Pursuing him

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 24, 2014 9:47 PM GMT
    Say, you go on a date and you like him. You know, first time seeing each other, and you feel kinda weird and all.
    But then comes a moment and you realize that he is not really into you that much. After an 'okay' date time, you say good bye to each other, hug, and then he says that you should hang out again.
    In the following days, through text messages you kinda get a hint that he doesn't really like you in a romantic way. You don't know for sure, but you get that gut feeling.

    So I wondered... if someone doesn't really like you, is there a way for you to win someone's heart over? And not be considered creepy and persistent and blind?

    Or is everything predetermined when you see each other for the first time? As in if he likes you enough, then you don't really have to go out of your comfort zone to win his heart, right? And if he doesn't like you then no matter what you do, you are pretty much doomed.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Oct 24, 2014 10:34 PM GMT
    Okajuurou saidSay, you go on a date and you like him. You know, first time seeing each other, and you feel kinda weird and all.
    But then comes a moment and you realize that he is not really into you that much. After an 'okay' date time, you say good bye to each other, hug, and then he says that you should hang out again.
    In the following days, through text messages you kinda get a hint that he doesn't really like you in a romantic way. You don't know for sure, but you get that gut feeling.

    So I wondered... if someone doesn't really like you, is there a way for you to win someone's heart over? And not be considered creepy and persistent and blind?

    Or is everything predetermined when you see each other for the first time? As in if he likes you enough, then you don't really have to go out of your comfort zone to win his heart, right? And if he doesn't like you then no matter what you do, you are pretty much doomed.


    1. I'm a blunt M.F. If I have a doubt or want to know something I ask point blank. So if I was in a situation where I think there is no spark/connection I would ask point blank 'Is there a potential here for more?'

    2. If a person says no, they mean no. I don't pursue the matter any further.


    So I would suggest you ask him what he things about you and future dating. you don't have to ask him if he sees a wedding, but ask him what he feels about further dating.

    If he says yes or gives a positive answer, then reassess why it is you read him as having a negative stance on the matter, but do go and have more dates.

    If he says no, then take the hint let it go.

    Honestly any persistence on the matter will come off creepy.
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    Oct 24, 2014 10:41 PM GMT
    ^
    hm, sounds like the first impression really is everything. If he didn't like me for the first few seconds he saw me, then I don't have any chances? sad.

    I guess you are right though. I'll sure ask him somehow
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    Oct 24, 2014 10:52 PM GMT
    ^
    just to follow up. shit is happening in real time. he says he would love to hang out with me yay cuz he really enjoyed the last time!
    unless he plays some games. and reads this forum! in that case he is an evil
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 12:50 PM GMT
    Let things flow. Just be yourself and stop thinking about whether or not he is going to like you. If he does then good for you but if he doesn't then you deserve someone better. Never lose confidence and always love yourself first. Best of luck! Cheers.
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    Oct 25, 2014 6:49 PM GMT
    Okajuurou said^
    hm, sounds like the first impression really is everything. If he didn't like me for the first few seconds he saw me, then I don't have any chances? sad.


    Let me give it a positive twist: it's a good thing this happens so fast. 1. It allows you to move on fast too. 2. Rejections that happen sooner hurt less. 3. (Consequence of #2) Being stringed along is a lot worse.
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    Oct 25, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    Okajuurou said^
    just to follow up. shit is happening in real time. he says he would love to hang out with me yay cuz he really enjoyed the last time!
    unless he plays some games. and reads this forum! in that case he is an evil



    Persistence pays off usually. A balanced personality won't make rash determinations.
  • PRDGUY

    Posts: 641

    Oct 25, 2014 8:40 PM GMT
    He's a person and you don't 'win' a person-he's into you or he isn't. You'll soon find out because if you're not sexually active then it is a platonic relationship.
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    Oct 25, 2014 9:00 PM GMT
    Okajuurou saidSay, you go on a date and you like him. You know, first time seeing each other, and you feel kinda weird and all.
    But then comes a moment and you realize that he is not really into you that much. After an 'okay' date time, you say good bye to each other, hug, and then he says that you should hang out again.
    In the following days, through text messages you kinda get a hint that he doesn't really like you in a romantic way. You don't know for sure, but you get that gut feeling. He seems to enjoy your company. Just go with that for the moment. In the very least you may wind up with a good friend. Haven't you noticed the plethora of posts here on RJ about how difficult it is to make gay friends? If all that comes of this is a really good friend you have gained something precious.

    So I wondered... if someone doesn't really like you, is there a way for you to win someone's heart over? And not be considered creepy and persistent and blind? Yes, it is possible to win someone's heart over time, but if you force it by being overly attentive and clingy you will certainly lose any chance of winning their heart.

    Or is everything predetermined when you see each other for the first time? I'm not sure I believe in predestination.As in if he likes you enough, then you don't really have to go out of your comfort zone to win his heart, right? When in a relationship you work everyday to win an keep your love's heart. Fall into complacency and you may find yourself loveless and wondering what went wrong.And if he doesn't like you then no matter what you do, you are pretty much doomed.Not everyone is going to like you. That doesn't mean you are doomed. It just means people have preferences.
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    Oct 25, 2014 11:09 PM GMT
    Pursue it, but don't expect to succeed. Do it as something extra, just because you like being with him and making him happy. Don't put all your eggs in one basket though.
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    Oct 26, 2014 2:01 AM GMT
    I wouldn't pursue a guy if I know for sure that he's not into me. Well, OP, you're just getting to know the guy. Why are you feeling so attached? Is it because you don't want to be single or you think he's the one? I mean, part of dating around is to give and take. I wouldn't feel comfortable if I'm giving or taking all the time. He has to give some sort of signs to show that he's interested in return. It comes down to having self-confidence again. I mean, whatever, you date around, if he's not the one. Move on, there's tons of guys out there who will love you for you and will put the time in for you.
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    Oct 28, 2014 4:59 AM GMT
    OK, first of all, you're adorable as can be, so if he doesn't see that, that's a strike against him.

    But secondly, you can't ever tell what turns someone on or turns someone off. Sometimes you're just not what they're into and no amount of effort on your part will change that. Sucks, but it's true.

    First date jitters is understandable, but if you're not clicking, or it takes too much effort just to have a conversation, something is missing. And you probably realize it. Listen to your inner voice.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    Global_Citizen saidOK, first of all, you're adorable as can be, so if he doesn't see that, that's a strike against him.

    But secondly, you can't ever tell what turns someone on or turns someone off. Sometimes you're just not what they're into and no amount of effort on your part will change that. Sucks, but it's true.

    First date jitters is understandable, but if you're not clicking, or it takes too much effort just to have a conversation, something is missing. And you probably realize it. Listen to your inner voice.


    You are so damn right. My inner voice was telling me that he is just not into me. I was at the same time wishfully thinking that I might have a chance with him.




    It makes me a bit depressed that it all boils down to meeting someone who would like you right away, right at the moment when you both meet each other. There is just no real work, no effort, no skills, nothing so to speak, that would give you a bit of a control into your hands when it comes to dating.

    Just a numbers game. The more people you meet, the bigger chance you have in meeting your soulmate. No effort, no work, no persistence, no skills. Pure biochemical process of mating. Ugh.