It Gets Better, Unless You’re Fat

  • metta

    Posts: 39167

    Nov 05, 2014 7:05 AM GMT
    It Gets Better, Unless You’re Fat


    http://www.buzzfeed.com/louispeitzman/it-gets-better-unless-youre-fat
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Nov 05, 2014 7:12 AM GMT
    The writer could spend more time in the gym and less complaining. So tired oh hearing stuff like this, if you can change something than do it!icon_idea.gif
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 05, 2014 7:25 AM GMT
    Justine Zwiebel/BuzzFeed"But adulthood should be about repairing those wounds and learning to love myself as I am. Instead, I’m surrounded by people who, despite having faced the same oppression I have as gay men, largely refuse to embrace me at my current size."


    Then surround yourself with people who don't care.

    Yes its true, gays are the most bigoted, hate-filled petty group one can hope to meet who by all rights should know better because of how much they are hated... However they are human first and foremost.

    Justine appears to not understand yet that loving oneself is not something that happens from without it happens from within. As gays we all had to struggle with accepting self at some time in our lives.

    I think for Justine, his main problem is he did come out in a liberal, tolerant place and didn't have to deal with the horror of rejection like so many gays who were kicked out of home, disowned, lost people they thought were good friends. What did we who faced that rejection do? We walked away and surrounded us with more tolerant individuals, people who cared about us enough to accept us as we are.

    While I feel for him and I get the real wrongness of the shallowness and loathing that so many gays have for fat people, the truth is that not all gay men are shallow or hate fat men. A lot of us are out here who are accepting, hell even want to date and be in a relationship with a fat guy. Be it a bear, chub, whatever label you want to throw on it. There is a whole spectrum of gay subgroups that are specifically about guys wanted big guys.

    Justine and others like him need to find that crowd that will accept them for them and not put importance on the weight.




  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 10:03 AM GMT
    The writer is lucky that being fat is his issue, which is something he can fix by going to gym.
    There are things which will make you unattractive for a large group of gays, and sadly, you can't even do anything about it.
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    Nov 05, 2014 10:19 AM GMT
    He would have to be pretty fat for that to be a bigger issue than his self-pitying moaning.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 05, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    Sad, but true. I like what was said above that "fat" can be reduced in many cases due to good health and exercise, some issues can't be "fixed".

    My opinion is somewhat one dimensional since I've never been fat and the time I've been out, I have had a reasonable body. I don't know what it's like to be overweight with genetics that are against a sleek and toned body.

    I just know I'd want to be the best I can be.
  • BAHBAA

    Posts: 122

    Nov 05, 2014 2:02 PM GMT
    On one hand I certainly don't think we should treat fat people like garbage but I have trouble finding sympathy for the author. Fat doesn't just happen over night, you don't just wake up one day 20, 30, 40 lbs overweight. Being fat is the consequence of not taking responsibility for your own well being.

    Yes some people are genetically predisposed to gaining weight but all that means is you have to make choices to overcome that.

    I strongly feel that the real underlying problem isn't that "society needs to accept fatness" its that we tiptoe around the issue. As a young kid I had a little more than a chubby stage, I wasn't athletic and overeating. My mother sat me down and said "you're going to be big as a house" i'll never forget it. It scared the shit out of me and I could not be more grateful. I got a treadmill and george foreman grill for my 11th birthday. Diet and exercise have been a part of my life since.
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    Nov 05, 2014 2:21 PM GMT
    I understand where the author is coming from. On the bright side many people in the lgbt have some sort of baggage to deal with. Body image could be a big deal and it goes beyond looking fit. Some people are afraid of being perceived as weak because they're gay so the muscle is like an armor for them. Some people deal with rejections for not being the right race.it goes on and on. Best one can do is to take their cards and make the best hand they could
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 3:10 PM GMT
    All I got from the article was a bunch of crying...
    While I agree...if you're hot you can pretty much say the sky is purple and people will agree with you vs being fat or "ugly" everyone will fight you and attact where you went to school. (Don't believe me..read through some of the posts on this site...you'll see)

    At the end of the day if you're unhappy with yourself..creat goals to fix it. I was heavy growing up...u had man boobs that the kids and my brother called torpedo titties.. I hunched over so they wouldnt stick out...I always wore a shirt in the pool and really lacked self confidence... After entering gay dating world I realized that if you dont have a six pack in a cooler...you're screwed ..
    So I joined a gym... Looked at my diet and did something about it..
    I found out I enjoy going to the gym for me...not to impress guys...my self confidence increase and Iam genuinely happy..

