At What Point Do You Tell the Person You're Sleeping With That You're Sleeping With Other People?

  • MattR91

    Posts: 1

    Nov 12, 2014 1:32 AM GMT
    I'm 23 and I've been seeing this 49 year old dude I met on A4A for a while now. He's really nice and he's the first person I've ever slept with more than once. I've stayed over his place a few times, and we text all the time, and we call each other baby/dear/darling/hun etc. Last week on election night he was out of town and I slept with another 57 year old dude I met from A4A a while ago. Nothing major, just lots of making out/touching/jerking off. When am I supposed to tell him I'm seeing other people? When he asks? Would it be rude to just tell him? Or should it just be assumed because I never agreed to be exclusive and we met on a hookup app and we never see each other outside his apartment? Kind of confused about how this works.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 12, 2014 1:37 AM GMT
    I have no idea...

    I always assume that people talked about what it is they expected out of a relationship, be it exclusive monogamy, openness of its a lovers/marriage type situation, or just FWB...

    I think you need to check with him about what the expectations are before you go out and have sex with another guy...

    Oh wait...

    Well in this case I would suggest you talk with him and found out what kind of an 'us' you two have, FWB, dating, romantic lead up to marriage.... Fuck buddies?

    Once you find out what type of relationship this is, then figure out what to do.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 12, 2014 2:09 AM GMT
    Most people do it when they're about to break up.
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    Nov 12, 2014 2:34 AM GMT
    Depends on what "a while" is. If a year, it might be time to have a conversation. If a few weeks, no need. You might just play it by ear for a while, and see if anything is actually developing between you two (as opposed to only in his head). If it hasn't been a long time, and he starts acting at all possessive or demanding - . . .
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 851

    Nov 12, 2014 4:16 AM GMT
    Monogamy is by no means a default.

    You met this dude on A4A. You never told him that you are NOT meeting other dudes on the A4A. Your profile is still there. Neither you nor your buddy ever talked about being in an exclusive, monogamous relationship, have you?

    So, enjoy your life, and do not get burdened by the promises you have never made to the people who have never asked for them.

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4348

    Nov 12, 2014 5:09 AM GMT
    No, I think your instincts are right. He should know. Especially if you two are doing anything but safer sex. But what you say kind of depends on what you want. Would you want him to say monogamous? Or would you want him to want to keep it undefined?