Happily Ever After - Postponed Until Further Notice

  • tturner2099

    Posts: 108

    Nov 17, 2014 5:42 PM GMT
    So, I've been thinking lately...


    The older I get the more I'm leaning towards a serious relationship. I'm an old soul, so I've generally been more attracted to secure, established men (No offense, party boys!).

    Currently, I'm a 23 year old student working hard to build my future. Life can be a little sporadic, but that comes with the education schedule. I often find myself wondering what I bring to the table in a relationship (beyond smiles and support) to match my potential partner. Consequently, I find myself postponing serious relationships.

    So, based on your experience, at what point in your life do (or did) you start seeking a long term partner? Do you jump in when you're emotionally ready? Or would you prefer to wait until your level of success matches theirs?

    What do you think?

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  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 17, 2014 6:01 PM GMT
    I don't know why anyone would postpone what they want when it comes to finding love. My first relationship with a guy was when I was 16 and it lasted 6 months, which is a true ltr at that age. The next Ltr lasted 2.5 years, but that was a mistake, then there was a 4 year ltr and my heart got broken. After all that time, he said he never loved me. After that I was single for two years, and I stopped looking for an ltr. Then I met my husband. We just got married last summer but we've been in a relationship for over 10 years and now til death do us part.

    I have dated countless guys for shorter periods and had one night stands and hookups and friend sex and all the other things some people deride. I don't regret any of it. Basically, I played the field until I settled down and I never waited to have a career or to love myself or to be financially stable. I just had fun and dated.
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    Nov 17, 2014 6:14 PM GMT
    I think I'm kind of prepping for relationship right now, I don't want one but I will eventually and when it comes I want to be ready for it because it will probably be the last time I emotionally invest myself in anyone. I'm an all or nothing kind of person and the last two took chunks out of me but I do like to have sex with my friends for some reason I'm never awkward when I shag my friends however I do hate it when they hang around afterwards I like to be alone and reflect hahah It would be nice if I lived in a commune with lots of friends and we all just fucked each other like that long running sitcom.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 17, 2014 6:18 PM GMT
    Never pass up a chance for love. And don't believe that finding it will be easy when you think you're ready. There's no such thing as ready. What you bring to the table is the sum of what has brought you to the point you are today. Good and bad. You don't need assets, financial or physical or mental. You just need to be a good, solid guy trying. The right guy for you will appreciate that and love. Think about it in reverse. What do you require in a mate? I bet it is a pretty short list that goes more to the guy's character than anything else. All that other stuff can be figured out in time and usually is more fun to figure out with a mate. I think the only real barrier to a relationship can be location. Two guys often have careers that take them different places and that can be an issue that's hard to overcome but not impossible. Few of us ever end up in the place or doing what we would have guessed would be our future. But all the rest? Go for it.
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    Nov 17, 2014 6:41 PM GMT
    You're doing it wrong.

    Preplanning is not the first thing you do for a relationship

    bgheader_preplanning.jpg

    Rather, it's near the last

    CTA-round2_planning.png

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2014 9:16 PM GMT
    tturner2099 saidThe older I get the more I'm leaning towards a serious relationship. I'm an old soul

    Currently, I'm a 23 year old


    icon_lol.gif

    well... don't wait for anything if you're ready. it may take you a long time to wade through all of the people that don't want what you do. good luck man icon_smile.gif
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    Nov 17, 2014 10:47 PM GMT
    32
    Yes, 32
    --not a day before unless you've saved up over twelve thousand Skee Ball tickets, than it's on like Donkey Kong
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2014 7:09 AM GMT
    At 23 already, you are fast approaching your sell-by date. You might be a lonely spinster forever if you don't act soon.

    Seriously, try following Hotjoe's example - just be available for whatever comes along. You only have the present - so if it's for a night, a week, 3 months or as long as it lasts - be open to possibilities and have fun. Don't expect that someone you connect with now is going to be with you 10 years from now in a big "R". Possible, but very unlikely. What you have to offer is yourself.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Nov 18, 2014 7:16 AM GMT
    Based on your question you are pretty immature. Even with the old soul comment.icon_idea.gif
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    Nov 18, 2014 9:45 AM GMT
    I don't understand how some people can view this as immature.
    Working hard and building a future is not an immature thing and quite frankly the generation nowadays seem to put wayyy too much emphasis on relationships and not enough on having a goal in a career.
    He's 23, postponing relationships aren't the end of the world and he's still so young with so much to learn and grow and offer the world. Just because some of you may have had relationships a lot early on doesn't necessarily make him immature or you more mature for that matter.

