Aggravating observations by gay men: "Why are you single"?

  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 28, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    Well let me say, I had never been "gay single" before my long term partner and I broke up in 2012 after 13.5 years together. I wasn't out or had even accepted being gay at the point I met him... so when we broke up, I became "gay single".

    Always great to talk to guys or go on dates, last weekend being a very nice one, a dentist from Oklahoma City who drove up to meet me in person and we had a great time.

    He and a number of others ask the question:
    "So why are you single"??? Like there must be some hidden issue there or "I can't believe someone hasn't grabbed you a long time ago"... or when hearing I'm single, the expectation that you'd immediately consent to a hookup.

    I've thought about saying something kind of "smart" in return to make em think, but kind of laugh it off.

    Is there anything that a new date might say that you have found a little irritating when you have gone out?

  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 28, 2014 10:22 PM GMT
    Is there anything that a new date might say that you have found a little irritating when you have gone out?


    "It's too soon."

    or

    "Let's take it a little slower."

    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 28, 2014 10:39 PM GMT
    JuanPablomv89 said
    HndsmKansan saidWell let me say, I had never been "gay single" before my long term partner and I broke up in 2012 after 13.5 years together. I wasn't out or had even accepted being gay at the point I met him... so when we broke up, I became "gay single".

    Always great to talk to guys or go on dates, last weekend being a very nice one, a dentist from Oklahoma City who drove up to meet me in person and we had a great time.

    He and a number of others ask the question:
    "So why are you single"??? Like there must be some hidden issue there or "I can't believe someone hasn't grabbed you a long time ago"... or when hearing I'm single, the expectation that you'd immediately consent to a hookup.

    I've thought about saying something kind of "smart" in return to make em think, but kind of laugh it off.

    Is there anything that a new date might say that you have found a little irritating when you have gone out?


    I cant believe that a great looking and handsome man like you is single.

    He's not single. He's just being a tease to all the guys who are single.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Oct 28, 2014 11:29 PM GMT
    HottJoe said

    He's not single. He's just being a tease to all the guys who are single.



    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Oct 29, 2014 4:33 AM GMT
    HottJoe saidIs there anything that a new date might say that you have found a little irritating when you have gone out?


    "It's too soon."

    or

    "Let's take it a little slower."

    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gif


    I don't necessarily agree that those are irritating to hear if you're really actually dating. On the one hand, I understand needing to determine if things are going to work out fine in bed with a potential guy in a timely fashion.

    On the other hand, my experience with sex super early on is that it it's like a "bomb", as it were. It blows everything up, and even if the sex was great, the guy flakes and you never hear from him again. icon_sad.gif
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Oct 29, 2014 5:08 AM GMT
    I think they are trying to use it as a cum on line ... like it's suppose to be some sort of compliment. Or maybe they are the type that just jumps from relationship to relationship (before the last one even ends.) And totally agree that it is fucking annoying. The answer is, "because every time I go out on a date, I get asked that question and I immediately cross them off my list of possible bf's" icon_evil.gificon_twisted.gif
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    Oct 29, 2014 5:33 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidI think they are trying to use it as a cum on line ... like it's suppose to be some sort of compliment. Or maybe they are the type that just jumps from relationship to relationship (before the last one even ends.) And totally agree that it is fucking annoying. The answer is, "because every time I go out on a date, I get asked that question and I immediately cross them off my list of possible bf's" icon_evil.gificon_twisted.gif


    It is absolutely meant to be some sort of flirtatious come on.

    A stupid one.

    I thought it was stupid when I was 16. I STILL think its stupid.

    I like to say things like, " Well, My Parole Officer thinks it's because they were never able to find any of My alleged victims so most Guys are just taking a wait-and-see attitude..."
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Oct 29, 2014 5:42 AM GMT
    The question "why are you single?" is rather naive.

    A guy must have heard that the other dudes were asking this inane question, so he ass+u+me+d that this must have been a good question to ask. Not that he was thinking that much in the first place.

