I'm not happy about homosexuality....still.

  • Markz0ne45

    Posts: 59

    Nov 03, 2014 5:20 AM GMT
    I figured this would have ended last year, but it didn't. I'm not happy about the fact I committed to my homosexual desires and what's done is done. Nothing to do with religion or some political thing. It's me. I am conflicted with what love is. I love my male friends, often wondered about being with them. But I have that with females, but it seems my sexual fixation is on men. I just feel what I am doing is wrong. I think it's wrong that LGBT is bias with itself and uses the conjecture of societal brainwashing without consent from the person.
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    Nov 03, 2014 5:25 AM GMT
    check_please.jpg
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:02 AM GMT
    Markz0ne45 said... I think it's wrong that LGBT is bias with itself and uses the conjecture of societal brainwashing without consent from the person


    sorry
    you need to re phrase this or something
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:14 AM GMT
    Markz0ne45 saidI figured this would have ended last year, but it didn't. I'm not happy about the fact I committed to my homosexual desires and what's done is done. Nothing to do with religion or some political thing. It's me. I am conflicted with what love is. I love my male friends, often wondered about being with them. But I have that with females, but it seems my sexual fixation is on men. I just feel what I am doing is wrong. I think it's wrong that LGBT is bias with itself and uses the conjecture of societal brainwashing without consent from the person.



    Principles of lust are easy to understand
    Do what you feel, feel until the end.
    Principles of lust are burned in your mind
    Do what you want, do it until you find love.

    Enigma.

    One of my favourite songs because the lyrics are so simple, just feel your way through life and let it lead you to what you love, if you don't like it then don't do it. Just don't beat yourself up over it because its really sad.
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    Nov 03, 2014 7:42 AM GMT
    Hey OP at least you aren't alone.
    I'm sort of in a similar place as you but thank God for my introverted nature and having a very social work environment, it's so easy for me to enjoy going home single and keeping it that way.
    I love having as much time as I can to myself because I don't get it that often especially working six days a week. Thankfully that kind of schedule works out well when you're single haha.
    Not that I'm saying this is the best solution and it depends on the kind of person you are, but for me what's really been working so great is just keeping myself super busy and not just with work but random hobbies you like to do that you try squeeze in here and there.

    By the time my normal routine is done, Sunday's just passed and you do it all over again lol.
    I suppose it works because having so much other things on my mind I never really think about having another person in my life. There's just not going to be any room, but again though my introverted-ness let's me enjoy that.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Nov 03, 2014 7:56 AM GMT
    Markz0ne45 saidI figured this would have ended last year, but it didn't. I'm not happy about the fact I committed to my homosexual desires and what's done is done. Nothing to do with religion or some political thing. It's me. I am conflicted with what love is. I love my male friends, often wondered about being with them. But I have that with females, but it seems my sexual fixation is on men. I just feel what I am doing is wrong. I think it's wrong that LGBT is bias with itself and uses the conjecture of societal brainwashing without consent from the person.


    You'll come across all kinds of LGBTs promoting their own agendas in this world. It is called "the freedom of expression". Like it or not, it is one of basic pillars of both democracy and the freedom we enjoy in some parts of the world.

    Now, YOU are in charge of YOUR life. You make calls for yourself, not the LGBT, Communist Party, GOP or the supremacist group of any kind.

    What you owe to yourself is to grow a pair (pardon my French,if you will), and assume responsibilities for your own actions. You committed yourself to your homosexual desires. As you say, "It is me." Do not drag the others, whoever they may be into this.

    So, you tried, and you are not happy with the results. Redefine what your own happiness is, or try some other avenue of exploration?

    Love is not an entitlement. And many people live and die without ever having experienced it. You do what you can to avoid their fate.

    SC
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    Nov 03, 2014 1:45 PM GMT
    Markz0ne45 saidI figured this would have ended last year, but it didn't. I'm not happy about the fact I committed to my homosexual desires and what's done is done. Nothing to do with religion or some political thing. It's me. I am conflicted with what love is. I love my male friends, often wondered about being with them. But I have that with females, but it seems my sexual fixation is on men. I just feel what I am doing is wrong. I think it's wrong that LGBT is bias with itself and uses the conjecture of societal brainwashing without consent from the person.