    Thinking ahead in any given situation I think is a smart thing to do and not all experiences are necessarily better learned or of better quality going through it just for the sake of going through it. Sometimes an experience is more rewarding when you are actually seeking something out of it.
    Seeing what you can offer in a relationship before having one in my mind is a mature thing to do because that can often help save you from some poisonous relationships that disguise themselves as 'opportunities' that come along in life.

    Just a lesson I learned but not all opportunities are good ones, and not all of them are wise investments of your time.
    It seems that lately, people view relationships as commodities whereby you should just have one if the 'opportunity' arises. If you value yourself as well as the people around you, understand that relationships aren't just commodities because PEOPLE aren't just commodities; and they certainly aren't experiences to be 'had' just because you can. At least if your goal is a serious ltr, hooking up is another story.

    To the OP, you're 23 and still making a mark for yourself in your life. Don't lose ambition so easily and at the same time don't make your life solely about career/work (which I don't think you would do anyway since relationships are on your mind).
    Understanding and learning what it is that you want in life is a good thing because it gives you much clarity when life throws curve balls at you, both in your love life and career life.
    Anything worth doing is worth doing WELL, so don't go into anything (career or love) half-assed because it will only serve to waste your time (and whoever else involved) in the end.

    It seems I'm the only one on this website that thinks this but I honestly don't think you're doing anything wrong but thinking ahead.
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    Nov 18, 2014 2:11 PM GMT
    I was 26/27 when I met my husbear. something about us just clicked well (more than any other guy before him), and here we are almost 6 years later and married for 6 months.
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    Nov 18, 2014 2:42 PM GMT
    for good or bad i was 40years old
  • tturner2099

    Posts: 108

    Nov 18, 2014 6:25 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidBased on your question you are pretty immature. Even with the old soul comment.icon_idea.gif


    Ha, I expected a few snide comments. It's okay! The purpose of this post was a means of seeking wisdom from those whom have been in my position before.

    But thanks for the comment! icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 19, 2014 3:43 AM GMT
    In all reality though man, do whatever YOU want. if you want a serious relationship at 23, then go for it. if you want to hook up until you're 43, then go for it too. do whatever YOUR heart is telling you. it's the only way you're really going to be happy.

    and if you find yourself wanting towards something (whether it be relationships or otherwise), surround your self with people of the same wanting. it will really help you reach whatever you're looking for.
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    Nov 19, 2014 4:24 AM GMT
    You can plan, but long-term committed relationships generally have an element of chance to them ... in the right place at the right time with the right frame of mind.

    Nevertheless, if you're not emotionally or economically ready to have he kind of relationship you want then you should work on those things.
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    Nov 19, 2014 7:16 AM GMT
    Just do it when you feel ready. I had friends who waited till after finishing school, and others who started before starting new universities. Some did it in the closet, and others did it right out of the closet.

    If you can balance it, the right guy will work with you. If you wanna wait, then go ahead. You are barely 23. You still have another 30+ good years left.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 20, 2014 7:18 AM GMT
    Love is something you don't plan on. It hits you when you least expect it. If you plan it you're forcing it. Just live your life open to the possibility of love.
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Nov 20, 2014 7:40 AM GMT
    When you're young and full of optimism about life, you don't see that things comes your way, leave, and don't return. You're a young, thin, white, male with a full set of hair...you have it pretty good right now. Not to say your life is easy, but the point being that you may have grown accustomed to things coming towards you, even if you don't realize it. Enjoy it now because those same things don't keep coming at the same high frequency. And the older you get, the harder meeting people that you want to spend more time with becomes.

    Finishing school, working... none of that prepares you for a long-term relationship. Chemistry is what matters. You might not have much in common with someone, but that spark takes you down that path. There's no formula, no plan. So don't wait, don't avoid something because you don't feel you're ready. Your experiences dating will give you more insight into yourself than anything we say here. Your 20's go by so fast and quickly become an afterthought. Live without regret.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Nov 20, 2014 7:54 AM GMT
    "The older I get the more I'm leaning towards a serious relationship.

    Currently, I'm a 23 year old student…"

    Sorry, but I find this hilarious.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 09, 2014 7:51 PM GMT
    Webster666 said"The older I get the more I'm leaning towards a serious relationship.

    Currently, I'm a 23 year old student…"

    Sorry, but I find this hilarious.


    Exactly!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2014 9:12 PM GMT
    tturner2099 saidSo, I've been thinking lately...


    So, based on your experience, at what point in your life do (or did) you start seeking a long term partner? Do you jump in when you're emotionally ready? Or would you prefer to wait until your level of success matches theirs?

    What do you think?

    icon_biggrin.gif/>



    When I was your age, I just had a lot of dates and boyfriends. I had fun and didn't ever "seek" a long term partner. But at 26, a very special guy appeared on the scene (at work) and he became my long term partner for about 11 years. You can't exactly plan things out too precisely all the time.