How To Ask Your Partner to Get Tested???

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2014 3:52 AM GMT
    How? I don't want to be rude, but at the same time, I need to know.
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    Nov 21, 2014 2:00 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs saidHow? I don't want to be rude, but at the same time, I need to know.


    Make him a cup of coffee. After a few minutes of small talk just slip it in there normally. This is about the respect for the lives of the both of yaz! Good Luck

    Aaron
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    Nov 21, 2014 2:32 PM GMT
    testing is free; go with him to the free clinic.

    i would be a little suspicious about possible bad news if he is procrastinating on this. just my 2cents.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Nov 21, 2014 2:38 PM GMT
    "I want for us to go to the clinic together to get tested - when would be a good time for you?"

    Its only rude if you add 'bitch' in there someplace.


    Seriously, for us gays the whole STD thing is a real concern and anyone who things that saying we need to get tested is 'rude' has got problems you most likely do not want in your life.
  • a303guy

    Posts: 829

    Nov 21, 2014 2:43 PM GMT
    If you are calling him your partner, and a question like this is awkward, he's really not your partner.
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    Nov 21, 2014 2:52 PM GMT
    a303guy saidIf you are calling him your partner, and a question like this is awkward, he's really not your partner.


    Either that, or he shouldn't be. Well stated!
  • IndigoZero

    Posts: 8

    Nov 21, 2014 3:35 PM GMT
    If you can't bring yourself to openly and honestly ask the question and have a conversation without being afraid, then an STD is not the only thing you should be worried about.
  • Sunny_x9

    Posts: 95

    Nov 21, 2014 4:33 PM GMT
    yep we don't have to be rude in our statements ,
    and before we start the game in bed
    but I won't be sad if my new friend wants to get tested
    ( ofcourse both ) then he can be open and say
    let's both go and get tested . I wud do the same , hope
    the other guy understands the importance of it
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 21, 2014 4:52 PM GMT
    Yeah. Easy. Just say "Hey let's get tested for everything."
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2014 4:53 PM GMT
    Bowyn_Aerrow said"I want for us to go to the clinic together to get tested - when would be a good time for you?"

    Its only rude if you add 'bitch' in there someplace.


    Seriously, for us gays the whole STD thing is a real concern and anyone who things that saying we need to get tested is 'rude' has got problems you most likely do not want in your life.



    Yes. This.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 21, 2014 6:35 PM GMT
    You don't even have to leave the comfort of your armchair to get tested these days. There's really no excuse.

    http://www.tht.org.uk/sexual-health/About-HIV/HIV-postal-test
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    Nov 21, 2014 9:50 PM GMT
    There is no nice way and you shouldn't beat around the bush about it either.

    "Hey there. Let's go get tested. No? Ok. Peace out".
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    Nov 22, 2014 2:16 AM GMT
    Just ask him. This is 2014 after-all...
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    Nov 22, 2014 4:31 AM GMT
    Offer him a lollipop. Or as a negative incentive, withhold sex until he tests. And not just the free 20-minute HIV one, but blood work for ALL STIs. That's what we do.

    But if not in your budget, or you don't have a regular doctor (we share the same ones, and sit together at visits, preventing the concealing of results from each other), then at least get a free Ora Quick HIV mouth swab.

    And as suggested above, tell him you're getting one, too, would like him to come along. That demonstrates trust & responsibility. If he balks he may indeed be hiding something, or has reason to think he's got something to hide.
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    Nov 22, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    Say, " if You want a future with Me, let's go get tested together. I won't leave if You are Poz, but I won't stay if You insist in living in the dark."

    TRUST ME - it always works.

    Good Luck.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Nov 22, 2014 10:06 PM GMT
    Like this:

    I need you to get tested or I will find someone who loves me enough to do that simple thing for me.
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    Nov 22, 2014 10:45 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidLike this:

    I need you to get tested or I will find someone who loves me enough to do that simple thing for me.

    I had a BF say that to me. I got tested. Because he was concerned.

