Coping with the death of a friend, and moving on...?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 17, 2014 10:52 PM GMT
    I can't remember this being posted, so here it is.

    Lately these past three months have been a challenge for me. I told my older brother that I left the Mormon church five years ago, and that no one in my family knows (except him now). I am not depressed, but I feel like my life has suddenly came to a dead standstill and that nothing feels right. To top it off, I also haven't had a date in months (almost a year), and its starting to gnaw its way at me.

    My best friend (and former roommate) also suddenly died three weeks ago, leaving me with questions about my life and what I am doing. I feel confused and unsure of my future. I am curious if anyone here has been through what I am experiencing.

    How have you found happiness and purpose in your daily life? What sort of things have you done to pursue your happiness?
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Nov 17, 2014 11:04 PM GMT
    I don't think dating a guy will fix anything. You need to take time on yourself. It is a time for introspection. Keep fit, read, try not to get too deep in a funk. Join some sort of group, like a class or yoga or something.icon_idea.gif
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 17, 2014 11:18 PM GMT
    We all go through tough periods when it seems that nothing is going right. I certainly have. Sure, you can do all sorts of things to try to redirect your life but the truth is that happiness and purpose come from within. I read your profile and you seem to have a lot of great things going on although the loss of your best friend has got to be a real shock to your system. You may examine some things like whether where you live is where you want to be, same with job, how you spend your free time. It never hurts to examine those things. But mostly what you need is some time to grieve and just quietly be for a bit. Try to stay healthy and active if for no other reason than if you don't you'll feel worse. The depression will evaporate one day and you'll feel good again. Do stay a bit aware that what you're experiencing is a depression. That helps you shake it off and also have a sense of proportion about what is going right and wrong. Sometimes we need a chemical rebalancing by a doctor. Not yet, I'd guess, but stay aware. Good luck, buddy.
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    Nov 18, 2014 2:48 AM GMT
    Sorry, Lorenzo, to hear of your loss. I don't know if you left the Mormon Church because of gay issues or because of general religious issues. If the former, then I'd suggest you find a spriritual/religious denomination which is gay-affirming. In any event I hope things get easier for you.
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    Nov 18, 2014 4:20 PM GMT
    Hi all,
    Thanks for the responses. I think staying healthy is most important now. I think my slacking at the gym, is affecting my outlook and performance.

    I left Mormonism due to both reasons. I sent my resignation letter back in 2009. I had already been living on my own for some time after high school, so family didn't know. I could'ave attended remained active, but I would have to be celibate and remain a closeted boxed individual my entire life...Not for me. Everyone in my family is LDS is very conservative in thinking. I have no resentment towards the church - I grew up in it, and know the culture. I still have many great LDS friends who are completely fine with my orientation.

    Ironically, I live in Salt Lake City now (going to school at the U).

    I googled some LGBT friendly church services near me, and I think I'll give it a go on Sunday.
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    Nov 20, 2014 12:51 AM GMT
    You have everything going for you so just focus on that. Helping others less fortunate then you is a really good way to realize that. Eckhart Tolle's "The Power of Now " was a break thru book for me . Eventually you will
    realize that happiness is not found anywhere but inside.

    Yoga really helped me get out of my head and realize a peaceful existence where soul-mind-body aren't at war.
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    Nov 20, 2014 6:52 AM GMT
    crazyrunnerguy saidHi all,
    Thanks for the responses. I think staying healthy is most important now. I think my slacking at the gym, is affecting my outlook and performance.

    I left Mormonism due to both reasons. I sent my resignation letter back in 2009. I had already been living on my own for some time after high school, so family didn't know. I could'ave attended remained active, but I would have to be celibate and remain a closeted boxed individual my entire life...Not for me. Everyone in my family is LDS is very conservative in thinking. I have no resentment towards the church - I grew up in it, and know the culture. I still have many great LDS friends who are completely fine with my orientation.

    Ironically, I live in Salt Lake City now (going to school at the U).

    I googled some LGBT friendly church services near me, and I think I'll give it a go on Sunday.


    Best wishes.

    Every day is a good day to have someone who cares about you and is a good influence.
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    Nov 20, 2014 3:46 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidWe all go through tough periods when it seems that nothing is going right. I certainly have. Sure, you can do all sorts of things to try to redirect your life but the truth is that happiness and purpose come from within. I read your profile and you seem to have a lot of great things going on although the loss of your best friend has got to be a real shock to your system. You may examine some things like whether where you live is where you want to be, same with job, how you spend your free time. It never hurts to examine those things. But mostly what you need is some time to grieve and just quietly be for a bit. Try to stay healthy and active if for no other reason than if you don't you'll feel worse. The depression will evaporate one day and you'll feel good again. Do stay a bit aware that what you're experiencing is a depression. That helps you shake it off and also have a sense of proportion about what is going right and wrong. Sometimes we need a chemical rebalancing by a doctor. Not yet, I'd guess, but stay aware. Good luck, buddy.



    Lots of good suggestions and advice from each guy above me here, but THIS really says it all and bears repeating. I was in a similar depression for a few months when I was 26. It seemed permanent. What I didn't know then (and found out later) was that I needed to get out more, and mix it up with people. I was staying home too much. When I finally learned that we make our own happiness - - I pulled myself out of my funk, and began meeting more people - joining a few groups I liked. Fairly soon my world brightened considerably........like the bright sun coming out.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2014 2:42 PM GMT
    especially through your new found church, find a support group of x-Mormons. I bet this exists where you live.

    Its the holidays and a rough time for depression. Please get your self fixed, than date some fantastic.
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    Jan 08, 2015 4:04 AM GMT
    Sincerest condolences for the loss of your best friend. I am not convinced that we will ever know what our purpose in life truly is. For me, doing my part to live a life of legitimate compassion seems purpose enough. I love my friends and family openly and honestly (to a point - message me for clarification on that point if you like). That I exercise compassion without restraint creates the happiness in my life that provides unending fulfillment. I also cherish the relationships in my life that are based on mutual love and respect for classical music. Some of my closest relationships have been built in rehearsal and performance, playing some of the gems in the duet and duo piano literature. Your piano/organ isn't simply a vehicle for producing music, but a living extension of your musical identity and ever evolving artistic sentiment. Please stay devoted to your art. It will provide for you in ways you've yet to experience and will continue to do so for the rest of your life.

    On a note related to fitness/outdoors/trail running, I highly recommend that you read "Born to Run" from Christopher McDougall. Excellent story of distance running that really gets into your soul. As a runner (and a distance runner at that), I think you'd be quite taken with this text. You want to borrow this one, hit me up.

    Keep your head up! If you ever need anything, never hesitate to reach out. All the best!