Dating several guys at once

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2014 8:20 AM GMT
    What's your view on this?

    I'm keeping my options open for now and just seeing what's out there, but I have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me. The second guy only met me once and now sends me messages saying he's hooked on me. Another dude is dedicating songs to me on Facebook...

    Screwed this up, and scared of hurting someone. Sigh!
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 04, 2014 8:45 AM GMT
    Dating as in dinner and a movie or dating as in sex?

    In love with you or your body?

    If dating means sex, well its most likely your body they are 'in love' with and then its not so much love but lust....

    I fail to see how a person can be in love with you without getting to know something about you. Strong attraction is one thing, being willing to dedicate ones heart is another.

    When I met #3 I was seeing (going to movies, went to the park, had a couple meals, no sex) a guy. I dated both for a couple/three times over about two weeks, by then had a clearer idea of who was more compatible and made a choice of who I would pursue more dates and get to know better.

    Mind I did make certain it was understood there was no expectations that I was dedicated to either one.

    Yes its a risk that you will 'choose wrong'. Life comes with risks. However after three dates (dinner and movie type dates) and real conversations (sorry text messages don't count) you should have an idea of who is more compatible.

    It would be wisest if you make certain all parties involved understand there are no promises here. It may not go over well if you tell them point blank 'I'm dating other guys to compare you to the other product'.

    While most people have an idea that that is happening, no one likes to be told its happening.





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    Nov 04, 2014 9:12 AM GMT
    You seem to be caught up in the game of lurve hahah when played right it can be fun for all parties but it seems like you can fly the plane but don't know how to land it.

    I've done the same thing back in my rookie days and dint have the intention to hurt people which is why now days I'm very transparent with what I want because I know what I don't want which is the feeling of being caught out on lies or whatever decietful shortcoming await me.
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    Nov 04, 2014 10:12 AM GMT
    Based on what happens when this scenario crops up on TV, I would say you are probably going to get some drinks chucked in your face icon_razz.gif
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    Nov 04, 2014 11:16 AM GMT
    Guy number 1 is very sensitive and cried when we had a little misunderstand about something. I'm definitely expecting drinks in the face there icon_eek.gif

    Guy number 2 seems eager to get me to stay over with him, which we all know only means one thing. I think Bowyn_Aerrow summed this one up

    Guy number 3 I'm undecided about...

    Argh
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 04, 2014 11:20 AM GMT
    Jms31 saidGuy number 1 is very sensitive and cried when we had a little misunderstand about something. I'm definitely expecting drinks in the face there icon_eek.gif

    Guy number 2 seems eager to get me to stay over with him, which we all know only means one thing. I think Bowyn_Aerrow summed this one up

    Guy number 3 I'm undecided about...

    Argh


    Oh? So little about guy #3.... Curiosity killed the cat - do tell us more!

    Honestly if you are looking for a relationship 1 and 2 don't sound promising. Unless you are into sensitive guys....

    I do wish you luck on this.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2014 11:48 AM GMT
    I would never date several guys at the same time.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 04, 2014 12:46 PM GMT
    I don't think going out with several guys on a "first date" over the course of a week or two is an issue. I've done it.

    Dating (on a repeat basis) several guys at once can be interesting, it can also bring about issues. I'm not really giving my opinion on doing it so long as one is honest with each guy about the approach taken. I think I'd prefer to stick with one guy and avoid potential issues.
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    Nov 04, 2014 1:20 PM GMT
    Now that's the problem I'll never get to experience even if I wanted to. icon_sad.gif

    Would you be OK if the guys you're dating are also dating other guys too? If you're not OK with it, then you shouldn't do it either.
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    Nov 04, 2014 1:26 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidWhat's your view on this?

    I'm keeping my options open for now and just seeing what's out there, but I have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me. The second guy only met me once and now sends me messages saying he's hooked on me. Another dude is dedicating songs to me on Facebook...

    Screwed this up, and scared of hurting someone. Sigh!