    I was confused & conflicted for about the first hour or so, following my shattering realization that I'm gay, when I first came out to myself.

    But then I thought to myself:

    1) I'm still a good guy. I woke up this morning the same good guy I've always been. This doesn't change that at all. It just redefines me.

    2) This answers all the questions I've had about myself, for all my adult life. Now things finally make sense. I hate uncertainness. I prefer to know the truth, whatever it is. The truth is I'm gay, and that explains things for me, something I've been hiding from myself. That's GOOD. Because ignoring & denying it didn't make it go away, it just delayed it.

    And I took it further. I KNOW I'm a good guy. Not perfect, but not evil, either. So that if I'm gay, all these terrible things being preached by others about gays may be wrong. They're certainly wrong about ME. So why not about others? All these awful things I'd been told about gays all my life could be untrue.

    Today I'm happy & proud to be living gay. In a largely gay community that's nicer than anything I've ever previously experienced in my life. I believe we're happiest when we live the way we were born. Straight if you're straight, gay if you're gay. The problem comes when we try to live something we're not, as I did.

    Like it or not, you are what you are. You're better off learning to like it, than fighting it. Cause it ain't gonna change. And frankly, accepting & liking it will make you happier in the long run, because that's how you were built.
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    Nov 03, 2014 2:20 PM GMT
    Markz0ne45 said... I love my male friends, often wondered about being with them. But I have that with females, but it seems my sexual fixation is on men.
    pick a husband or wife, just make the choice that is the most successful. Because any relationship will test your resolve.

    the people who say its right or wrong do not sleep in your bed and you should not let them in.
  • michaelctn

    Posts: 21

    Nov 03, 2014 2:57 PM GMT
    If you are not happy with yourself, you cannot rely on others to be happy with you. You might not notice this yourself as you are (obviously) with yourself all the time, but other people might see your unhappiness. Keeping yourself busy with all sorts of work and activities do not contribute anything to the quality of your life. Make peace with yourself and accept you are unique. You have every right to feel the way you do and live the life you feel comfortable with. If you live like a recluse you are punishing yourself and perhaps that special person 'out there" who would be happy to have you in his life. Being gay today is not a sentence to solitary confinement. Just as there are many different types of heterosexual people with different attitudes, desires and sexual activities, homosexual people are just another realistic part of society and even the Catholic Church accept this fact. Do not try to fix what is not broken. Go meet compatible men, have some fun and settle down with a loving man. The rewards are amazing.
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    Nov 03, 2014 3:16 PM GMT
    Markz0ne45 saidI figured this would have ended last year, but it didn't. I'm not happy about the fact I committed to my homosexual desires and what's done is done. Nothing to do with religion or some political thing. It's me. I am conflicted with what love is. I love my male friends, often wondered about being with them. But I have that with females, but it seems my sexual fixation is on men. I just feel what I am doing is wrong. I think it's wrong that LGBT is bias with itself and uses the conjecture of societal brainwashing without consent from the person.


    If I read through that gobbledygook correctly, I think I got the gist of it so let me explain something to you.

    We usually find that it would defeat the purpose to ask permission before we start our brainwashing, so we've stopped sending out early notification and instead just get right down to it from within the closet where nobody suspects we might be lurking. It's always easier and more effective to change deluded minds when you surprise them with reality. YoUr GaY! SurPRISE!

    But if realizing that you are gay continues to make you uncomfortable, if you think there's something wrong with sucking dick--and you say it's not by politics nor by religion, thereby intimating some other more innate quality--then by all means, as long as it doesn't taste bitter to you or leave an unpleasant aftertaste, you should continue to lick pussy.
    c84717e9aa4db0fe35ae6c9aa8b69516-clam-li
    Hopefully that will make you happy.

