Why do guys only want to date confident guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 06, 2014 10:56 PM GMT
    What's so special about confidence anyways?

    Are there no guys who like guys with low self esteem/confidence? (or maybe even prefer guys with low self esteem?)
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 06, 2014 10:57 PM GMT
    Sadists like guys with low self esteem..icon_neutral.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 06, 2014 11:04 PM GMT
    I would date a guy with low confidence (if I were single) so long as he's wrong about himself. I expect my guy to bring something interesting to the relationship and I want to learn and grow by being in his presence. And I wouldn't want a dominate/submissive relationship. A good guy who's honestly modest isn't a turn-off at all. Can be charming and sweet.
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    Nov 06, 2014 11:26 PM GMT
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  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 06, 2014 11:57 PM GMT
    DannyW saidWhat's so special about confidence anyways?

    Are there no guys who like guys with low self esteem/confidence? (or maybe even prefer guys with low self esteem?)



    Well you see falls under the same category as most gay guys flat refuse to get involved with gay men who have 'issues', even though a full third of LGBT have 'issues'. And the majority of others have greater risks for many other things.

    Pro-tip: those ads where they say 'No Drama' translates to 'no-issues'



    lifesitenews"The life expectancy for gay and bisexual men is 20 years less than the average Canadian man;
    GLB people commit suicide at rates ranging from twice as often to almost 14 times more than the general population;
    GLBs have smoking rates ranging from 1.3 to three times higher than average;
    GLBs become alcoholics at a rate 1.4 to seven times higher than the general population;
    GLBs use illicit drugs at a rate from 1.6 to 19 times higher than other Canadians;
    GLBs experience depression at rates ranging from 1.8 to three times higher than average;
    Homosexual men comprise 76% of AIDS cases and 45% of all new HIV infections;
    GLB populations are at a higher risk of lung and liver cancer;
    Homosexual and bisexual men suffer a higher rate of anal cancer than heterosexual men;
    Lesbians report a higher rate of breast cancer;
    GLBs experience verbal and physical abuse at a greater rate than most Canadians."


    I suspect the real issue is that most of us have issues and can't handle that fact thus project this sense of 'I's better than you's' and make unrealistic demands.

    Due to how we are treated for being gay, most of us lack confidence to one level or another and have some form of 'self esteem' issue. You can only be told you are a perv, sicko, going to hell a few times before it starts taking its toll.

    Pro-tip: Every time someone uses 'gay' as a negative such as 'that shirt is so gay' is telling you that YOU are bad.

    The other side of this coin is many gay men are looking for a partner who will 'fix' them. It is assumed that someone with low self esteem/confidence is unable to make another person happy, content and actually assist others.

    Which is actually quite contrary as many people who do have low self esteem tend to be more compassionate/empathic and try to help others.

    There are other forces at work, these are just the largest ones.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 07, 2014 1:08 AM GMT
    Pazzy,

    It gets complicated, because for a good chunk of those who do that sort of thing its all about defense mechanisms.

    Men have it harder because of all of the things men are 'supposed' to be. Big boys don't cry, men ain't supposed to fear, if you dare have more emotions other than laughter and anger suddenly you're a sissy.

    Being human is just plain hard.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2014 8:08 AM GMT
    Ugh, couldn't date another guy with confidence issues. They need constant reassurance and validation. It doesn't scream long term material IMO.
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    Nov 07, 2014 11:05 AM GMT
    Jms31 saidUgh, couldn't date another guy with confidence issues. They need constant reassurance and validation. It doesn't scream long term material IMO.


    This right here.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 07, 2014 12:19 PM GMT
    Confidence is a really attractive ingredient on so many levels and for me an essential.

    It doesn't mean that a guy who lacks confidence in some area or issue would be shunned, even showing a capacity to handle the issue effectively shows a confidence in himself as a man.

    I respect and appreciate confidence and the ability of a man to approach life and life's problems with the attitude, "I can do this, I'm up for the challenge".

    Absolutely about it.
  • 5100s

    Posts: 188

    Nov 07, 2014 2:57 PM GMT
    To me it's all about looks. I don't care if somebody is shy, hesitant, indecisive, or unsure of himself. If he's handsome and a nice person I'm interested.

    Besides, I know I have a lot of flaws myself and I'm willing to accept them in others even if they're not the ones I have.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2014 3:27 PM GMT
    There is a difference between confidence and self esteem. The latter has to do with self love. Your primary relationship is with yourself. If you can't love yourself you're not ready to love anyone else. Love is something we nurture within and give to others. There are plenty of people who go for those with low self esteem. Some prey on these people in order to take advantage of them. Others are convinced that if they love them enough they can raise their self esteem (example, Cold Play's song "and I will fix you"). Most such relationships are destined to be codependent.