    Some guys are choosey. Not everyone out there is their BF material.

    Some guys are busy. They are building their lives, and at times, dating has got to go on a back burner.

    Some dudes out there have family and parents to take care of. Their priorities might have shifted to attending a family emergency.

    Some guys are enjoying their single experience. They may or may not be a good BF material, but just because they are not rushing to conform to the mainstream LTR does not make them wrong.

    A dude asking such a question shows clearly that he does not use his brains too much. He may be lacking severely in the department of life experience, too.

    Besides, if the OP were not single, why would he bother to meet his inquisitive date?

    SC
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    Oct 29, 2014 5:45 AM GMT
    I tend to like a man that is forward and a little aggressive.

    I met this hot Brazilian hunk (yes in Arizona!) while hiking. We hit it off and he offered me lunch and then asked if I wanted to go skinny dipping in his pool......

    Sure why not. We talked and floated around in his pool all naked just chilling.

    He had lots of questions and I had lots of answers! I go with the flow.......

    The best answers are the silent ones. The ones that your manly bod speaks to another man. That undeniable flirtatious thing that pops up on occasion.

    The rest is history.

    The bath tub was exhilarating!

    P.S. He's soon to be single. He's getting a divorce from his wife. I just told him that my work schedule is really demanding and when I do meet Mr. Right, he better keep up and not be a distraction, but an addition.
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    Oct 29, 2014 9:19 AM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidWell let me say, I had never been "gay single" before my long term partner and I broke up in 2012 after 13.5 years together. I wasn't out or had even accepted being gay at the point I met him... so when we broke up, I became "gay single".

    Always great to talk to guys or go on dates, last weekend being a very nice one, a dentist from Oklahoma City who drove up to meet me in person and we had a great time.

    He and a number of others ask the question:
    "So why are you single"??? Like there must be some hidden issue there or "I can't believe someone hasn't grabbed you a long time ago"... or when hearing I'm single, the expectation that you'd immediately consent to a hookup.

    I've thought about saying something kind of "smart" in return to make em think, but kind of laugh it off.

    Is there anything that a new date might say that you have found a little irritating when you have gone out?


    I generally assume single guys choose to be single for whatever reason. Or they have a quirk in their personality that scares away dates. icon_lol.gif
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    Oct 29, 2014 10:24 AM GMT
    I think it would be better than being told they were not surprised I was single.

    Things that annoyed me included:

    "I'm straight really"
    "I used a photo of a different person because otherwise you wouldn't have come"
    "Do you want to meet all my friends" on a first date
    "I have to go now" after one drink... and then they message again in a few weeks as if we had never spoken before. It's not my problem you didn't realise how bad the competition was haha.
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    Oct 29, 2014 10:28 AM GMT
    I enjoy dating, and any kind of questions are okay with me, until it's too personal. These kinds of cliched questions are there to continue the conversation. Obviously, I don't expect him to talk about the recent advancement in Deep Learning.
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    Oct 29, 2014 1:37 PM GMT
    Cash said
    [To explain why I'm single] I like to say things like, " Well, My Parole Officer thinks it's because they were never able to find any of My alleged victims so most Guys are just taking a wait-and-see attitude..."

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    Oct 29, 2014 2:18 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    Is there anything that a new date might say that you have found a little irritating when you have gone out?

    Lots of things, have to pause to remember them. I'll omit the actually insulting ones, like put-downs of my clothes, or dissing my background. I do find probing about my finances a bit irritating. Or when one told me he'd already researched me, through his contacts in law enforcement. No, that was more scary than irritating.

    But asking: "So why are you single?" can be code for "Are you REALLY single?" Since guys cheating on their BFs/partners (or even their wives) is not rare, a man likes to be sure the guy he's met is genuinely free before he invests more time with him.

