living a lie

  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Nov 18, 2014 12:51 AM GMT
    Hey all,
    I just felt the need to write this here,coz I have no other place or person to express my feelings

    I just want to say how hard and painful it is to hide that you are gay in an Arabic society.
    for me things are getting worse as I become older.
    I have just realized before nearly 2 weeks how my life is a lie and I am just acting all the time to hide the secret of being gay when I was sitting with my friend talking about our plans for the future and I told him that I am planning to go to USA to work and live there coz it is better financially,so he replied that he agrees but it is impossible to stay coz it is hard to raise my children in another culture(he is assuming that I certainly will get married)not knowing that I just want to run away from here so I can live freely as a gay.
    (not to mention the social pressure that I am facing right now from all the people that I meet in my work,or in any place when they are asking me about marriage and I must get married before it is too late and this the right age bla bla bla,so I have to lie as always and to tell them that I am looking for the right girl)
    Being gay makes me lose my best friends(including the one I mentioned) and people that they are not only friend they are really more than this, coz they really love me to the extent that they will(and they did it a lot of times)sacrifice for me a lot in order to see me happy and even better than them,I lose them intentionally coz I don,t want them after some period to see me still not married at an old age,and ask me what is wrong?why I live like this?and to know that I am not the same person that they really knew.I really feel a lot of pain
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 18, 2014 1:02 AM GMT
    Be strong man !
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Nov 18, 2014 1:30 AM GMT
    Where in the US are you considering moving to? Because some states and regions are still particularly homophobic. Not in the "stone you to death for your sexuality" kind of way, but in a subtle pervasive manner that can make your life difficult.
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    Nov 18, 2014 6:56 AM GMT
    I appreciate that it is very hard, keeping the false front all the time. If you can get a visa to the US or UK or Europe, you should leave.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Nov 18, 2014 7:01 AM GMT
    In your country you can't be the only one!?!? I heard some egyptian royalty are gay and closeted they have wives and boyfriends tooicon_idea.gif

    Do that. They all have an underground and websites.
    Where there's a will..........
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Nov 18, 2014 11:54 AM GMT
    Rhi_Bran saidWhere in the US are you considering moving to? Because some states and regions are still particularly homophobic. Not in the "stone you to death for your sexuality" kind of way, but in a subtle pervasive manner that can make your life difficult.


    Hi Rhi
    to be realistic,the most important step for me is to succeed in leaving my country and make it to the US coz this is the hardest step,but if I have the chance I will choose NYC or San Francisco
    I don,t have enough knowledge about the states and which to choose
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Nov 18, 2014 11:58 AM GMT
    HikerSkier saidI appreciate that it is very hard, keeping the false front all the time. If you can get a visa to the US or UK or Europe, you should leave.


    Hi hikerSkier
    That's what I will try to do
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Nov 18, 2014 12:01 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidIn your country you can't be the only one!?!? I heard some egyptian royalty are gay and closeted they have wives and boyfriends tooicon_idea.gif

    Do that. They all have an underground and websites.
    Where there's a will..........


    Hi MikemikeMike
    I don,t think this a solution,on the contrary this will increase the suffering and enhance the lies,I won,t feel good until being true with myself,and I can,t marry a girl and then betray her
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    Nov 18, 2014 6:15 PM GMT
    I understand your life mate, I feel the same.
  • tturner2099

    Posts: 108

    Nov 18, 2014 6:44 PM GMT
    I feel your pain.

    A few months ago, I attended a Palestinian protest in Washington DC. I took an 8 hour bus ride full of Arabic men and women en route to the protest. Initially, I was extremely uncomfortable. I kept it too myself, regardless of them asking about girlfriends and wives.

    By the end of the trip, my sexuality came to the light. There were some of the older men and women who ended contact with myself, but the majority of the younger crowd accepted me.

    The Arabic culture here is strong, my boyfriend and I still attend many events and am welcomed to be ourselves. So don;t fear that you'll lose tradition by moving here.

