Changes

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2014 10:48 AM GMT
    What are the biggest changes you have made in your life, how did they come about ? what made you change ? how did you give yourself the confidence or backup to fulfill these changes if they was or wasn't things you already knew about ?
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    Oct 19, 2014 11:24 AM GMT
    I have not really made that many big changes, I moved down to London in 2006 because an opportunity at work came up that meant I could do it with a relocation bonus (which I mostly spent on booze and clothes icon_biggrin.gif ).

    It was definitely a good decision. With being laid off I have the opportunity to make another "big decision" if I want but I am not really sure what that decision would be.
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    Oct 19, 2014 2:14 PM GMT
    My career. I was in investment banking for 10 years and I hated the job. It turned me into something I wasn't. I made the choice to get into healthcare and it was the best decision I've made. Now I'm helping people with their health instead of helping people and former coworkers get rich.
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    Oct 19, 2014 3:43 PM GMT
    lad89 saidWhat are the biggest changes you have made in your life, how did they come about ? what made you change ? how did you give yourself the confidence or backup to fulfill these changes if they was or wasn't things you already knew about ?


    One was when I was in my second year of undergrad, had just come out to myself, lost two of my best friends to their fear, was pushed out of a Catholic young adult group due to their fear... was facing layoff from my part-time job, when someone I met through my new circle of gay friends offered me a temp job that led to an offer of a union job. My mom tried to talk me out of it because it meant it would take me a whole lot longer to get my degree, but in the end I went for it, in large part because my tuition would be paid and -- not knowing what was ahead with my family's response to my eventual coming out -- I figured it would be better to have no debt and some financial security.

    Best thing I could have done. I have been with that company just over 24 years and vested in the pension and 401k plans, got both my BA (although it ended up taking 11 years with a gap of about two years) and MA on their dime, the guy who offered me that job is still a good friend, my family dealt with my coming out just fine, and basically never looked back.

    The other was leaving the Catholic Church and becoming an Episcopalian. Since it is a much smaller church (both the individual congregations and the denomination itself) it is a lot more participatory... I have met people all over the country including our presiding bishop (an oceanographer, licensed pilot... and female!), traveled quite a bit, learned a lot, and done my best to help other LGBT people who are seeking a spiritual home. Locally about 1/3 of our members came from the RCC.
  • Barricade

    Posts: 457

    Oct 19, 2014 3:45 PM GMT
    I quit my full time job about 5 years ago and decided to travel and do seasonal work for awhile. I've worked several seasons in Yellowstone, Lake Powell, West Yellowstone and Park City ski resorts so far. I was in a dead end job and it was time to see some of the country. I have met folks from literally all over the world and am glad I did it.
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    Oct 19, 2014 3:50 PM GMT
    Barricade saidI quit my full time job about 5 years ago and decided to travel and do seasonal work for awhile. I've worked several seasons in Yellowstone, Lake Powell, West Yellowstone and Park City ski resorts so far. I was in a dead end job and it was time to see some of the country. I have met folks from literally all over the world and am glad I did it.


    That sounds awesome.

    The best blueberry pie I ever had was at Bright Angel Lodge on the south rim of the Grand Canyon, but it may have had something to do with the many-mile hike we did that day LOL.
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    Oct 19, 2014 5:55 PM GMT
    I was born in the middle of nowhere in country that does not exist any more, my father was alcoholic and my mother deeply depressed lady in love with him, I was left by myself, raised myself in a small village, my childhood contains one of the best memories, although I did not have much parental guidance, I had friends and lot of nature around me, then I had to move to a Town, new life, my father still was drinking and my mother was still the same, I lost my childhood and felt like I was thrown out of a boat

    Highschool was almost over, I had to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, so I went to University by accident pretty much, one of the friends was going to the courses to that school so I just went with him, it was 50 miles away in the Capital city, I started to study for it and on the subjects that I needed to get inside, 5 years of material I studied in 3 months time, ironically guy who wanted to go there, failed in induction courses, I got into university without the need to do any exams, because I passed high school exams on high grades, so I got in automatically

    No one ever believed me that I can finish University and be who I am now, teacher in high school asked me what I am going to do there, I did not believe myself back then much as well

    So I moved from small town to capital city, was alone, living in various places to get by, met wrong people, one mentally sick violent person who wanted to destroy me, physical and mental abuse, he is still stalking me till this day. I Was into gay scene at that time, studying working, hardly having any money

    I finished University with debt, although I did work and study at the same time, I was exhausted after finishing university, i went back to my home town and started to work in my profession as a newbie to qualify for final exams, living with my parents, I was depressed, still stalked, guy was a kick boxing champion we studied together, I thought he was my friend at the beginning, but he was just using me and I always saw something more in him than there really is, I guess I was in love, I was thinking of suicide

