Is stalking my crush -- a bit too much?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 6:46 AM GMT
    Sure, everyone secretly wants to know where their crush is 24/7.

    I have been crushing on this guy for MONTHS! He lives in the highrise across from mine, and we go to the same school, so I see him around. I know he isn't straight. I found him on a dating app, (more than 1)... I know the restaurant he works, when he works, the gym he goes to, his facebook account, twitter account, room number, his ex, his major, birthday, sexual position, vehicle, blood type "long story", where he's from, favorite color, several outfits, and when he works. I don't think he notices me, so I am wondering if I should stop by the restaurant and order something, and hope to get him as a waiter, and perhaps talk to him? icon_rolleyes.gif

    Am I within normal limits? Or going off the deep end? I really don't know what to do....


    "I find it funny that I can give other people advice, but when it comes to me I got nothing"~GrumpyDinosaurs
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 07, 2014 4:25 PM GMT
    There is a new CBS show called, "Stalker" and that was the first thing I thought of when I read this...


    Noticing a guy, knowing where he lives, school, gym and wanting to meeting him at a restaurant where he lives is typical... um, knowing his BLOOD TYPE, sexual position, definitely over the top.

    Think about what he might think if he found out about some of these actions, he would want to run, not walk..

    Everyone has a crush, I've had crushes and been crushed on, reason is the key.
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    Dec 07, 2014 4:52 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs said

    Am I within normal limits? Or going off the deep end? I really don't know what to do....



    icon_eek.gificon_eek.gificon_eek.gif
    No you are nowhere close to being within normal limits.
    Since you know sooo much about him, maybe you could stop watching, ask him on a date and try not to kill him after! icon_wink.gif
  • Iakona

    Posts: 367

    Dec 07, 2014 4:59 PM GMT
    Ya agreed, definitely over the top stalker type.... If you are really that interested, stop doing research and go talk to him....if he's not interested, stop.
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    Dec 07, 2014 5:21 PM GMT
    Definitely not WNL - and illegal in most states, too.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4433

    Dec 07, 2014 5:27 PM GMT
    You crazy!
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    Dec 07, 2014 5:59 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidThere is a new CBS show called, "Stalker" and that was the first thing I thought of when I read this...


    Noticing a guy, knowing where he lives, school, gym and wanting to meeting him at a restaurant where he lives is typical... um, knowing his BLOOD TYPE, sexual position, definitely over the top.

    Think about what he might think if he found out about some of these actions, he would want to run, not walk..

    Everyone has a crush, I've had crushes and been crushed on, reason is the key.


    I agree with HndsmKansan. Think about how he scared he would be if he knew how much you know about him. If you ever do meet up with this guy, your knowing so much more about him than he knows about you is going to be an issue.

    To me, whether your actions are over the line or not depends on how much time you're spending researching him. If you've just spent ten minutes glancing over his Facebook and dating app profiles, that's pretty normal. But if you're constantly trying to find out more about him, that's getting concerning.

    I think you should go up to him and start talking with him - you say that you see him around at school, so you should have the opportunity to strike up a casual conversation.
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    Dec 07, 2014 6:35 PM GMT
    The problem is, as much as you know about him, you don't really know him. You've developed an idealized image of the person you think he is based on the information you have. The longer this goes on, the more likely you will be disappointed. You're investing a lot of time and energy on a fantasy. Either talk to him and see if there is something worth exploring, or move on to a person you can really get to know.
  • Kel_

    Posts: 1360

    Dec 07, 2014 7:47 PM GMT
    Sounds like true love. I wish someone would pay attention to me like that, or at least half the effort /cry
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4862

    Dec 07, 2014 8:47 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs saidSure, everyone secretly wants to know where their crush is 24/7.

    I have been crushing on this guy for MONTHS! He lives in the highrise across from mine, and we go to the same school, so I see him around. I know he isn't straight. I found him on a dating app, (more than 1)... I know the restaurant he works, when he works, the gym he goes to, his facebook account, twitter account, his major, birthday, sexual position, vehicle, blood type "long story", where he's from, favorite color, several outfits, and when he works. I don't think he notices me, so I am wondering if I should stop by the restaurant and order something, and hope to get him as a waiter, and perhaps talk to him. icon_rolleyes.gif

    Am I within normal limits? Or going off the deep end? I really don't know what to do....


    "I find it funny that I can give other people advice, but when it comes to me I got nothing"~GrumpyDinosaurs


    Whether you are within normal limits is irrelevant. Many normal behaviors are undesirable because they create problems both for others and oneself. For example, it is normal to take something you want even if it belongs to someone else, but nevertheless it is wrong for obvious reasons.

    Stalking may be normal, but it is not a good thing to do. When I was young I went through a stalking phase myself. It is something that one must get over. It creates emotional problems for oneself which are best avoided and it can make the stalked person feel very uncomfortable. In extreme circumstances, there can even be legal consequences.

    Try to engage yourself in other interests to take your mind off of him.
  • metta

    Posts: 39099

    Dec 07, 2014 8:55 PM GMT
    A little advice to this guy you're stalking...


    run1.jpg

    far....far...away....
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    Kel_ saidSounds like true love. I wish someone would pay attention to me like that, or at least half the effort /cry


    THANK YOU!!! You are the only one who gets it! lol I am not creepy!
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    Dec 07, 2014 9:30 PM GMT
    metta8 saidA little advice to this guy your stalking...


    run1.jpg

    far....far...away....


