Do you swear when arguing?

  • wherewillwebe

    Posts: 120

    Nov 19, 2014 7:44 AM GMT
    I am not a native English speaker and when I first learnt English, I was told not to swear and never ever to use a word 'Cxxx' because it is the worst swear word ever in English language.
    so.. a couple of days ago, I was having an argument with my boyfriend and he said to me 'piss off, you fucking cxxx'. I haven't talked to him since and sent a text message demanding for an apology. However, it seems like he doesn't think it is that serious at all.

    So my question is..

    Am I being too much and dramatic or is it something you native English speakers often use when having a row?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 9:55 AM GMT
    No, that's not normal. Swearing any derogatory word when you're having an argument with your partner shouldn't be tolerated. He should apologize to you.
    In cases where this behaviour could be tolerated is, may be, when you are messing around with your friends. Still, I wouldn't even recommend that. I am not a native English speaker though.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 11:36 AM GMT
    It's all about his intent. Does he normally swear? If he gets cutoff while driving or someone steals his parking spot or he leaves his lunch at home when he goes to work does he let the expletives fly? If so he's just using normal parts of his vocabulary.
    Or was he trying to say the worst possible thing to you to hurt you on purpose?

    I swear a lot. But not usually at someone in an argument.

    Rather than demand an apology and ignore him I'd suggest talking to him and telling him why what he said bothered you. What he meant and what you heard could be 2 wildly different things. Then go have passionate make up seX.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 12:07 PM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidIt's all about his intent. Does he normally swear? If he gets cutoff while driving or someone steals his parking spot or he leaves his lunch at home when he goes to work does he let the expletives fly? If so he's just using normal parts of his vocabulary.
    Or was he trying to say the worst possible thing to you to hurt you on purpose?


    I see where you are coming from, but the context here seems pretty clear. His BF called him a c*nt during an argument. Short of resorting to physical violence, I'd say that's about as bad as it gets.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 1:14 PM GMT
    It varies a great deal in the US, somewhat influened by region, ethnicity, and socio-economic status.

    My own husband has very coarse language, I think due to his years in the Army. I've just gotten used to it. But I ask him to curb it when we're in public places, especially when children may be present. He says "fucking this" and "fucking that" in almost every sentence.

    In spite of my own 25 years in the military I very rarely swear. But then neither did my parents. So I guess it's also how you're raised. I wouldn't make too big of an issue about it with your BF.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 1:16 PM GMT
    I try not to. I grew up with parents who used swear words when they argued. They used them against their kids in anger so I know the damage words can do. I never understood how two people who professed to love each other could say the horrible things they said. That said, because of the environment I grew up in I am prone to throw out a swear word or two when boiling over and I'm not proud of that fact.

    It doesn't matter if he uses that sort of language all the time and with others or in daily conversation; if you don't like it and will not tolerate it you have every right to expect him to treat you better.

    Remember, you train people how to treat you. You have every right to expect an apology and expect it not to happen again.

    The world is becoming more and more coarse. You shouldn't invite it into or allow it to seep into your relationships.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Nov 19, 2014 1:25 PM GMT
    My former partner and I hardly ever used swear words and we certainly NEVER called each other names that would be really offensive. Be smart, disagreements and arguments are a natural part of the process, but how you relate to your partner says much. You can be angry and let the other partner know without calling him a bunch of hurtful (and maybe long lasting hurt) names and disrespect.
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Nov 19, 2014 1:37 PM GMT
    yes.

    I never argue unless absofuckingloutley necessary
  • ZakSayWhat

    Posts: 573

    Nov 19, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    yes.

    I never argue unless absofuckingloutley necessary
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 1:38 PM GMT
    Art_Deco saidIt varies a great deal in the US, somewhat influened by region, ethnicity, and socio-economic status.

    My own husband has very coarse language, I think due to his years in the Army. I've just gotten used to it. But I ask him to curb it when we're in public places, especially when children may be present. He says "fucking this" and "fucking that" in almost every sentence.

