He Doesn't Want To Leave His GF

  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 12:41 PM GMT
    First of all i want to start by saying i respect the opinion of this forum being that i dont have many platonic gay friends ..

    Also i am not a homewrecker!! I met this "kid" a year ago he was 18 i was 26.. So what more could it be than a quick hookup. Fast forward 7 months ago he comes back in my life and we see eachother CONSTANTLY at least 3 times a week, sometimes more sometimes less. A month into our budding romance i learned hes working it out with his ex girlfriend (hes a guy virgin, only been blown by 2 guys in the past hes met on grindr)

    Ive met his family, hes met mine, we've cuddled on numerous occasions, spent holidays together.. Only 1 thing we havent done is intercourse (because i actually respect his relationship)

    Last night after a blow up (me upset we dont cuddle) he told me his girlfriend doesnt like us hanging out and he wants to be just friends. I was hurt because although he isnt at my maturity level, ive formed a bond with this teen. I almost used the L word.

    What do i do? I feel i know the answer... Never beg anyone to be with you, but I feel he is confused and doesnt know what he wants, I just dont think I'm patient enough to wait around.

    PS. His girlfriend might be pregnant

    Please HELP my heart
    I even changed my grindr status to Exclusive

    UPDATE: Its been 3 months weve seen eachother twice both times she was blowing up his phone so shes still in the picture. We went all the way last night and its clear we cant get eachother out of our lives. It was fun and thats all i refuse to think with my heart. He hasnt mentioned pregnancy and i havent asked.. So..
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 2:02 PM GMT
    Oy
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 07, 2014 2:19 PM GMT
    He could be confused for years. He could be a dad (that's the sad part). He wants to be straight. Leave him alone. Forever. You're the adult here. Act like it no matter how much it hurts.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 2:50 PM GMT
    You can't cage a bird and then say you love it nor are we made of clay. You understand him now so accept him the way he is. When he is ready for change, he is more then capable of doing it on his own. If you force it on him he will never own it and you will be blamed for any pain he feels.
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 07, 2014 3:01 PM GMT
    Let me say I was tempted to make a couple of smart remarks that are a little uncharacteristic of me. You sound like a very genuine guy who just happened to get caught up in something (as we all can) unique and trying to deal with it the best way you can.

    To begin with, you're a 26 year old gay man and he's an 18 (now maybe 19) year old kid who is still trying to figure it all out. Glad you are respecting some of his boundries, but in the end, he is not anywhere ready to be anything more than your "friend" with some less than platonic behavior.

    You need to think carefully about the best course of action for all involved. I say you need to realize this kid is not available to anything other than friendship and you need to make it platonic in your own mind (retain him as a friend), but move on to a interaction that is a little more healthy....

    And make yourself available through healthy activities to meet other new people.

    I wouldn't leave your grindr setting on "exclusive".
    lol
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Dec 07, 2014 3:44 PM GMT
    ouch ..been there done that.. Just relax back off ..work on your own life and meeting others..Its all about him.. what about you? You might like him ,but the cost is too high..go with your gut, look else where you deserve better.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 4:49 PM GMT
    Honestly, it seems a lot like the guy is just bi curious. Or maybe he's still getting acquainted with and accepting the idea that he's gay. :/
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 5:01 PM GMT
    Please move on! Don't waste your time on this kid. Just dont waste it. It is not worth it. Time is something we dont have enough of, and to waste it on a 19yr old that doesnt know what he wants is really a shame !
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 5:31 PM GMT
    HndsmKansan saidLet me say I was tempted to make a couple of smart remarks that are a little uncharacteristic of me. You sound like a very genuine guy who just happened to get caught up in something (as we all can) unique and trying to deal with it the best way you can.

    To begin with, you're a 26 year old gay man and he's an 18 (now maybe 19) year old kid who is still trying to figure it all out. Glad you are respecting some of his boundries, but in the end, he is not anywhere ready to be anything more than your "friend" with some less than platonic behavior.

    You need to think carefully about the best course of action for all involved. I say you need to realize this kid is not available to anything other than friendship and you need to make it platonic in your own mind (retain him as a friend), but move on to a interaction that is a little more healthy....

    And make yourself available through healthy activities to meet other new people.

