How many relationships before you had something lasting?

  • Quasar

    Posts: 14

    Dec 04, 2014 3:33 AM GMT
    Hey, im just curious how many people most guys date before they find something that lasts. I am 24, and as of yet, have never dated. I have no experience with it so im curious what is normal for most guys.
  • Bowyn_Aerrow

    Posts: 357

    Dec 04, 2014 4:47 AM GMT
    6 relationships, 2 one night stands.

    Dates with guys as in movie and dinner... Hm dozens?

    #1 was a relationship right off the bat - just I was so deep in the closet and timid I didn't see it for what it really was. It took 6 months before we had sex, and then it just followed that life would be financially easier if we both shared the same place.

    However emotionally I was already dedicated to him perhaps at first glance, if not literally then pretty damn close.

    Being in the closet and uncertain about the whole gay thing do we consider the things he and I did together as pals 'dates'? Uncertain, it wasn't like we were striving for romance/lover relationship - well I wasn't, perhaps if I was a bit more honest I would clearly see that he had intentions.

    He and I worked at the same place, and just started hanging out with each other after work... I viewed him as a friend first before we moved on to the whole lovers situation. Not saying there wasn't an attraction, there was, it was more or less I was deeply rooted in my closet and it took me a while to figure out that what I was feeling for him was a bit more than just friendly.

    #2 and I socialized together - still not real 'dating' as in official going out to do stuff with one another. We just ended up hanging with other friends. It did gradually turn into a few dates, then moving in then lots of other interesting stuff...

    #3 Was him approaching me in the public library to help him with the computer (computers were all new back in those days) that lead to his asking me out for a cup of coffee and his taking a more formal 'dating' ritual pattern. We dated for over a month before we declared ourselves a 'couple' and I moved in with him the following month.

    #4 literally picked me up off the floor - I had been drinking again, no still - been doing a steady diet of alcohol for a few years by that time. He carried me to his place, put me in his bed then did the gentlemanly thing and slept on his own couch. We partied together, went clubbing together and had a sort of on again off again romance. I has stuff at his place but by this time was all leery about the whole relationship thing and living with a guy. So maintained my own apartment. No real dating, more um party friends/sex buddies who were exclusively boning each other.

    #5 was three dates and a move in. Then my moving out in short order when he revealed his true colors.

    #6 and I dated for several months, then he moved in (much to my reluctance at the time) and is still here. He stopped being a lover nearly 3 years ago and has been a roommate every since. Largely due to his inability to maintain a job in this current economy. Well a job that will allow for him to have his own rent, utilities, food, etc.

    Between these there were dates, a couple of one night stands.... nothing concrete or solid really. Hit and misses....

    Any of that help?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 04, 2014 7:57 PM GMT
    knew about ten guys, all nice. but the second or third guy seemed nicer and didnt chase cats in-voluntary. been with him 7 years. We broke up for a bit but got back together 9mo later.

    with deal beakers in place; pretend its you that did the bad. how if would you forgive your self.
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    Dec 04, 2014 9:39 PM GMT
    pellaz saidknew about ten guys, all nice. but the second or third guy seemed nicer and didnt chase cats in-voluntary. been with him 7 years. We broke up for a bit but got back together 9mo later.

    with deal beakers in place; pretend its you that did the bad. how if would you forgive your self.

    I have always been curious. Which one of you guys in photo is the one who has the account here?
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    Dec 05, 2014 1:46 AM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    pellaz saidknew about ten guys, all nice. but the second or third guy seemed nicer and didnt chase cats in-voluntary. been with him 7 years. We broke up for a bit but got back together 9mo later.

    with deal beakers in place; pretend its you that did the bad. how if would you forgive your self.

    I have always been curious. Which one of you guys in photo is the one who has the account here?


    lol the same question here.
    we are waiting for an answer
  • Dyl_Jef

    Posts: 2

    Dec 05, 2014 1:56 AM GMT
    I have dated a couple of guys, but am 23 (turn 24 soon) and still haven't seem to find the lasting relationship. I think it depends on the person. but we're young so we shouldn't be worried about it haha.
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    Dec 05, 2014 2:50 AM GMT
    Quasar said I am 24, and as of yet, have never dated.


    Why?

    Read one of Cash's posts on boyfriends and relationships.

    "before they find something that lasts" that's the salient point. If you connect with someone - it lasts - they all last - for however long it's good for both of you. They last for a week, several weeks, several months, a year or more. You just have to put yourself out there and connect with other guys that are open to something. People change - you change - your partner of the moment changes - the relationship changes. They end - whenever it is time for them to end. You can't know any of this in advance. Only people in arranged marriages know that they will be together for a very long time. There is nothing "normal for most guys," cause everyone is different. In my specific case, I had many boyfriends (not quite as many as Cash) that lasted various lengths of time, one that lasted a year or so, and one that has gone on for 25 years. Advice: Just be yourself, be available, and be with guys you enjoy. You only have the present, so don't worry about the future. It will come in any event.



  • Kalifornicati...

    Posts: 242

    Dec 05, 2014 4:56 AM GMT
    Many, many, many dates with loads of men. Out of the cazillian men I dated maybe a handful were decent guys. Most of the guys just didn't know what really is a healthy relationship. Their ideas were so not normal. Or they were emotionally unavailable.

    When I dated the last few guys it got better then I met the one. A really sweet emotionally handsome man that knew what it takes to have a relationship.

    I also live in Los antles, land of beautiful hot men where every 10 is looking for a 15.
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    Dec 05, 2014 5:40 AM GMT
    Only 4 relationships so far, none longer than 8 months, but they were all very good quality guys, all of whom remained my friends - and my friends' friends - after I broke up with them. Haven't wasted time on any bad relationships or regrets, as I'm pretty good at reading people from the get-go. Had about 3-4 other flings in between, and hooked up twice. Over a span of 6 years.

    I've used the boyfriend title twice... that's when the relationship was close enough for him to be taking my parents for lunch.

    Also, don't buy in the idea that one needs to be experienced or good at dating to be a good boyfriend. A close friend of mine met his first boyfriend 8 years ago, and they're still happy together. He's lucky to have skipped those years spent looking for guys, and instead had all that time to spend on maturing as a person, learning what a long term relationship takes, investing into his career, family, friends, giving back to the community, etc. Conversely, I know guys with hundreds of "boyfriends" yet still single and over the hill. So don't rush it, but don't shop forever, cuz good things take time to develop.
  • wesv

    Posts: 907

    Dec 05, 2014 6:37 AM GMT
    One relationship so far at this tender age of 22. At least 12(?) hookups. Not really into dating as you can tell. One relationship.
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    Dec 05, 2014 4:49 PM GMT
    I think I met about 16 men: most were one-time hookups, and the other 1/3 were friends with benefits I met occasionally. I think it took 3 years after I started meeting other men that I finally found my current boyfriend which is the first serious relationship I've ever had. We've been together for about 2 years now. We've had our share of arguments and personality clashes, but I think we understand each other a lot better now. I can't say I've fallen in love with him, but I do care about him a lot. But I find myself loving him more as time passes. I think it helps a lot that we're both still young, but we're sticking together and watching each other grow into mature men.
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    Dec 06, 2014 12:23 AM GMT
    I had a semi serious thing at 25. It lasted about 4 months. Then I was 26 and dated my ex until I was about 29/30. I've been single a little over 3 yrs now. Been dating and kissing a lot of Frogs, I'm hoping my next relationship will last. icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 09, 2014 10:53 PM GMT
    hentailover said So don't rush it, but don't shop forever, cuz good things take time to develop.


    Wise words there.