Coping with Loneliness

  • NoahBrookz

    Posts: 56

    Nov 23, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    How do you usually cope with loneliness?

    I'm a college student and I often feel pretty lonely. Definitely don't have a guy so that isn't an option! icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 23, 2014 11:53 PM GMT
    NoahBrookz saidHow do you usually cope with loneliness?

    I'm a college student and I often feel pretty lonely. Definitely don't have a guy so that isn't an option! icon_rolleyes.gif

    You're 18, in college, in Austin.. How can you NOT meet other guys?

    I think you need to put yourself out there more. Don't focus on meeting just gay guys or potential boyfriends. Just go out and socialize with everyone. Join some campus clubs.
  • Rhi_Bran

    Posts: 904

    Nov 24, 2014 3:32 AM GMT
    If you want a boyfriend simply because you're lonely, then you are in this for the wrong reasons. Love is not a compliment to one's life, not something to take off a shelf and admire when you feel a pang to.

    Being lonely can definitely eat away at you, but I've learned to treasure silence and stillness in a world that never seems to stop talking or moving. (edit) That being said, I'm a hardcore introvert and too much socializing renders me tired and agitated.

    Anyway...you're in college - join a group that shares your interests. For me it was the on-campus LGBTA, fitness, and gamer groups. After college I started doing aikido and have made friends at the dojo that are like family to me. I still don't have a boyfriend and simply don't really care to go out of my way to look, because after a rather uninspired first relationship I'm still learning to love myself and build up self-esteem.
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    Nov 24, 2014 3:52 AM GMT
    I would say that you need to continue to improve and find yourself at the moment. A boyfriend will come eventually just be patient. I'm in the same situation as you and that's what has been working for me. Try doing that so you are not like many of my friends who have settled for any ol' thang just to be in a relationship. Trust me there are benefits to being single. Find them and enjoy them because when you finally get into a relationship you won't have them. Hopefully my two cents helped. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Nov 24, 2014 4:39 AM GMT
    There are so many ways to cope. Keeping busy, hanging with friends.

    But at the end of the day, when you lie in bed, it still hits you.

    You just gotta learn to be okay with it. Focus on yourself, your dreams and enjoy the small times you have with other people.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Nov 24, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    lonely is a state of mind ... choose your state of mind
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    Nov 24, 2014 4:50 AM GMT
    NoahBrookz saidHow do you usually cope with loneliness?

    I'm a college student and I often feel pretty lonely. Definitely don't have a guy so that isn't an option! icon_rolleyes.gif


    College was one of the loneliest times of my life, and having a romantic partner, when I did, didn't really help anyway. Maybe if it wasn't a girl things would have been different, but I still suspect it wouldn't have been by much. icon_rolleyes.gif

    If it helps, just bear in mind that the reason you're at school is to give yourself the final push you need to have a successful life as a young adult on your own; once you're done with school and managing your own affairs you'll have a chance (finally) to learn how you want to set your own priorities, including getting to choose where to look for friendships and social interactions instead of having those dictated by the circumstances that come with the tight schedules and crowded campus of a college or university.

    For me, the years after college and the freedom I'd been craving for so very long were my chance to form real relationships of various kinds on my own terms, and before long loneliness ceased to be such a dominant force in my life. Hang in there a little longer, and I'm sure you'll see positive changes too.
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    Nov 24, 2014 4:52 AM GMT
    NoahBrookz saidHow do you usually cope with loneliness?

    I'm a college student and I often feel pretty lonely. Definitely don't have a guy so that isn't an option! icon_rolleyes.gif



    Hey there. Not being alone is always bad. I used to hate being alone (no roommates, far away friends etc.).

    I am also a student - I have great friends and go out almost every other night, but I do live alone. I am happy, and embraced being alone. I have taken advantage of the solitude by exercise, hiking and meditation.

