Changing from liking to bottom to top?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2014 2:50 AM GMT
    Hi there, I was wondering if anyone knows a way to change my immense preference to bottom/be submissive, to learn how to like using my penis more?

    Any advice, I really don't like -that I like being submissive-, I've tried to pretend to be more..dommy/toppy..but its not happening..

    Really hope someone has some sort of a solution. Thanks.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2014 3:14 PM GMT
    Why do you want to change?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2014 4:46 PM GMT
    __morphic__ saidWhy do you want to change?


    Ok...I don't mean to be annoying...

    But I was raised by a physically aggressive father, and he used to really get aggravated by me easily..and you know...kick me on the ground..and other stuff..the point is..

    I don't see how is that not related to me being submissive...most of my life was males beating me and I don't fight back. I think maybe I developed a 'taste' for it to maybe pretend I have some control of the situation.

    My dad eventually stopped when I was physically able to stop him..it was almost like he was afraid of me now. I liked that.

    I have been to psychologists/psychiatrists...they don't know what to say other than meds (they help, but not sexually)..I think because they don't know how to deal with me as discussing changing being gay is unethical.

    I just feel it impacts other aspects of my life too...it makes me feel if I can't change something so basic..what am I really able to change.

    So that's my reason...please..any advice is appreciated.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2014 5:02 PM GMT
    Auron said
    __morphic__ saidWhy do you want to change?


    Ok...I don't mean to be annoying...

    But I was raised by a physically aggressive father, and he used to really get aggravated by me easily..and you know...kick me on the ground..and other stuff..the point is..

    I don't see how is that not related to me being submissive...most of my life was males beating me and I don't fight back. I think maybe I developed a 'taste' for it to maybe pretend I have some control of the situation.

    My dad eventually stopped when I was physically able to stop him..it was almost like he was afraid of me now. I liked that.

    I have been to psychologists/psychiatrists...they don't know what to say other than meds (they help, but not sexually)..I think because they don't know how to deal with me as discussing changing being gay is unethical.

    I just feel it impacts other aspects of my life too...it makes me feel if I can't change something so basic..what am I really able to change.

    So that's my reason...please..any advice is appreciated.

    It's not sexual but psychological issue. Why do you think changing your sexual preference would help in resolving your psychological issue? They aren't related. People who are bottom or submissive in bed don't necessarily behave the same way in real life. What you prefer in bed has nothing to do with your real life role. You would find many people in power role behave different in bed or vice-versa. So I think, you should deal with your psychological issue without trying to change your sexual role. Changing your sexual role isn't going to fix the real underlying issues.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2014 5:27 PM GMT
    [quote]
    It's not sexual but psychological issue. Why do you think changing your sexual preference would help in resolving your psychological issue? They aren't related. People who are bottom or submissive in bed don't necessarily behave the same way in real life. What you prefer in bed has nothing to do with your real life role. You would find many people in power role behave different in bed or vice-versa. So I think, you should deal with your psychological issue without trying to change your sexual role. Changing your sexual role isn't going to fix the real underlying issues. [/quote]

    Yes I try my very best not to behave that way in 'real life', because that I feel a bit more in control about it, however when I get...horny...is where I lose control and I really don't like that.

    I mean I worked on my self to change on most other aspects in 'real life', and honestly it brought results that made me more proud of my self.

    The one thing that is left that I just can't get rid off, and in my opinion the most humiliating, is what gets me off. It is the one thing that makes me not as secure as I'd like to be.

    I don't like romanticizing being helpless, and being submissive is taking that to the extreme.

    I have a penis, why the hell do I not want to use it, I think that's messed up. Why do I like something remote to my most horrible memories as a child? That's messed up.

    Sorry I didn't mean to get into lame details, but I just feel if I am able to have power over what I like in bed, my insecurities will greatly subside.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2014 6:37 PM GMT
    Auron said[quote]
    Yes I try my very best not to behave that way in 'real life', because that I feel a bit more in control about it, however when I get...horny...is where I lose control and I really don't like that.

    I mean I worked on my self to change on most other aspects in 'real life', and honestly it brought results that made me more proud of my self.

    The one thing that is left that I just can't get rid off, and in my opinion the most humiliating, is what gets me off. It is the one thing that makes me not as secure as I'd like to be.

    I don't like romanticizing being helpless, and being submissive is taking that to the extreme.

    I have a penis, why the hell do I not want to use it, I think that's messed up. Why do I like something remote to my most horrible memories as a child? That's messed up.

    Sorry I didn't mean to get into lame details, but I just feel if I am able to have power over what I like in bed, my insecurities will greatly subside.