    In spite of my own 25 years in the military I very rarely swear. But then neither did my parents. So I guess it's also how you're raised. I wouldn't make too big of an issue about it with your BF.

    Using coarse language on a daily basis and using it to demean someone or your partner is completely different. Though I am not promoting the former behaviour either.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 2:05 PM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    Art_Deco saidIt varies a great deal in the US, somewhat influened by region, ethnicity, and socio-economic status.

    My own husband has very coarse language, I think due to his years in the Army. I've just gotten used to it. But I ask him to curb it when we're in public places, especially when children may be present. He says "fucking this" and "fucking that" in almost every sentence.

    In spite of my own 25 years in the military I very rarely swear. But then neither did my parents. So I guess it's also how you're raised. I wouldn't make too big of an issue about it with your BF.

    Using coarse language on a daily basis and using it to demean someone or your partner is completely different. Though I am not promoting the former behaviour either.

    My husband uses swear words for emphasis. In our 7 years together neither of us has ever sworn at the other, or used other derogatory words. Nor does he swear at other people. It's just how he punctuates his speech, which in some settings can be inapproriate.
  • MG50

    Posts: 1

    Nov 19, 2014 2:10 PM GMT
    ZakSayWhat saidyes.

    I never argue unless absofuckingloutley necessary


    LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 2:16 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe said...question is
    Am I being too much and dramatic or is it something you native English speakers often use when having a row?


    YES
    takes 2 to argue, if things start up just dont respond, tell him you love him, walk to the next room and shut the door. Works every time. Remember its only words.
  • drypin

    Posts: 1798

    Nov 19, 2014 3:23 PM GMT
    I love to swear. It's a great release. However, in 19 years together, I've never used that kind of language AT my husband nor he at me. Still, I had other behaviors I would resort to when angry that my husband found hurtful. I wasn't aware of them and he drew my attention to them, so I stopped... but it took time, and there were slip-ups. Nineteen years with no end in sight. The phrase isn't the main problem. How he handles your feelings about it will determine whether he's worth holding onto or not.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 6:52 PM GMT
    wherewillwebe said...'piss off, you fucking cxxx'...

    Am I being too much and dramatic or is it something you native English speakers often use when having a row?


    Yeah, without context, your shock at these expletives is fucking melodramatic (pardon me). Just kidding.

    Was the trigger something you did but shouldn't have? If it's your poor approach to the argument, I'd find his outburst appropriate.

    If he lost his composure while he was LOSING the argument, then he owes you an apology. He lost, and he's a poor loser.

    You may have heard that--is the word "cunt"?--is a bad word. First off, never be afraid to write a word that's anatomical or scatological on an adult website. Really, we'll be OK if we read it. With some therapy, anyway.

    Second, I'm a little concerned (for you) that you decided that one way to shut down the argument you were having was to be offended by your partner's language. Basically telling him that he lost because you were offended, not because he didn't have a cogent argument. For the record, "piss off, you fucking cunt" is NOT a cogent argument, and he lost on its (lack of) merits alone. However, "beating" him with your melodramatic sensitivity actually makes you seem more--dare I say--cunty. In the context of your argument, anyway.

    The correct response, then, to someone telling you to "piss off, fucking cunt" is "use that tongue the proper way and LICK MY ASS, you fucking scab."

    And, good luck on your relationship.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    Nov 19, 2014 7:30 PM GMT
    For seven years I worked for a company in which many of the employees seemed unable to say even one sentence without using the "F" work or similar words. Quite honestly, I found it annoying and never picked up the habit. Sometimes they embarrassed themselves by inadvertently using a word that was not acceptable under the circumstances.

    The English language has many socially acceptable words which are very effective in expressing one's self, so there is no need to use coarse language. Unfortunately, many of the acceptable and effective words have fallen into disuse; perhaps they should be resurrected.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 8:24 PM GMT
    No one decent ever calls someone a "cunt", in any context. Other words, yes, but never that one.

  • Nov 19, 2014 8:26 PM GMT
    I swear even when I'm not arguing. Then again, cunt is somewhat colloquial in Australia.
  • bro4bro

    Posts: 1034

    Nov 19, 2014 8:45 PM GMT
    "Cunt" is an awful word in America. It's a word you should never use unless you're trying to provoke violence.