    Brainwashing:
    "There exists an obvious fact that seems utterly moral; namely, that a man is always a prey to his truths. Once he has admitted them, he cannot free himself from them."~~Albert Camus

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    Nov 03, 2014 4:12 PM GMT
    #you just need to accept love yourself thread.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Nov 03, 2014 4:14 PM GMT
    Your are not alone. Some guys will make light of your struggle and fail to understand that it is a real struggle which can be very difficult. Unfortunately, there is no quick and simple solution. It may take considerable time for you to work through your feelings and achieve an adequate degree of comfort. That is very common, but in all likelihood, given enough time, your comfort level will improve.

    Until you do work through your feelings and become comfortable with who you are, it would be a good idea to avoid sexual contacts because they could make you feel even more uncomfortable. It could be helpful to have supportive friends with whom you feel comfortable and can be open. If the problem persists, it could be helpful to seek professional help, but you have to be very careful with that because there are still many incompetent and destructive practitioners.

    Good luck, and I hope that before too long, you will feel more comfortable with yourself.
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    Nov 03, 2014 4:15 PM GMT
    Markz0ne45

    I'm not happy about the fact I committed to my homosexual desires and what's done is done.


    StephenOABC

    Did you commit based on a partner?
    Did you commit based on a local community?

    You may have only committed to homosexual desires and not the lifestyle and the whole experience of being partnered with a man.

    There's a big difference between committing to your desires and committing to liking the way someone likes and need you and living with a man seven days a week.


    MarkzOne45:

    I am conflicted with what love is.


    StephenOABC:

    Look at how Venus is operating in your Natal Chart and in your AstroMap / Locational Astrology Map / Astro-Carto-Graphy Map.

    Look at your Chinese Astrology. First, use Chinese Sexual Astrology by Shelly Wu. Then use The New Chinese Astrology by Suzanee White.

    Third, Love is not enough for a relationship.

    Look at how the North Node is functioning in your Natal Chart. This REALLY will put you at ease, give you self-acceptance, and self-confidence.

    MarkzOne45:

    I just feel what I am doing is wrong.

    StephenOABC:

    You should be free to analyze yourself deeper. then, come out again but not just with your sexual desires but holistically on partnering.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 03, 2014 4:22 PM GMT
    It is certainly something we all have to work through on an individual basis, along with a host of other things in our lives. You must be comfortable with who you are.

    I'd continue to try and determine precisely what bothers you and try (through input from others and information) to gain insight in a way you might not have presently. Don't be satisfied with being "uncomfortable". Part of our journey in life is to resolve some of these issues that plague us.
  • LJay

    Posts: 11612

    Nov 03, 2014 4:30 PM GMT
    Make two columns on a legal pad.

    The first one is Those I Love.

    The second is Those I Love and Have Sex With.

    What you seem to be saying is that you are conflicted that column one has both males and females and that the second column has only males. Actually, it is OK. Let it be.

    We have a messed up society that tells us that as adults we may only love those that we have sex with. It just isn't so in practice. You may love anyone. Being gay does not mean that you can only love certain people. It means that you prefer to have certain kinds of relationship with certain kinds of people. Don't let it worry you. It's perfectly normal.

    Look up the Greek words philos, eros and agape. It may help to sort out the different ways that people can "love." English is a bit limited in having only one word for all three.
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    Nov 03, 2014 5:02 PM GMT
    Curious how the same guy who thinks humor = a lack of understanding...

    FRE0 said
    ...Some guys will make light of your struggle and fail to understand that it is a real struggle which can be very difficult...

    ...Until you do work through your feelings and become comfortable with who you are, it would be a good idea to avoid sexual contacts because they could make you feel even more uncomfortable...


    ...is the same guy who nearly let himself get scammed on a telephone call...

    FRE0 said here http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3944171/
    Some people attempted to trick me into withdrawing $2500 from my bank account and wiring it to them.

    I got a 'phone call and the caller wanted me to guess his name. He was very insistent even though I said that I was no good at recognizing voices over the 'phone. When I did guess, he confirmed that it was he. Actually, as it turned out, he would have said that regardless of what name I had guessed...