    It'll get better, my friend. Feel free to PM me if you need to talk.
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    Nov 18, 2014 6:58 PM GMT
    It's definetly not fair for me when my hapiness depends on my passport or a stupid residance.
    All I'm aiming to right now is moving to the United states, I'm gonna leave every thing behind and leave all people that I love just to be myself, life is hard here aswell, can't get the idea of killing myself from 8 years now, but i keep fighting for my hapiness.
    There was a guy who fell in love with me and wanted to marry me, i couldn't say yes, he is too older than me, i felt bad cause it was the first time he ask someone for marriage,and i couldn't say yes just to get a green card then ditch him, can't use people like this can't live with the feeling of using someone.
    There was also a guy from harrisburg PA who wanted to marry me just so i can get a green card he told me to.pay him back just with sex , can't do that too and use him.
    "BE BRAVE MAN, WE WILL SURVIVE"
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    Nov 18, 2014 7:03 PM GMT
    Americans who are reading this don't know how lucky they are, you are so lucky guys really lucky.
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    Nov 18, 2014 7:25 PM GMT
    calime61 saidIt's definetly not fair for me when my hapiness depends on my passport or a stupid residance.
    All I'm aiming to right now is moving to the United states, I'm gonna leave every thing behind and leave all people that I love just to be myself, life is hard here aswell, can't get the idea of killing myself from 8 years now, but i keep fighting for my hapiness.
    There was a guy who fell in love with me and wanted to marry me, i couldn't say yes, he is too older than me, i felt bad cause it was the first time he ask someone for marriage,and i couldn't say yes just to get a green card then ditch him, can't use people like this can't live with the feeling of using someone.
    There was also a guy from harrisburg PA who wanted to marry me just so i can get a green card he told me to.pay him back just with sex , can't do that too and use him.
    "BE BRAVE MAN, WE WILL SURVIVE"

    Wow, that's heartbreaking. It's good to see you're trying to make it on your own. Good luck to you, and the OP.
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    Nov 18, 2014 7:29 PM GMT
    meezo said
    Rhi_Bran saidWhere in the US are you considering moving to? Because some states and regions are still particularly homophobic. Not in the "stone you to death for your sexuality" kind of way, but in a subtle pervasive manner that can make your life difficult.


    Hi Rhi
    to be realistic,the most important step for me is to succeed in leaving my country and make it to the US coz this is the hardest step,but if I have the chance I will choose NYC or San Francisco
    I don,t have enough knowledge about the states and which to choose
    san fran is nice, nyc is just amazing. i have a friend who is a lawyer in ny and he could help u. u are one of my cherished friends on this forum. i know u are not from the holy city BUT can u enter it? im going to israel very soon to see family. i was suppose to go in october but things have been bad for me ( u know my probems)
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    Nov 18, 2014 7:34 PM GMT
    I cannot imagine what you must be going through. Stay strong until you can make your move abroad -- but don't rule out Canada. Not only are LGBT people allowed to marry, but their rights are protected under the constitution http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Canada
  • tazzari

    Posts: 2937

    Nov 18, 2014 7:44 PM GMT
    Seattle is very gay-friendly and has a rapidly-expanding economic environment.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14380

    Nov 18, 2014 7:49 PM GMT
    meezo said
    Rhi_Bran saidWhere in the US are you considering moving to? Because some states and regions are still particularly homophobic. Not in the "stone you to death for your sexuality" kind of way, but in a subtle pervasive manner that can make your life difficult.


    Hi Rhi
    to be realistic,the most important step for me is to succeed in leaving my country and make it to the US coz this is the hardest step,but if I have the chance I will choose NYC or San Francisco
    I don,t have enough knowledge about the states and which to choose
    If you are able to come to the US, do not choose either New York City or San Francisco because they are extremely expensive cities and not the easiest places to get started in a new country. There is much more to the US than NYC and SF. Consider moving to other cities like Boston, Philadelphia, Chicago, Atlanta, Denver, and San Diego. The object is to move to a location that is more affordable and easier to get started in a different country. New York City and San Francisco are not all what they are cracked up to be.
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    Nov 18, 2014 8:17 PM GMT
    according to your profile you're from israel? Ive met loads of them I heard isreal has some of the best trance music and Raves you should go to them and surround yourself with free loving people.

    As for being forced to marry I know how you feel my dad is a jehovas witness and hes always trying to match me up with one of my cousins from fiji so i can bring one of them over....its sick..
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    Nov 18, 2014 8:25 PM GMT
    Ronar2 said
    calime61 saidIt's definetly not fair for me when my hapiness depends on my passport or a stupid residance.
    All I'm aiming to right now is moving to the United states, I'm gonna leave every thing behind and leave all people that I love just to be myself, life is hard here aswell, can't get the idea of killing myself from 8 years now, but i keep fighting for my hapiness.
    There was a guy who fell in love with me and wanted to marry me, i couldn't say yes, he is too older than me, i felt bad cause it was the first time he ask someone for marriage,and i couldn't say yes just to get a green card then ditch him, can't use people like this can't live with the feeling of using someone.
    There was also a guy from harrisburg PA who wanted to marry me just so i can get a green card he told me to.pay him back just with sex , can't do that too and use him.
    "BE BRAVE MAN, WE WILL SURVIVE"

    Wow, that's heartbreaking. It's good to see you're trying to make it on your own. Good luck to you, and the OP.

