I'm ending my first 5 year relationship because he cheated on me for the 4th time. Any advice would be amazing right about now.

  • nxmich

    Posts: 1

    Oct 25, 2014 7:07 PM GMT
    Hey guys, hopefully you guys can give me some advice on this matter.

    I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, he's a big part of my life, and love him. But over the past year he has cheated on me 3 times all the times unprotected and finishing in side of strangers. (I need to think about my self and my safety against STD.) Last week, marked the 4th time. I love him so much, and I live with him, we have a cat, and we have made purchases together; so needless to say, we have invested so much.

    I planned on leaving him and moving in with a friend, but like I said, I love him, and find it so difficult to do so (I mean it's only natural.)
    I decided to break up with him because of his cheating on me for the 4th time, and we also talked, and he said that he wanted to have an open relationship. Something that I clearly don't want. I can't stand the fact of sharing him with anyone. He just wants to have threesomes "every once in a while," but he wants me to stay at the apartment until our lease ends in December so I can have time to figure out where I will be staying. He said that he was not gonna be seeing anyone or bringing anyone home while I was there, but we could have sex, and just be us if I wanted. So technically we would still be together?

    I'm so confused, he's the first person I have ever been with, I'm emotionally attached to him to the max.

    I guess what I'm tying to get to is; should I stay there or move away ASAP?
    I'm going to be honest, I love him so much but I feel like 40% of me wants him out of lust as well. Not trying to be funny or anything, but he has the perfect cock and I am crazy for him and it. Just the thought of him being with someone else and having unprotected sex turns my stomach. I'm more of a spiritual kinda person. I feel that sex with your partner should be special and if I allow him to shoot inside of me it's because I have that connection with him. But I guess he doesn't feel the same way.


    I would really appreciate any advice, guys. This is my very first break up, and I don't want to do it, but I know it's the best for me.

    Thanks guys!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    Why always such kind of posts are from first time posters?
    It's like the moment they have heart break or rejection, they make an account on RJ.
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    Oct 25, 2014 7:19 PM GMT
    You've two issues here: your obligations to a relationship and your obligations to a lease.

    One complicates the other.

    I've no issues with open relationships given emotional monogamy but cheating in sexual monogamy is to me a red flag of a lack of emotional monogamy because that person has selfishly disrespected your feelings.

    An open relationship is honest and respectful. Cheating is not. So while I have no issues with an open relationship, I would not want to be in an open relationship with a person who would cheat. One is a matter of lifestyle, the other is a matter of character.

    If I required sexual monogamy, which I am fully capable of but do not require, I don't even know if I'd allow for one cheat. Certainly a second would not be tolerated. So anything beyond that to me is insane. From what you've described, though you've an obligation to your own feelings, you've none to the relationship. You do have an obligation to the lease as the landlord is not part of that relationship. So that's unfortunate. Sometimes you have to ride out the bullshit to get past it. Best of luck to you.
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    Oct 25, 2014 8:23 PM GMT
    Focus on what YOU want and then make a plan to get it. Nothing wrong with not wanting an open relationship. If you have no legal obligation as to the lease (i.e., you didn't sign it), then leave when you are able. If you decide to stay and have sex with him for the remainder of the lease, remember that you can change your mind one way or the other anytime you want. At your age it's very easy to fall into a situation where you constantly put someone else's desires/needs first ... this is a great opportunity to start putting your own desires/needs first.
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    Oct 25, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    nxmich said

    and if I allow him to shoot inside of me it's because I have that connection with him

    Duh?!
    Surprised that no one else has mentioned this yet - but since he is not monogamous all the time, you should never be having unprotected sex with him.

    Doesn't sound like your love for him is returned by him to you. Suggest that you consider moving out whenever that is feasible, so you can move on with your life and a new partner in it (when that happens).

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    Oct 25, 2014 9:39 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    morphic saidWhy always such kind of posts are from first time posters?
    It's like the moment they have heart break or rejection, they make an account on RJ.

    And then they disappear. You wonder how they find RJ in the first place. If I thought they were genuine I might advise, but disruptive trolls don't merit our attention.

    There should be a provision in RJ that says something like, new members - don't expect more than a 3-line response to your Dear Abby post, and consider yourself lucky if you get that much.
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    Oct 25, 2014 9:56 PM GMT
    I think you should break up on him.
    I wish you best luck
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    Oct 25, 2014 10:15 PM GMT
    Puppenjunge said
    Art_Deco said
    morphic saidWhy always such kind of posts are from first time posters?
    It's like the moment they have heart break or rejection, they make an account on RJ.