    When I read that scam thang, I didn't want to come off as insulting so I didn't write anything but my initial reaction was to warn you to get checked for dementia because I couldn't believe that anyone with their wits about them wouldn't have simply hung up immediately.

    I've never read you much but reading this and combining with that it might not be dementia but maybe that you just don't get humor. And I don't mean this as insult either but that might be a tad autistic or autistic-like (I'm not saying that you aren't completely high functioning), just that your brain might not connect easily the humor, connect the white lies, connect the scam. But then that's your perception of those of us who more easily get and thereby do often utilize humor to make our points when you say that humor means a lack of understanding.

    As to that sex advice, though, frankly, yikes. I don't believe that you solve personal problems by introducing fear of yourself.

    If the OP is not being full of shit--which I suspect by that nonpolitical, nonreligious nonsense (but that could simply be that he hasn't yet connected from whence came those thoughts within him)--if this post is real, then he ought to bravely explore himself in whatever relationships he finds appropriate and enjoyable to avail himself opportunity to understand himself. Play safe, don't hurt others, don't hurt yourself.
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    Nov 03, 2014 5:07 PM GMT
    My recommendation would be to define yourself and your life by your own terms, which for me means ignoring 98% of the it-gets-better, gay-activist bullshit. This of course infuriates many of those types, who are quite capable of dramatic hissy fits. Oh well.

    I also think spiritual practices and reading are very important for every individual. The homosexual "community's" hatred of religion cuts off many people from a vital tool that helps one transcend the seeming meaninglessness of life.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Nov 03, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    theantijock saidCurious how the same guy who thinks humor = a lack of understanding...

    FRE0 said
    ...Some guys will make light of your struggle and fail to understand that it is a real struggle which can be very difficult...

    ...Until you do work through your feelings and become comfortable with who you are, it would be a good idea to avoid sexual contacts because they could make you feel even more uncomfortable...


    ...is the same guy who nearly let himself get scammed on a telephone call...

    FRE0 said here http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3944171/
    Some people attempted to trick me into withdrawing $2500 from my bank account and wiring it to them.

    I got a 'phone call and the caller wanted me to guess his name. He was very insistent even though I said that I was no good at recognizing voices over the 'phone. When I did guess, he confirmed that it was he. Actually, as it turned out, he would have said that regardless of what name I had guessed...


    When I read that scam thang, I didn't want to come off as insulting so I didn't write anything but my initial reaction was to warn you to get checked for dementia because I couldn't believe that anyone with their wits about them wouldn't have simply hung up immediately.

    I've never read you much but reading this and combining with that it might not be dementia but maybe that you just don't get humor. And I don't mean this as insult either but that might be a tad autistic or autistic-like (I'm not saying that you aren't completely high functioning), just that your brain might not connect easily the humor, connect the white lies, connect the scam. But then that's your perception of those of us who more easily get and thereby do often utilize humor to make our points when you say that humor means a lack of understanding.

    As to that sex advice, though, frankly, yikes. I don't believe that you solve personal problems by introducing fear of yourself.

    If the OP is not being full of shit--which I suspect by that nonpolitical, nonreligious nonsense (but that could simply be that he hasn't yet connected from whence came those thoughts within him)--if this post is real, then he ought to bravely explore himself in whatever relationships he finds appropriate and enjoyable to avail himself opportunity to understand himself. Play safe, don't hurt others, don't hurt yourself.


    An interesting post coming from someone who is hidden or deleted.
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    Nov 03, 2014 5:41 PM GMT
    sf swimmer, It might help the OP if you explained what you mean by " the it-gets-better, gay-activist bullshit."

    Otherwise I agree with sf swimmer's point of BE YOURSELF and find your own way of being.

    Don't let either your allies or your enemies define you.

    You don't have to be like other gays you've met. You shouldn't be like any other gay you've met. BE YOURSELF.


    If celibacy feels right for you at this time, follow your feelings.
    Just don't carry celibacy around like a cross.

    When you meet someone who excites you sexually(maybe even excites you to love)...you'll know when to let go of anxieties about sex.
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:19 PM GMT
    I'm sure there was a point in there somewhere. I just don't have the energy to try and distill it from what you actually wound up saying.

