Fag hag! ... MY fag hag !!

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    Jan 16, 2009 4:56 PM GMT


    A story of my life ... nah , just a small part : I met a couple when I started my studies .. a gay guy and his cute fag hag .. U see, I never had a faghag but I always wanted one.
    So here is the story: this gay guy turned out to be "straight" (it means he's fuckin deep in the closet) so it doesn't make any sence that she's his faghag when he's not a fag, or at least, she doesn't know that.
    A faghag is born: Two days ago I told her about me, she was in shock, and didn't talk to me in that day . But after this we met and everything was ok, we didn't talk about it but I felt that she's more comfortable with me... The days will come and we'll find out if she's gonna be my new faghag or not ..icon_neutral.gif

    Do you have a faghag and how did u meet or manage this relationship?? (make it romantic..)
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    Jan 16, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    I prefer the term "fruit fly". It sounds so much better.
  • metta

    Posts: 39091

    Jan 16, 2009 5:51 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI prefer the term "fruit fly". It sounds so much better.


    my friend likes to call herself a 'fairy princess' ;)
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    Jan 16, 2009 5:53 PM GMT
    My faghag is acutally more like my wife than anything else.
    We fight bitterly, I make her cry, she makes me storm out and get tanked, only to come home and scream at her til she cries more. I could be brushing my teeth and she will come up to me to ask why I dont love her anymore. And if i dont answer quickly she is a puddle of tears and screaming and nails. She yells at me for wanting to go to gay bars and laughs when I say ive made a new friend, and constantly asks for hugs because she knows I they make me uncomfortable and she can start crying again.

    Im not allowed to leave the house without her.
    I have to eat the end pieces of bread because she hates them.
    If i dont do something for her she starts screaming at how inconsiderate i am.
    And thats all when she ISNT on her fucking period.

    I always thought that was a myth, the whole PMS thing, most girls I know are totally ok during that time, or at least managable. But this girl....she is a rotting pile of fucking misery when she is on her period.

    At the end of the day, we know each other better than anyone else does, she is my magical little star and I would do anything for her.
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    Jan 16, 2009 6:05 PM GMT
    Personally, I wouldn't use the term Fag Hag for any woman who just happens to hang out with her gay friend. To me, a Fag Hag is a woman who makes it a point to surround herself with and almost exclusively socialize with gay men. While the hags are generally fantastic people, I often find they surround themselves with all things gay due to their own issues as much as genuinely enjoying our company.
  • coolarmydude

    Posts: 9190

    Jan 16, 2009 6:05 PM GMT
    Kathy Griffin is my FagHag. I permit her to be other people's FagHag at the same time.
  • Timbales

    Posts: 13993

    Jan 16, 2009 6:11 PM GMT
    TheIStrat saidI prefer the term "fruit fly". It sounds so much better.


    There is a difference between a fag hag and a fruit fly.

    A fruit fly is a straight woman with gay friends who is capable of sustaining a relationship with a straight man. A fag hag cannot.
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    Jan 16, 2009 6:32 PM GMT
    animanimus saidbeware the faghag. wretched creatures.

    often, str8 females are faithful to only one male at a time. so they will act as if they are your best friend until they hook up romantically and then, often, they will drop you like a stone.

    faghags are users and they will only use a gay guy while they are single. once they couple to a str8 man you will see how disloyal they are to their so-called friends. or at least that was my experience with them, three different times. never again.


    Oh Animanimus......SO not true.

    I have 3 Fag Hags (one we call a fruit fly)

    FH#1: Catt. I met her when I moved to Cali 23 years ago to go to college (you do the math). I was DEEP in the closet then, having come from Idaho. She instantly became one of my best friends. She was married at the time (she is a bit older than me), and we had our clique of friends. We've always lived within blocks of each other. And when her husband passed away several years ago (he was much older and had cancer), she moved in with me. She's like my wife. We have our spats, but we love each other in spite of our differences.

