Disturbing encounter...

  • Eli_jah

    Posts: 1391

    Nov 18, 2014 4:52 AM GMT
    ... on Grindr. I'm talking to a particularly young looking guy. I ask him his age and he tells me he's 17. After I compose myself, I tell him (politely) to get off of Grindr and look for boys his own age.

    He replies, (paraphrasing) "Yeah, I should probably do that. Kinda tired of getting hit on by 50 year old men..."

    I hope these 50 year old men retreat upon learning this, but something tells me they all don't...

    It's not so much 50 year old men knowingly pursuing 17 year olds that disturbs me so deeply, although it is revolting, it's the fact that there are 17 year olds (and I'm sure, 14, 15, and 16 year olds) on Grindr.

    I really hope this era of gay "acceptance" doesn't strip gay youth of their innocence before it's time.

    No matter how debauched a gay man's life can become in his 20s and beyond, he can often look back at the relative chastity and inexperience of his youth in a way that his straight counterparts often can't, having experienced all the trials and tribulations of teenage lust. It would be a shame if the proliferation of gay "dating" apps, which no doubt make it easier for young gay boys' to meet other gay dudes, also causes these boys to go places sexually and emotionally that they are not ready to go.

    If anything, a 17 year old boy should be dating and/or experimenting sexually with a boy his own age. But of course, this is not a perfect world, and many young gay boys' first sexual experience usually is with a much older man. At least mine was, and at nearly 27, I can't help but think that that ongoing experience, as a 15 year old, with a 37 year old, was actually a negative experience. I look back on it somewhat fondly: I seemed to enjoy it, even to want it. But was I really mature enough, physically, emotionally, mentally, to consent? I'm not so sure.

    Maybe these early formative experiences in a gay man's life have a profound influence on his later sexual and emotional relationships. Either way, I think it's worth examining.
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    Nov 18, 2014 5:39 AM GMT
    Who are we to say that someone isn't emotionally ready for something, its for each of as an an individual to experience whatever it is, and its also as pazzy said for the parents of the child to guide and influence them a certain way. I don't speak for everyone but there is such a thing as Attraction of deprivation "daddy issues" and thats just one of many ways of filling a void that a parent has left.

    I don't really know enough about the situation, only that society has made it illegal for an adult to be with a minor a minor being under the age of 16 years in Australia and thats simply black and white and easy to understand. I don't know what the laws were back in the day but Elvis was 24 when he had a relationship with priscilla who was 14 at the time, mind you she was 21 when they wed and everyone still thinks he's the King even though today he is deemed a predator.
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    Nov 19, 2014 12:27 PM GMT
    Everyone should act responsibly and within the law. Most people do. Some don't. That's life.

    As for first time sexual experiences, all you can do (as a parent or educator) is try to educate young people on the safety, health and legal aspects of sex. After that, it's their call.
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    Nov 19, 2014 1:36 PM GMT
    Where I live (unless the law has changed) it is perfectly legal for 17 year olds to have sex with anyone they want. I do believe you have to be 18 to be on Grindr; although, I'm not sure how they enforce that.

    That said, not everything legal is morally right. The participants' intents is where the morality comes in. Many young gay men actively seek older men. While I haven't been been with someone who was 17 years old (that I know of) I have been with young men as young as 35 years younger with no deleterious effects to their psyche. The youngest I'm still friends with and see regularly although we have moved on to other partners. I've had 15 year olds contact me and swear they were mature and knew what they wanted. I've dismissed them out of hand.
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    Nov 19, 2014 3:31 PM GMT
    ... on Grindr. I'm talking to a particularly young looking guy. I ask him his age and he tells me he's 17. After I compose myself, I tell him (politely) to get off of Grindr and look for boys his own age.

    He replies, (paraphrasing) "Yeah, I should probably do that. Kinda tired of getting hit on by 45 year old men..."

    I hope these 45 year old men retreat upon learning this, but something tells me they all don't...

    It's not so much 45 year old men knowingly pursuing 17 year olds that disturbs me so deeply, although it is revolting, it's the fact that there are 17 year olds (and I'm sure, 14, 15, and 16 year olds) on Grindr.