    Of course you have a sense of awkwardness about being gay. The entire world is designed for straight people, so in a way you're going to feel deviant and strange for what you do. It'll be okay.
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:46 PM GMT
    Markz0ne45 saidI figured this would have ended last year, but it didn't. I'm not happy about the fact I committed to my homosexual desires and what's done is done. What does that mean? What's done maybe done, but it doesn't have to dictate your future. If acting on your sexual orientation isn't to your liking then don't do it. There are many people, straight and gay who abstain from sexual activity. It's your life; do what makes YOU comfortable.Nothing to do with religion or some political thing. It's me. I am conflicted with what love is. There are as many definitions of love as there have been people in love. Just remember love DOES NOT equal sex and vice versa. If you don't know what love (I assume you mean romantic love) is then I'd say it is safe to say you have never been in love. You WILL know it when it happens to you. Real love is sacrificial.I love my male friends, often wondered about being with them. But I have that with females, but it seems my sexual fixation is on men. Yep, you're gay. I just feel what I am doing is wrong. I had the same feelings myself at your age. I would venture to say most people who experience sex for the first time feel they have done something wrong and shameful. With straight people that feeling rapidly subsides because it is the norm for a much larger segment of the population and is considered normal by society at large. It takes us gays longer to accept because it isn't the norm (just speaking in terms of overall numbers). In time you will come to see that it is perfectly normal for you. I think it's wrong that LGBT is bias with itself and uses the conjecture of societal brainwashing without consent from the person. But we are all brainwashed to some degree in that we are steeped in a culture where we aren't well represented by straight or gay society. If you grow up not knowing any other gay people or see any other gay people in the media other than ridiculous stereotypes that are palatable to the larger straight culture, or hear your family and friends or comics make fun of gay people, you grow up thinking there is something wrong with you and not valued very much by society at large.
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:48 PM GMT
    FRE0 saidAn interesting post coming from someone who is hidden or deleted.


    Hopefully I'm not being too thin skinned but I seem to detect a note of prejudice against the invisibility of my skin. I can't help it if you don't like my skin tone. I was born this way. You should be ashamed of yourself.
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    Nov 03, 2014 6:58 PM GMT
    OP - At 21, you have a lot of years ahead of you. Be unhappy for the rest of your life, or learn to love yourself. See a therapist - They exist for people with your problems.
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    Nov 03, 2014 9:04 PM GMT
    Determinate saidsf swimmer, It might help the OP if you explained what you mean by " the it-gets-better, gay-activist bullshit."

    Otherwise I agree with sf swimmer's point of BE YOURSELF and find your own way of being.

    Don't let either your allies or your enemies define you.

    You don't have to be like other gays you've met. You shouldn't be like any other gay you've met. BE YOURSELF.


    If celibacy feels right for you at this time, follow your feelings.
    Just don't carry celibacy around like a cross.

    When you meet someone who excites you sexually(maybe even excites you to love)...you'll know when to let go of anxieties about sex.


    I meant that the "it gets better" campaign is misleading because it primarily features celebrities rather than everyday people, who face many more real-world challenges and then wonder why it doesn't get all that much better (unless of course you're truly being harassed and threatened).

    By "gay-activist bullshit" I meant the constant pressure we receive to conform to the "community's" views, beliefs, and ideals. I value independence of thought and reject the idea that you have to fall in line with the gay activists--of course there is a price to be paid for such independence, but for me it's well worth it.
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    Nov 03, 2014 9:09 PM GMT
    HikerSkier saidOP - At 21, you have a lot of years ahead of you. Be unhappy for the rest of your life, or learn to love yourself. See a therapist - They exist for people with your problems.


    Change happens. I had no desire to pair bond at 21 either. Being a loner seemed cool and aloof .But hormonal changes occur at mid twenties. Very,very single guys will buy dogs. Social guys will partner up. Women have a time bomb that goes off where they will marry anything just to have a kid. Enjoy each phase of your life , you will have many.