    And then they disappear. You wonder how they find RJ in the first place. If I thought they were genuine I might advise, but disruptive trolls don't merit our attention.

    There should be a provision in RJ that says something like, new members - don't expect more than a 3-line response to your Dear Abby post, and consider yourself lucky if you get that much.

    Actually this doesn't seem to be a new member. Just a first poster. Still, I don't trust a guy with no posting track record. RJ members like southbeach1500 have planted dormant sock accounts going back years, to be activated later, as we all know. So I dunno what this is. But it sounds a tad phony, and written in the same style as some others we've been getting here lately.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 10:23 PM GMT
    lol Do people seriously think a person would create a fake persona since 2012 and come up with this long ass story? Dudes, chill. Not everything is a conspiracy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 10:25 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidActually this doesn't seem to be a new member. Just a first poster. Still, I don't trust a guy with no posting track record. RJ members like southbeach1500 have planted dormant sock accounts going back years, to be activated later, as we all know. So I dunno what this is. But it sounds a tad phony, and written in the same style as some others we've been getting here lately.

    There are/were plenty of guys that joined this site only for the video jack-off rooms. Typically, their profiles were blank like the OP's. So I'm guessing he's one of them. Or he could be one of many troll sleeper accounts. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 25, 2014 10:27 PM GMT
    xrichx said
    Art_Deco saidActually this doesn't seem to be a new member. Just a first poster. Still, I don't trust a guy with no posting track record. RJ members like southbeach1500 have planted dormant sock accounts going back years, to be activated later, as we all know. So I dunno what this is. But it sounds a tad phony, and written in the same style as some others we've been getting here lately.

    There are/were plenty of guys that joined this site only for the video jack-off rooms. Typically, their profiles were blank like the OP's. So I'm guessing he's one of them. Or he could be one of many troll sleeper accounts. icon_lol.gif



    Umm for realz? I am aware that this site used to have chat rooms but I had no idea dudes used it for jerk off sections. icon_surprised.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 10:31 PM GMT
    kevex said
    xrichx said
    Art_Deco saidActually this doesn't seem to be a new member. Just a first poster. Still, I don't trust a guy with no posting track record. RJ members like southbeach1500 have planted dormant sock accounts going back years, to be activated later, as we all know. So I dunno what this is. But it sounds a tad phony, and written in the same style as some others we've been getting here lately.

    There are/were plenty of guys that joined this site only for the video jack-off rooms. Typically, their profiles were blank like the OP's. So I'm guessing he's one of them. Or he could be one of many troll sleeper accounts. icon_lol.gif
    Umm for realz? I am aware that this site used to have chat rooms but I had no idea dudes used it for jerk off sections. icon_surprised.gif

    Seriously. Shit was boring. That's why I never hung out in there. Just a bunch of guys sitting around, rubbing their crotches, and waiting to see who's the first to whip it out and start jacking off.

    Funniest thing I've seen there was some dude taking bong hits and just getting high as fuck. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 10:32 PM GMT
    xrichx said
    Art_Deco saidActually this doesn't seem to be a new member. Just a first poster. Still, I don't trust a guy with no posting track record. RJ members like southbeach1500 have planted dormant sock accounts going back years, to be activated later, as we all know. So I dunno what this is. But it sounds a tad phony, and written in the same style as some others we've been getting here lately.

    There are/were plenty of guys that joined this site only for the video jack-off rooms. Typically, their profiles were blank like the OP's. So I'm guessing he's one of them. Or he could be one of many troll sleeper accounts. icon_lol.gif

    All plausible. I dunno. But suddenly this guy comes awake to post THIS? Whatever...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 25, 2014 10:36 PM GMT
    nxmich saidHey guys, hopefully you guys can give me some advice on this matter.

    I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, he's a big part of my life, and love him. But over the past year he has cheated on me 3 times all the times unprotected and finishing in side of strangers. (I need to think about my self and my safety against STD.) Last week, marked the 4th time. I love him so much, and I live with him, we have a cat, and we have made purchases together; so needless to say, we have invested so much.

