Why is he avoiding me?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 01, 2014 10:33 AM GMT
    I recently moved to a new school, and this guy I like is incredibly gorgeous. I don't see him often around campus. When I first saw him I stared at him, and he peeped back and we just go about our way.

    I found out he was gay through some gay dating site snooping. I wanted to contact him to say hello, but he hasn't logged on in months! On his profile it said he was "looking for love, and is turned on by intelligence". But, I've noticed lately that whenever I make eye contact with him, he literally runs/exits like I am wearing a mask or something icon_redface.gif. Now when I see him, (the times I do see him), I just avoid looking in his direction icon_rolleyes.gif.

    I don't know why...? I am really nerdy, and I am always studying, honestly I don't think I am his kind of attractive: thin, geeky and quiet....

    I don't know maybe I am creeping him out...There will be a huge luncheon coming next month that my organization is hosting, and his will be there also, I don't know what to do...I'm thinking about just not showing up icon_cry.gif.
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    Nov 01, 2014 11:30 AM GMT
    When gay guys stare at hot guys it is called "eye-raping", you know... he probably does feel creeped out combined with the risk of you outing him.
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    Nov 01, 2014 6:17 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs said... gay dating site snooping. I wanted to contact him to say hello, but he hasn't logged on in months!
    he has a boy friend?
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    Nov 01, 2014 6:33 PM GMT
    imo it usually doesn't matter why, all that matters is to realize they are avoiding you and then move on. It's a slippery slope to start twisting yourself into a pretzel to get somebody to pay attention to you.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Nov 02, 2014 3:44 AM GMT
    So, the dude is gay but he is avoiding you. Why?

    Most probably, he is not interested in you. He may be interested in dating someone else, or he actually may be dating someone else, or he may be enjoying his being single, and cares for anonymous sex only, or he may be not interested in the guys who are attending his school because he does not want any drama there. Or he sees himself as being drop-dead gorgeous, and wants to date someone in his league?

    I am sure that you can think of other reasons for him to keep on avoiding you. Does it really matter what his reason is? Nope!

    What matters is that you gave it a try, clumsy as it was. The guy ran for the hills. Take a note of this, and move on.

    The good thing here is that you have learned an important fact in life. Being gay does not mean that he or anyone else is into all the other gay guys out there. Just like being str8 does not mean that a dude won't mess up with other dudes if the time and the circumstances are righticon_biggrin.gif
  • mybud

    Posts: 11836

    Nov 02, 2014 3:53 AM GMT
    Probably because he wants a real man to has the "nuts" to introduce themselves,rather than acting like a eye fucking geek.
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    Nov 02, 2014 10:01 AM GMT
    He's not into you. Otherwise, he would've spoken to you by now. Move on!
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    Nov 02, 2014 11:11 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidThe good thing here is that you have learned an important fact in life. Being gay does not mean that he or anyone else is into all the other gay guys out there.


    It's amazing how many guys in even their 30s, 40s and 50s don't get this!
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    Nov 03, 2014 8:04 PM GMT
    Hm who am i to say what you should do... it would be a learning experience to go to the luncheon and teach yourself how to be (or pretend being) perfectly cool

    Neither staring nor anti-staring (purposefully avoiding) him there or anywhere is a first step to moving on

    Just ignore how gorgeous he is. Quickly you realize how nothing is left and makes it easier to calm down
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    Nov 03, 2014 8:05 PM GMT
    Ohno said
    SilverRRCloud saidThe good thing here is that you have learned an important fact in life. Being gay does not mean that he or anyone else is into all the other gay guys out there.


    It's amazing how many guys in even their 30s, 40s and 50s don't get this!


    Being that we are such a small minority it doesn't hurt for us to be kind to each other. A simple acknowledging of the other with a hello and small talk is all that is necessary.

    Far too many gays think every other gay wants to fuck them. Get over yourselves already. So many gays bemoan the fact that it is so hard to make friends in the gay community yet no one is willing to tear down the walls and let someone in.

    To the OP: Find a mutual interest and use it to break the ice with him. Staring is creepy.
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    Nov 03, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    GrumpyDinosaurs said... gay dating site snooping. I wanted to contact him to say hello, but he hasn't logged on in months!
    he has a boy friend?


    Sounds very possible.

    But OP! Go and talk to him, the worst thing that can happen is that nothing will change...
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    Nov 04, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    Instead of jumping the gun and wanting to be his boyfriend right off the bat. Why not being his friend first? and get to know him, heck you might not even think he's your type once you really get to know him.

    If someone were to stare at me all the time I would probably do the same. He's a person too just like you, so treat him like one, and not some special exception because of his bone structure.
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    Nov 04, 2014 12:31 AM GMT
    Have you tried a Starbuck's pumpkin scone?

    --he'll be yours for ever.