Creating chemsitry

  • bsuhp

    Posts: 8

    Oct 19, 2014 5:07 AM GMT
    Hi All-

    Long time listener, first time caller...

    So my questions to the RealJock universe is when I see guys in functions (galas, socal nights, ect.) or at bars first meeting guys and taking them home after the first meeting, how do they create such fast chemistry with them? Also, what are some provocative conversation starters that get things started on the right foot when at these types of things? Lastly, what tips do you all have for creating fast chemistry in person?

    Thanks to all!
  • Kovyn

    Posts: 117

    Oct 19, 2014 5:16 AM GMT
    It helps if you're good in bed the night you take them home...
  • bsuhp

    Posts: 8

    Oct 19, 2014 5:28 AM GMT
    how about touching or provocative conservation?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 19, 2014 5:50 AM GMT
    You can't create chemistry ... it's either there or it's not
  • bsuhp

    Posts: 8

    Oct 19, 2014 6:19 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou can't create chemistry ... it's either there or it's not


    That would be pretty depressing....

    So are all the dating books and youtube gay dating tips videos like false then?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 8:17 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou can't create chemistry ... it's either there or it's not

    Strangely enough I really agree with this.
    Not to say relationships haven't been successful with a good amount of hard work, but I feel the relationships that last are ones with natural chemistry.
    Which in itself is very hard to define or describe.
    I think I'd rather avoid the subject entirely haha.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 10:13 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidYou can't create chemistry ... it's either there or it's not


    Agreed! You can date a guy that might be absolutely stunning, but if you don't click, it's just not going to work. There has to be that something...that's chemistry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 10:36 AM GMT
    Id say chemistry creates it self.
  • LEANDRO_NJ

    Posts: 1114

    Oct 19, 2014 2:28 PM GMT
    To the OP!

    Aside from sex what are you passionate about?

    I love the outdoors and any tools that may help me get through the man made modern conveniences of today's world!

    For instance I love meditation, walking, hiking, animals, nature, forests, plants, gardening, art, acts of kindness, a good listener, patience,food shopping, cooking, waking up, breakfast, my job,co-workers, customers, smiling, saying hello to strangers,finding out the good in people,and so forth.

    If you find the qualities and likes in others that you have or want to explore; that is when chemistry starts to work!
  • stratavos

    Posts: 1831

    Oct 19, 2014 2:33 PM GMT
    the only way to 'force" chemistry is through shared experience.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 19, 2014 2:43 PM GMT
    Real chemistry is there or it's noticon_idea.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 4:00 PM GMT
    To me chemistry breaks down into

    (1) strong physical attraction
    (2) great mutual sympathy
    (3) some identification
    (4) context (circumstances, how vulnerable / available you are...)

    The only thing you can somewhat control is (4)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 4:55 PM GMT
    You can't create chemistry. It just happens.

    You can however work on improving yourself in any of a number of ways. This will make you more noticeable to other which makes chemistry more likely to happen.
    Chemistry is the reaction of 2 reagents that are put in close proximity. You can't force the reaction if the other persons reagent is right. You can however work on being in close proximity to other people to increase the chance of a reaction happening.
    You can also increase the amount of your own reagent by working out, dressing well, learning a new language, taking salsa classes, practicing kung fu, etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 5:20 PM GMT
    I think one important part is being aware of the signals you and others are giving off.

    And this is a skill at which I completely suck. Numerous times friends have been like "... has been dogging you all night" and I'm like "huhwut?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 11:03 PM GMT
    Unfortunately, physical attraction is the biggest driver of "immediate chemistry." So if you're not in shape, poorly dressed, or smell bad - then those are things you need to work on, on top of good conversational ability.

    When meeting someone for the first time, I'd say being brave enough to approach someone is the biggest turn on. I love it, and I'm likely to chat with anyone who takes an initiative.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 11:24 PM GMT
    I don't know if this chemistry thing exists in quite the fanciful way people here are describing it. I've certainly never felt an instant need to be around someone or found myself instantly attracted to someone. In my case the 2 guys I have been with were not people I had an instant chemistry with in fact one I didn't even like at all but if someone is persistent enough and shows an interest you can learn to like them.

    Think of it like this: If you hate coffee but drink it every day for a week you learn to like it.

    That's chemistry.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 19, 2014 11:31 PM GMT
    Most people forget but there was actually a fourth gift from the Wizard of Oz...