    ... on Grindr. I'm talking to a particularly young looking guy. I ask him his age and he tells me he's 17. After I compose myself, I tell him (politely) to get off of Grindr and look for boys his own age.

    He replies, (paraphrasing) "Yeah, I should probably do that. Kinda tired of getting hit on by 40 year old men..."

    I hope these 40 year old men retreat upon learning this, but something tells me they all don't...

    It's not so much 40 year old men knowingly pursuing 17 year olds that disturbs me so deeply, although it is revolting, it's the fact that there are 17 year olds (and I'm sure, 14, 15, and 16 year olds) on Grindr.

    ... on Grindr. I'm talking to a particularly young looking guy. I ask him his age and he tells me he's 17. After I compose myself, I tell him (politely) to get off of Grindr and look for boys his own age.

    He replies, (paraphrasing) "Yeah, I should probably do that. Kinda tired of getting hit on by 35 year old men..."

    I hope these 35 year old men retreat upon learning this, but something tells me they all don't...

    It's not so much 35 year old men knowingly pursuing 17 year olds that disturbs me so deeply, although it is revolting, it's the fact that there are 17 year olds (and I'm sure, 14, 15, and 16 year olds) on Grindr.

    ... on Grindr. I'm talking to a particularly young looking guy. I ask him his age and he tells me he's 17. After I compose myself, I tell him (politely) to get off of Grindr and look for boys his own age.

    He replies, (paraphrasing) "Yeah, I should probably do that. Kinda tired of getting hit on by 30 year old men..."

    I hope these 30 year old men retreat upon learning this, but something tells me they all don't...

    It's not so much 30 year old men knowingly pursuing 17 year olds that disturbs me so deeply, although it is revolting, it's the fact that there are 17 year olds (and I'm sure, 14, 15, and 16 year olds) on Grindr.
  • 5100s

    Posts: 188

    Nov 19, 2014 5:16 PM GMT
    17 is the age of consent in Illinois, but I won't have anything to do with any guy who isn't at least 18 (and that includes ID verification if somebody looks young) and living outside the parental home.

    That said, if somebody fills those criteria and is interested in me I don't see any reason not to pursue it as long as I reciprocate the interest. If some guy 18 is interested in men in their late 50s, if it's not I it's going to be somebody else my age and I try to be a decent human being.
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    Nov 19, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    not my idea of an ideal hook up but do what you want. There is a realJock thread "If you're over 40 and feel insecure ..."
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 19, 2014 5:38 PM GMT
    I think the age of consent is ridiculous. I was hit on at age 12 by a guy in Central Park. I knew I was gay and I was tempted but said "No" and went on my way. Any guy of sexual maturity should be able to handle himself. I do think young girls need more legal protection because the damage done by a wrong choice is more devastating. While the OP put an ageist spin on this comments (which was "revolting"), and if we're to have a statutory age of consent, there should be some provision to minimize penalties for sex between people of similar age range, which I know there is in many states. And yes, parenting is the key but in this age of single parent households, sometimes over-site of an adventurous teenager is hard to achieve. You have to rely on their judgement and values. Why is it that in the US, as opposed to most of Europe, we have made sex such a dirty thing? Religion, I suppose.
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    Nov 19, 2014 7:37 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI think the age of consent is ridiculous. I was hit on at age 12 by a guy in Central Park. I knew I was gay and I was tempted but said "No" and went on my way. Any guy of sexual maturity should be able to handle himself. I do think young girls need more legal protection because the damage done by a wrong choice is more devastating. While the OP put an ageist spin on this comments (which was "revolting"), and if we're to have a statutory age of consent, there should be some provision to minimize penalties for sex between people of similar age range, which I know there is in many states. And yes, parenting is the key but in this age of single parent households, sometimes over-site of an adventurous teenager is hard to achieve. You have to rely on their judgement and values. Why is it that in the US, as opposed to most of Europe, we have made sex such a dirty thing? Religion, I suppose.


    Good post. I recently got a message from a kid who said he was 19.

    "19????" I said. I mean come on, I'm 3x+ his age. NO thanks.