    If you feel depressed for your loneliness, take time off (plan it ahead), to go out an explore places by yourself - it can be quite amazing at times and incredibly adventurous.

    I hike several days at a time by myself, and absolutely love it. I experience nature's true unique beauty out in the wilderness, without the distraction of another individuals persistence.

    If you need friends, try meetup, and find a yoga class. It is tons of fun, and I highly recommend it.

    Message me if you need to talk. icon_smile.gif
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Nov 24, 2014 5:33 AM GMT
    I have never felt an urge to cope with loneliness at all.

    In more ways than one, loneliness is a true blessing which allows you to achieve wonderful things, and develop potentials that you have deep inside.

    Embrace your loneliness and use it to your full benefit.

    Network and make friends. Look for valuable people who will engage in productive relationships. Stop short of gathering a crowd around you that is good for nothing but for wasting your creative time.

    Decisions that you make at your gentle age of 18 will influence your life massively.

    Thread carefully...

    SC
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    Nov 24, 2014 8:48 AM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidlonely is a state of mind ... choose your state of mind


    I don't really agree with that. I've been with friends recently and noticed how half of them (myself including, oops) were more interested in using our smartphones than socialising as people.

    The modern world is lonely IMO. Try joining specialist groups and meeting new people. I've made lots of gay friends through Grindr too.
  • ATLANTIS7

    Posts: 1213

    Nov 24, 2014 3:37 PM GMT
    Guess you can be lonely at any age? Try chatting to people that you feel good with and maybe open up more?

    Not easy I know...........
  • NoahBrookz

    Posts: 56

    Nov 24, 2014 4:48 PM GMT
    I appreciate all the comments!

    The thing is, it's not so much that I don't have friends, or that I don't have plans or don't go out. I do! Its just I'll randomly have a moment where I don't and I guess I just over think and get emotional. I guess I was having one of those moments when I posted this icon_rolleyes.gif
    But it would be better for me if those moments didn't happen
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    Nov 24, 2014 5:44 PM GMT
    Rhi_Bran saidIf you want a boyfriend simply because you're lonely, then you are in this for the wrong reasons. Love is not a compliment to one's life, not something to take off a shelf and admire when you feel a pang to.

    Being lonely can definitely eat away at you, but I've learned to treasure silence and stillness in a world that never seems to stop talking or moving. (edit) That being said, I'm a hardcore introvert and too much socializing renders me tired and agitated.

    Anyway...you're in college - join a group that shares your interests. For me it was the on-campus LGBTA, fitness, and gamer groups. After college I started doing aikido and have made friends at the dojo that are like family to me. I still don't have a boyfriend and simply don't really care to go out of my way to look, because after a rather uninspired first relationship I'm still learning to love myself and build up self-esteem.



    Then why would someone want a relationship then?
  • NoahBrookz

    Posts: 56

    Nov 24, 2014 10:58 PM GMT
    xavierdc said
    Rhi_Bran saidIf you want a boyfriend simply because you're lonely, then you are in this for the wrong reasons. Love is not a compliment to one's life, not something to take off a shelf and admire when you feel a pang to.

    Being lonely can definitely eat away at you, but I've learned to treasure silence and stillness in a world that never seems to stop talking or moving. (edit) That being said, I'm a hardcore introvert and too much socializing renders me tired and agitated.

    Anyway...you're in college - join a group that shares your interests. For me it was the on-campus LGBTA, fitness, and gamer groups. After college I started doing aikido and have made friends at the dojo that are like family to me. I still don't have a boyfriend and simply don't really care to go out of my way to look, because after a rather uninspired first relationship I'm still learning to love myself and build up self-esteem.



    Then why would someone want a relationship then?


    Good point icon_rolleyes.gif
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    Nov 24, 2014 11:15 PM GMT
    Option 1-Make an imaginary friend.

