Gay men need more validation than straight men?

  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Oct 26, 2014 11:02 PM GMT
    In that one of the reasons why a lot of gay are so fixated on their appearance and trying to improve it is because they continually seek valuadtion from other gay men in that they feel as when a gay men acknowledges their effort in trying to look attractive they feel valued and validated

    Anyone agree?
  • spunkymark

    Posts: 114

    Oct 27, 2014 11:17 AM GMT
    I think it is because straght men are like this icon_biggrin.gif

    men-women-see-themself-differently.jpg

  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 27, 2014 2:28 PM GMT
    I never seek validation from random people, gay or straight. They don't know me well enough for me to care about their opinion. icon_idea.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 27, 2014 3:22 PM GMT
    Straight men receive more validation without having to try. They just have to impregnate someone and they've done their job as a man.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2014 5:01 PM GMT
    Straight men don't have a social stereotyped stigma to overcome.
    Gay men have the burden of getting beyond the fear of letting family,
    friends, and the rest of the world know that they belong (through no
    fault of their own) to an unpopular, demonized minority.
    Of course gay men seek validation that they are decent and desirable,
    because their entire lives they've been told by society that they
    are UNDESIRABLE.
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    Oct 27, 2014 6:46 PM GMT
    HydesOut2 saidStraight men don't have a social stereotyped stigma to overcome.
    Gay men have the burden of getting beyond the fear of letting family,
    friends, and the rest of the world know that they belong (through no
    fault of their own) to an unpopular, demonized minority.
    Of course gay men seek validation that they are decent and desirable,
    because their entire lives they've been told by society that they
    are UNDESIRABLE.



    Very insightful.
  • ASHDOD

    Posts: 1057

    Oct 27, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    spunkymark saidI think it is because straght men are like this icon_biggrin.gif

    men-women-see-themself-differently.jpg



    thats their tragedy

    when a gay guy looks in the mirror
    ,he sea's exactly whats in front of him ,until the last detaile,and thats our tragedy....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2014 9:34 PM GMT
    I don't do anything for anyone. All I do, ibdo for me. I don't need or require someone's approval.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    I had to get validation from all my facebook friends before responding to this thread.
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:03 PM GMT
    Anyone who says they don't need the validation of anyone doesn't know human nature and themselves very well. While I may not require the validation of total strangers it is nice to be validated by the people I care about and are the closest to me.

    My appearance is important to me. I care about the way I look for myself first and foremost and ultimately for my BF. And I won't lie it's nice when people acknowledge your efforts and say that you look good and much younger than your years.
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:15 PM GMT
    HydesOut2 saidStraight men don't have a social stereotyped stigma to overcome.
    Gay men have the burden of getting beyond the fear of letting family,
    friends, and the rest of the world know that they belong (through no
    fault of their own) to an unpopular, demonized minority.
    Of course gay men seek validation that they are decent and desirable,
    because their entire lives they've been told by society that they
    are UNDESIRABLE.

    ILTC_Validated_Stamp_03-300x219.jpg

    You got that right on all levels:

    recognition of historic cause
    acknowledgment of current burden
    taking responsibility to fix ourselves
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:16 PM GMT
    paulflexes saidI had to get validation from all my facebook friends before responding to this thread.


    I had to go to Bergdorf's and try on swimsuits and ask all the salesmen what they thought before I could even THINK about responding.

    You got off easy Dude!!!






    Bet You don't hear THAT very often..
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:17 PM GMT
    Cash said
    paulflexes saidI had to get validation from all my facebook friends before responding to this thread.


    I had to go to Bergdorf's and try on swimsuits and ask all the salesmen what they thought before I could even THINK about responding.

    You got off easy Dude!!!






    Bet You don't hear THAT very often..
    I hear THAT every day. Everyone says THAT all the time. In fact, THAT is one of the most frequently-used words in the English language.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:20 PM GMT
    HydesOut2 saidStraight men don't have a social stereotyped stigma to overcome.
    Gay men have the burden of getting beyond the fear of letting family,
    friends, and the rest of the world know that they belong (through no
    fault of their own) to an unpopular, demonized minority.
    Of course gay men seek validation that they are decent and desirable,
    because their entire lives they've been told by society that they
    are UNDESIRABLE.