    With my first (and late) partner I did not get tested regularly. I was monogamous with him and he was already poz when we met, as he told me. I knew there was a degree of risk for me, despite our strictly having safe sex.

    I dunno, I guess for once I didn't want to know. Until the day he got a new HIV doctor. Who demanded I have complete blood work for everything infectious.

    "Your partner is my patient, not you," he told me very bluntly & rudely. "I don't care what happens to you. But if you have a different HIV strain than he does, or something else, you could hurt him. I've gotta know what I'm dealing with in treating him".

    I scheduled the blood work immediately. I couldn't let my partner down, expose him to risk. But I hadn't known all this before the doctor told me. I thought the risk was all on my side.

    I didn't like him insulting me like that, but I also knew he was gonna look after my partner with a dedication I admired, and appreciated, for my partner's sake. I'll endure a little insult for that.

    I tested negative across the board, apparently never had an STI in my life, still haven't. My current partner & I both test together, even though we're monogamous. We do it as much for the community example it sets.

    We work with the at-risk community, and we can't very well say to them: "Get tested regularly, even if that's not what we do ourselves. Because we have no risk".

    Well, almost EVERYBODY will try to rationalize that they have no risk. But if my partner & I test several times a year, despite having zero risk, what's YOUR reluctance?
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    Nov 23, 2014 12:36 AM GMT
    You should be able to have this talk if it's a legitimate relationship. Just tell him you like having sex with him and in order for that to keep happening he needs to get tested..with you.
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    Nov 23, 2014 1:00 AM GMT
    If you go in and ask to be tested "for everything". They most likely won't test you for herpes. Many health care providers aren't aware there is now a blood test for herpes 1 and 2 that looks for antibodies. This will tell you if you were ever exposed to herpes. Even if you have no sores you can still have it. 40% of men who have set with men have herpes, 80-90% of them don't know it. So be sure to specify you want herpes antibody tests.
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    Nov 23, 2014 2:02 AM GMT
    Cash saidSay, " if You want a future with Me, let's go get tested together. I won't leave if You are Poz, but I won't stay if You insist in living in the dark."

    TRUST ME - it always works.

    Good Luck.


    I like this one!
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    Nov 23, 2014 2:04 AM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidLike this:

    I need you to get tested or I will find someone who loves me enough to do that simple thing for me.


    This is also a good one. Basically sums everything up in one sentence.
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    Nov 23, 2014 2:05 AM GMT
    Wyndahoi saidIf you go in and ask to be tested "for everything". They most likely won't test you for herpes. Many health care providers aren't aware there is now a blood test for herpes 1 and 2 that looks for antibodies. This will tell you if you were ever exposed to herpes. Even if you have no sores you can still have it. 40% of men who have set with men have herpes, 80-90% of them don't know it. So be sure to specify you want herpes antibody tests.


    Right! I him tested for EVERYTHING!
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    Nov 23, 2014 7:16 PM GMT
    IndigoZero saidIf you can't bring yourself to openly and honestly ask the question and have a conversation without being afraid, then an STD is not the only thing you should be worried about.

    OMG, best answer ever! Great answer Indigo.....you're absolutely right. These are things you should be very open and honest about and be able to discuss without fear, anger, suspicion or judgement. If anything, he should appreciate that you care enough to be concerned for both of you regardless of suspicions or reasons.
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    Nov 23, 2014 7:17 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs said
    UndercoverMan saidLike this:

    I need you to get tested or I will find someone who loves me enough to do that simple thing for me.


    This is also a good one. Basically sums everything up in one sentence.

    I would start with asking and having a conversation before you make demands with possible unwanted consequences.
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    Nov 24, 2014 12:19 AM GMT
    eb925guy said
    GrumpyDinosaurs said
    UndercoverMan saidLike this:

    I need you to get tested or I will find someone who loves me enough to do that simple thing for me.


    This is also a good one. Basically sums everything up in one sentence.

    I would start with asking and having a conversation before you make demands with possible unwanted consequences.


    Seriously?! What is to discuss? I do not want someone in my life who has no concern for my sexual health or their own.