Getting better at sex

  • Nox32

    Posts: 1

    Nov 16, 2014 2:00 PM GMT
    Hey guys, so, long story short, I'm looking for some sex advice - didn't think I'd find myself in this position but it is what it is. An ex of mine who I cared about told me about a year ago that I wasn't great at sex and that he wanted me to "stay confident, but be more sensual." I was hoping it was just him but I just got similar feedback from a guy I hooked up with. I've decided to try to improve. I'm a top if that helps.

    So, 1) does anyone have any ideas of how to be more sensual during sex? I'm stumped. And 2) how do you get better at sex?

    Thoughts?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2014 3:48 PM GMT
    For starters, if you've only been with 2 men you're not a top. You haven't experienced enough sex to know what you like. Keep an open mind.
    The only way to get better at sex is to practice and communicate and pay attention. Ask if it feels good when you do x y or z. Does he moan? What does he do to you? Chances are he'd like that back.
    And keep practicing!
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 16, 2014 5:08 PM GMT
    Before I'd had anal sex of any kind, I read a profile of a top guy commenting that he was also open to beginners, that to be a truly good top, you need to experience being a bottom. Now I'm sure he had his ulterior motives but in a way, it is true. One of the really great things about gay sex is we know exactly what feels good and what doesn't as opposed to male/female where you can only guess. We all have our personal preferences but most of the major stuff we share. Now I don't have a problem with someone being a total top or bottom, but given your question, you might want to try bottoming with a guy, if no other reason but to become a better top. The sensual part is easy. Slow down. Stop thinking of the end game. Try a night without penetration of any sort. Get some sensuous food, candlelight, music, a fire. Make love and think in terms of gentle. I like sport sex as much as anyone but also know when to go slow and when to speed up, when to be tender, when to be aggressive. A really good lovemaking session usually involves some of all. You sound like maybe you're a bit "one-note, Mr Ram-it home." Let it get into your head as well as feel good to your dick.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2014 5:23 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidto be a truly good top, you need to experience being a bottom.


    This is a fair point. I wouldn't say it's the ONLY way of becoming good at topping, but it certainly helps.

    If you don't want to bottom, then like these guys have said, ask him how he likes it/if he enjoys what's going on.

    I'd also highly recommend just taking your time with it. Be slow, feel him, don't just touch him (sounds awful but it's worth remembering). There's little room for emotion/sensuality when you don't take the time to think before each 'move'.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 16, 2014 6:13 PM GMT
    hang out at a bath house
  • DSHANE

    Posts: 53

    Nov 16, 2014 7:33 PM GMT
    Have more sex! icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 16, 2014 10:40 PM GMT
    "stay confident, but be more sensual."

    I'll take that to mean be aggressive, yet giving.

    First of all you can't underestimate "the connection" if it isn't there, it will never be hot. Being 23 I don't think you have a lot of experience, but it is only 2 people's report card LOL. I've had some pretty glowing "reviews" over the years. But hey, you can't click with everyone.

    For me if they can't kiss it won't happen. At 59 I have 40 years of Gay sex under the belt, so to speak. Sex is better than ever. I did bottom some in my early 20s, but haven't in nearly 20 years. There is some truth in bottoming to becoming a really good TOP. But I was never a good bottom! A good bottom is hard to find, appreciate the really good ones.

    Even if they are into the sub/slave role, I always treat them with respect. I don't do humiliation. Just not my thing.

    You can never kiss too much, lick too much, rim too much (OK, I know ONE guy who doesn't like to get rimmed!) , touch too much. Or have too much fun, and it should be fun above all else. Take your time, pace yourself. I have a "short routine" for a 20-30 min. lunch, and a "long routine" for 1-2 hour extended play.

    And when you are fucking, make it comfortable for him. He should be relaxed from the rim job you already gave icon_biggrin.gif

    Don't poke and stab. Let it flow. Nice and gentle, stopping along the way. You'll be feeling each other in the most sensual way ever. You can figure out how to progress from there. You may want to be a jack hammer, or a Mack Truck....but enjoy that moment for now.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Nov 18, 2014 3:57 AM GMT
    Nox32 saidHey guys, so, long story short, I'm looking for some sex advice - didn't think I'd find myself in this position but it is what it is. An ex of mine who I cared about told me about a year ago that I wasn't great at sex and that he wanted me to "stay confident, but be more sensual." I was hoping it was just him but I just got similar feedback from a guy I hooked up with. I've decided to try to improve. I'm a top if that helps.

    So, 1) does anyone have any ideas of how to be more sensual during sex? I'm stumped. And 2) how do you get better at sex?

    Thoughts?


    The best possible way to improve is to understand that it will be pretty difficult to find two guys who agree on what a good m2m sex really is.

    I have come across the dudes who were all into the candlelight, rose petals, kissing and sensuality etc. And sure, I have also met a fair share of guys in combat boots and cargo pants who all wanted it fast and furious and below 10 min.

    Quite a few guys out there insist that they first want to romance, get to know you, and then possibly have sex with you. And quite a few other guys want to have sex first and romance you later, once they see that you click in bed first.

    The list rolls on and on.

    Take criticism of your sex performance with a big lump of salt.

    First off, m2m sex is sex between people with who sport equal hardware. Being top does NOT mean that you are on a natural mission to please your bottom, because he has no other ways of doing so. Remember to leave the heteronormativity outside your bedroom.

    So, if your topping a dude is not exactly going along the line of his expectations, he has every chance to signal what works for him and what does not, so that you can try to adjust your play to a degree.

    Second off, you are not a paid performer who is earning his keep, and has to really "perform" to meet his client's expectations. As much as you may want to adjust your play to make your bottom happy, the aforesaid bottom may do you both a great service by trying to adjust his part of the play to make you happy, too. Sex is at least a two-way street.

    SC