    Yep 1+
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:23 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidAnyone who says they don't need the validation of anyone doesn't know human nature and themselves very well. While I may not require the validation of total strangers it is nice to be validated by the people I care about and are the closest to me.

    My appearance is important to me. I care about the way I look for myself first and foremost and ultimately for my BF. And I won't lie it's nice when people acknowledge your efforts and say that you look good and much younger than your years.


    Anyone that can say that someone else doesn't know human nature and their self simply because someone doesn't live for validation from others is someone who doesn't know anything.

    Sorry but there are people who solely live life for themselves and don't require, need or desire the approval or validation from others. Getting a compliment is nice but it doesn't alter or change the flow of reality.
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:33 PM GMT
    Seriously now...

    I admire the fact that Straight Men don't require validation.

    It's not like they compete for the most Beautiful wife or the most money or biggest house or fastest car or most touchdowns. That NEVER happens.

    Validation goes both ways ( many of You can relate to that...)

    It can be positive when it gives You tangible evidence of what You already feel You are. If You feel You are a good Person and the vast majority Tell You they think You are a good person --- Positive validation. No harm done. Just some nice icing on the cake.

    It's negative when you seek other people's re- enforcement of something you wish you were but don't really feel you are. If you don't feel much of ANY thing about yourself but hang around with people you don't really like only because everyone keeps telling you how fabulous you are just because you are with THEM...negative Validation that diminishes everyone involved. No cake for anyone.

    Just some thoughts.

    icon_wink.gificon_wink.gificon_wink.gif





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    Oct 27, 2014 10:40 PM GMT
    It's true in a general sense but either way i'm sure many people are touched when someone genuinely likes them for who they are.
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    Oct 27, 2014 10:43 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Cash said
    paulflexes saidI had to get validation from all my facebook friends before responding to this thread.


    I had to go to Bergdorf's and try on swimsuits and ask all the salesmen what they thought before I could even THINK about responding.

    You got off easy Dude!!!






    Bet You don't hear THAT very often..
    I hear THAT every day. Everyone says THAT all the time. In fact, THAT is one of the most frequently-used words in the English language.


    Which?

    Easy or Dude?

    I'm sure You get both at least a s frequently as I do...

    icon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gif
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    Oct 27, 2014 11:14 PM GMT
    Cash said
    paulflexes said
    Cash said
    paulflexes saidI had to get validation from all my facebook friends before responding to this thread.


    I had to go to Bergdorf's and try on swimsuits and ask all the salesmen what they thought before I could even THINK about responding.

    You got off easy Dude!!!






    Bet You don't hear THAT very often..
    I hear THAT every day. Everyone says THAT all the time. In fact, THAT is one of the most frequently-used words in the English language.


    Which?

    Easy or Dude?

    I'm sure You get both at least a s frequently as I do...

    icon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gif
    THAT
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2014 11:23 PM GMT
    Matthew56 saidIn that one of the reasons why a lot of PEOPLE are so fixated on their appearance and trying to improve it is because they continually seek valuadtion from other PEOPLE in that they feel as when a PERSON acknowledges their effort in trying to look attractive they feel valued and validated

    Anyone agree?

    Fix'd.

    Are you blaming gay men for your unhealthy preoccupation with appearance?

    Seriously, you're getting me down with your constant negativity. Almost every thread you create is a variation of the same theme - excuses why gay men don't find you attractive, be they racist or have unrealistically high standards. I mean, you created these three in ONE DAY:

    Gay men need more validation than straight men? Oct 26, 2014 at 7:02 PM

    The truth is that a lot of non white men in particular East Asian gay men try and seek validation from white gay men in order to feel valued and loved. Oct 26, 2014at 6:59 PM

    I still wish that I was not black and white instead as I try so hard to be attractive to white gay men but its like evertyhing I do jusy throws up in my face and when you really put your heart and get nothing back it stings. Oct 26, 2014 at 7:11 AM