    I'm not fascinated by youth and it's so called "beauty" that many find elusive. It's elusive because it's GONE for the seeker. I find beauty and strength in men. In a wide range of age and build. A fit "older" man is a work of art.....he's worked for it. I've seen many naturally beautiful boys abuse and neglect themselves to the point of mediocrity or worse.
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    Nov 19, 2014 7:46 PM GMT
    17 is legal in my state. And when I was that age, my greatest fantasy was to have sex with a 40+ man. Not sure why the OP is being such an ageist prick though. If a legal aged young guy finds a 50 year old attractive and vice versa, who are you to judge it as "revolting?" There was a time when many people thought interracial relationships were "revolting."
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    Nov 19, 2014 7:58 PM GMT
    atlanticshore said
    Scruffypup said17 is legal in my state. And when I was that age, my greatest fantasy was to have sex with a 40+ man. Not sure why the OP is being such an ageist prick though. If a legal aged young guy finds a 50 year old attractive and vice versa, who are you to judge it as "revolting?" There was a time when many people thought interracial relationships were "revolting."


    so if 10 was legal in your state you would run after 10 year old boys? that is gold



    You don't read very well. As I stated in many threads, I'm into MEN, not boys.
    A ten year old boy is not legal and never will be so your point is not even relevant. I'm personally not attracted to even older guys who look boyish, so I'm certainly not into seventeen year olds. But if a seventeen year old and a fifty year old have a mutual attraction to each other, what's the big deal as long as it's in a state where seventeen is legal?
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    Nov 19, 2014 8:08 PM GMT
    Bonaparts said
    Scruffypup said
    atlanticshore said
    Scruffypup said17 is legal in my state. And when I was that age, my greatest fantasy was to have sex with a 40+ man. Not sure why the OP is being such an ageist prick though. If a legal aged young guy finds a 50 year old attractive and vice versa, who are you to judge it as "revolting?" There was a time when many people thought interracial relationships were "revolting."


    so if 10 was legal in your state you would run after 10 year old boys? that is gold



    You don't read very well. As I stated in many threads, I'm into MEN, not boys.
    A ten year old boy is not legal and never will be so your point is not even relevant. I'm personally not attracted to even older guys who look boyish, so I'm certainly not into seventeen year olds. But if a seventeen year old and a fifty year old have a mutual attraction to each other, what's the big deal as long as it's in a state where seventeen is legal?


    so just ebcause something is legal makes it alright? You obviously don't get it
    you have high morals, so pedophilia is legal in some places, so that is acceptable as long as it's legal? 17 and 50 year old is definitely disturbing and revolting, 17 year old does not have maturity and life experience and can be easily manipulated, just like a 10 year old




    God no. There are many things that are legal which I don't agree with and many things that are illegal I disagree with. But comparing the maturity level of a 17 year old to a 10 year old is ridiculous. And "pedophilia" is when someone is attracted to prepubescent children, generally age 11 years or younger. Not the same thing. If you think our government is capable of determining when we are sexually mature enough for sex, you're beyond naive. I knew exactly who I was and what I wanted sexually at a very young age and I'm sure there are many others too. But for the safety of those who are not so mature, I do think age of consent laws are necessary. I'm just not so sure what that magic age should be.
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    Nov 19, 2014 8:09 PM GMT
    Copernicus said
    Bonaparts said
    Scruffypup said
    atlanticshore said
    Scruffypup said17 is legal in my state. And when I was that age, my greatest fantasy was to have sex with a 40+ man. Not sure why the OP is being such an ageist prick though. If a legal aged young guy finds a 50 year old attractive and vice versa, who are you to judge it as "revolting?" There was a time when many people thought interracial relationships were "revolting."


    so if 10 was legal in your state you would run after 10 year old boys? that is gold



    You don't read very well. As I stated in many threads, I'm into MEN, not boys.
    A ten year old boy is not legal and never will be so your point is not even relevant. I'm personally not attracted to even older guys who look boyish, so I'm certainly not into seventeen year olds. But if a seventeen year old and a fifty year old have a mutual attraction to each other, what's the big deal as long as it's in a state where seventeen is legal?


    so just ebcause something is legal makes it alright? You obviously don't get it
    you have high morals, so pedophilia is legal in some places, so that is acceptable as long as it's legal? 17 and 50 year old is definitely disturbing and revolting, 17 year old does not have maturity and life experience and can be easily manipulated, just like a 10 year old


    Good man... Your Mother taught you well. Don't let these people absorb you like a fucking piece of cum. They are evil. They don't give a FUCK about anyone. All they give a crap about is allowing rubberless sex to go on so they can spread the true nature of what they are which is disease I am dying of because of them.