    Just because you don't enjoy putting your dick in some hole, it doesn't mean you're messed up. You're thinking it in a wrong way. Being bottom or submissive etc doesn't make you any less of a man. You need to get that thought out of your mind. People enjoy different things. I think it's the negative connotation attached with being bottom is what bothers you. There is nothing humiliating about what you enjoy. You need to accept that. Did you talk to your shrink about this particular thing? I am sure he/she would say the same thing.
    Your desire to being a top and ashamed of being a submissive bottom is similar to what many gays go through before accepting their sexuality. Generally, closeted gays or gays who haven't yet accepted their sexuality have similar kind of feelings where they want to become straight because they are ashamed of being gay. Something similar is happening to you. You think that being a submissive bottom is humiliating. It isn't. I don't know why would you want to change something which gives you enjoyment. You are over analyzing. There are all kinds of kinks which people enjoy.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Nov 30, 2014 9:32 PM GMT
    icon_sad.gif


    I just want to belong to what makes sense to me.

    I mean drugs are enjoyable too you know, not everything that's enjoyable gets a pass...that's how I see it anyways.

    Ow well...I guess there is no way anyone is familiar with? regardless of motives?

    I should've just said cause I want to make it work with my boyfriend or something lol.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Nov 30, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    No, there's no device or pill or technique that will make a bottom a top. Or vice versa. I has to be that you honestly get aroused by the thought and deed. That said, some bottoms can discover that they like to top. I did. Exclusively bottom until my current guy (7 years+). And I was surprised. Just remember that it isn't a performance. Be honest with your guy. Whatever you do you both are doing because you like the other so much. That's all good. There is no failure no matter what happens. Remember to laugh a lot and have fun! Remember? Sex is fun?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 01, 2014 2:11 AM GMT
    I see where the original poster is coming from but I also think the advice received from the other posters is correct. To this day I struggle with this sex stuff because having sex puts you in a kind of potentially vulnerable spot and (correct me if I'm wrong) it seems taking the bottom role means that you are the one who is more vulnerable. I don't think you can or should change your sexual life just to try and feel less vulnerable or submissive but if it's causing problems just make sure you do it with someone you know and trust.
  • BlackDapper

    Posts: 24

    Dec 01, 2014 6:21 PM GMT
    Auron saidHi there, I was wondering if anyone knows a way to change my immense preference to bottom/be submissive, to learn how to like using my penis more?

    Any advice, I really don't like -that I like being submissive-, I've tried to pretend to be more..dommy/toppy..but its not happening..

    Really hope someone has some sort of a solution. Thanks.


    I felt like I was obligated to be a bottom because everyone always told me I had a big ass and I am usually slightly a bit more effeminate than the men I like to date but there are times where I want to be a top.

    And there's really nothing to learn, just simply insert your penis and go with the flow. And please note there are submissive tops and dominate tops ... find one that suites your taste. I've played both a submissive and dominate top, it depends on how I'm feeling ... both are sexually satisfying and I haven't had any complaints.

    And what's interesting is that the well-known "rumor" about drag queens being tops is not a rumor. Most drag queens I know are tops .... just an interesting tidbit. I love tearing down the stereotypes of what a bottom and top is suppose to look like .... so be a submissive top if that comes natural to you and submissively tear his ass up lol. Be free, don't be afraid to be different sexually .....
  • Iota

    Posts: 55

    Dec 01, 2014 10:48 PM GMT
    I think that problem is your perception of the bottom being the submissive one. I am normally the bottom, but I am in control most of the time. Its my call if I bottom, I decided if I like what he is doing and if not, I make him change. I pick the time and room we do it in. There is a lot you can be in control of when you are the bottom. Also I feel that a lot of men make fun of bottoms, but that is silly to let them get to you. I have a lot of friends who like that I take ownership of being the bottom and wear it proudly. I also have several tops who find that very attractive and intimidating as well. I bottom who is proud of being a bottom are less common and its something that can feel very empowering especially around people who might other wise treat bottoms as the "lesser man". I think you are trying to change your sexual tastes for the wrong reasons. Try embracing what you enjoy and being proud of it and see how things change from there.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 02, 2014 5:57 PM GMT
    To the last two posters, lol no..I am submissive...I mean like being called a slut and slapped around and told what to do..so ya I understand the whole being a bottom isn't being submissive pre se, but I am like that.
    Tied up and crap...dang so embarrassing!..and just the idea of that I'll use my penis in anyway turns me off. It's insane.

    I mean...I tried to be ya like...ya bitch..you take it..and when I do that I find my self laughing, its like I might as well do it with a girl (which I can't either lol). I think I could do it with a strapon..for further self embarrassment.

    I have always been like this though..so..ya...I don't know..

    Maybe when I love someone something magical will happen as Destinharbor...I mean you hear about gay guys who were with women they loved and somehow they claim they enjoyed sex. So..we shall see!