    FH#2: Jenny. I met her a few years after I moved to Cali and was a rising star (in my own mind anyway) in our local live theatre group. We were an instant hit. I was still "straight" and dating someone. She had a BF at the same time. There was just this "understanding" between us. Long story short: I got married then divorced 3 years later. Jenny was the first person I came out to. She already knew. She got engaged to a great guy, but wanted me in the wedding. So, I became ordained and performed the wedding! It was AWESOME!! She has since moved to Bakersfield and had 2 kids, but we talk on the phone at least once a week just to catch up.

    FH#3 (The Fruit Fly): Megan. Megan came to work for me straight out of high school. She was 18 and just freakin' adorable. She became indispensable to me and my work. She stayed with me for several years. When she finally turned 21, I offered to take her out for a drink and introduce her to my gay friends. WE HAD A BLAST! She became an instant hit with all the gay boys at the clubs we hung out at. From then on, we went out dancing almost every weekend for about 3 years. After she completed college, she got engaged. And, guess what?? I performed her wedding ceremony too!! She and her husband are two of my best friends to this day!

    So, you see, FH's can be wonderful creatures. I love these girls with all my heart. We've been there through some tough times for each other, and through some of the best times for each other.

    I wouldn't change anything for the world.icon_wink.gif
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    Jan 16, 2009 6:35 PM GMT
    itmoons saidMy faghag is acutally more like my wife than anything else.
    We fight bitterly, I make her cry, she makes me storm out and get tanked, only to come home and scream at her til she cries more. I could be brushing my teeth and she will come up to me to ask why I dont love her anymore. And if i dont answer quickly she is a puddle of tears and screaming and nails. She yells at me for wanting to go to gay bars and laughs when I say ive made a new friend, and constantly asks for hugs because she knows I they make me uncomfortable and she can start crying again.

    Im not allowed to leave the house without her.
    I have to eat the end pieces of bread because she hates them.
    If i dont do something for her she starts screaming at how inconsiderate i am.
    And thats all when she ISNT on her fucking period.

    I always thought that was a myth, the whole PMS thing, most girls I know are totally ok during that time, or at least managable. But this girl....she is a rotting pile of fucking misery when she is on her period.

    At the end of the day, we know each other better than anyone else does, she is my magical little star and I would do anything for her.
    aw. poor thing. Come here; it's alright. *forcibly pushes your head into chest*


    shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh


























    shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
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    Jan 16, 2009 6:41 PM GMT
    1. I've never liked the term fag hag.
    2. I don't like the term fruit fly, either.
    3. I have no use for any term that's potentially demeaning.

    If a woman chooses to have me as her gay friend, I gratefully call her my friend, period. I think it's time for gays to move beyond such terms. Do unto others...
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    Jan 16, 2009 7:07 PM GMT
    i have three "not wives" and they are the women who i would marry if my sexuality would permit it (of course i'd pick one, before any of you snarky bastards tries to point that one out)

    rachael is my grace in every sense of the word: skinny, pretty, jewish, rich, fashionable. love her to death and we are loud and crazy together.

    maureen is my theater muse/inspiration. she was very much born in the wrong era and i love her for it. she and i are like an old couple sitting on a front porch in rocking chairs together.

    charlotte is possibly the one girl that compliments me in every way possible. we are entirely in sync and she is dating my fraternity brother (one of my favorite pledge brothers) and if i could choose one girl to marry, it'd be her.

    these are my three main contacts to the female world icon_smile.gif other than that it's basically acquaintances and friends who i keep at arm's length ;0

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    Jan 16, 2009 7:16 PM GMT
    I have a best friend who is a straight woman, but I would never call her my "fag hag", however the role and general principles are the same I suppose.

    We met when we both were in school 14 years ago, we were in school but worked at a restaurant in downtown San Francisco. She was the uber hot, friendly, and fun bartender... I applied for a job as a waiter there just to get to know her better, I knew she was "one of my kind".