    "I can't believe someone hasn't grabbed you a long time ago" can be meant as a compliment, albeit perhaps a clumsy and inelegant one. It's sorta like being surprised at your good fortune to be the first to find a bag of unclaimed cash or some other treasure on the sidewalk. And referring back to my prior comment, then makes you think: "This has to belong to somebody. How did they lose it?"

    BTW, I note the 2 toothbrushes in your latest main profile pic, with the sexy briefs. I realize there can be a dozen explanations for that. (Explanations for the toothbrushes, that is; the reason for the briefs is obvious - they make you look great)

    But when I was single & dating (or more accurately, mostly tricking with the hope it might lead to real dating, which it sometimes did), I always kept a complete spare toiletry kit for any impromptu sleepovers at my place. That included unused, fresh toothbrushes.

    But I kept them in a bathroom drawer, displaying only my own toothbrush, lest it prompt the irritating question: "Why is there a second toothbrush in your bathroom?" icon_wink.gif

    Of course, once I did start dating a guy his own toothbrush WOULD be next to mine. Which aside from the convenience, perhaps reassured him of his exclusive status with me, that I would keep it out in the open.
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    Oct 29, 2014 3:21 PM GMT
    I just tell them, "Because I'm rude. Now fuck off."
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Oct 29, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    Do you wear a hairpiece? In pics it looks like it. Better to just shave your head!
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    Oct 29, 2014 3:46 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare said
    I just tell them, "Because I'm rude. Now fuck off."

    I can vouch for that!

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  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Oct 29, 2014 5:07 PM GMT
    I wouldn't find it off putting. It is actually kind of a good question. He's asking you to verbalize where you are in life right now without specifically pushing into areas that might be sensitive. He's interested in you and what makes you tick. But he's also leaving it to you to choose what to disclose. And he's finding out if you're dating material or just looking for a friend or sex or a workout partner or whatever. Why is any of that irritating? It is all complimentary.
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    Oct 29, 2014 5:12 PM GMT
    I went on a date once and he was baby talking to me already I got the fuck out of there real quick.

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    Oct 29, 2014 6:01 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan said
    ...
    He and a number of others ask the question:
    "So why are you single"??? Like there must be some hidden issue there or "I can't believe someone hasn't grabbed you a long time ago"... or when hearing I'm single, the expectation that you'd immediately consent to a hookup.

    I've thought about saying something kind of "smart" in return to make em think, but kind of laugh it off.

    Is there anything that a new date might say that you have found a little irritating when you have gone out?



    I get multiple variations on what you've described above, whether its from other gays, straight people or whatever. It's this infuriating subtext of "there must be a reason" like they see you as VERY attractive so they automatically wonder why someone hasn't scooped you up. I usually find it pretty insulting and all of my friends know not to say anything like that to me.
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    Oct 29, 2014 6:13 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidI just tell them, "Because I'm rude. Now fuck off."


    And then a you show them all the Porn movies You starred in in the late ' 80s, right???
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    Oct 29, 2014 6:14 PM GMT
    Hmm, I say fuck off
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    Oct 29, 2014 6:21 PM GMT
    Bonapart saidHmm, I say fuck off


    You don't have to worry about anyone asking you why you're still single. Your shitty personality says it all.
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    Oct 29, 2014 6:27 PM GMT
    flguy57 said
    Bonapart saidHmm, I say fuck off


    You don't have to worry about anyone asking you why you're still single. Your shitty personality says it all.

    From what he says on here, he really ought to take a moniker after Capone rather than Napolean - but is it possible for anyone to be as unpleasant IRL as he is on RJ?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Oct 29, 2014 6:30 PM GMT
    HikerSkier said
    flguy57 said
    Bonapart saidHmm, I say fuck off


    You don't have to worry about anyone asking you why you're still single. Your shitty personality says it all.

    From what he says on here, he really ought to take a moniker after Capone rather than Napolean - but is it possible for anyone to be as unpleasant IRL as he is on RJ?

    IRL he could put a mousetrap in your shoe, or rub your toothbrush around the rim of the toilet bowl.