I am totally with you here. But I have learned that time heals all and you HAVE TO surround yourself with good people, even if they're friends in successful relationships, because that sets an example and gives one hope.
I have enjoyed my single life after my last long relationship. It has proven that I am content being alone and independent; I don't NEED a relationship.
Ever since I have started dating again, the experiences have been mostly good, until now, having a met a swell guy who gives me butterflies.
What you have to remember is that, even though someone hurts you, you have to be happy by yourself and know that going back to being single is a GOOD thing. I know, it does not take away the hurt. But if someone cheats on you that is THEIR problem. makes THEM less of a person, not you. Just DO NOT get back by doing anything similar. You just stoop to their level and it sticks for life (so I have been told).
We all have crazy thoughts at time, the only problem is, not everyone talks about it. Gay men, some, walk around like everything is hunky-dory, giving the impression that it might just be you with paranoid thoughts.
You CANNOT control what the other person does. You have to make peace with that. You can only control the things YOU do, and thus, be the best person you can be.
Trust is a delicate thing, and you will meet guys who think along the lines you do.
I always have believed that it's the small things that he does to you that are signs. Does he touch you a lot; kiss you; have that look in his eyes when he looks at you? Those are all signs that things are just fine. When he starts becoming distant, making excuses to spend less time with you, those are red flags=>>RUN!!
Sure every relationship has its ups and downs, and I am not saying give up easily. But if he does not make an equal effort, leave. Make it easy for yourself, for in your darkest hour, you only have yourself to trust and be accountable to.
Phew, I am pooped. Time for some Muscle Milk.