Still not understanding the whole online-dating thing...

  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Nov 20, 2014 6:56 PM GMT
    Having come out nearly six years ago, just turning 50 this past Tuesday, etc., you'd think I would have learned to expect certain things (not be surprised anymore) in the gay dating realm, especially online, but, I'm still baffled by what little connections of substance come out of the online dating pool.

    Nearly every time, a guy will show interest (or so it seems)--be it match.com, OK Cupid, even here--and, despite some earnest, seemingly no-B.S. profile--the other guy will just fade out--in less than a week, nearly every time.

    It's the equivalent of talking to someone in person, and, when you return from rest room, they've just disappeared.

    Like sustainable interaction--despite their words to the contrary on their profiles--is beyond them.

    Don't get me wrong--I don't expect to hit it off, be it friends, potential partners, whatever--with each and every person I meet, be it online, or in person; quite the contrary: everyone can be an acquired taste to the rest of the world.

    But, I honestly don't know what the typical gay man expects to gain with this near-constant behavior of start/stop/start/stop.

    As well, rejection doesn't bother me in the least--; it's the time wasting, false-start elements that aggravate me.

    I mean--if guys don't want to follow through on the even most basic tenants of "let's-get-to-know-each-other-a-little", why do they even bother?

    Seems to cut across all ages, life-experiences, etc. as well.

    Is it indicative of the off-line guys as well, or, is the online pool merely reflective of this type of behavior everywhere?
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    Nov 21, 2014 3:35 PM GMT
    Hasn't been my experience. I can't seem to get rid of them.
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    Nov 21, 2014 6:24 PM GMT
    I think your experiences are pretty typical. It's inherent in the medium ... reduces human interaction to the equivalent of online shopping (you are in his "cart" for a while until he sees something else he wants).
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    Nov 21, 2014 6:46 PM GMT
    lol I've messaged a few guys here on RJ that have things on their profiles like "I'm laid back" or " message me, I'm a nice guy" but they never reply. *shrugs* I guess some guys do that just to be "man magnets" until they find something they like. That's why I am no longer interested in dating or even making new internet friends. Don't take things on the internet at face value.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 21, 2014 7:14 PM GMT
    Hasn't been my experience either. Some, sure. But I also have friends made online over 14 years ago that I still talk to. On several different sites. My four fairly long term dating relationships all started online and not one of them was local. And in between, I met several local guys for more hookup purposes that also became repeats and good friends, if also fuck- buddies. And I'm older than you so it isn't your age. Maybe you don't communicate well when getting to know someone online. Maybe you're zero-ing in on potential partner conversation too soon instead of simply getting to know the guy. You certainly can write well so maybe you're freezing up when interested in a specific guy. Maybe you've just had bad luck so far.
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    Nov 21, 2014 9:43 PM GMT
    icon_rolleyes.gificon_rolleyes.gifFor the Undercover dude's comment! He so vain he think this song forum is about him. Non sensitive to ur questions and anticipated u'r'nings. Well my dear friend I'm on this IIDSite for almost 3 weeks now. Some dudes... Not mentioning names are plain stupid and insensitive. Maybe they does have a social depravement!!! Who knows. Keep on trying. There are also other sites to explore, don't be rigit in the idees of exploring LOVE. We all undercover yourself and kie does have a match. Place and time will dictate what happens.
    My friend true love... Work for it mate!!! I Also try to ch*t to one or two guys. No responece. Extremity... Rude...ness... Remember all ur fellas on here ... WereRESIZED TEXT GOES HERERESIZED TEXT GOES HERECOLORED TEXT GOES HERE looking for some one sometime.
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    Nov 21, 2014 9:59 PM GMT
    If online dating profiles were updated with details of when the user last had a wank these issues would be a lot less opaque. So many guys are looking for someone to be interested so they feel sexy, but they are too scared to meet. They use the sites for motivation.
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    Nov 21, 2014 10:29 PM GMT
    taking a look at your realJock profile:
    -you say you were married 14years in a straight relationship, so was I. I was married to my greatest personal friend but I was gay... nothing bad said here. you might also elaborate on positive relationship experiences gained since gay or straight relationships are much the same.
    -super nice pic(s), loose the one with the frown, loose the one of your arm you looking down. Phuck!; your so very nice to look at.
    -location, location; Columbia, Missouri; your serious? try grinder or scruff; in small towns those apps work even better. Love finds it ways into difficult places, i know this for sure because there was a pop song on this.
    -you sound a little in the closet. For the right man you must be able to give him a big wet gay kiss at the local Home Depot check out. Tell us a little about your self and who your looking for
    -Sounds like you have not been divorces long either? I know the legal process takes more than expected time. Also the process make sure you really really want a divorce. Indicate you are over it and your really really gay. Tell us what you plan to do with this transgender queen of a husband you find?
    -keep your profile as open as you can. Its not race, the car he drives or how much money. Stick to the basics; communication, trust, respect.