    I planned on leaving him and moving in with a friend, but like I said, I love him, and find it so difficult to do so (I mean it's only natural.)
    I decided to break up with him because of his cheating on me for the 4th time, and we also talked, and he said that he wanted to have an open relationship. Something that I clearly don't want. I can't stand the fact of sharing him with anyone. He just wants to have threesomes "every once in a while," but he wants me to stay at the apartment until our lease ends in December so I can have time to figure out where I will be staying. He said that he was not gonna be seeing anyone or bringing anyone home while I was there, but we could have sex, and just be us if I wanted. So technically we would still be together?

    I'm so confused, he's the first person I have ever been with, I'm emotionally attached to him to the max.

    I guess what I'm tying to get to is; should I stay there or move away ASAP?
    I'm going to be honest, I love him so much but I feel like 40% of me wants him out of lust as well. Not trying to be funny or anything, but he has the perfect cock and I am crazy for him and it. Just the thought of him being with someone else and having unprotected sex turns my stomach. I'm more of a spiritual kinda person. I feel that sex with your partner should be special and if I allow him to shoot inside of me it's because I have that connection with him. But I guess he doesn't feel the same way.


    I would really appreciate any advice, guys. This is my very first break up, and I don't want to do it, but I know it's the best for me.

    Thanks guys!

    You should have dumped him after the second time. Based on what you have provided here, I suspect you will continue to stay with him. And you'll get some type of STD sooner or later. Then he'll leave you and repeat the process again with some other insecure guy.
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    Oct 26, 2014 12:00 AM GMT
    xrichx said
    nxmich saidHey guys, hopefully you guys can give me some advice on this matter.

    I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 years, he's a big part of my life, and love him. But over the past year he has cheated on me 3 times all the times unprotected and finishing in side of strangers. (I need to think about my self and my safety against STD.) Last week, marked the 4th time. I love him so much, and I live with him, we have a cat, and we have made purchases together; so needless to say, we have invested so much.

    I planned on leaving him and moving in with a friend, but like I said, I love him, and find it so difficult to do so (I mean it's only natural.)
    I decided to break up with him because of his cheating on me for the 4th time, and we also talked, and he said that he wanted to have an open relationship. Something that I clearly don't want. I can't stand the fact of sharing him with anyone. He just wants to have threesomes "every once in a while," but he wants me to stay at the apartment until our lease ends in December so I can have time to figure out where I will be staying. He said that he was not gonna be seeing anyone or bringing anyone home while I was there, but we could have sex, and just be us if I wanted. So technically we would still be together?

    I'm so confused, he's the first person I have ever been with, I'm emotionally attached to him to the max.

    I guess what I'm tying to get to is; should I stay there or move away ASAP?
    I'm going to be honest, I love him so much but I feel like 40% of me wants him out of lust as well. Not trying to be funny or anything, but he has the perfect cock and I am crazy for him and it. Just the thought of him being with someone else and having unprotected sex turns my stomach. I'm more of a spiritual kinda person. I feel that sex with your partner should be special and if I allow him to shoot inside of me it's because I have that connection with him. But I guess he doesn't feel the same way.


    I would really appreciate any advice, guys. This is my very first break up, and I don't want to do it, but I know it's the best for me.

    Thanks guys!

    You should have dumped him after the second time. Based on what you have provided here, I suspect you will continue to stay with him. And you'll get some type of STD sooner or later. Then he'll leave you and repeat the process again with some other insecure guy.

    I note his post count remains at 1. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2014 12:07 AM GMT
    Should you stay or move away? The answer is you should've moved away after the first time...once a cheater, always a cheater...I don't care how many interventions you go to. You sound like a nice guy and I'm certain that you can do better.

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    Oct 26, 2014 12:10 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 said
    Art_Deco said
    Actually this doesn't seem to be a new member. Just a first poster. Still, I don't trust a guy with no posting track record. RJ members like southbeach1500 have planted dormant sock accounts going back years, to be activated later, as we all know. So I dunno what this is. But it sounds a tad phony, and written in the same style as some others we've been getting here lately.


    And this is why your own words will continue to come back to haunt you on this site. Why don't you just stop it already? This topic has absolutely nothing to do with me, yet you use it as a convenient excuse to lash out at me yet again.


    Sorry Art, but SB is right on this one. Why did you feel the need to involve him in this thread?
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    Oct 26, 2014 12:18 AM GMT
    silver_phoenix said
    Art_Deco said
    All plausible. I dunno. But suddenly this guy comes awake to post THIS? Whatever...