    My parents were not very happy to see me, guy who stalked me also made a phone call to my mother saying that I am at the gay bar, that's pretty much how I came out, I was always yelled at, degraded, I was working, earning a little bit, collecting money putting on a side

    when you hit the bottom and there is nowhere to go any deeper, you realise something and it changes you

    After passing final exam and getting my paper,I just packed my bags, sorted out my papers and moved to another country alone, without knowing anyone, I told my parents that I am leaving the country 2 days before the flight
    Got to a hotel, was trying to find a place to live, after a month started to work in my profession, I am earning decent amount, living in one of the most beautiful little cities in Europe, can afford pretty much anything I desire, paid my debt, sometimes I think it's all just a dream
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2014 6:49 PM GMT
    I've done a lot of job hopping but I recently found a job I love which pays well and has amazing pension provisions.

    I also went back to being totally single after having this ridiculous on/off open relationship thing and I am so glad I did because he was a bit of an arsehole.

    I've also got involved in local politics and will be looking at standing as a potential councillor in a few years.

    I decided basically just to accept the single life and hopefully do well enough in my career that I may start to attract nicer people.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2014 6:57 PM GMT
    I have had three Husbands

    The first one died

    I held His ashes in My hand

    I have been lucky

    I have Loved ALOT

    And I have benefits I probably don't really deserve.

    Change is part of Life

    I actually hate it

    But no matter where You Go, there You are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 19, 2014 7:02 PM GMT
    Divorced my wife.
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    Oct 19, 2014 8:21 PM GMT
    Bonapart saidI was born in the middle of nowhere in country that does not exist any more, my father was alcoholic and my mother deeply depressed lady in love with him, I was left by myself, raised myself in a small village, my childhood contains one of the best memories, although I did not have much parental guidance, I had friends and lot of nature around me, then I had to move to a Town, new life, my father still was drinking and my mother was still the same, I lost my childhood and felt like I was thrown out of a boat

    Highschool was almost over, I had to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, so I went to University by accident pretty much, one of the friends was going to the courses to that school so I just went with him, it was 50 miles away in the Capital city, I started to study for it and on the subjects that I needed to get inside, 5 years of material I studied in 3 months time, ironically guy who wanted to go there, failed in induction courses, I got into university without the need to do any exams, because I passed high school exams on high grades, so I got in automatically

    No one ever believed me that I can finish University and be who I am now, teacher in high school asked me what I am going to do there, I did not believe myself back then much as well

    So I moved from small town to capital city, was alone, living in various places to get by, met wrong people, one mentally sick violent person who wanted to destroy me, physical and mental abuse, he is still stalking me till this day. I Was into gay scene at that time, studying working, hardly having any money

    I finished University with debt, although I did work and study at the same time, I was exhausted after finishing university, i went back to my home town and started to work in my profession as a newbie to qualify for final exams, living with my parents, I was depressed, still stalked, guy was a kick boxing champion we studied together, I thought he was my friend at the beginning, but he was just using me and I always saw something more in him than there really is, I guess I was in love, I was thinking of suicide

    My parents were not very happy to see me, guy who stalked me also made a phone call to my mother saying that I am at the gay bar, that's pretty much how I came out, I was always yelled at, degraded, I was working, earning a little bit, collecting money putting on a side

    when you hit the bottom and there is nowhere to go any deeper, you realise something and it changes you

    After passing final exam and getting my paper,I just packed my bags, sorted out my papers and moved to another country alone, without knowing anyone, I told my parents that I am leaving the country 2 days before the flight
    Got to a hotel, was trying to find a place to live, after a month started to work in my profession, I am earning decent amount, living in one of the most beautiful little cities in Europe, can afford pretty much anything I desire, paid my debt, sometimes I think it's all just a dream


    I had no idea Bonaparte

    Can We PLeASe stop hating each other???
  • MikeW

    Posts: 6061

    Oct 20, 2014 2:28 AM GMT
    Very impressive response, Bonapart.

    Life puts us all though changes… some wanted, some not, but we have to adapt regardless.

    Lad, why don't you tell us what kinds of changes you want to make? Some changes happen swiftly, even dramatically. Others take a lot of time and sweat, step by step. You have to be very clear about what you want… not something vague and general. Very specific. Then, like building a house, you have to think, "How do I start, where to begin?" You have to have the lot to build on, the blueprints, the building permits, the money to afford the materials, the skill to put it all together from the foundation to the framing to the plumbing and electrical to the interior and interior, etc. Piece by piece it just comes together. There are always set backs, adjustments, changes in plan. It always takes twice as long as you think it's going to (this is especially true for contract work for some reason).