    We worked together and became fast friends, we've grown together over the years and she has been my greatest supporter, my confidante, my buddy, my partner in crime (sometimes literally) and I never cease to have a great time with her.

    Now we both have professional jobs in San Francisco and are on the go and always changing. We have weathered many other friendships in each others' lives that have come and gone. We respect each other completely and allow each other to do what we need to do, we support one another totally and trust one another's process.

    We've put the rug back under one another when it was ripped out, I was the only person who stood next to her at her wedding, she's the only one who carried me through my divorce.

    She is far from a "hag"... she isn't just a friend she's my family and an angel.

    A stunningly beautiful, frequently misunderstood, underestimated, kind, funny, ridiculously smart, outgoing, generous, stylish, gentle, obscenely popular, thoughtful, present, partying angel...

    ...and she's mine.
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    Jan 16, 2009 7:58 PM GMT
    Can not use that phrase fag hag either to describe my female buds. Isn't a hag like an old witch? No way does that fit into their description at all. They are so hip and so stylish and so beautiful. However, they do sit around with the mostly gay guys at the beach. We are just a circle of beach bums who love the sea and the sun and having fun.
  • dhinkansas

    Posts: 764

    Jan 16, 2009 8:03 PM GMT
    I'm sorry...just never bought into the fag hag concept. Because I associate it with a female friend stuck to her fag to the point her own life suffers.

    I have some great friends that are girls. They have their lives and I have mine and we have had many debaucherous times together.

    To each his or her own I guess.
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    Jan 16, 2009 8:07 PM GMT
    GHoSTa said

    A story of my life ... nah , just a small part : I met a couple when I started my studies .. a gay guy and his cute fag hag .. U see, I never had a faghag but I always wanted one.
    So here is the story: this gay guy turned out to be "straight" (it means he's fuckin deep in the closet) so it doesn't make any sence that she's his faghag when he's not a fag, or at least, she doesn't know that.
    A faghag is born: Two days ago I told her about me, she was in shock, and didn't talk to me in that day . But after this we met and everything was ok, we didn't talk about it but I felt that she's more comfortable with me... The days will come and we'll find out if she's gonna be my new faghag or not ..icon_neutral.gif

    Do you have a faghag and how did u meet or manage this relationship?? (make it romantic..)


    First, can she be called a friend if you seriously refer to her as faghag? icon_neutral.gif
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    Jan 16, 2009 8:22 PM GMT
    Flies are notorious carriers of disease and eat their own regurgitated vomit.

    Calling a woman who prefers the company of gay men a "fruit fly" seems a bit harsh, eh.

    Why not just call her a woman with gay friends?
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    Jan 16, 2009 8:34 PM GMT
    Okay, my fag hag is my best friend.

    I used to live in Toronto when i was younger, between grades 8 and 10. This is where she lived also. We both switched schools each year, and went to the same school each time. Yet, for the first two years i was there, we did not talk. We didnt like each other because we knew each other through a mutual "friend" who we both secretly found annoying, so we assumed each other would be annoying too.

    First day of grade 10, she, the "friend" and I went out for lunch. The friend went to the washroom, and then we started talking and she instantly told me that she was bisexual. I thought, cool, she seems interesting. Needless to say, we became inseperable, and the mutual friend was left in the dust.

    After grade 10, i left toronto to return to vancouver and had to say goodbye. We saw each other one year later in the summer. But then, we kind of lost touch and stopped talking.

    4 years pass, and we barely communicated at all, apart from an email here and there.

    Then, April 2008, i get a job offer in Montreal, and they were flying me out for an interview, which is where she had moved for school. So i email her and say, "maybe we should meet up". She said, while ur here for the interview, just stay with me.

    We were both so nervous to see each other for the first time in so long because we both remembered each other as we were when we were younger, and we both remembered each other as rather intense personalities.