    What I didn't do was make a blog and cry about it.
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    Nov 05, 2014 3:27 PM GMT
    The other thing I noticed is how much we as gays put ourselves "out there"

    What I mean is this:
    When I was 23 I joined my first online gay dating/hookup site..it was manhunt... Back then there really wasn't a whole lot of online dating sites... There certainly wasn't all the damn apps like grindr, scruff, growlr, etc. like today.

    You pretty much met local dudes... But once the apps took off I found that I ended up having like 6 dating apps tied to my phone... I started meeting dudes all over, and who the hell knows if they're even real or not.
    Rejection increased.. it can be beyond frustrating being on those apps.. and getting rejected multiple times at the same time.. or meeting your ideal dream guy but they live on the other side of the country... Local dudes dont want you cause theyre busy getting attention from that guy that lives in FTL or LA.. I've even seen heavy dudes become very picky and not want anything to do with other heavy dudes.

    It gets to you and one needs to know when to call it quits, and break from it.

  • jaroslav123

    Posts: 600

    Nov 05, 2014 3:39 PM GMT
    On a sidenote, the "It Gets Better" campaign is just self-deluded pandering. It's a "campaign" (intentional bitter quotation marks there) which allows high-profile public-figures to do as little as possible but somehow look like they've worked hard for the cause of LGBT-liberation.

    Quite simply a series of campaign videos of celebrities saying simpering cliches to camera for a few minutes then fucking off.

    It doesn't answer the needed questions to those people who it actively lies to: let's be blunt, sometimes it doesn't "get better". Sometimes it gets worse.

    I've always felt that the campaign was based on this creepy, sentimental, wishy-washy, patronising lie.
  • Zinc

    Posts: 197

    Nov 05, 2014 3:44 PM GMT
    "There is a widely held understanding that being gay means maintaining a certain standard of physical beauty, with very little room for deviation from the norm."

    -We could probably introspect a little bit about this as a group.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 5:10 PM GMT
    I don't understand why there's this whole movement in the media about being okay with being fat because it's who you are and no one can change it. If you want to be fat, that's fine it's your choice, but it's unhealthy. No one was born with a gene that made them fat for their whole lives. Some people carry more than others but people should not be comfortable being plus sized. I'm not saying everyone has to be built like a model, but people she mind what they eat and should excersize regularly.
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    Nov 05, 2014 5:20 PM GMT
    Great article. I always thought I was irresponsible to sell the notion that once they came out it would make the fight to love themselves any easier for femme kids fat kids and non white kids. In many ways I think being gay as a kid is what made me tough enough to interact with gays as an adult.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 05, 2014 5:24 PM GMT
    jaroslav123 saidOn a sidenote, the "It Gets Better" campaign is just self-deluded pandering. It's a "campaign" (intentional bitter quotation marks there) which allows high-profile public-figures to do as little as possible but somehow look like they've worked hard for the cause of LGBT-liberation.

    Quite simply a series of campaign videos of celebrities saying simpering cliches to camera for a few minutes then fucking off.

    It doesn't answer the needed questions to those people who it actively lies to: let's be blunt, sometimes it doesn't "get better". Sometimes it gets worse.

    I've always felt that the campaign was based on this creepy, sentimental, wishy-washy, patronising lie.

    It was started to prevent gay teen suicides. I'd be curious to know if the suicide rate has changed.... Being gay certainly has gotten better over the years for me personally. Years ago, being gay used to be like this terrible curse, and now it's accepted by most people I come into contact with.

    However, I'm not the target audience of the campaign. I'm an adult and I recently married my husband legally, so I might be biased.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 6:01 PM GMT
    He says he's been out for over a decade. Wait until he's old, fat, and gay! Then he's really going to have one Hellava Pity Party. A decade is more than enough time to do something about something you can do something about! For some people it's just easier to complain than to do the hard work.

    No sympathy here.

    The whole gay culture isn't going to change for one segment of society much less one individual.

    One thing that has always amazed me about fatties is how they will shun other fatties as potential mates/dates. They will often want to date hot, athletic guys and wonder why they are constantly rejected!

