Now I know what homophobia is ...

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 3:05 PM GMT

    My dorm mate is kicking me aout of the dorms .. how ?


    two hours ago we had this converation:


    I walked in to the room:

    he asked me : let me ask you a question, are you gay ?
    me (surprised) : what ?? where did you get that from ?
    I'm suspecting , since that time that you hugged me.
    me : but you know I was just kidding.. and since then I never touched you.
    him : please .. just tell me the truth, I'm not here to judge you .. it's just killing me from the inside .. I can't sleep well , I'm scared to change my clothes in front of you ... everytime you walk in to the room I feel horrible.. I can't stand you anymore ..
    me (trying to stay calm) : but you know I"m not gay .. I never looked at you when you change your clother or anything .
    him: I don't belive you .. you are a strange person .. and now I'm sure that you are gay ..
    me: ok .. then what is the solution ? why are you asking me if you aren't gonna belive me ..
    him (shaking .. looks like he's about to cry) : I don't know .. it's like a course .. I can't even imagine living with you anymore .. and honestly I was planing to report you for sexual abuse ..
    me : what?? then what do you want me to do .. if you feel like this then it's your problem ..

    After a long conversation I told him that I"ll leave the dorm and move to another .. although it's gonna be hard .I was trying to stay calm and deny it ... but now,I prefer not to stay near this extremely homophobic person ..
    since I moved to the dorms I stayed quiet .. just stay out of troubles and stay in the dorms ..

    it didn't work out ... now I know what is homophobia like ..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 3:29 PM GMT
    The guy thought you were gay because you hugged? The rules regarding physical affection between males must be different in Israel. To be honest that really sucks to have to move. BTW why doesn't he move? Why are you the one moving? Or is that a stupid question.
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    Jan 18, 2009 3:39 PM GMT
    SurrealLife saidThe guy thought you were gay because you hugged? The rules regarding physical affection between males must be different in Israel. To be honest that really sucks to have to move. BTW why doesn't he move? Why are you the one moving? Or is that a stupid question.


    First it's not like this in Israel .. it's like that with religious arab people..
    and I'm moving because I'm the guilty one ... that's how it works ...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 3:43 PM GMT
    You're in Israel. You can't be openly gay in the dorm as long as you dont make unwelcomed advances on other guys? Cant you report him and have him expelled from the dorm or at least have him move if he doesnt want to share a room with a gay guy?
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Jan 18, 2009 3:48 PM GMT
    Well let me say I think thats a pretty rough experience and I'm sorry you had to go through that.

    First, let me say your dorm mate has a problem. Its not you, its him.
    Recognize that he might have brought up "a problem" with you regardless
    of using the gay card. It is an excuse. Look at it as not homophobia, but
    an issue with someone who isn't grounded and has some emotional issues.

    Secondly, you need to have a conversation with those in charge of the dorms. I'm serious and you need to do it. Go immediately to your dorm
    director or an official in charge. Explain what happened in detail..
    You needn't disclose anything about your sexual preference, but rather discuss the problem with your roommate and why you are moving.
    Should anything else be suggested by your dorm mate, you need to have
    knowledgeable officials. The fact you are solving the problem should impress those officials that you are a responsible and reasonable guy.


    Good luck and know we are behind you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 4:01 PM GMT
    Sounds like real homophobia. I mean, he sounds like he's deathly afraid he might give in to his homoerotic tendencies. Bet he's got the hots for you.
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    Jan 18, 2009 4:30 PM GMT
    Sucks that you/we have to experience this however this is nothing new for us and like those prior to you who have experienced this it will make you stronger and realize that other people's issues/concerns are NOT yours!!!
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    Jan 18, 2009 4:42 PM GMT

    Thank you for supporting me .. it's all what I need .. I told one my friends and he told me that it's my fault too ..

    I always kept quiet , cuz I didn't want to go through challenges and wars with these people . I just wanted to live in dorms peacefully.. that's why I'm hesitating about telling the inchargers .. cuz now it'll open a door for this story ..

    beside .. if I kick him out he'll keep carrying a grudge for me and will try to do something about that ..
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 18, 2009 4:46 PM GMT
    if ANYONE should be leaving, it should be THAT fool. icon_rolleyes.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 18, 2009 4:50 PM GMT
    GHoSTa said
    beside .. if I kick him out he'll keep carrying a grudge for me and will try to do something about that ..

