The Big Step-"Move In Day!"

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    Nov 17, 2014 6:20 AM GMT
    When you're ready to moving in together, how do you "split" finances? Should the one making the most, be willing to pay more? If he is willing to pay more, how do you not seem like a burden?

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    Nov 17, 2014 10:52 AM GMT
    We had a spreadsheet where we used to write the expenses, rent, bills etc, and who paid for these things. Then at the end of the month, we used to divide it evenly and see how much each of us contributed to our part. Any positive or negative balance was carried over to the next month. If any of us were in high debt, we try to balance it by transferring money to our bank accounts. We weren't married.
    Then there were some expenses we didn't care about much, like going on a dinner, coffee or movie date. It depended on how expensive the whole thing was. None of us had a high paying job. That's why we tried to keep it well balanced.
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    Nov 17, 2014 3:00 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs saidShould the one making the most, be willing to pay more? If he is willing to pay more, how do you not seem like a burden?
    Yes;
    The one not able to contribute monetarily should concentrate on doing other things in the household. Make sure there is a big gay understanding who does what. Writ it down.

    a relationship is about sharing your lives. call him a room mate if your not willing to share. straight & gay couples have been together for years outside marriage so dont enter this with a low expectation. Your with this person for the long run.


    -Generally an employer expects you to put out to the best of your ability; getting paid more dosnt mean one partner works more less during the day than the other.
    -after taxes the difference in wages could be less than expected. be realistic. Dont quibble about things less than the cost of say the cost of a tank of gas.
    -a career and a higher paying employ can come to an end in an afternoon. Dont put the career above the relationship.



    while you guys are still talking to each other you should put together a legal binding document, like who gets the cat. Nolo.com has some good publications.
    -Have a lawyer look over your handy work.
    -sign it in the presence of a notary.
    -avoid emotional issues in the text.
    Your relationship is no less important than what your parent(s) aspired to have and or continue to have. Otherwise find a room mate.
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    Nov 17, 2014 3:35 PM GMT
    My bf and I talked about our finances before moving in together. We know each other's salary, our monthly expenses, savings and what we can contribute. I suggest any couple to have this talk because it clearly lays out the financial picture and there should be no surprises once the bills start arriving.

    The guy earning more income should contribute more only if the other guy cannot save money since all of his income is going to expenses. Example - a guy earning $40,0000 annually cannot be expected to pay for 1/2 the expenses of a 5000 square foot home.

    There needs to be some negotiation because the lower income guy will eventually go into debt if he's paying for expenses he can't afford. And THAT is a burden to the relationship.
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    Nov 18, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    still seems most of these posts address a room mate++ situation. Maybe outside the initial op's post but what would it take if one would put a big gay ring on it as a marriage situation?
  • conservativej...

    Posts: 2465

    Nov 18, 2014 9:09 PM GMT
    Since I have gotten in trouble frequently on RealJiock as regards matters of material wealth I will cautiously describe how we, three guys and soon to be four children rather than two, handle expenses. It's easy. There are two of us that carry the cost at specific locations, one being the beach and the other being the old home place. Simple. No fuss and no muss.
  • conservativej...

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    Nov 18, 2014 9:14 PM GMT
    pellaz saidstill seems most of these posts address a room mate++ situation. Maybe outside the initial op's post but what would it take if one would put a big gay put the ring on it marriage situation?


    A roommate in college informed me at a football game after graduation that he had decided to marry. I of course asked who was the lady. His reply was, "I haven't found her yet."

    Before the end of the season he had located said future wife and they married the following spring. When football season once again arrived I inquired as to how the marriage was going. His reply was, "there is a problem." It seems they had agreed to split household expenses "down-the-middle" and she was not paying.

    At another football game, being intrigue with his arrangement of marrying a "fish" I of course wanted to know if the "problem" had been resolved. His reply was, "I simply placed an invoice on her side of the bed and two weeks later her accountant sent a check."

    The vagaries of life can be amazing. icon_idea.gif
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    Nov 18, 2014 9:44 PM GMT
    conservativejock said... he had decided to marry. I of course asked who was the man. His reply was, "I haven't found him yet."
    ...
    I inquired as to how the marriage was going. His reply was, "there is a problem." It seems they had agreed to split household expenses "down-the-middle" and he was not paying. ... Being intrigue with his arrangement I of course wanted to know if the "problem" had been resolved. His reply was, "I simply placed an invoice on his side of the bed and two weeks later his accountant sent a check."


    hmmm; thats happened. The vagaries of life are amazing.
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    Nov 19, 2014 5:07 AM GMT
    Good idea to be aware of financial situation at the start. After years, no one pays attention anymore to details.