    Thanks for your nice words mate.
    At the end it always gets better.
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    Nov 18, 2014 8:27 PM GMT
    Omega_Einhorne saidaccording to your profile you're from israel? Ive met loads of them I heard isreal has some of the best trance music and Raves you should go to them and surround yourself with free loving people.

    As for being forced to marry I know how you feel my dad is a jehovas witness and hes always trying to match me up with one of my cousins from fiji so i can bring one of them over....its sick..
    no man he is not israeli
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    Nov 18, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    guido4life said
    Omega_Einhorne saidaccording to your profile you're from israel? Ive met loads of them I heard isreal has some of the best trance music and Raves you should go to them and surround yourself with free loving people.

    As for being forced to marry I know how you feel my dad is a jehovas witness and hes always trying to match me up with one of my cousins from fiji so i can bring one of them over....its sick..
    no man he is not israeli

    OP is not exactly clear on his nationality. OP's profile says he is in Jerusalem - Israel has Arab(Palestinian) citizens. So he could be one. He also lists Jordan as a location.
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Nov 18, 2014 10:48 PM GMT
    guido4life said
    meezo said
    Rhi_Bran saidWhere in the US are you considering moving to? Because some states and regions are still particularly homophobic. Not in the "stone you to death for your sexuality" kind of way, but in a subtle pervasive manner that can make your life difficult.


    Hi Rhi
    to be realistic,the most important step for me is to succeed in leaving my country and make it to the US coz this is the hardest step,but if I have the chance I will choose NYC or San Francisco
    I don,t have enough knowledge about the states and which to choose
    san fran is nice, nyc is just amazing. i have a friend who is a lawyer in ny and he could help u. u are one of my cherished friends on this forum. i know u are not from the holy city BUT can u enter it? im going to israel very soon to see family. i was suppose to go in october but things have been bad for me ( u know my probems)


    thanks Guido icon_smile.gif,I think you are lucky not to be here in october and in these months,coz of the political situation rightnow,unfortunately it is not that safe now.
    If u mean by the holy city(the old town) yes I am not from there,but I can enter it,and it is very near to my house(5 min by car) so I will be happy to take u there icon_smile.gif
    and if u mean(holy city-Jerusalem) I actually live in jerusalem
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Nov 18, 2014 10:50 PM GMT
    Omega_Einhorne saidaccording to your profile you're from israel? Ive met loads of them I heard isreal has some of the best trance music and Raves you should go to them and surround yourself with free loving people.

    As for being forced to marry I know how you feel my dad is a jehovas witness and hes always trying to match me up with one of my cousins from fiji so i can bring one of them over....its sick..


    Hi Omega as Hikerskier said I am from the Arabic part of Jerusalem.
  • meezo

    Posts: 117

    Nov 18, 2014 10:53 PM GMT
    I really want to thank u guys here for your kind words and your advises,person by person,this is deeply appreciated icon_smile.gif
    I will consider all of your advises and really thanks for caring
    and I hope it gets better
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    Nov 18, 2014 11:01 PM GMT
    meezo said
    guido4life said
    meezo said
    Rhi_Bran saidWhere in the US are you considering moving to? Because some states and regions are still particularly homophobic. Not in the "stone you to death for your sexuality" kind of way, but in a subtle pervasive manner that can make your life difficult.


    Hi Rhi
    to be realistic,the most important step for me is to succeed in leaving my country and make it to the US coz this is the hardest step,but if I have the chance I will choose NYC or San Francisco
    I don,t have enough knowledge about the states and which to choose
    san fran is nice, nyc is just amazing. i have a friend who is a lawyer in ny and he could help u. u are one of my cherished friends on this forum. i know u are not from the holy city BUT can u enter it? im going to israel very soon to see family. i was suppose to go in october but things have been bad for me ( u know my probems)


    thanks Guido icon_smile.gif,I think you are lucky not to be here in october and in these months,coz of the political situation rightnow,unfortunately it is not that safe now.
    If u mean by the holy city(the old town) yes I am not from there,but I can enter it,and it is very near to my house(5 min by car) so I will be happy to take u there icon_smile.gif
    and if u mean(holy city-Jerusalem) I actually live in jerusalem
    i know man right now the situation over there is collapsing .