounds like your priorities are gym first, guy second. That might be an issue to think about first. If I found someone I really enjoyed, I'd love to workout with them and if you feel that you need your alone time then, communicate it! Any reasonable person can understand that being together 24/7 is not healthy.

    And yes, I'd say that even two guys that use to date can probably be mature enough to share the same gym!


  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:33 PM GMT
    coolarmydude saidflex89 said, "As a general rule: The gym IS NOT a pick-up joint. You go there to work out."



    Allow me to strike down your comment. Neither is a supermarket, library, bookstore, cafe, church or many, many, many other social environments. But sometimes people connect with those of the same interests because of these primary-reasoned locations, gym included. So big deal if someone asks someone else out at a gym. There are down times before or after workouts where it's okay to approach someone.



    I agree.....just do it in a tastefull manner don't be obvious like "i want your dick" or something like that! good lord have some class!

    Obviously if their in the middle of a workout or something you may not want to hit on someone....(i hate when people want to talk to you while your in the middle of something)
    but if their chilln' in the locker room or something then maybe!


    As for me....I always have a head set on....soo....no one ever socialize with me! lol ;)
    But it really comes down to you...and what you want to do! sooo

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 16, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    With ALL things, stick to your guns......
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    Jan 17, 2009 12:22 AM GMT
    Thanks for all your replies, after reading them I realized that "Yes" I was WAY over thinking things, but that I also had valid concerns about having my gym experienced compromised.

    Sure enough I got to the gym last night and was indeed confronted on my way into my abs class by a very smiley, friendly guy who's been kind enough to extend a slice of his humanity. Thank god I thought about appropriate behavior before hand!

    He point blank asked me out to dinner but I neither said, "yes" or "no". Instead I offered him my number and told him we could discuss it. icon_biggrin.gif An answer I am very happy with. We texted and talked earlier today and I felt comfortable enough to accept his invitation and we now have a dinner date for next Monday.

    I've decided to move forward like he were just another "friend from the gym" and be honest and direct about my concerns if I feel uncomfortable and feel those boundaries are pushed. "It's just dinner... right?"

    I'm really not a type-a personality, neither am I an introvert or unsocialized wall flower... this particular situation was a bit of a curve ball that I needed some feedback on. My head is on straight and I appreciate everyones input.

    Cheers!
    O&O
  • jgymnast733

    Posts: 1783

    Feb 17, 2009 6:58 AM GMT
    I was checking out this trainer and asked him over when he got off work, when he came over he was impressed that i had prepared some food as i handed him a martini..WELL, after a few of those we started kissing and he took my clothes off and demanded that i ''TAKE THIS DICK'', he said, YOU GOT ME OVER HERE, YOU WINE ME AND DINE ME,NOW TAKE THE DICK'',, i was very happy 2 of course..LOL
    After that evening/morning, he wanted to come over every night...I couldnt get rid of the guy...icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Feb 17, 2009 8:34 AM GMT
    Oh, the woes of being hot!
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    Feb 17, 2009 10:43 PM GMT
    I once met a guy in a dating website and only after a few conversations he told me that he worked out in the same gym I was in. Our first date was... in the gym!

    It was weird... because I didn't use to care that much about my looks when I went to the gym... to think that he saw me with a grown beard... and in spite all that, he liked me... it was nice to know.

    ps: how could I imagine someone would look at a skinny guy like me in a gym full of tanned, muscular guys? life is a good teacher sometimes...