how do you be assertive

  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Nov 03, 2014 4:15 AM GMT
    i'm not particularly assertive on behalf of myself. for others i'll jump in front of the bullet but for me i literally feel like a doormat.


    how do i stop this.
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    Nov 03, 2014 4:19 AM GMT
    Learn how to say no and not care about what people think after. That's the first step.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 03, 2014 4:21 AM GMT
    Google it: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=how+to+be+assertive
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    Nov 03, 2014 8:39 AM GMT
    Understand that there are lots of people out there seeking to get one over on you, and it is well worth taking the risk of annoying them (although in lots of cases you will gain their respect by standing up to them).
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    Nov 03, 2014 1:12 PM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidi'm not particularly assertive on behalf of myself. for others i'll jump in front of the bullet but for me i literally feel like a doormat.

    how do i stop this.

    Tell yourself you're doing it for your partner. According to your profile you have one.

    I had the same problem as you when I was in the Army. I was a tiger for my troops, but a milksop for myself.

    Today I just tell myself I'm doing it for him, and my inner tiger comes out. Yet always, I hope, with grace & manners, but no less firm. Because most times polite manners will get you more than meanness, and a demanding attitude. But always backed up by an implied threat, that the hammer can come down if someone doesn't want to cooperate.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 03, 2014 1:22 PM GMT
    I just realized, "if I don't watch out for myself, who's going to do it"? I have a healthy self concept and when you don't stand up for yourself, at least in my own view, what does it really say about me? It took some effort when I was younger, but I certainly have no problem today, just so long as I don't go overboard.
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    Nov 03, 2014 2:27 PM GMT
    dont just jump in front of a bus to demonstrate being assertive. Define what your needs are. Stick with a slowly evolving picture of what you like & need.
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    Nov 03, 2014 5:19 PM GMT
    bitch_slap_by_kashyacynder-d4moe81.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 03, 2014 5:33 PM GMT
    Sometimes a mental crutch helps change behavior. Start thinking of yourself as in a personal-space bubble. Anything that comes in it, including words, is now on your territory and you have a right to challenge or accept it. You may not care what happens outside the bubble, but inside you do. Thinking of it that way may help you realize you can disagree, or stand up for yourself, or make your thoughts or feelings known, without it being a confrontation. It is simply asserting your right to control what enters your bubble.

    Try it and good luck. Sometimes the "fake it 'till you make it" approach works when trying to change your own behavior.
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:25 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSometimes a mental crutch helps change behavior. Start thinking of yourself as in a personal-space bubble. Anything that come in it, including words, is now on your territory and you have a right to challenge or accept it. You may not care what happens outside the bubble, but inside you do. Thinking of it that way may help you realize you can disagree, or stand up for yourself, or make your thoughts or feelings known, without it being a confrontation. It is simply asserting your right to control what enters your bubble.

    Try it and good luck. Sometimes the "fake it 'till you make it" approach works when trying to change your own behavior.


    THIS.
    YES.
  • Svnw688

    Posts: 3350

    Nov 03, 2014 6:26 PM GMT
    Since you can stand-up for other people, think of protecting yourself as protecting ANOTHER person who needs your help.
  • BIG_N_TALL

    Posts: 2190

    Nov 03, 2014 6:55 PM GMT
    85% body language, 15% words
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    Nov 03, 2014 7:42 PM GMT
    It's simple as long as one makes sure to understand the meaning of Respect
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 03, 2014 7:50 PM GMT
    Learn to say yes and no in certain situations and stand up for what you believe in.

  • Nov 03, 2014 7:56 PM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidi'm not particularly assertive on behalf of myself. for others i'll jump in front of the bullet but for me i literally feel like a doormat.


    how do i stop this.


    Hey Zak! I'm totally hear where you're coming from. I definitely struggle with assertiveness.

    Are there specific people or specific areas of your life where you are more assertive? Specific people or areas where you are the least assertive?

    It's helpful to sometimes take stock of where you might be assertive, where you aren't as much, and what the difference is.

    The fact you're talking about this at all is a sign you're READY to be more assertive. Good for you! I know that in my own life, I am the least assertive with my family. That's something I am working to change. To be present in who I am, communicate in a loving way, while being true to myself. Much love, man. Kudos to you for exploring this in an open way.
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Nov 03, 2014 8:43 PM GMT
    its scary, this idea of being assertive. it comes with a flipside that you are responsible for yourself