    She met me at the airport, and soon as she saw me she started screaming "that's not you" and then jumped up into my arms. We instantly were best friends again within 5 minutes. Again, we were totally inseperable.

    Now, to explain, at this time, I was in the closet regarding my sexuality. Two people in my life were aware, one was my other great friend who was going to school on the other side of the country, and the other was my cousin who got me really drunk in London and got a straight answer out of me. So before I went to Montreal, i decided that seeing her for the first time in so long, I want to see her on a new level, and so i decided to tell her before i arrived in Montreal that i was gay. I considered telling her in person, but i wanted the first time she saw me to be seeing me for who i am totally.

    Well, turns out that she was already a fag hag. She is bisexual, and a wild personality, a total free spirit. She also found straight men to be extremely boring, so she chose to surround herself with gay men. So i arrive, and it turns out, almost all of her friends are gay.

    I got the job, and then decided to stay and spend the summer in Montreal. so i found a place to stay, and moved there. then my friend had to move, and found a place one block away. we were basically attached at the hip once again.

    So i was instantly thrown into gay life, and with the best person possible as a friend at my side. She was there for my entire process of coming out, which i did near the end of the summer, while in montreal, making phone calls back home to vancouver informing freinds and family.

    She has often been there for men while they are in the process of coming out, or just discovering that they are gay. For that reason, i don't call her a fag hag, but rather, a "Fag Aid".

    And my fag aid, is my best friend. If i was straight, id marry her, but im not, so eeew.
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    Jan 16, 2009 8:38 PM GMT
    Red_Vespa said1. I've never liked the term fag hag.
    2. I don't like the term fruit fly, either.
    3. I have no use for any term that's potentially demeaning.

    If a woman chooses to have me as her gay friend, I gratefully call her my friend, period. I think it's time for gays to move beyond such terms. Do unto others...



    Oh, for heaven's sake boys, relax.

    It's just a bit of fun. I love them dearly, and they love me. And for the record: Every one of them calls herself that, I didn't assign the term. AND it's just a bit of a joke JUST BETWEEN US. I do not introduce them as my "fag hag". It's a term they find VERY humorous and are perfectly comfortable with. AND ALSO FOR THE RECORD: 2 of them are Wiccan (practicing witches), and find the term rather funny......so there.icon_razz.gif

    Good Lord. Climb down off the high horse.icon_lol.gif
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    Jan 16, 2009 9:08 PM GMT
    Being the only fag in the village. I most certainly do have a fag-hag, and she come all the way from Canada. The fag-hags from Canada, are much better than her sisters from the South.
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    Jan 16, 2009 10:07 PM GMT

    First of all I use the term FagHag as I see it .. as a nickname .. and not to offence somebody.. I don't care about what people think about it..

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    Jan 16, 2009 11:53 PM GMT
    I can't stand most fag hags
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    Jan 17, 2009 12:26 AM GMT
    I think the terms 'fag hag' and 'fruit fly' definitely carry some derogatory connotations, and so I was glad to read a few posts here questioning that.

    That said, I also appreciate that there are some women who totally embrace them, and that not all gay men intend anything negative by using them...it's all about tone and context I guess...

    With that acknowledged...

    I was having a similar discussion with friends a while back about straight identified folk who hang out almost exclusively with gay/lesbian/queer identified folk. It got us pondering (in a completely light hearted way) what the appropriate term would be for the lesbian equivalent of a fag-hag (as in straight males who hang out with mostly lesbians).

    And so, the label 'lesbian barnacle' was born...
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    Jan 17, 2009 2:24 AM GMT
    I have many awesome female friends. None of them are fag hags, because when I use that term, it isn't describing a positive, healthy relationship with a woman. To me...well, I've written my diatribe on the subject elsewhere. Let's just say I'm not a fan of any woman who likes me and clings to me for my sexuality.