casual male nudity at home, with the housemates

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 02, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    This was from an advice column last week. I don't think it's any big deal to hang nude with the housemates, but this guy's girlfriend disagrees.... So what do YOU say?

    BOTHERED BY BOYFRIEND'S NUDE HABITS (10/24)

    By Amy Dickinson
    Chicago Tribune
    Posted: 10/24/2014 12:01:00 AM MDT

    Dear Amy: I've been dating a guy for two months. He is funny, smart, drop-dead handsome, generous and really good to me.

    We almost never argue, but there are two things I can't get over. He lives with four other guys in a big house. They each have their own room, so privacy isn't an issue. They're all very good friends and hang out a lot.

    The first problem is that my boyfriend is naked a lot when he's at home. The other guys come and go that way too sometimes, but my boyfriend pretty much lives that way.

    The second problem is that he's really physical and affectionate with everyone. He doesn't hug and kiss just me, but all of his friends too, and all the time! Guy or girl, gay or straight — I feel like he's always hanging onto someone.

    What do I do to get him to understand that these two expressions of intimacy should be between a guy and a girl, and not shared with the whole world? We've talked about it, but he says this is the way he is.

    I've asked his friends to make him stop, but they don't care how he behaves and say I should just let him be himself. I've told them that I think he's acting gay, but one of the guys in the house is gay, and he assures me that this isn't the case. What can I do? — A

    Dear A: Let's imagine your boyfriend wrote to me, saying, "My new girlfriend is great, except she wears clothes, like, almost all the time. And she's such a prude! I told her friends she was acting really straight but they won't make her stop. They say, 'That's just the way she is!' "

    The reason your boyfriend's friends won't make him change is because they are his friends. They like him this way. The reason your boyfriend won't change is because he likes himself this way.

    You are the only person in this household who doesn't like him this way. If you've asked him to adjust and he won't, it's not because he can't behave differently, it's because he doesn't want to.

    "Acting gay" might not be as insulting to him as you intend it to be. Your choices now are to accept him — as is — or move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 02, 2014 11:14 PM GMT
    "The first problem is that my boyfriend is naked a lot when he's at home. The other guys come and go that way too sometimes, but my boyfriend pretty much lives that way."

    I guess I'm old fashioned, revealing my generation. Now a BF can be naked with his GF around the house, if she's cool with that. Just like my husband & I are naked a lot of the time around the house, the way we usually sleep together. But the BF should defer to his GF's feelings on this. She may may not find male nudity esthetically pleasing when passing in the hallways, whatever. We used to call that manners, to respect what other people feel & prefer.

    But the OTHER guys are going around naked, too? No, that's a bit much to me. She's a female, and unless you have an intimate relationship with her, like her BF does, you keep yourself covered.

    Am I hopelessly outdated?
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    Nov 02, 2014 11:26 PM GMT
    Assuming that these things aren't purely fictitious, she sounds like the sort of evil which that someone needs to throw water on. icon_surprised.gif

    icon_redface.gif My "housemates" are so conditioned that when they see me putting on clothes, the dogs get excited and run to the car.
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    Nov 02, 2014 11:41 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said"The first problem is that my boyfriend is naked a lot when he's at home. The other guys come and go that way too sometimes, but my boyfriend pretty much lives that way."

    I guess I'm old fashioned, revealing my generation. Now a BF can be naked with his GF around the house, if she's cool with that. Just like my husband & I are naked a lot of the time around the house, the way we usually sleep together. But the BF should defer to his GF's feelings on this. She male may not find male nudity esthetically pleasing when passing in the hallways, whatever. We used to call that manners, to respect what other people feel & prefer.

    But the OTHER guys are going around naked, too? No, that's a bit much to me. She's a female, and unless you have an intimate relationship with her, like her BF does, you keep yourself covered.

    Am I hopelessly outdated?


    Perhaps, and I don't identify with it myself, but from what I can tell the generation of young people that is so accepting of platonic nudity is the same generation that is sweeping the western world with an emphatic no-bullshit collective demand for acceptance of gay rights.