    We all have our insecurities - you ask whether gay men need validation? Well clearly YOU do, and if you haven't gotten it in the hundreds of answers to the dozens of threads you've created you never will:

    An question to non white men - Are some of you intimidated and scared/nervous to approach white men that are good looking because you believe or think that you will get rejected as non white men(the ones who are not Caucasiod) are not considered to be as beautiful in the gay world and also you will most likely interpret a rejection from a white men as down to racial reasons even though it may probably be not racial related and makes you feel ugly.Sep 19, 2014 at 2:28 AM

    Revenge for Rejection on Sep 09, 2014at 4:40 AM

    It's not easy being black in the gay world after spending time in the gay scene/world I have really come to detest being black and sometimes wish that I was white/Caucasiod. As Know matter how much effort I take In my appearance being black is still going to act as a racial barrier. It really hurts and stings like hell when you are already seen as ugly and worthless by other gay men because you are black. If you are white consider yourself lucky unless you are old or obese the you can have haur about anyone well not anyone just a wider choice of men just on the virtue of being whiteon Sep 09, 2014at 6:35 PM

    My God am I worried, it's Manchester pride the biggest pride in England this weekend which I plan to go to and I am ATM just a bit worried about how am I gonna look. As I have got to look my best as in a solely gay environment I feel that I have to compete with other gay men to get attention. Anyone feel this way in a gay environment seeing as gay culture is very shallow and looks-orientatedon Aug 31, 2014 at 7:33 PM

    Spending money I do not have on try to look good and appeal to other gay men I spend so micg money on trying to look good as possible gym barbers the whole she bang and I get tired and exhausted from doing all this effort and sometimes I feel depressed and think that I will never measure up. I know you think I am trolling with all these self-conscious threads but I really cannot help being so self aware and paranoid about my appearanceon Aug 08, 2014 at 9:52 AM

    Just got a nasty racist messages from someone off grindr saying F off u ugly black cunt what makes you think us white guys are interested in an ugly black cunt like u. I am like whoa on Aug 07, 2014 at 2:25 AM

    Let's just face facts - The reality is that in the gay world/scene at least in the western countries white men/men who have Caucasiod features and looks are gonna always be regarded as the most desired and be put on a pedastdal. So even an average looking white man and a black man who is handsome and attractive will be overlooked just because he was not blessed to be white. That is the truth I have seen it and experienced sexual racism the only thing I can do as a black man is to work hard on my looks and appearance so at least people can try and look pass me being the wrong colour and just acknowledge my looks. As someone made a thread where someone complimented him and said he is a hot for a black man. Whilst the compliment is a bit offensive it shows that sexual racism can be beaten by just being hot and attractive or working on if if you are non white man.on Aug 04, 2014 at 5:01 AM

    Being gay has made me so self conscious and worried about by physical appearance on Jul 31, 2014 at 2:22 AM

    Gay culture in reality does not promote/encourage self expression but rather conformity. Gay culture does not really promote freedom of self expression rather it promotes a culture of conformity where you have to look in an ideal way I.e be a muscle Mary ripped be conventionally looking. Anything that does not fall under this is subject to ridicule and not get any ass Jul 10, 2014 at 9:09 AM

    If you were regarded as unattractive would you feel really depress to the point of contemplating suicide because of your looks and in order to combat would you seek plastic surgery or do other things like go gym on Jul 10, 2014 at 1:25 AM

    Does the gay scene cause you to self hate? For me it does I never really before had any problems with race in terms I sex and dating, but as soon I started getting into the gay scene I fouls myself more and more wanting to fit into that whole white/Caucasiod standard of beauty. Doing everything I can to try and fit into what the gay world considers to be beautiful. I try and do so much and get really nothing then I end up self hating my self because I put it down to my race-being black. It's got to the point where I do not even feel ashamed anyone for saying in a public forum-I wish was not black and is opened about it on Jun 15, 2014 at 1:27 AM

    White men I really do envy you as being white means you are pretty much regarded as attractive and pretty much is easy to attract other men. I just really and I will say it hate being black I just do if I could magically change white I would do so in a heartbeat. It's awful when you are regarded as sexually inferior because you are the wrong race I.e black.on Jun 16, 2014 at 3:11 AM