    Dude, if you're dying it's because you spread your legs to a fucking stranger. No one here has fucked your nasty ass so stop blaming everyone here for your illnesses. icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 19, 2014 8:19 PM GMT
    LOl Gotta love Sruffycunt's logic. He constantly bashes youth here in the forums because he's an ugly old man yet he wants to fuck a smooth young bubble butt.
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    Nov 19, 2014 8:23 PM GMT
    Should there be a dating app with a maximum age of 18? You might say no but there are straight equivalents in some form or other
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    Nov 19, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
    kxd7 saidLOl Gotta love Sruffycunt's logic. He constantly bashes youth here in the forums because he's an ugly old man yet he wants to fuck a smooth young bubble butt.


    Right.....which is why I created this thread: http://www.realjock.com/gayforums/3598228

    Face it. Nobody wants you, hairy or smooth.
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    Nov 19, 2014 8:52 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidI think the age of consent is ridiculous. I was hit on at age 12 by a guy in Central Park. I knew I was gay and I was tempted but said "No" and went on my way. Any guy of sexual maturity should be able to handle himself. I do think young girls need more legal protection because the damage done by a wrong choice is more devastating. While the OP put an ageist spin on this comments (which was "revolting"), and if we're to have a statutory age of consent, there should be some provision to minimize penalties for sex between people of similar age range, which I know there is in many states. And yes, parenting is the key but in this age of single parent households, sometimes over-site of an adventurous teenager is hard to achieve. You have to rely on their judgement and values. Why is it that in the US, as opposed to most of Europe, we have made sex such a dirty thing? Religion, I suppose.


    i got a bj at 13 and i remember wanting that before it was even offered. there was plenty of sex talk in junior high and high school and i felt pretty pervy by 17.. completely pent-up with zero outlet because i didn't know any other gay people or even how to find them. if grindr had been out then... ewgh.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Nov 19, 2014 8:55 PM GMT
    JackBoneTX said
    Destinharbor saidI think the age of consent is ridiculous. I was hit on at age 12 by a guy in Central Park. I knew I was gay and I was tempted but said "No" and went on my way. Any guy of sexual maturity should be able to handle himself. I do think young girls need more legal protection because the damage done by a wrong choice is more devastating. While the OP put an ageist spin on this comments (which was "revolting"), and if we're to have a statutory age of consent, there should be some provision to minimize penalties for sex between people of similar age range, which I know there is in many states. And yes, parenting is the key but in this age of single parent households, sometimes over-site of an adventurous teenager is hard to achieve. You have to rely on their judgement and values. Why is it that in the US, as opposed to most of Europe, we have made sex such a dirty thing? Religion, I suppose.


    i got a bj at 13 and i remember wanting that before it was even offered. there was plenty of sex talk in junior high and high school and i felt pretty pervy by 17.. completely pent-up with zero outlet because i didn't know any other gay people or even how to find them. if grindr had been out then... ewgh.

    So you think age of consent is a good thing to protect kids from themselves? I think learning to contain many tempting pleasures is just part of growing up. Mistakes will be made but most not too damaging (like the OP's young encounter with an older guy).
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 19, 2014 9:07 PM GMT
    Ohno saidShould there be a dating app with a maximum age of 18? You might say no but there are straight equivalents in some form or other

    When I was a teenager there was a place called district 202 which was a hangout for lgbt people under 21. No one over 20 was allowed. It was a great place and no one had to worry about being hit on by inappropriately older men. They hosted a prom and it was only prom I ever went to.

    If I was a parent of a teenager I would not approve of my kid dating anyone old enough to buy alcohol. If they were in high school I wouldn't even approve of then dating anyone in college.
  • 5100s

    Posts: 188

    Nov 19, 2014 9:24 PM GMT
    There's an undertone here that there is a serious problem with older men preying on younger men.

    That obviously happens sometimes, but it's not always the case.