    But in the UK and Australia it's used very casually. It's every bit as common as calling someone a dick or an asshole, and quite often it's used among friends without any expectation of bad feeling.

    Even so, in an argument, name calling is not the way to go.

    Does your boyfriend owe you an apology? Maybe. But don't hold your breath waiting for one.

    Either way, it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to be with a guy who calls you a fucking cunt.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 19, 2014 8:51 PM GMT
    KJSharp saidNo one decent ever calls someone a "cunt", in any context. Other words, yes, but never that one.

    I totally agree. Never. But then it's because I find the word completely disrespectful of all women, including my mother and sister. But some people use words that at least in their minds don't really mean what they originally did. I've called guys a "dick head" which was to imply stupid in an ugly way but of course, I love dick, so, sometimes we hear words differently than the literal meaning.

    I may cuss when in an argument with my partner but I never cuss at him or take a stab at his most vulnerable insecurities. That's just not very nice. I think even when very, very mad, even to the point of breaking up, you should maintain a certain level of civility towards this person you do or did care deeply for.

    But I will throw some deleted expletives into conversation just for emphasis. Not around kids. And there are certain words that just aren't PC. Like faggot. You're entitled to put cunt into that category if that's the way you feel.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 8:53 PM GMT
    Yeah, you are being too dramatic. I cuss a lot all the time and cunt is not the worst word you can say. In fact, it's not even that bad. (Not saying that it's good)

    Why give words that much power?

    Instead of being upset he used a certain word why not look at the reason behind the word?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 9:20 PM GMT
    I swear a lot, but never in business or when having an argument. It takes restraint to hold it back. Once people start swearing then they seem to allow all sorts of shit to spew out. Shit that you just can't take back. Words can be devilishly mean, especially the wrong ones.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 9:44 PM GMT
    I don't swear. However, if and when I do (rarely), it makes for an incredible and effective dramatic impact. icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 19, 2014 9:48 PM GMT
    Ckfeezy saidWhy give words that much power?

    The reality is, words DO have that much power. Inspire or humiliate. They can set the course of a life—change lives for the better, or can destroy them. They can incite revolutions, change the course of history. We underestimate our words and thus use them casually and wantonly. It's a reminder that we ought to choose wisely what and how we speak and write. Our words define us.
  • madsexy

    Posts: 4843

    Nov 19, 2014 10:18 PM GMT
    TerraFirma said
    Ckfeezy saidWhy give words that much power?

    The reality is, words DO have that much power. Inspire or humiliate. They can set the course of a life—change lives for the better, or can destroy them. They can incite revolutions, change the course of history. We underestimate our words and thus use them casually and wantonly. It's a reminder that we ought to choose wisely what and how we speak and write. Our words define us.


    bro4bro said"Cunt" is an awful word in America. It's a word you should never use unless you're trying to provoke violence.

    But in the UK and Australia it's used very casually. It's every bit as common as calling someone a dick or an asshole, and quite often it's used among friends without any expectation of bad feeling.

    Even so, in an argument, name calling is not the way to go.

    Does your boyfriend owe you an apology? Maybe. But don't hold your breath waiting for one.

    Either way, it's up to you to decide whether or not you want to be with a guy who calls you a fucking cunt.


    The guys who know me on RJ know I'm a novice at relationships of a bf-bf type so I will admit I don't know if he owes you an apology or not. But what I know is that the two posts above are spot on. Intent is important as to the words but ALSO as to the care and consideration each man gives to the other in a relationship particularly bf to bf. To know the extent of your bf's infraction we'd have to know more about his usual manner of communication. Then we'd have to know more about what you said to make him use that manner of response in the argument itself. My take on it - exactly what bro4bro said in the last paragraph - you have to decide if this is acceptable or not from your bf - if you want to be in a relationship of the type and or with someone who treats you like that. It's called self-respect. Something I've learned a lot about far too late in my life.