    I don't understand this world view, but I think it's long overdue all the same. Coming from a shame-based culture myself, I do question the idea that it is possible for a culture to celebrate sexual diversity while clinging to the notion that the human body is somehow inherently shameful.

    It's OK for her to be uncomfortable, but it's also all right for her to go find somebody who shares her hangups. I don't see why he or his housemates should have to internalize any of it.
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    Nov 03, 2014 12:33 AM GMT
    I don't think it's old-school to say that the housemates should at least cover their "private areas" when the GF stops by. Other than that, the chick is outta line.

    Bro hugs, back slaps, arm grabbing, etc? That's gone on between guys "forever." Casual pecks on the cheek are still pretty much strictly a European thing because of homophobia. BUT they're no longer completely unheard of either.

    What's interesting to me is that "casual nudity" - at least to the extent of chillin' in nothing more than shorts - seems to go on the most in households of straight guys. So does strolling to/from the shower carrying a towel which may or may not be over the man's goodies. Maybe this is due to men in all-gay living situations being too self-conscious because of how "we" put so much emphasis on appearances? In "mixed" settings it definitely translates into uneasiness on the het guy or guys' part no matter how "accepting" they claim to be.
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    Nov 03, 2014 12:38 AM GMT
    I contrast this against the opposite opinions we hear arguing against casual male nudity in gym locker rooms. And defending the "towel dance" and criticizing guys who aren't shy in a locker room. But in front of a woman in a private home, who apparently doesn't like it, uninvited male nudity is OK? Yet among other guys in a gym, nudity is not OK... icon_confused.gif I see some potential inconsistency here.
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    Nov 03, 2014 12:56 AM GMT
    First off, I think the chick in the OP is a total wet blanket. Dude is enjoying His life on His terms and His Friends support Him.

    What else could anyone want?

    SHE doesn't seem to fit in and wants Him to change to accommodate her. What exactly is SHE bringing to the picnic to warrant THAT?

    Again, too much work to be Heterosexual...




    I am living in a Friend's house. I spent the whole Summer in nothing but boxer briefs.

    He has seen Me naked a hundred times. Including first thing in the morning if You get My drift...

    He is EXTREMELY Hetero and grew up with four brothers so it is a total Non- Issue.

    I PERSONALLY would not parade around naked in the presence of Ladies. The Boys I don't care about.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 03, 2014 1:29 AM GMT
    Hopefully he'll dump her and choose not to live with someone whose main goal seeks to change him to her own selfish needs.

    For any couple gay or straight, if you want a relationship with someone else you need to learn to compromise and that you are not the owner of that person and they have the right to live their life the way they they choose to live it. If you can't live with that, and feel some over whelming desire to bend someone to your own will, to suit your needs, do them a big favor and find someone else that is more like you.

    The chick in that post is selfcentered and selfish and will likely never be happy in life and will seek to make everyone around her miserable, just like her.
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    Nov 03, 2014 1:37 AM GMT
    Actually, I am more interested in your own experiences with "casual male nudity at home with the housemates" than I am with the girlfriend's witchy possessive reaction to it.

    Guys hanging naked with other guys is totally normal, gay or straight. I live in boxers here (Florida) and go jogging shirtless and work in the yard shirtless also. I'd be naked 24x7 indoors if the housemates weren't uptight. (Need some new housemates. Anybody want to trade?)

    Personally, I feel free and like to live free, and don't mind other guys naked around me, even when it is totally non-sexual like at college or camp or the beach.

    What's it been like in YOUR experience?
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 03, 2014 1:39 AM GMT
    mindgarden saidAssuming that these things aren't purely fictitious, she sounds like the sort of evil which that someone needs to throw water on. icon_surprised.gif

    icon_redface.gif My "housemates" are so conditioned that when they see me putting on clothes, the dogs get excited and run to the car.


    icon_lol.gificon_lol.gif I so relate to that one!


    As for the topic at hand, I think this Amy person is right. clearly this is some sort of nudest household and no one is seeing nudity as 'sex'.