    In Terms Of Being A Person Of Color And Homosexual. on May 07, 2014 at 9:05 PM

    I really hate being black in gay life on May 12, 2014 at 8:48 AM

    Have you ever been rejected? Have you ever been rejected by someone or worst the man of your dreams? If so how did it feel? Did you feel butt ugly or like there is something wrong with you looks wise?on Apr 01, 2014 at 7:08 AM

    I am spending a load of money in trying to be attractive to other gay men. I became conscious about my appearance and looks when I started hitting the gay scene what triggered it off really was when I was in a sauna and I was met with great hostility by another man just on account of my looks/appearance. So ever since then I have spent so much money in to be attractive to other gay men. I have spent so much on going to the gym, going to the barbers and because I have seen a little thinning in my hair which scares and worries me I am spending £817.00 on treatments to sort it out. Sometimes it gets tiring and exhausting trying to be attractive to gay men and I just wanna stop as it creates anxiety worry and stress but with the superficial...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 27, 2014 11:39 PM GMT
    paulflexes said
    Cash said
    paulflexes said
    Cash said
    paulflexes saidI had to get validation from all my facebook friends before responding to this thread.


    I had to go to Bergdorf's and try on swimsuits and ask all the salesmen what they thought before I could even THINK about responding.

    You got off easy Dude!!!






    Bet You don't hear THAT very often..
    I hear THAT every day. Everyone says THAT all the time. In fact, THAT is one of the most frequently-used words in the English language.


    Which?

    Easy or Dude?

    I'm sure You get both at least a s frequently as I do...

    icon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gificon_neutral.gif
    THAT


    O. M. G...

    THAT flew completely over My head!!!

    Checkmate

    You win

    I bow in Your presence









    How could I of all people not catch THAT???

    icon_redface.gificon_redface.gificon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2014 5:30 AM GMT
    Obviously OP hasn't heard of Instagram.
  • Matthew56

    Posts: 392

    Oct 28, 2014 8:26 AM GMT
    HydesOut2 saidStraight men don't have a social stereotyped stigma to overcome.
    Gay men have the burden of getting beyond the fear of letting family,
    friends, and the rest of the world know that they belong (through no
    fault of their own) to an unpopular, demonized minority.
    Of course gay men seek validation that they are decent and desirable,
    because their entire lives they've been told by society that they
    are UNDESIRABLE.


    But do you really think that in account of homosexuality still not fully accepted in today''s society is the reason for gay men craving and longing for valuadtion from other gay men?

    I think that even if homosexuality was 100 percent acccpetsd gay men would still seek valuadtion regarding their looks as the gay world is looks and beauty orientated where having good looks and a buff body is heavily valued and if you don't have neither of these then you face loneliness and being ostrachised from other gay men. To which a lot of gay men don't want nobody wants to be the ugly duckling
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Oct 28, 2014 8:39 AM GMT
    Yes they do because there's a lot more vanity in the average gay man than the average straight man when it comes to picking friends, at least I think so.
    Gay men are more than happy to be fuck buddies with their gay friends, straight guys don't do that with their friends which enables them to have friendships not based on sex but of a deeper substance like character.
    Not that ALL gay men are like this, but I feel it's a common mentality for gay men to have.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Oct 28, 2014 11:49 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidAnyone who says they don't need the validation of anyone doesn't know human nature and themselves very well. While I may not require the validation of total strangers it is nice to be validated by the people I care about and are the closest to me.

    My appearance is important to me. I care about the way I look for myself first and foremost and ultimately for my BF. And I won't lie it's nice when people acknowledge your efforts and say that you look good and much younger than your years.



    There is a huge difference between NEEDING the validation and feeling that it is nice to receive it from the people, in particular if you feel close to them.

    Seeking other validation is a usually annoying for the folks around you, and frustrating for the seeker. People who think that you deserve it, will give it to you anyway. The others will rightly ask "what's in it for me?", leaving the seeker dude to grovel trying to appease them.

    SC