    Confidence is another matter. It needs a qualifier. Such as being confident you can win a match or get a job done. A person laking confidence to ask for a raise may be poorer than one with such confidence but it says nothing about his self esteem. A homely guy may lack confidence about how he will be received when approaching someone in a sexual context but that says nothing about his self esteem. A hot guy might be downright cocky about how he will be received but that doesn't mean he has a high self esteem. Guys like that act like fading movie Stars when they get old.

    In a meat market a hot guy with a low self esteem may be top dog. He may even rank higher than a hot guy with a high self esteem because the latter seems out of reach. A homely guy is not likely to do well when being judged strictly on looks but if he has a high self esteem he is probably perfect husband material. A homely guy with a low self esteem is screwed but he can change that. By working on his health, well being and self love a homely person can become attractive and even downright sexy.
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    Nov 07, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    DannyW saidWhat's so special about confidence anyways?

    Are there no guys who like guys with low self esteem/confidence? (or maybe even prefer guys with low self esteem?)


    Guys with low self esteem tend to be overly clingy amd obsessive with any friendship or relationship. It leads to more problems than I can list.
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    Nov 07, 2014 9:20 PM GMT
    Guys with low self-esteem usually have drama emotional issues carry with them. Whether it's jealousy, controlling, whatever issue. Confident guys usually have their shit together and can provide a normal stable emotional relationship.
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    Nov 07, 2014 9:21 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidSadists like guys with low self esteem..icon_neutral.gif



    ∆ And there's your answer right there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2014 9:38 PM GMT
    I'm confident
    I'm confident that I wouldn't want to come any closer to certain douchebags from New Orleans than I am now
  • mybud

    Posts: 11835

    Nov 07, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    What's your name OP? I wanna print it on my doormat.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 07, 2014 10:25 PM GMT
    Nothing sexier than a guy angling for compliments and then rejecting them if you give them.
    You might be able to find someone who likes you despite your self esteem issues. Nobody is perfect anyway.
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    Nov 07, 2014 10:29 PM GMT

    Bowyn_Aerrow *applause* Great truths. Thank you!
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Nov 08, 2014 1:14 AM GMT
    grofte saidNothing sexier than a guy angling for compliments and then rejecting them if you give them.
    You might be able to find someone who likes you despite your self esteem issues. Nobody is perfect anyway.


    This right here because I used to be like this as far as compliments went. I always shrugged them off and assumed the person was lying but over time, I learned to be able to accept compliments even if they aren't sincere.

    However, I could date a shy guy because I'm shy myself and if we had things in common, we could bring each other out of the shyness circle lol. But if the guy was always a downer, then no, I couldn't because even though I have a few problems with self confidence at times, I'd never drag myself to low where I'm as depressed as Eeyore lol.

    All in all, just try and have at least some confidence and self-respect. You'll find a guy who will compliment you just fine eventually. Stay positive. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2014 1:15 AM GMT
    Though to some, insecure hot men are like catnip.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2014 1:24 AM GMT
    There is an important. Distinctiion between vulnerable and insecure.

    Vulnerable indicates uncertainty but still possesses the intestinal fortitude to meet the the challenge head on.

    Insecure seems to indicate tears and silence and Draconian neediness.

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    Nov 08, 2014 1:28 AM GMT
    Actually, as of writing that I wondered what nuanced distinctions there were between lack of confidence, low self-esteem and insecurity but feeling lazy tonight, was hoping that somebody would point them out!
  • johnnyqhomo7

    Posts: 119

    Nov 08, 2014 3:50 AM GMT
    This is such a weird post. Confidence is something I find attractive in men, but its not a necessary ingredient for a match.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 08, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    Why would anybody want to carry somebodies baggage? And by baggage, I mean their insecurity. I mean, you gotta love yourself before you can love somebody else, but I feel like people, especially gay men, put too much emphasis on the physical side more so than the other qualities (I am partially guilty). Compound that with the mass media of what society expects you to look like, like all these actors that we see on TV and some of the male models, and it is no suprised that people feel average or less. That's why I choose to not be so engrossed in media... It just makes me feel gross... Not that I'm insecure in myself, but what other people are feeling. There's too much pressure to act or be like somebody you're not, but just do yourself a favor and look at a mirror and see who's on there: you and only you. So, just accept yourself for who you are and accept others for who they are as well. Stop setting unrealistic standards and just be YOU: the bad, the good, the ugly, the great, the beautiful, etc..
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    Nov 08, 2014 4:24 AM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidI'm confident
    I'm confident that I wouldn't want to come any closer to certain douchebags from New Orleans than I am now



    You nasty queen.....I wouldn't let you take my garbage out. Plus they would just confuse you with the trash. Nobody wants you because you're a bitter queen. You'll die alone.

    And this is proof you just can't stop taking jabs at me, even when I haven't said shit to you. This very thing has gotten you banned how many times now?