    Not their fault of others are prudish and assumes nude immediately leads to sex.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 03, 2014 1:39 AM GMT
    I think she should just break up with the guy. She has a problem with him being naked around his male friends and hugging and kissing other women. It just sounds like they have two different views of proper behavior that can't be reconciled.
  • Teth1

    Posts: 39

    Nov 03, 2014 4:11 AM GMT
    She's prolly like 15, so....yeah.

    And by 15 I mean plus or minus 10 years, OKAY?!...And hopefully more on the plus side, mhmm.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Nov 03, 2014 4:32 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidHopefully he'll dump her and choose not to live with someone whose main goal seeks to change him to her own selfish needs.

    For any couple gay or straight, if you want a relationship with someone else you need to learn to compromise and that you are not the owner of that person and they have the right to live their life the way they they choose to live it. If you can't live with that, and feel some over whelming desire to bend someone to your own will, to suit your needs, do them a big favor and find someone else that is more like you.

    The chick in that post is selfcentered and selfish and will likely never be happy in life and will seek to make everyone around her miserable, just like her.


    I cannot agree more.

    My buddies and I grew up on a nude beach. We showered in communal showers. No one was changing/putting on his underwear under the towel.

    Once we got to college, and some dudes got into serious dating, practically everybody paraded naked around. No one ever thought this was a big deal.

    ---
    The girl here is simply trying to establish her control over her BF. The dude is happily walking around naked, hugging his friends of both sexes. She sees that rightly as his connecting intimately with other people. If she starts playing, the I-won't-put-out tonight-card, the chances are, he may go to someone who will. She won't go for that.

    In other words, she does not have him by the balls, and she is mightily unhappy about it.

    SC
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:47 AM GMT

    Two immature young people, other than expensive cost of living or college dorm life, there should be no reason bunch of guys sharing one place to begin with. Second, since her boy friend is co-dependent on the room mates, she should ask him to move in with her, assuming she has her shit together and not living at home with the P's. If neither have their shit together and solely rely on others for help in living, she needs to put up with the boy friends nudity until he can support himself, in his own, or her own place. Her boy friend may suffer separation anxiety if he left the frat boy house, this situation screams of immaturity of both the guy and girl, nudity aside. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Nov 03, 2014 8:11 AM GMT
    scruffLA said
    Two immature young people, other than expensive cost of living or college dorm life, there should be no reason bunch of guys sharing one place to begin with. Second, since her boy friend is co-dependent on the room mates, she should ask him to move in with her, assuming she has her shit together and not living at home with the P's. If neither have their shit together and solely rely on others for help in living, she needs to put up with the boy friends nudity until he can support himself, in his own, or her own place. Her boy friend may suffer separation anxiety if he left the frat boy house, this situation screams of immaturity of both the guy and girl, nudity aside. icon_rolleyes.gif


    A bunch of guys sharing a big place may have something to do with the cost of living. But it does not have to.

    Many guys enjoy being surrounded by the like-minded people. They share not only the cost but enjoy the company, fun, parties, share in the dramas, whatever. The dude reportedly has his own bedroom. So, he can enjoy his privacy when he needs it. And, yeah, he can have the company if he wants to. Why is this immature?

    It would be very immature to let yourself into something that you may not afford to do, and into an arrangement that you may not enjoy at the top of it, just because someone is telling you that this is how they want your life to be. Or because the society tells you that you should go head over heels into the trouble of having your own white picket fence.

    The GF here has her agenda, and she is advocating it. She has every right to do so. This does not go on to say that the guy she is with agrees with her agenda at all. She wants to have her guy all by herself. He may have totally different plans. For her, this seems to be a relationship she sees as leading to life together, married or not. We do not know that he feels the same way, do we?

    SC
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 03, 2014 4:03 PM GMT
    This is a classic example of someone who cannot control a situation and wants an authority figure/advice columnist to resolve the situation in her favor.

    The most offensive part of it all, for me, is her homophobia. The guy is way ahead of her in being able to deal with issues she is still afraid of.

    Bye bye, girlfriend. Find someone who is also pea brained so that you will be happier.
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    Nov 03, 2014 4:10 PM GMT
    Lol he's a nudist for sure. So are his roommates. She's uptight about nudity in general. Lol, he's not going to change. He should find a nudist gf and leave this one.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 03, 2014 4:19 PM GMT
    I tend to wear little around my home, generally just a pair of shorts or underwear, but I live alone. I think if I had roommates, I'd at least wear the shorts all the time at a minimum.

