What's the couples' openness about?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2014 4:51 PM GMT
    So as somebody that bats for both teams, I've made a rather intriguing observation about the gay community. More gay couples seem to be open to the idea of an extra person in bed. Hetero couples seem to hate the notion altogether. Any guesses as to why this could be?
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    Nov 19, 2014 4:54 PM GMT


    "Any guesses as to why this could be?"

    No, because your supposition isn't true. Just google 'straight couple looking for threesome' - I got over 2 million hits.

    A lot of gay couples, including us, are certainly not interested in a threesome.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2014 4:54 PM GMT
    Because we are very OPEN-MINDED, combined with other things which gays open very easily.
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    Nov 19, 2014 4:57 PM GMT
    meninlove said

    "Any guesses as to why this could be?"

    No, because your supposition isn't true. Just google 'straight couple looking for threesome' - I got over 2 million hits.

    A lot of gay couples, including us, are certainly not interested in a threesome.


    Hmm.. I did consider sampling bias.

    __morphic__ saidBecause we are very OPEN-MINDED, combined with other things which gays open very easily.


    Hahahahah, oh you
  • Destinharbor

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    Nov 19, 2014 4:59 PM GMT
    Not too tough. Hetero couples inviting a third require that that third be EITHER a man or a woman. Guys don't like other guys fucking their wife. Women don't want to see their husband fucking another woman. The arrangement is asymmetrical. For a gay couple, both get what they want. Sure, jealousy can also enter into the picture with a gay couple, but so long as the couple is secure in themselves as a couple, and the third is managed in such a way that there is no pairing off, the chance of all having a great time is pretty likely. Now I have no problem with monogamy if that is the couples' choice, but the question is about couples choosing do do a threesome.
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    Nov 19, 2014 5:02 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidNot too tough. Hetero couples inviting a third require that that third be EITHER a man or a woman. Guys don't like other guys fucking their wife. Women don't want to see their husband fucking another woman. The arrangement is asymmetrical. For a gay couple, both get what they want. Sure, jealousy can also enter into the picture with a gay couple, but so long as the couple is secure in themselves as a couple, and the third is managed in such a way that there is no pairing off, the chance of all having a great time is pretty likely. Now I have no problem with monogamy if that is the couples' choice, but the question is about couples choosing do do a threesome.


    That's interesting! So what you're saying is that same-sex couples are, on average, less jealous of a third playmate, and purely because their genders are all the same.
  • Destinharbor

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    Nov 19, 2014 5:09 PM GMT
    Wildernerd said
    Destinharbor saidNot too tough. Hetero couples inviting a third require that that third be EITHER a man or a woman. Guys don't like other guys fucking their wife. Women don't want to see their husband fucking another woman. The arrangement is asymmetrical. For a gay couple, both get what they want. Sure, jealousy can also enter into the picture with a gay couple, but so long as the couple is secure in themselves as a couple, and the third is managed in such a way that there is no pairing off, the chance of all having a great time is pretty likely. Now I have no problem with monogamy if that is the couples' choice, but the question is about couples choosing do do a threesome.


    That's interesting! So what you're saying is that same-sex couples are, on average, less jealous of a third playmate, and purely because their genders are all the same.

    Ya, exactly. Also because there is a discomfort with the same-sex interaction involved in a hetero three-way. Think about it. Two straight guys naked together with one woman? Two straight women with one guy. The straight guy won't want to play with the other guy. Most straight women don't want to play with another woman. The play doesn't involve everyone equally. Maybe sequentially but not simultaneously. Unless there is some bi action going on as well.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 19, 2014 5:13 PM GMT
    Its a myth that gay couples can't be monogamous and straight couples don't swing. People will often protest in public what they willing do in private. The only difference is that gay men aren't seen as being chaste or faithful. So we don't have an image to uphold.
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    Nov 19, 2014 5:40 PM GMT
    muscleboundfem saidIts a myth that gay couples can't be monogamous and straight couples don't swing...