    You just have to figure it all out, that's all, and then implement a plan that is step by step.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    Bonapart saidI was born in the middle of nowhere in country that does not exist any more, my father was alcoholic and my mother deeply depressed lady in love with him, I was left by myself, raised myself in a small village, my childhood contains one of the best memories, although I did not have much parental guidance, I had friends and lot of nature around me, then I had to move to a Town, new life, my father still was drinking and my mother was still the same, I lost my childhood and felt like I was thrown out of a boat

    Highschool was almost over, I had to figure out what I wanted to do with my life, so I went to University by accident pretty much, one of the friends was going to the courses to that school so I just went with him, it was 50 miles away in the Capital city, I started to study for it and on the subjects that I needed to get inside, 5 years of material I studied in 3 months time, ironically guy who wanted to go there, failed in induction courses, I got into university without the need to do any exams, because I passed high school exams on high grades, so I got in automatically

    No one ever believed me that I can finish University and be who I am now, teacher in high school asked me what I am going to do there, I did not believe myself back then much as well

    So I moved from small town to capital city, was alone, living in various places to get by, met wrong people, one mentally sick violent person who wanted to destroy me, physical and mental abuse, he is still stalking me till this day. I Was into gay scene at that time, studying working, hardly having any money

    I finished University with debt, although I did work and study at the same time, I was exhausted after finishing university, i went back to my home town and started to work in my profession as a newbie to qualify for final exams, living with my parents, I was depressed, still stalked, guy was a kick boxing champion we studied together, I thought he was my friend at the beginning, but he was just using me and I always saw something more in him than there really is, I guess I was in love, I was thinking of suicide

    My parents were not very happy to see me, guy who stalked me also made a phone call to my mother saying that I am at the gay bar, that's pretty much how I came out, I was always yelled at, degraded, I was working, earning a little bit, collecting money putting on a side

    when you hit the bottom and there is nowhere to go any deeper, you realise something and it changes you

    After passing final exam and getting my paper,I just packed my bags, sorted out my papers and moved to another country alone, without knowing anyone, I told my parents that I am leaving the country 2 days before the flight
    Got to a hotel, was trying to find a place to live, after a month started to work in my profession, I am earning decent amount, living in one of the most beautiful little cities in Europe, can afford pretty much anything I desire, paid my debt, sometimes I think it's all just a dream



    Well, that explains everything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2014 12:13 PM GMT
    MikeW saidVery impressive response, Bonapart.

    Life puts us all though changes… some wanted, some not, but we have to adapt regardless.

    Lad, why don't you tell us what kinds of changes you want to make? Some changes happen swiftly, even dramatically. Others take a lot of time and sweat, step by step. You have to be very clear about what you want… not something vague and general. Very specific. Then, like building a house, you have to think, "How do I start, where to begin?" You have to have the lot to build on, the blueprints, the building permits, the money to afford the materials, the skill to put it all together from the foundation to the framing to the plumbing and electrical to the interior and interior, etc. Piece by piece it just comes together. There are always set backs, adjustments, changes in plan. It always takes twice as long as you think it's going to (this is especially true for contract work for some reason).

    You just have to figure it all out, that's all, and then implement a plan that is step by step.

    Personally i would like a nice job that gives me free time to be me, i would like a fella, my own place also.icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2014 4:32 PM GMT
    Divorced my wife, stopped worrying about what others think, and readily put toxic people out of my life. Moving forward. Not looking back.
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    Oct 20, 2014 4:39 PM GMT
    When my kids moved out on their own, I decided to move to another province based on economic considerations. I knew no one here when I arrived, and I became established in my community pretty early. It was a dramatic change brought about in search of a new opportunity, and new experiences, away from my old life, which had been altered by a new disability.
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    Oct 20, 2014 6:46 PM GMT
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    Oct 20, 2014 7:00 PM GMT
    As a teenager I was very shy, weak and insecure.

    Now im one of the youngest P.I's in NYC, growing martial artist and pretty content with how I turned out and look forward to see where I end up on my life journey. icon_cool.gif

    As for how....message me and find out icon_wink.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 20, 2014 7:20 PM GMT
    tmac saidAs a teenager I was very shy, weak and insecure.

    Now im one of the youngest P.I's in NYC, growing martial artist and pretty content with how I turned out and look forward to see where I end up on my life journey. icon_cool.gif

    As for how....message me and find out icon_wink.gif

    So, you're that guy with the trench coat and binoculars...icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 20, 2014 7:27 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    tmac saidAs a teenager I was very shy, weak and insecure.

    Now im one of the youngest P.I's in NYC, growing martial artist and pretty content with how I turned out and look forward to see where I end up on my life journey. icon_cool.gif

    As for how....message me and find out icon_wink.gif

    So, you're that guy with the trench coat and binoculars...icon_eek.gif


    Yes