    This is a bit unusual to say the least, but it might be OK for the group. Personally, I think it could invite some issues, but that aside, if it bothers her, she should voice her concerns to her boyfriend in a logical manner and work through it. She will need to decide the best way to handle it if he decides not to change his habits.
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    Nov 03, 2014 5:17 PM GMT
    ^^^I encourage the Kansan above me to be naked as often as possible.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 03, 2014 5:22 PM GMT
    I had some guys living down the hall Freshman year of college who were essentially nudists. It was an all male dorm so women just kind of expected to be grossed out when visiting. I didn't mind one bit. They were handsome and thick and well built. I loved it. Never heard any visiting girl complain or object either. I asked one of them one day about it. He said he grew up with only brothers and everyone in his house, except his mother, walked around nude all the time. Said his mother would scream and throw up her hands and leave the room which they all thought was pretty funny. I loved the image.

    I spend the entire summer in shorts and no shirt. In a high-rise building. Good motivation to stay in shape. But then I live at the beach so it isn't a big deal. In fact, what looks odd is someone in a suit.
  • ai82

    Posts: 183

    Nov 03, 2014 5:57 PM GMT
    On casual male nudity, I do find it a little weird. It does'nt bother me, it's just weird. I grew up with a older brother and I never remember seeing him naked. When we were really young we would take baths together, but you grow out of that. Maybe its cultural too. Maybe its a confidence issue. My first week of college I got the side eye because I actually had a superman bathrobe.

    Regarding the girlfriend, she obviously is concerned her boyfriend is either gay or bi. I do think its interesting how nudists are able to take sexuality out of nudity. But I guess being around it takes away the shock value. She's not used to it so it's a shock.
  • daveindenver

    Posts: 314

    Nov 03, 2014 7:03 PM GMT
    One of my roommates is a naked guy and the other isn't. Both are used to seeing me naked. If you can't be comfortable in your our house, where can you?
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    Nov 03, 2014 7:16 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said"The first problem is that my boyfriend is naked a lot when he's at home. The other guys come and go that way too sometimes, but my boyfriend pretty much lives that way."

    I guess I'm old fashioned, revealing my generation. Now a BF can be naked with his GF around the house, if she's cool with that. Just like my husband & I are naked a lot of the time around the house, the way we usually sleep together. But the BF should defer to his GF's feelings on this. She may may not find male nudity esthetically pleasing when passing in the hallways, whatever. We used to call that manners, to respect what other people feel & prefer.

    But the OTHER guys are going around naked, too? No, that's a bit much to me. She's a female, and unless you have an intimate relationship with her, like her BF does, you keep yourself covered.

    Am I hopelessly outdated?


    I didn't get the impression that they other guys were going around naked in the house around her but I will admit it isn't clear. What is clear is that her BF and his housemates have no hang ups about nudity in THEIR home. If she doesn't like it she can tell her BF that she won't be going to his house and that he would have to go to her's. If her BF had any balls he'd drop her like a hot potato. This isn't the last thing she will try to change. She's asked her BF to change and his friends to change. Seems the bitch isn't willing to make any accommodations. I'd drop her in a New York minute.

    I also didn't like how the little bigot played the gay card in an attempt to shame him. The bitch ain't worth the trouble.
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    Nov 03, 2014 7:35 PM GMT
    That's why I don't have girlfriends anymore. All of them thinks everything is their goddamn business. Also that's why I don't date fem guys either. Too much work

    - Oh he is so awesome, I want to be his girlfriend!
    later
    - Oh now we are together, I'll change him.

    flipping annoyingicon_evil.gif
  • LuckyGuyKC

    Posts: 2080

    Nov 03, 2014 7:55 PM GMT
    Cash saidI am living in a Friend's house. I spent the whole Summer in nothing but boxer briefs.

    He has seen Me naked a hundred times. Including first thing in the morning if You get My drift...

    He is EXTREMELY Hetero.


    We get your drift and we're inviting you for an extended stay.