Nov 09, 2014 10:33 AM GMT
So after a several month detour of amazing sex with a dumb blond muscle twink, I dumped him last month to resume hunting for a suitable LTR.
But I haven't been in a serious long-term relationship yet, and haven't felt what it's like to be in love. I've witnessed enough betrayal and heartbreak among my more experienced gay friends, that my cynical goal in finding the "right" guy is to find merely the hottest guy with a good personality and intelligence with whom the chemistry is tolerable. The soul mate stuff can develop over time, like in Beauty and the Beast, or with Drogos and Daenerys (Game of Thrones), or most marriages in human history...
6 months ago I befriended this really hot, down-to-earth guy through other friends, and recently found out he was attracted to me as well. He admitted he's still trying to get over a two-year-old breakup of a 4-year relationship, hence not yet ready for another relationship, but wants to be "intimate" with me, whatever that means.
I figured that something casual for now wouldn't be entirely unproductive, seeing that a relationship is a possibility in the future, and that I'm not emotionally invested enough to be hurt if it doesn't ultimately go there... so last weekend, we went to the movies and then basically spent the next 36 hours cuddling and making out at my place. It was hot, except that we're both tops, but he made a lot of compromises to keep me happy.
As at least 2 separate friends pointed out to me, am I wasting time here, given my goal of something long-term? My reasoning was that these things are impossible to classify. If two guys liked each other enough, it seems silly to not compromise on positions now and then to enjoy seeing the other guy pleasured. As far as I know, fwb is friends having sex without romance. Is cuddling, making out, and home-cooked dinner dates by him not romantic? If I go for someone else who explicitly wants an LTR, that guy may very well have no idea whether that's what he really wants, whereas this guy I'm with has been in love, and knows what a long term relationship entails. Thoughts?
Also, by some cosmic joke, most of my relationships happened to be with guys who already know my friends and/or each other, hence my love life's always under the microscope. This one is no exception, except the fwb situation make me more reluctant to be open about it to friends. Meanwhile he had no intention of hiding our arrangement from his roommate, who is friends with most of my friends, which makes me think I'm probably too paranoid about judging eyes...
But I haven't been in a serious long-term relationship yet, and haven't felt what it's like to be in love. I've witnessed enough betrayal and heartbreak among my more experienced gay friends, that my cynical goal in finding the "right" guy is to find merely the hottest guy with a good personality and intelligence with whom the chemistry is tolerable. The soul mate stuff can develop over time, like in Beauty and the Beast, or with Drogos and Daenerys (Game of Thrones), or most marriages in human history...
6 months ago I befriended this really hot, down-to-earth guy through other friends, and recently found out he was attracted to me as well. He admitted he's still trying to get over a two-year-old breakup of a 4-year relationship, hence not yet ready for another relationship, but wants to be "intimate" with me, whatever that means.
I figured that something casual for now wouldn't be entirely unproductive, seeing that a relationship is a possibility in the future, and that I'm not emotionally invested enough to be hurt if it doesn't ultimately go there... so last weekend, we went to the movies and then basically spent the next 36 hours cuddling and making out at my place. It was hot, except that we're both tops, but he made a lot of compromises to keep me happy.
As at least 2 separate friends pointed out to me, am I wasting time here, given my goal of something long-term? My reasoning was that these things are impossible to classify. If two guys liked each other enough, it seems silly to not compromise on positions now and then to enjoy seeing the other guy pleasured. As far as I know, fwb is friends having sex without romance. Is cuddling, making out, and home-cooked dinner dates by him not romantic? If I go for someone else who explicitly wants an LTR, that guy may very well have no idea whether that's what he really wants, whereas this guy I'm with has been in love, and knows what a long term relationship entails. Thoughts?
Also, by some cosmic joke, most of my relationships happened to be with guys who already know my friends and/or each other, hence my love life's always under the microscope. This one is no exception, except the fwb situation make me more reluctant to be open about it to friends. Meanwhile he had no intention of hiding our arrangement from his roommate, who is friends with most of my friends, which makes me think I'm probably too paranoid about judging eyes...