    Sorry, but I dont want to date a fatty. More often than not their poor eating habits will become my eating habits.

    Also, if you have been in a constant life long battle with your weight you may want to consider counseling to determine what's behind your love affair/obsession with food. Often times fat becomes a layer of psychological protection.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 6:01 PM GMT
    But why do gay dudes assume that body image and getting laid is all what being gay is about?
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 05, 2014 6:16 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidThe writer could spend more time in the gym and less complaining. So tired oh hearing stuff like this, if you can change something than do it!icon_idea.gif


    Comments like your are the real problem. The author is simply asking to be treated with a basic amount of respect. An amount of respect we often deny overweight people because we feel they don't deserve it. The more weight I loose the more I support the fat acceptance movement. Its not because I want people to be fat. I see it as unhealthy. However I truly believe that obsessing over weight causes many people to stay overweight. Loosing weight just to be respected does not promote a healthy mind. A healthy mind is key to keeping the weight off. Loosing weight because you have developed a healthy mind is a much better solution. Treating others with respect fosters that healthy mindset.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 05, 2014 6:17 PM GMT
    __morphic__ saidThe writer is lucky that being fat is his issue, which is something he can fix by going to gym.
    There are things which will make you unattractive for a large group of gays, and sadly, you can't even do anything about it.


    This is the gay community. Having a hot body will negate most negative traits.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 05, 2014 6:18 PM GMT
    kxd7 saidBut why do gay dudes assume that body image and getting laid is all what being gay is about?


    For many it is. There are gay men who do not believe that two men can love each other the same way a man and a woman can love each other.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 7:24 PM GMT
    jaroslav123 saidOn a sidenote, the "It Gets Better" campaign is just self-deluded pandering. It's a "campaign" (intentional bitter quotation marks there) which allows high-profile public-figures to do as little as possible but somehow look like they've worked hard for the cause of LGBT-liberation.

    Quite simply a series of campaign videos of celebrities saying simpering cliches to camera for a few minutes then fucking off.

    It doesn't answer the needed questions to those people who it actively lies to: let's be blunt, sometimes it doesn't "get better". Sometimes it gets worse.

    I've always felt that the campaign was based on this creepy, sentimental, wishy-washy, patronising lie.


    You nailed it. I always thought they should follow "it gets better" with "but not that much."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 7:26 PM GMT
    muscleboundfem said
    __morphic__ saidThe writer is lucky that being fat is his issue, which is something he can fix by going to gym.
    There are things which will make you unattractive for a large group of gays, and sadly, you can't even do anything about it.


    This is the gay community. Having a hot body will negate most negative traits.

    Nope. It doesn't work that way.
    "No fat, fems, asians, blacks"
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 7:33 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer said
    jaroslav123 saidOn a sidenote, the "It Gets Better" campaign is just self-deluded pandering. It's a "campaign" (intentional bitter quotation marks there) which allows high-profile public-figures to do as little as possible but somehow look like they've worked hard for the cause of LGBT-liberation.

    Quite simply a series of campaign videos of celebrities saying simpering cliches to camera for a few minutes then fucking off.

    It doesn't answer the needed questions to those people who it actively lies to: let's be blunt, sometimes it doesn't "get better". Sometimes it gets worse.

    I've always felt that the campaign was based on this creepy, sentimental, wishy-washy, patronising lie.


    You nailed it. I always thought they should follow "it gets better" with "but not that much."



    It Gets Better =/= It Gets Perfect. Do you 2 idiots even read or use common sense?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 05, 2014 7:58 PM GMT
    straights frequently don't treat fat people very well either. it's a problem that doesn't have anything to do with gayness.

    and though it might be worse in certain (especially sexualized) segments of our community, there are usually corresponding ones in straight-land.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 05, 2014 8:17 PM GMT
    I know fat people. Some of my best friends are fat. I live in the South. It is totally their choice. They choose food for entertainment over physical health. I'm sure one in a million has a medical reason for their fat but the rest simply like to eat and don't care. Enough. Plus they generally are surrounded by other fat people which reduces the attention they draw because they're fat.

    Now I don't care if they want to be fat, it's their body (except for the insurance expense I partially cover). But I have no patience for the whining about how mean society is to them because of it.