ChaserBut I imagine nobody told him that at 360 lbs. he wasn't allowed to have what he wanted. That's what I was told. Such messages really stay with you.
That's the problem - this is strictly your imagination. You have no idea what this guy went through, what he was told, what trauma he endured. You seem to be locked into this idea that because you went through early childhood trauma, you're unable to have the life you want - and you have not yet understood that just about everyone has a sob story. If I lived by how my mother raised me, and the messages she told me (both explicitly and implicitly) about my worth, my life would look very different right now. When I tell close friends about some of what I have gone through with my mother - the kinds of things she has done and said - they are shocked, angry on my behalf and usually describe her as "crazy." This has not stopped me from creating the life I want for myself. It has been incredibly hard work undoing the messages she imprinted in me - to this day, it can be a daily struggle - but it is worth it.
Chaser, at some point you need to stop going out of your way to isolate yourself. From your posts, I imagine you look at people that seem to have it all or seem to be happy and think, "Well, they didn't have a mother who..." One step you can take is to stop
thinking that! You would be amazed by the things people have survived, the lives they have created in spite of it all. Your story is not much worse than a vast majority of the world. You are not alone in your suffering. And as long as you continue to view yourself as alone, you will remain stuck. I think a great step for you would be group therapy since it will connect with you others and also make you more accountable for the ways you isolate yourself.
Now imagine this: there are people who have not only gone through worse than you and not only moved past their pain to become happier people - but have also forgiven their parents! And, even more, have come to accept those early traumas as defining life experiences that made them who they are today! And acknowledge the gifts of their pain! Quite a different story than the constant suffering, eh?