    Oh yeah....and if it is one thing middle easterners do, it is carry a grudge....for thousands of years! ... icon_eek.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:27 AM GMT
    GHoSTa said
    SurrealLife saidThe guy thought you were gay because you hugged? The rules regarding physical affection between males must be different in Israel. To be honest that really sucks to have to move. BTW why doesn't he move? Why are you the one moving? Or is that a stupid question.


    First it's not like this in Israel .. it's like that with religious arab people..
    and I'm moving because I'm the guilty one ... that's how it works ...


    You are guilty of hugging or of being gay? Wow that is a tough pill to swallow. To me you are not guilty of anything but of being human, but I think I am spoiled by living in a liberal city (even by North American standards).
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:29 AM GMT
    Caslon8000 said
    GHoSTa said
    beside .. if I kick him out he'll keep carrying a grudge for me and will try to do something about that ..

    Oh yeah....and if it is one thing middle easterners do, it is carry a grudge....for thousands of years! ... icon_eek.gif


    do we really need this in this thread?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:31 AM GMT
    I had a conversation like that with my freshman-year roomie back in 1977. I thought things had changed by now. It is his problem not yours. It would not surprise me to see him at the gay pride rally in 3 years.
  • EricLA

    Posts: 3461

    Jan 19, 2009 1:47 AM GMT
    Yeah, you're better off moving. But you should worry about him reporting you for sexual abuse. The fact he brings it up as an option when it's not true means he could still do it. Can you come out to the dorm managers? You need to insulate yourself against this, if you can.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:52 AM GMT
    do what you need to do to stay safe, I think the cultural aspect is lost on my fellow posters, only you know the implications this can have on your life, do what makes sense even if it doesnt seem "right" to north american sensibility.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:57 AM GMT
    It makes me angry to say it, but I think it might be in your best interest to be willing to move, but, I think your first step needs to be to talk with your dormitory's principal. You really need to get some protections in place for yourself.

    Please, never say that you are the guilty one. You are not guilty of anything.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:58 AM GMT
    When I read the conversation it sounds like your dormmate is gay and doesn't know how to handle it.
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    Jan 19, 2009 11:02 AM GMT

    I was thinking about it deeply ... and now I think that he always treat me bad because he want me out .. he always try to make it harder for me .. and he don't wan't to lose that fact of me being gay as an excuse to kick me out .. I told him I can swear to the qoraan, but then he said he won't belive me ..
    another evedince is : he always say when he's tired (in front of me) - my ass hurts .. or "my dick" (yes he just says it .. without a reason or a goal ..)
    I don't think a guy that is extremely afraid of a gay guy in the same room would say these unnecessary terms in front of him...

    Next , I went to the manager of the dorms and told them the story .. they said it's healthy for both of us if we seperate .. I agreed .. now it's just a matter of time .. though I want so badely to look in his eyes and show him that I'm someone .. and not that silent guy who swallow everything that is said to him ..

    I guess I must control myself for the few days ..

    thx for supporting ... I don't know what I could do without this site .. who else I can talk to or ask for an advice icon_smile.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:26 PM GMT
    What a douchebag. This tool needs to get over it. And I would think that looking at him as he dressed would be a compliment... but thats just me.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Jan 19, 2009 1:37 PM GMT
    growingbig saidWhen I read the conversation it sounds like your dormmate is gay and doesn't know how to handle it.


    I agree and also he is not secure in his sexuality! He sounds like the one with the problem. Remember you have just as much right to exist as he does. It is hard for us to understand 100% culturally, but hang in there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 1:45 PM GMT
    I think your roommate is probably gay himself. He might have figured out you were gay and it scared him. One hug and he thinks your gay. That makes no sense. You should feel no guilt at all. Why should you be put through the trouble of moving out? Its his issues. Have him him. You shouldnt be inconvenienced over his ignorance.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 19, 2009 2:31 PM GMT
    Removing yourself from the situation is the right thing to do. You have done the right thing in bringing it up to the dorm officials as well. Likewise, if you can do anything to expedite moving that is for the best.

    His threat of sexual harassment tells you everything that you need to know about this person. This is a dangerous and serious threat and I would take it absolutely seriously.

    Good luck and move.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 19, 2009 2:36 PM GMT
    ursamajor saidRemoving yourself from the situation is the right thing to do. You have done the right thing in bringing it up to the dorm officials as well. Likewise, if you can do anything to expedite moving that is for the best.

    His threat of sexual harassment tells you everything that you need to know about this person. This is a dangerous and serious threat and I would take it absolutely seriously.

    Good luck and move.
    agree 100% your dorm/college officials should be told exactly why you are moving.