    I never initiate anything with men who are 18 or 19: they always contact me. I don't look upon them as preying upon me, I look upon them as interested in me. And if we want to connect somehow, I don't believe that hurts anybody.

    I think there are some negative attitudes about sex and men who aren't young any more percolating here. I don't have any problems with either. As a man who isn't young any more I'd rather be that than dead any day.


  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 19, 2014 9:28 PM GMT
    5100s saidThere's an undertone here that there is a serious problem with older men preying on younger men.

    That obviously happens sometimes, but it's not always the case.

    I never initiate anything with men who are 18 or 19: they always contact me. I don't look upon them as preying upon me, I look upon them as interested in me. And if we want to connect somehow, I don't believe that hurts anybody.

    I think there are some negative attitudes about sex and men who aren't young any more percolating here. I don't have any problems with either. As a man who isn't young any more I'd rather be that than dead any day.



    Question: Does it bother you to find out you're older than their parents?
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    Nov 19, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidSo you think age of consent is a good thing to protect kids from themselves? I think learning to contain many tempting pleasures is just part of growing up. Mistakes will be made but most not too damaging (like the OP's young encounter with an older guy).


    i think there should be some limits because there ARE adults who will prey on younger people because they're less experienced. society in general doesn't want that going on. see: joe's parenting comment. if anyone doesn't agree then tell me why you think it's ok for a 50 year old to date a 12 year old if they're both consenting :p

    my problem was more one of being closeted and feeling i had to be that way.. more of a typical gay experience before the age of enlightenment (internet). i felt left out of sex at a very sexual age because all my friends were always talking about it and i had this huge secret weighing on me.

    i missed out on containing temptations whenever i could because of a lack of parenting. go go divorce rate. i hear your point there too though icon_smile.gif

    HottJoe saidIf I was a parent of a teenager I would not approve of my kid dating anyone old enough to buy alcohol. If they were in high school I wouldn't even approve of then dating anyone in college.


    i agree and i think most parents would too.
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    Nov 19, 2014 9:32 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    5100s saidThere's an undertone here that there is a serious problem with older men preying on younger men.

    That obviously happens sometimes, but it's not always the case.

    I never initiate anything with men who are 18 or 19: they always contact me. I don't look upon them as preying upon me, I look upon them as interested in me. And if we want to connect somehow, I don't believe that hurts anybody.

    I think there are some negative attitudes about sex and men who aren't young any more percolating here. I don't have any problems with either. As a man who isn't young any more I'd rather be that than dead any day.



    Question: Does it bother you to find out you're older than their parents?


    Why should that bother him? If it doesn't bother him or the younger guy, why should it bother you? If there's a mutual attraction why does that disturb you so much? You have some very conservative views on sex and much of it seems to be borrowed from fundamentalists.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Nov 19, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    Scruffypup said
    HottJoe said
    5100s saidThere's an undertone here that there is a serious problem with older men preying on younger men.

    That obviously happens sometimes, but it's not always the case.

    I never initiate anything with men who are 18 or 19: they always contact me. I don't look upon them as preying upon me, I look upon them as interested in me. And if we want to connect somehow, I don't believe that hurts anybody.

    I think there are some negative attitudes about sex and men who aren't young any more percolating here. I don't have any problems with either. As a man who isn't young any more I'd rather be that than dead any day.



    Question: Does it bother you to find out you're older than their parents?


    Why should that bother him? If it doesn't bother him or the younger guy, why should it bother you? If there's a mutual attraction why does that disturb you so much? You have some very conservative views on sex and much of it seems to be borrowed from fundamentalists.

    I doubt any parent of any political party wants their teenager dating someone older than them.
  • 5100s

    Posts: 188

    Nov 19, 2014 9:35 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    5100s saidThere's an undertone here that there is a serious problem with older men preying on younger men.

    That obviously happens sometimes, but it's not always the case.

    I never initiate anything with men who are 18 or 19: they always contact me. I don't look upon them as preying upon me, I look upon them as interested in me. And if we want to connect somehow, I don't believe that hurts anybody.

    I think there are some negative attitudes about sex and men who aren't young any more percolating here. I don't have any problems with either. As a man who isn't young any more I'd rather be that than dead any day.



    Question: Does it bother you to find out you're older than their parents?


    Not at all: their parents are irrelevant.