    8081984257_eee404a59a_z.jpg

    1940s_Gilbert_chemistry_set_04.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2014 12:00 AM GMT
    huhwhat saidUnfortunately, physical attraction is the biggest driver of "immediate chemistry." ...

    Not true!
    It's totally possible to find someone physically attractive while feeling zero actual attraction. Personality, intelligence, attitude, social skills, plus a certain indescribable X factor make chemistry.

    If you think looks are everything, just remember the times well-meaning friends tried to fix you up with someone and recall how that turned out.
  • bsuhp

    Posts: 8

    Oct 20, 2014 2:47 AM GMT
    huhwhat said on top of good conversational ability.


    See, this is interesting, can you create chemistry/attraction on use of interpersonal skills?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2014 4:05 AM GMT
    bsuhp said
    huhwhat said on top of good conversational ability.


    See, this is interesting, can you create chemistry/attraction on use of interpersonal skills?


    In that case, I don't think interpersonal skills are CREATING chemistry, so much as the chemistry is BASED ON the interaction of the two people in question. It's like having interpersonal skills reveals it? As huhwhat and TexDef07 said, chemistry isn't (solely) based on physical attractiveness or personality. It's an X factor. Or maybe I think of it as, there are many ways to have good chemistry with someone, through different channels or on different levels.

    In my experience, while essential to a relationship, good chemistry is, unfortunately, not sufficient on it's own.
  • Danskerb

    Posts: 286

    Oct 20, 2014 6:29 AM GMT
    I think chemistry is hard to create, but what you can do is create a connection with someone. That done with eye contact, touch, speech and listening.

    The eye contact is always a started, with physical attraction being one of the most important steps whether someone will open up and even give it a try with you.

    I find touching to help create a connection. It starts to break down barriers and shows that you are relaxed.

    Speech is important. You have to know how to talk. You have to have purpose. Corny pick up lines are not going to do. I find the best line of attack is to ask questions though. Everyone likes to talk, why not prod for interesting conversation. - again finding something in common right away can be difficult. ( I usually go right to travel. ) the other way to connect with someone using speech is to say someone's name. The use of ones names sends off chemistry through the body that can often be a comforting sence.

    Listening is important to. No one wants to feel ignored. Remember what you were talking about, so next time you meet, you can have something to comment on. And remember their name.

  • bsuhp

    Posts: 8

    Oct 20, 2014 8:37 AM GMT
    Danskerb saidI think chemistry is hard to create, but what you can do is create a connection with someone. That done with eye contact, touch, speech and listening.

    The eye contact is always a started, with physical attraction being one of the most important steps whether someone will open up and even give it a try with you.

    I find touching to help create a connection. It starts to break down barriers and shows that you are relaxed.

    Speech is important. You have to know how to talk. You have to have purpose. Corny pick up lines are not going to do. I find the best line of attack is to ask questions though. Everyone likes to talk, why not prod for interesting conversation. - again finding something in common right away can be difficult. ( I usually go right to travel. ) the other way to connect with someone using speech is to say someone's name. The use of ones names sends off chemistry through the body that can often be a comforting sence.

    Listening is important to. No one wants to feel ignored. Remember what you were talking about, so next time you meet, you can have something to comment on. And remember their name.



    Wow, thanks Danskerb for this great insight and advice, I'll try it out and let you know how it goes. Any other tips from anyone on here?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2014 10:29 PM GMT
    Add vodka.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Oct 20, 2014 10:35 PM GMT
    Stop wanking twice a day. Result: chemistry with every guy! You're welcome.
  • Noeton

    Posts: 208

    Oct 21, 2014 12:50 AM GMT
    I'm not really sure if this is about hookup chemistry or relationship chemistry or both... From the OP's saying meet up in public and take the guy home, I'm assuming it's about hookup chemistry. Assuming you met in public and got him to go home with you, there's already chemistry (i.e. physical attraction) ... just have fun. I would -- very casually / in a funny way -- talk a little about sex before actually getting him home... tops/bottoms and what else he's into or not (and STDs). That way you know if there are any deal-breakers for either of you. In terms of making conversation, just be casual, relaxed, nice and unpretentious and don't be afraid to embarrass yourself -- everyone says something stupid when they are nervous. If you or he are nervous once you get him home, just talk for awhile -- but make sure to drop a few comments related to sex, because otherwise the conversation will be too business-like and might lead nowhere. One time recently a guy employed an innovative shortcut: he just grabbed my crotch in a restaurant... not that I would do that, but well, to each his own. icon_rolleyes.gif And remember, practice, practice, practice makes perfect! Good luck!