    It sounds like you're attracting basket cases. Dating several people at once is the most emotional healthy thing to do because it allows you to get to know people before getting too serious. When guys act clingy like that, ditch them fast and hard. I went out with a guy last month who had the nerve to ask me if I was going to "keep my options open" after the second date. Then another guy announced to me he had decided not to see anyone else, which put a tremendous amount of pressure on me so I backed out of that one too.
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    Nov 04, 2014 7:58 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidI have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me.

    Compared to the pre-AIDS days, young guys today think they're in love when all it is is that the sex is ok and they get along with the other guy. Guys today are so brainwashed thinking that by not having a boyfriend they're losing out that they change them like they change their underwear, simply waiting for something apparently better to come along.

    Keep that in mind when a guy says he loves you.
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    Nov 04, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    Lumpyoatmeal said
    Jms31 saidI have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me.

    Compared to the pre-AIDS days, young guys today think they're in love when all it is is that the sex is ok and they get along with the other guy. Guys today are so brainwashed thinking that by not having a boyfriend they're losing out that they change them like they change their underwear, simply waiting for something apparently better to come along.

    Keep that in mind when a guy says he loves you.

    I don't know if every guy is like that, but yeah guys who seem very clingy just after a date aren't a good long term prospect.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 04, 2014 8:46 PM GMT
    Jms31 saidWhat's your view on this?

    I'm keeping my options open for now and just seeing what's out there, but I have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me.

    What's my view on this? Not a great plan. I would say, try one at a time. You're in Birmingham, you say, where there are a few more potential gay sex partners than say, Tewkesbury. If one of them doesn't work out, no need to worry - there are lots more out there. You won't have lost one by not grabbing them right away. You're a hot guy - there are lots of guys that would bed you, if you are into hooking up. You could have a different one every night if that's what you wanted. If you are really "dating," that is, getting to know someone by spending time with him because you already have some interest in him, what do you gain by dating more than one guy at a time - (at least if you have gotten to the 2nd and 3rd "dates" with some guy)? If anyone falls in love with you after the first date - sorry, that only happens in the movies - or in high school. In real life it is called "infatuation." Sounds like these guys are needy or too immature for a relationship.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 04, 2014 9:07 PM GMT
    As long as you are up front with what's going on I don't see the problem. If you make it clear that you are taking things slow and not making commitments and one of them still gets hurts and stews in that pain it's not your problem. If anything its a sign they are bad communicators.

    From my experience with gay men that is the problem. We aren't up front and lead people on trying to cover all of our bases. Yeah I'm bitter.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 04, 2014 9:12 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    Jms31 saidWhat's your view on this?

    I'm keeping my options open for now and just seeing what's out there, but I have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me. The second guy only met me once and now sends me messages saying he's hooked on me. Another dude is dedicating songs to me on Facebook...

    Screwed this up, and scared of hurting someone. Sigh!



    It sounds like you're attracting basket cases. Dating several people at once is the most emotional healthy thing to do because it allows you to get to know people before getting too serious. When guys act clingy like that, ditch them fast and hard. I went out with a guy last month who had the nerve to ask me if I was going to "keep my options open" after the second date. Then another guy announced to me he had decided not to see anyone else, which put a tremendous amount of pressure on me so I backed out of that one too.


    I think you were premature with both but I don't have the context, emotions, fail expressions to go with those statements so I could be wrong. The first guy could have been clumsily asking about your views on monogamy since so many gay men believe open relationships are the best way to go. The second could have been giving you a compliment.
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    Nov 04, 2014 9:42 PM GMT
    muscleboundfem said
    Scruffypup said
    Jms31 saidWhat's your view on this?

    I'm keeping my options open for now and just seeing what's out there, but I have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me. The second guy only met me once and now sends me messages saying he's hooked on me. Another dude is dedicating songs to me on Facebook...

    Screwed this up, and scared of hurting someone. Sigh!



    It sounds like you're attracting basket cases. Dating several people at once is the most emotional healthy thing to do because it allows you to get to know people before getting too serious. When guys act clingy like that, ditch them fast and hard. I went out with a guy last month who had the nerve to ask me if I was going to "keep my options open" after the second date. Then another guy announced to me he had decided not to see anyone else, which put a tremendous amount of pressure on me so I backed out of that one too.