    Look what you post - naked selfies with your swollen belly ,stick arms and your saggy bits dangling between your stick legs like a randy old goat.

    Stop trolling RJ, you dirty old cunt.icon_evil.gif


    Damn, that's harsh!!! icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2014 1:08 AM GMT
    southbeach1500 said
    flguy57 said
    southbeach1500 said
    Art_Deco said
    Actually this doesn't seem to be a new member. Just a first poster. Still, I don't trust a guy with no posting track record. RJ members like southbeach1500 have planted dormant sock accounts going back years, to be activated later, as we all know. So I dunno what this is. But it sounds a tad phony, and written in the same style as some others we've been getting here lately.


    And this is why your own words will continue to come back to haunt you on this site. Why don't you just stop it already? This topic has absolutely nothing to do with me, yet you use it as a convenient excuse to lash out at me yet again.


    Sorry Art, but SB is right on this one. Why did you feel the need to involve him in this thread?


    Thank you. I have endured these attacks for most of this year without engaging him, but I've had enough. No more free pass for "Kolonel" Deco.



    Whoa there fellar, I am in no way hitching my get along to your mule. I just think Art was wrong. I think you have valid points and should be able to post your opinions without being attacked. If the Paz man can get away with the shit he posts, you should certainly be afforded the same respect. It's very obvious that the majority of posters here do not agree with your political views and they have every right to do that. But I feel you also have the right to express your opinions and if metta can post his links you should also be able to do that.
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    Oct 26, 2014 4:28 AM GMT
    BlackCat saidShould you stay or move away? The answer is you should've moved away after the first time...once a cheater, always a cheater...I don't care how many interventions you go to. You sound like a nice guy and I'm certain that you can do better.



    I have to agree with this wise piece of advice. I left my partner after the first time he cheated on me, and it ended up being a smart decision on my part. He cheated on his next boyfriend and the one after that, and so on. Cheaters keep cheating.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Oct 26, 2014 4:30 AM GMT
    It sounds as if you're happy with everything in your relationship except his need to have sex with other guys.
    Apparently, monogamy is the most important thing on your list.
    Move out ASAP. If you wait until the lease ends in December, you won't move out, and this will happen again, and again.

    My opinion:
    I believe that, for most men, having multiple sex partners is an animal instinct.
    If two guys form a monogamous relationship that works, great. But, how well do you get along in every other aspect of the relationship ?
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 26, 2014 5:38 AM GMT
    84240_20130329_071102_269340_44900757184

    moving-on-love-quotes1_large.jpg
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2014 1:14 PM GMT
    flguy57 said

    Whoa there fellar, I am in no way hitching my get along to your mule. I just think Art was wrong. I think you have valid points and should be able to post your opinions without being attacked. If the Paz man can get away with the shit he posts, you should certainly be afforded the same respect. It's very obvious that the majority of posters here do not agree with your political views and they have every right to do that. But I feel you also have the right to express your opinions and if metta can post his links you should also be able to do that.


    Well, it is fair to say SB has posted the odd nugget of wisdom over the years, but frankly it has failed to glister among the dung heap of his usual offerings, many of which simply comprise pointless bitching about Art D or Metta8. Of course he has the right to post here, just as anyone has the right to put him on 'ignore', which I did a long time ago.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2014 1:21 PM GMT
    You know that STD's practically stay for life.
    Why are you staying with someone that is actually endangering your life?
    Clearly this "love" is one sided because if he really loved you, doing what he's done would never cross his mind but it has so 4 times already.
    Don't invest any more time into this guy because he is an utter waste!
    Up to you at the end of the day but personally regardless of him having a "perfect" cock, he is not worth your health and nobody ever is.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 26, 2014 1:25 PM GMT
    ...I am very sorry to hear about the destruction of a relationship you have invested so much in. But recognize that you're not equal partners with your boyfriend in that. Sure, you share a home, a cat and have bought things together. But emotionally, you are way more invested in the relationship than he is.

    Cheating once, I can almost understand. Two, three, four - AND unprotected sex? He's playing with fire and willing to put you at risk as a result. And you've been willing to live with that?

    Because of the deep emotional impact this must be having on you, please consider seeing a therapist. There are probably layers of things you need to discuss and discover and working with a counselor will provide a safe place for those conversations to happen. As awful as all of this is, you can build a stronger you in the process.