    Option 2- Focus on achieving goals

    Option 3- Join a group like a book club, fitness class, etc

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    Nov 24, 2014 11:16 PM GMT
    Best way to cope with loneliness: Hang out with people.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Nov 24, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    xrichx said
    NoahBrookz saidHow do you usually cope with loneliness?

    I'm a college student and I often feel pretty lonely. Definitely don't have a guy so that isn't an option! icon_rolleyes.gif

    You're 18, in college, in Austin.. How can you NOT meet other guys?

    I think you need to put yourself out there more. Don't focus on meeting just gay guys or potential boyfriends. Just go out and socialize with everyone. Join some campus clubs.


    I agree, there is no reason you can't join the campus gay group and just socialize with them and form platonic friends.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Nov 24, 2014 11:40 PM GMT
    AMoonHawk saidlonely is a state of mind ... choose your state of mind


    I agree, when I went back to college then grad school in my 30s I simply didn't care so I was not lonely no matter how much time I spent on my own writing documents, I simply didn't care.
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    Nov 25, 2014 12:52 AM GMT
    i tell myself i am happy being single and alone and it doesnt matter if im alone or not.

    i shudnt need someone to feel fulfilled... because true happiness comes from accepting and loving urself.
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    Nov 25, 2014 1:06 AM GMT
    Do you live alone? (or at your parent's house?). Try living with roommates or in a dorm where there are lots of other people. I never felt lonely in college because I always lived with roommates. (OTOH, I did not miss having a boyfriend, cause I wasn't yet aware that I was gay and on one else had a boyfriend, either)
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    Nov 25, 2014 6:41 AM GMT
    SilverRRCloud saidI have never felt an urge to cope with loneliness at all.

    In more ways than one, loneliness is a true blessing which allows you to achieve wonderful things, and develop potentials that you have deep inside.

    Embrace your loneliness and use it to your full benefit.

    SC


    So many great comments on this thread I hardly know what to add, but this quote from SilverRRCloud sums up my own approach in the past when I've experienced times of loneliness. Having hobbies and interests you can get passionate about does two things: it makes being by yourself engaging in what you love more fun, but also gives you something to share with other people when you do mingle, which can lead to friendships or romance and help address the original loneliness problem.
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    Nov 25, 2014 9:15 AM GMT
    People can feel lonely even with lots of friends and social interactions. And then they feel ashamed because they have friends so they shouldn't be having feelings of loneliness.
    The good thing about college is that you usually have counselling services included in tuition. Don't be afraid to talk to them and don't feel like you are taking anything away from someone "who needs it more". If you are, then the counsellor won't book in another appointment for you. You feel lonely - it's common for college students. Get your head sorted.
  • secondstartot...

    Posts: 1314

    Nov 26, 2014 5:29 PM GMT
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    Nov 26, 2014 5:59 PM GMT
    xavierdc said
    Rhi_Bran saidIf you want a boyfriend simply because you're lonely, then you are in this for the wrong reasons. Love is not a compliment to one's life, not something to take off a shelf and admire when you feel a pang to.

    Being lonely can definitely eat away at you, but I've learned to treasure silence and stillness in a world that never seems to stop talking or moving. (edit) That being said, I'm a hardcore introvert and too much socializing renders me tired and agitated.

    Anyway...you're in college - join a group that shares your interests. For me it was the on-campus LGBTA, fitness, and gamer groups. After college I started doing aikido and have made friends at the dojo that are like family to me. I still don't have a boyfriend and simply don't really care to go out of my way to look, because after a rather uninspired first relationship I'm still learning to love myself and build up self-esteem.



    Then why would someone want a relationship then?



    Because relationships where one is trying to fill a void(loneliness) often have disastrous results. Dating isn't easy to begin with. Someone dating to fill a void is likely to sabotage the relationship by either being too clingy or possessive
  • NoahBrookz

    Posts: 56

    Nov 27, 2014 10:58 PM GMT
    I definitely don't feel like I will be filling a void with a guy! I'll be more careful than that