    I think you were premature with both but I don't have the context, emotions, fail expressions to go with those statements so I could be wrong. The first guy could have been clumsily asking about your views on monogamy since so many gay men believe open relationships are the best way to go. The second could have been giving you a compliment.



    Compliment or not, I think it's insane to commit yourself to someone you've only been on a couple of dates with. It screams clinginess and insecurity.
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    Nov 04, 2014 10:31 PM GMT
    If someone has only met you once and says they're hooked on you, they have some issues.

    That being said, I'm not a fan of dating multiple guys at once. After the first couple dates I know whether I like a guy enough to keep pursuing and at that point I'd like to know I'm the only one he's pursuing.

    I'm actually in this position right now where I have one main guy that I've had like seven dates with over the past month and a half and would like to be exclusive or even boyfriends with him... but he's still on grindr constantly. I finally got the guts and said "I've stopped seeing the other guys I've been seeing, what do you think about that" and all he said "I haven't met anyone since you, but I still check my grindr messages time to time"... not sure what that's supposed to mean, so I'm going to ask him about it on our next date (tomorrow).
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    Nov 04, 2014 10:39 PM GMT
    Why date multiple guys at once? Do you really need that much time to decide if someone is worth investing?

    If I'm not that into a certain guy, I won't treat him as a date and won't give him false hopes. I'll treat him as a friend. "Let's hang out, I'll show you my friends, etc"
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    Nov 04, 2014 10:44 PM GMT
    As long as You don't lead anyone to believe that they are " the only one" I see no problem.

    Whenever I am single I tend to date several Guys at once.

    Eventually it comes down to just one....
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    Nov 05, 2014 6:19 PM GMT
    I see no problem with it as long it is clear to all parties that you are a free agent.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 05, 2014 6:29 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    muscleboundfem said
    Scruffypup said
    Jms31 saidWhat's your view on this?

    I'm keeping my options open for now and just seeing what's out there, but I have this dilemma where three people seem to be madly in love with me. The second guy only met me once and now sends me messages saying he's hooked on me. Another dude is dedicating songs to me on Facebook...

    Screwed this up, and scared of hurting someone. Sigh!



    It sounds like you're attracting basket cases. Dating several people at once is the most emotional healthy thing to do because it allows you to get to know people before getting too serious. When guys act clingy like that, ditch them fast and hard. I went out with a guy last month who had the nerve to ask me if I was going to "keep my options open" after the second date. Then another guy announced to me he had decided not to see anyone else, which put a tremendous amount of pressure on me so I backed out of that one too.


    I think you were premature with both but I don't have the context, emotions, fail expressions to go with those statements so I could be wrong. The first guy could have been clumsily asking about your views on monogamy since so many gay men believe open relationships are the best way to go. The second could have been giving you a compliment.



    Compliment or not, I think it's insane to commit yourself to someone you've only been on a couple of dates with. It screams clinginess and insecurity.


    My point is he might not have been committing himself to you. They might have been bad prospects who he was going to let go of anyway. I'm with you on the clingyness thing. I hate clingy dudes. I guess I take it a little personal because dudes often tell me I come off as clingy at first. I laugh internally because while I'm very affectionate I require a fair amount of personal space. The last thing I want is a guy whose life revolves around me. That's some, killed in a fit of passion shit.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 7:00 PM GMT
    I won't lead a guy on if I'm not interested. It's fine to date several people. However, it takes a special guy and a great connection to have sexual chemistry and having intense feelings. If you have none of those, they're just friends. I'm good at reading people. I want both the physical attraction, hot sex and the emotional connection.
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    Nov 05, 2014 7:48 PM GMT
    Sounds like none of them is quite your cup of tea. Otherwise you'd have known what to do. Start dating someone else icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 05, 2014 7:52 PM GMT
    I think dating is the wrong term to use . Dating represents 2 people that are together . I think you are just seeing what's out there.
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    Nov 05, 2014 8:52 PM GMT
    I've gone out on first dates with multiple guys within a week, and I don't see anything wrong with it. But, don't bite off more then you can chew, also when guys start to get interested but you don't know how you feel yet, can be a sticky situation.