    I will find him. icon_cool.gif

    <a href=Image and video hosting by TinyPic">
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    Dec 07, 2014 9:31 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidThere is a new CBS show called, "Stalker" and that was the first thing I thought of when I read this...


    Noticing a guy, knowing where he lives, school, gym and wanting to meeting him at a restaurant where he lives is typical... um, knowing his BLOOD TYPE, sexual position, definitely over the top.

    Think about what he might think if he found out about some of these actions, he would want to run, not walk..

    Everyone has a crush, I've had crushes and been crushed on, reason is the key.


    Is my stalking the real issue? Or could it be that he has put so much accessible information out there that anyone can find out about him. I am just crafted at snooping. If we were to talk I would NEVER tell him about the things that I know about him already.
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    Dec 07, 2014 9:33 PM GMT
    PatrickRyan saidThe problem is, as much as you know about him, you don't really know him. You've developed an idealized image of the person you think he is based on the information you have. The longer this goes on, the more likely you will be disappointed. You're investing a lot of time and energy on a fantasy. Either talk to him and see if there is something worth exploring, or move on to a person you can really get to know.


    This is so true. Sometimes I feel like even though I wasted all this time and effort. In conclusion I could possibly be rejected. icon_cry.gif
  • Beeftastic

    Posts: 1747

    Dec 07, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    Don't approach him as a customer when he is a waiter, unless it's so he knows you exist. He has to be professionally nice, so you might not get the 'real him'. Ask him out somewhere else.

    It's a bit stalkerish, but it all depends whether you use that information for good or bad.

    With all the apps and stuff, it's natural if you are an observant person to collect a lot of information about people without even intending to do so. Definitely knowing if a guy is a top or a bottom is one of the first things you know about someone in these days of Grindr and Scruff. Even before you know their name!
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    Dec 07, 2014 11:53 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs said
    HndsmKansan saidThere is a new CBS show called, "Stalker" and that was the first thing I thought of when I read this...


    Noticing a guy, knowing where he lives, school, gym and wanting to meeting him at a restaurant where he lives is typical... um, knowing his BLOOD TYPE, sexual position, definitely over the top.

    Think about what he might think if he found out about some of these actions, he would want to run, not walk..

    Everyone has a crush, I've had crushes and been crushed on, reason is the key.


    Is my stalking the real issue? Or could it be that he has put so much accessible information out there that anyone can find out about him. I am just crafted at snooping. If we were to talk I would NEVER tell him about the things that I know about him already.


    You should take to heart what HndsmKansan said. You have a crush - BUT you have taken it way too far. The issue really is that you are stalking him, and learning all sorts of things, which although they are out there, a normal person would not learn. And yet you know next to nothing about who he really is, which is what matters the most in relating to other guys. Find a way to meet him (at the gym?) but not at work, and start talking to him. He will either be interested in you or not. The odds are against it. But when you find out, you can expend all those psychic energies you are wasting on stalking him, on your studies instead, where you should.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2014 12:31 AM GMT
    Seems like theres's a talent here that certain agencies recruit for
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2014 1:08 AM GMT
    Maybe I'm the odd one out here but if somebody went to all that effort to find out information on me I would feel really special and probably fall for them right away.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2014 1:20 AM GMT
    Oh my gosh... Definitely over the top.

    You may want to consult a therapist before this gets out of hand my friend.
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Dec 08, 2014 1:41 AM GMT
    Not a good idea(restaurant) he will sense it in the way you act and be creeped out.. if you can calm down and forget get about him for awhile.. maybe..
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    Dec 08, 2014 2:37 AM GMT
    LOL man that's stalkerish behaviors !! icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 08, 2014 5:08 AM GMT
    Riko_sal saidOh my gosh... Definitely over the top.

    You may want to consult a therapist before this gets out of hand my friend.


    It's not like if I get rejected I will jump off a bridge. By all means I will ultimately move on to the next prey. I just want to know what I am getting myself into before making a move. He doesn't know I exist, because I don't make myself obvious.

    I know that he wears these white beats headphones when he is working out, and it just so happens that my best friend has the same kind. So I asked my friend if I can borrow his whenever I need to go to the gym. I also brought these really tight shorts, so I hope he notices me! My friend will be watching in the corner and telling me if he looks my direction. icon_wink.gif HOOK-LINE-AND-SINKER!
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    Dec 08, 2014 2:36 PM GMT
    GrumpyDinosaurs saidSure, everyone secretly wants to know where their crush is 24/7.

    I have been crushing on this guy for MONTHS! He lives in the highrise across from mine, and we go to the same school, so I see him around. I know he isn't straight. I found him on a dating app, (more than 1)... I know the restaurant he works, when he works, the gym he goes to, his facebook account, twitter account, room number, his ex, his major, birthday, sexual position, vehicle, blood type "long story", where he's from, favorite color, several outfits, and when he works. I don't think he notices me, so I am wondering if I should stop by the restaurant and order something, and hope to get him as a waiter, and perhaps talk to him? icon_rolleyes.gif

    Am I within normal limits? Or going off the deep end? I really don't know what to do....


    "I find it funny that I can give other people advice, but when it comes to me I got nothing"~GrumpyDinosaurs


    See professional counseling. This is obsession. This is not healthy.
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    Dec 08, 2014 2:37 PM GMT
    metta8 saidA little advice to this guy your stalking...


    run1.jpg

    far....far...away....


    *You're as in "you are."