    myth +1
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 19, 2014 5:48 PM GMT
    pellaz said
    muscleboundfem saidIts a myth that gay couples can't be monogamous and straight couples don't swing...


    myth +1

    True. But I think it is usually with other couples. Though straight women seem to be more inclined to experiment with other women and straight men find that exciting. Not sure why. The only MMF three-way I ever encountered personally involved a guy that later dropped the "bi" label and went exclusively gay. I think cheating one-on-one is still the overwhelming norm in the straight world as opposed to a couple swinging.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 19, 2014 6:32 PM GMT
    Double the testosterone.
  • IndigoZero

    Posts: 8

    Nov 21, 2014 3:31 PM GMT
    Scientifically speaking, males lose their sexual drive and attraction towards a partner they have been with for a long period of time. So when you have two men in a relationship, this happens on both ends. If sex is important part of life for both, then they will experience sexual frustration which can be resolved by either ending the relationship or opening it up. Worst case scenario is that it ends in cheating and lying.

    Culturally speaking, for an advanced society we are still holding on to some pretty ancient sexual dogmas. We are still pretty sexually suppressed, which is why advertising that uses sex is very effective. It is easy to sell a fantasy to people when they aren't willing to get it in real life.

    Historical research shows that even for straight couples, monogamy is not the norm. It is just a lot messier than it is for gay guys. Between infidelity, divorce, and serial monogamy (people who jump from one short term relationship to the next) monogamy is not really the norm. I think it is just easier for people to do what is socially acceptable to get more sexual partners than to just have an authentic and honest conversation with the person they are with.

    Most relationships I observe are like a hostage situation. Where one person demands an exclusive lease on the other person's body and thoughts, and they threaten abandonment in case the other person does anything to escape that.

    People just have to be authentic and communicate without fear, when that happens you will see a lot more people having open relationships.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2014 5:02 PM GMT
    marriage equality and acceptance is new:
    For a gay teen just coming out there are a more options. All older generations of gay men have had to make due possibly an extended family of previous lovers etc.

    keep it simple:
    If you acknowledge a belief system that there is a basic human need to share with best friend(s). As the body count increases in the relationship maintenance becomes more difficult. The "Big Love" situations are also prone to one person dominance, ownership and petty arguments. You just get to hear more of it.

  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 21, 2014 5:19 PM GMT
    IndigoZero saidScientifically speaking, males lose their sexual drive and attraction towards a partner they have been with for a long period of time. So when you have two men in a relationship, this happens on both ends. If sex is important part of life for both, then they will experience sexual frustration which can be resolved by either ending the relationship or opening it up. Worst case scenario is that it ends in cheating and lying.

    Culturally speaking, for an advanced society we are still holding on to some pretty ancient sexual dogmas. We are still pretty sexually suppressed, which is why advertising that uses sex is very effective. It is easy to sell a fantasy to people when they aren't willing to get it in real life.

    Historical research shows that even for straight couples, monogamy is not the norm. It is just a lot messier than it is for gay guys. Between infidelity, divorce, and serial monogamy (people who jump from one short term relationship to the next) monogamy is not really the norm. I think it is just easier for people to do what is socially acceptable to get more sexual partners than to just have an authentic and honest conversation with the person they are with.

    Most relationships I observe are like a hostage situation. Where one person demands an exclusive lease on the other person's body and thoughts, and they threaten abandonment in case the other person does anything to escape that.

    People just have to be authentic and communicate without fear, when that happens you will see a lot more people having open relationships.

    True. In my career, I managed a lot of very successful married men working in offices that were a sea of women of lesser status. At least half of them (and probably more) cheated on their wives with some regularity. I didn't get involved because it was none of my business but I stayed aware because it was my job to make sure it wasn't happening with women employees.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2014 5:55 PM GMT
    i dont cheat, dont think you would either.