    best of luck.
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Nov 22, 2014 2:33 AM GMT
    Ohno saidIf online dating profiles were updated with details of when the user last had a wank these issues would be a lot less opaque. So many guys are looking for someone to be interested so they feel sexy, but they are too scared to meet. They use the sites for motivation.


    Very true--seems to be their source of self-validation.
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Nov 22, 2014 2:34 AM GMT
    pellaz saidtaking a look at your realJock profile:
    -you say you were married 14years in a straight relationship, so was I. I was married to my greatest personal friend but I was gay... nothing bad said here. you might also elaborate on positive relationship experiences gained since gay or straight relationships are much the same.
    -super nice pic(s), loose the one with the frown, loose the one of your arm you looking down. Phuck!; your so very nice to look at.
    -location, location; Columbia, Missouri; your serious? try grinder or scruff; in small towns those apps work even better. Love finds it ways into difficult places, i know this for sure because there was a pop song on this.
    -you sound a little in the closet. For the right man you must be able to give him a big wet gay kiss at the local Home Depot check out. Tell us a little about your self and who your looking for
    -Sounds like you have not been divorces long either? I know the legal process takes more than expected time. Also the process make sure you really really want a divorce. Indicate you are over it and your really really gay. Tell us what you plan to do with this transgender queen of a husband you find?
    -keep your profile as open as you can. Its not race, the car he drives or how much money. Stick to the basics; communication, trust, respect.

    best of luck.


    What a post.

    Good luck to you too.
  • davidchill45

    Posts: 55

    Nov 22, 2014 2:42 AM GMT
    Destinharbor saidHasn't been my experience either. Some, sure. But I also have friends made online over 14 years ago that I still talk to. On several different sites. My four fairly long term dating relationships all started online and not one of them was local. And in between, I met several local guys for more hookup purposes that also became repeats and good friends, if also fuck- buddies. And I'm older than you so it isn't your age. Maybe you don't communicate well when getting to know someone online. Maybe you're zero-ing in on potential partner conversation too soon instead of simply getting to know the guy. You certainly can write well so maybe you're freezing up when interested in a specific guy. Maybe you've just had bad luck so far.


    Bad luck would be my pick.

    And typically, the other guy reaches out first (though not always), and, many times, broaches the subject of "serious interest" before I do--

    It's the sustainability factor in the "getting to know one another/follow through" that nearly always falters from the other side.

    I've met some genuinely good guys over the last few years from online intros--no crime that they didn't work out long-term.

    Everyone knows you have to kiss thousands of frogs to find your prince--but when most of the frogs have no social skills, or their motives are simply "swipe to the left, swipe to the right", it just gets very tiring.

    Just curious if that's the way it works for others--or not.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 23, 2014 11:01 PM GMT
    I'm not an expert on online dating or anything, I can say from my own experiences. IF a guy doesn't respond back or he ignores you, that means you're not his type and he doesn't want to reject you or hurt your feelings. I've done the same thing to a couple of guys who emailed me and on Facebook too. As far as RJ goes, I get very weird messages on here from guys from god no where lol, so I don't take dating on here seriously.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 24, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    yup...gays...
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    Nov 24, 2014 4:20 AM GMT
    Glad to know I'm not the only one it's happened to.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Nov 24, 2014 6:07 AM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidI think your experiences are pretty typical. It's inherent in the medium ... reduces human interaction to the equivalent of online shopping (you are in his "cart" for a while until he sees something else he wants).


    Pretty much this. I've actually started having some conversations that last weeks. You have to accept that many of these dudes just want validation, are catfish, or are too afraid to actually get to know someone. Saying you are laid back and looking for conversation sounds better than I need sex to fill the void in my life. I have nothing against sex but too many gay men use it as medication.