The hardest part of being a gay man

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    Oct 19, 2014 12:41 AM GMT
    What do you find the most challenging?
  • Kovyn

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    Oct 19, 2014 12:45 AM GMT
    Finding guys that don't act gay.
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    Oct 19, 2014 12:46 AM GMT
    Dealing with even more bigotry and ignorance within the gay community. e.g.: Racism, xenophobia, skinny shaming, fat shaming, age shaming, short height shaming, acne shaming, facial hair shaming, etc.
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    Oct 19, 2014 1:12 AM GMT
    As a child, getting teased, taunted, and bullied in school. icon_sad.gif

    As an adult, dealing with ignorant, homophobic people. icon_sad.gificon_sad.gif
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    Oct 19, 2014 1:21 AM GMT
    I say the hardest part of a gay man should be the dick, unless theyre bottoms, in that case that would be the ass.
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    Oct 19, 2014 1:24 AM GMT
    David3K saidI say the hardest part of a gay man should be the dick, unless theyre bottoms, in that case that would be the ass.


    In that case, that's for any man, straight or gay. The thread is about gay men only. icon_confused.gif
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    Oct 19, 2014 1:32 AM GMT
    My life isn't hard. Any issues I have are definitely first world problems!

    Currently i struggle with the habits of speaking and acting I learned in the 2 decades between the onset of puberty and admitting to myself I'm gay. Integrity is important to me, i am still figuring out how to integrate all aspects of my life.
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    Oct 19, 2014 3:40 AM GMT
    Finding/making friends with other gay men.
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    Oct 19, 2014 7:44 AM GMT
    Kovyn saidFinding guys that don't act gay.


    Just an observation Kovyn is that if you want to find guys that don't act gay then you need to look at your criteria for who you are interested in. Blonde twinks on the scene are rarely str8 acting. Having said that it's your right to choose who turn you on, just be realistic about it
  • e2ksj3355

    Posts: 110

    Oct 19, 2014 7:50 AM GMT
    For me, accepting myself. I think it has gotten worse for me since now a lot of my peers are getting married and having children and living "normal" lives. I still have issues getting past that point. icon_sad.gif
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    Oct 19, 2014 10:01 AM GMT
    Someone who doesn't do a runner after sex. I'm not expecting marriage ffs, but at least let's be friends?
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    Oct 19, 2014 1:34 PM GMT
    Finding decent gay lads in real life who want more than just sex
  • mcbrion

    Posts: 305

    Oct 19, 2014 1:54 PM GMT
    As a culture, gay society frequently exhibits the traits of the kids with their noses pressed up against the candy store window, wanting that candy and then THAT piece of candy (candy = guys). And then thinking that the way to happiness is to BECOME one of those candy pieces other guys want.

    We seem to forget that after we unwrap our Christmas presents, frequently, we don't want them any more. It was the fantasy of them we were after.

    So, the most challenging part is waiting for guys to grow into men who are able to love not out of desire, lust, or fear, but out of generosity of spirit, a happy heart with no huge holes in them. Once you arrive at that stage, you're good. Lust is great when you can combine it with love, because Love is a map in itself. Lust is not.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 19, 2014 2:06 PM GMT
    I think is is a lot harder for men and woman who are transgender. We have it easy. Think about it. Imagine being born one sex with all those parts and knowing in your mind you are the opposite. Glad I'm all man, and love that I have a cock!
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    Oct 19, 2014 2:11 PM GMT
    xrichx saidFinding/making friends with other gay men.


    I vote this as the best response but would add having a much smaller dating pool. These two factors combine to make it far more difficult for gay men to leave large metro areas with a high cost of living and miserable traffic, for the quaint bucolic small town.
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    Oct 19, 2014 2:12 PM GMT
    Looking awesome all the time and having to listen to my conservative parents criticize everything I wear/say/do
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    Oct 19, 2014 2:15 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidI think is is a lot harder for men and woman who are transgender. We have it easy. Think about it. Imagine being born one sex with all those parts and knowing in your mind you are the opposite. Glad I'm all man, and love that I have a cock!


    Having hung out and befriended a number of trans folks, could not agree more. And -- even after you have come to terms with it and chosen what your path forward will be -- having to deal with others who think they have a right to judge you, decide your gender for themselves, etc. And some of the worst offenders are gay and lesbian activists themselves.
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    Oct 19, 2014 2:20 PM GMT
    I am fortunate to have a good partner, I think the biggest challenge for me is around straight male friends. Although I have some great ones, it is almost always harder to build trust with a new guy because there is this thing to overcome, and I'm always uneasy about engaging without them getting the idea that there's an ulterior motive.
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    Oct 19, 2014 2:23 PM GMT
    The hardest part for me is not knowing who to give the family album of photographs going back a hundred years to. I guess it will end up in the trash.
  • Uday_K

    Posts: 23

    Oct 19, 2014 3:36 PM GMT
    Controlling yourself not to fall in love with your straight best friends icon_neutral.gif

    Not the hardest part, of course. But something that really gets tiring!
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    Oct 19, 2014 4:00 PM GMT
    The hair and make up

    And keeping a lighting Director on staff.
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    Oct 19, 2014 4:17 PM GMT
    xrichx saidFinding/making friends with other gay men.


    To make friends with anyone, regardless if you're gay or straight, these two principles apply:

    - You cannot find your friend attractive OR
    - You cannot hit on your friend

    Common scenarios for gay men who can't be friends with other gay men:

    - They are too horny and incapable of not hitting on guys they find attractive
    - They are too vain and incapable of being friends with someone who doesn't find them attractive
    - They have an internalized homophobia and project flaws onto other gay men
    - They have a strong prejudice against environments where it would be easy to find other gay men (grindr, scruff, etc)




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    Finding love.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2014 4:53 PM GMT
    The stereotypes, presumptions, and labels within the complicated gay community.
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    Oct 19, 2014 5:07 PM GMT
    Cash saidThe hair and make up

    And keeping a lighting Director on staff.

    LOL!

    Reminds me of something I would reply to straights, when asked what living gay was like.

    "It's all about the lighting."