Is it too late?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2009 8:46 PM GMT
    So basically I had a second date last night with the guy I talked about in my previous topic (it took a long time to see him again because of different schedules,holidays etc.).

    Basically I think we are really into each other.... BUT...

    last night we were watching a movie, we were both sitting on a couch, at both extremities,he got progressively closer to me, at the end we were really close to each other (my body was touching his) and he was touching my feet with his feet etc.

    I was, and really acted comfortable with this, and I did enjoy it, was really a nice moment.. However I did not respond much, because it just seemed.. to easy (read current "are you too easy" for topic heh).. the last time i tried to be in a relationship it was kinda easy but the guy dumped me after 2 days for his ex (he was not over that relationship)... so since them I am EXTREMELY careful.

    Also it was only 2 dates and I know if I reacted more it could have lead to more, and to me sex after 2 dates is a nono... I want to know the guy more.

    And I am kidna worried that since it was so easy he could be the type to also fall easily for another guy and therefore cheat on me..

    So I think I acted according to my values... but a the same time I am afraid the guy now thinks I am uninterested, or feels bad for acting so fast etc.

    So is it too late? can I fix that? how... icon_confused.gif

    Thanks
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 17, 2009 8:56 PM GMT
    I suggest communicating this to him. Just let him know you are into him, but just want to take things a wee bit slower. His reaction will tell you a lot about the type of guy he is and you may decide after that point if he is the one you want to date or not.


    Hope that helps man, good luck!
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Jan 17, 2009 8:58 PM GMT
    Call him and tell him that you had a great time with him and that you like to see him again. That way any doubts he had about your interest because of your body language will be dispelled, and you could go out again. Just let him know that you want to take things slow, that you don't want to get too physical too soon, but that you enjoy his company and want to get to know him better.
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    Jan 17, 2009 9:09 PM GMT
    A little physical contact is nice. It communicates that you are genuinely interested without a full out, balls to the wall/face, snogfest. Don't be afraid to grab his hand to reciprocate.

    But this line "And I am kidna worried that since it was so easy he could be the type to also fall easily for another guy and therefore cheat on me.." makes me think you are too focused on the relationships of the past and not on the relationships of the present. Your last boy friend cheated on you. That sucks. Get over it. Don't let some ass hole poison all your relationships.
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    Jan 17, 2009 9:37 PM GMT
    Talk to him. I would understand as I'm sre most guys. If he doesn't, you just weeded out someone that wouldn't do well with you necessarily.
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    Jan 17, 2009 11:20 PM GMT
    when you talk to him about going slower, make sure you don't sound so serious or that it's the end of the world. have fun with it, laugh!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 12:23 AM GMT
    Were you just sitting beside him while he was giving you these signals or did you do something like put your arm around him?

    If you just sat there and ignored his signals then if you do like him you'll probably have to make the next move. Call him up and invite him on another date. I wouldn't even wait several days. Call him and tell him you had a great time and want to see him again. It's only too late when he says 'no'.

    Just because you respond does not make you easy. He may think you have intimacy issues are you are not interested in him romantically.
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    Jan 18, 2009 1:36 AM GMT


    Hey Topamax, when Bill and I met we spent the first night and just about every night after that together and we hugged, kissed, cuddled, rolled around in bed (underwear-ed) and talked til 3 AM. No sex.



    Bill and I had no sex for the first 3 weeks, then nothing like 69 or full intercourse for the first YEAR. There was a little fellatio as foreplay but mostly just each others' hands.

    We think you could ease up more on the hesitancy and find out whether your romantic affection for each other can withstand no sex for the time being. Hope this helps. Call the guy and don't wait another minute.

    -Doug
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 1:43 AM GMT
    I suggest you keep your mouth shut about all this internal drama. Just make plans for the next date and go on getting to know him ... icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 2:38 AM GMT
    seek a qualified therapist IMMEDIATELY. Not only is it "too late", but you chose a screen name that sounds like a tampon.

    icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 4:48 AM GMT
    MuscleToronto saidseek a qualified therapist IMMEDIATELY. Not only is it "too late", but you chose a screen name that sounds like a tampon.

    icon_sad.gif


    Too funny. Can a therapist help with that?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 5:01 AM GMT
    Caslon8000 saidI suggest you keep your mouth shut about all this internal drama. Just make plans for the next date and go on getting to know him ... icon_rolleyes.gif

    Yeah, stop all this over-analyzing drama crap. Make a move on him next time, or let him make a move on you. This stuff isn't really difficult, ya know, unless you make it difficult yourself. Learn to go with the flow.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 5:06 AM GMT
    Topamax,

    All you have to do to show you are still interested is to keep talking to him, just as you have before. It's as simple as that.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 5:36 PM GMT
    Update

    So i listened to you guys and did call him, so far he came home on monday and on thursday. And yes I did keep my mouth shut about all this past drama icon_rolleyes.gif

    On monday I was the one to get close to him, to have some little physical contact like he did the first time.. He did not back off but did not respond. Then we set to meet again on thursday.

    On thursday he loged on my instant messager and was the one to ask if we were still gonna meet that night.. so we did.

    Now the problem is this thursday night .. nothing happened, we were just sitting next to each other (not even touching each other's body side). I kinda wanted to do some move but he was almost falling asleep after his long day heh. Then I put my head on my shoulders, saying jokingly that I am tired too, and he said, jokingly I think, that i couldnt do that i had to finish watching the tv show we were watching.

    Now that's where I am.. confused. Did he lose interest so fast? What's the next step, talk to him about how i feel?

    thank youicon_redface.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 5:45 PM GMT
    I would have allowed for a little making out just to let him know you're intrested and get his attention.

    I usually do that..then it sets up a 3rd date.. plus kissing is how I tell if I like the guy in a romantic way or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 24, 2009 5:46 PM GMT
    Sean_85 saidI would have allowed for a little making out just to let him know you're intrested and get his attention.

    I usually do that..then it sets up a 3rd date.. plus kissing is how I tell if I like the guy in a romantic way or not.


    You mean the first time or this week? Because this week I was the one approching etc.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 30, 2009 4:24 AM GMT
    Update

    I let him know 5 days ago that i was having a great time so far and I'd interested in knowing him more and seeing more of him.

    Since then he did not give me any news whatsoever.

    So either he was really just looking for sex that night (on our second date...), wasn't really serious about a relationship, got scared when he saw things were getting serious, was seeing someone else at the same time, or just could not understand/get over the fact that i was shy that night and sorry about it.

    Either way I think I'll do better without him so no big loss I guess.

    But I am still single oh well icon_rolleyes.gif
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 30, 2009 7:08 AM GMT
    MuscleToronto saidseek a qualified therapist IMMEDIATELY. Not only is it "too late", but you chose a screen name that sounds like a tampon.

    icon_sad.gif


    That was pretty damn funny you have to admiticon_lol.gif Wow and a couple of people on here think I'm too blunt??? (Red,McFly) Guess Red was too afraid to tell you not to be so negative or too realistic.

    Topa-
    Sounds like you could talk yourself in and out of a situation too qucikly. Next time do something more exciting than tv!! Live and learn and leave old baggage at the door. icon_idea.gif