    I wouldn't leave your grindr setting on "exclusive".
    lol


    Please be unfiltered, i prefer it
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 5:33 PM GMT
    Ive tried to move on in the past, after the most of 3 weeks of no contact he always comes knocking back..

    Im actually 27 now with my own place, car and a good job so im not a loser just foolish with my heart sometimes
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 5:34 PM GMT
    davfit saidouch ..been there done that.. Just relax back off ..work on your own life and meeting others..Its all about him.. what about you? You might like him ,but the cost is too high..go with your gut, look else where you deserve better.


    Thank u!!
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 5:36 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidHe could be confused for years. He could be a dad (that's the sad part). He wants to be straight. Leave him alone. Forever. You're the adult here. Act like it no matter how much it hurts.


    Thank u!!
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 5:42 PM GMT
    Can i just add.. In a perfect world we wouldnt want our significant others to cheat, but i would prefer him cheat with a female who can give him what i don't have.. than another male, with the diseases out there
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 6:27 PM GMT
    you know if people use one word descriptions to define someone's sexuality they usually a fail. The word 'pregnant' is the exception here.

    you man up (if you want) and be the best friend. Plenty of fish in your case.

    how do you know he will do any better by you?
  • metta

    Posts: 39165

    Dec 07, 2014 6:58 PM GMT
    Why not just be honest with him: Tell him that you have developed feelings for him and you want to respect the relationship he has with his girlfriend. Because of that, you need space from him and don't want to see him for a while.
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 7:04 PM GMT
    metta8 saidWhy not just be honest with him: Tell him that you have developed feelings for him and you want to respect the relationship he has with his girlfriend. Because of that, you need space from him and don't want to see him for a while.

    We had that talk which led to this post
  • MarvelClimber

    Posts: 511

    Dec 07, 2014 7:14 PM GMT
    You have a crush and you'll get over it. He's young, still figuring this out; he needs to work that all out. If you care for him minus the lust and the need for gay companionship, then just be his friend. At this point, you can't separate them, which is why you need gay friends. Gay friends get you in a way that straight friends just can't. You might not think you need it, but once you have it, you'll find it invaluable. You'll no longer have a compulsion to find that missing element in a crush.
  • tj85016

    Posts: 4123

    Dec 07, 2014 7:35 PM GMT
    Sharkspeare saidOy


    pretty much sums it up
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 7:55 PM GMT
    I think the levels of emotional maturity are the reverse of what you think they are. You should be happy to be rid of someone who would cheat on his possibly pregnant girlfriend ... a bullet dodged.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4865

    Dec 07, 2014 8:34 PM GMT
    " A month into our budding romance i learned hes working it out with his ex girlfriend (hes a guy virgin, only been blown by 2 guys in the past hes met on grinder)"

    It is unclear why some blokes think that oral sex is not sex; it is! In fact, at one time, it was far more popular than anal sex. It appears that the shift began in the late 1970s and most guys now are not even aware that oral sex was once more popular than anal sex. That can be documented.

    The "Advocate" was once a widely distributed gay newspaper. At the end of it were a few pages of personal advertisements which guys used to find partners. The ads were very specific on the type of sex guys wanted. They were abbreviated as follows:

    fa = French active, i.e., oral active
    fp = French passive, i.e., oral passive
    ga = Greek active, i.e., anal top
    gp = Greek passive, i.e., anal bottom
    v = versatile, i.e., almost anything

    From the ads, it was clear that oral was far more popular than anal and that many, or perhaps even most, guys wanted nothing to do with anal sex. Now it seems that many gay men think that they could not possibly survive without anal sex and are completely unaware that at one time it was not popular.

    The point is that oral sex is sex.
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 8:44 PM GMT
    sf_swimmer saidI think the levels of emotional maturity are the reverse of what you think they are. You should be happy to be rid of someone who would cheat on his possibly pregnant girlfriend ... a bullet dodged.


    Facts
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 8:49 PM GMT
    It sounds like he already made his decision when he asked you to "just be friends". He probably has a lot on his mind right now, especially if his girlfriend might be pregnant. His decision might not be the answer you want to hear because you suspect he might be a "maybe" gay, but its HIS decision. You have to respect that. He has to respect your decision on what you think a relationship should be as well. If he doesn't, I say move on to someone else who can give you the things you really need.

    P.S
    If you move on now, its going to be a whole lot easier because you haven't done anything with him yet.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 07, 2014 9:46 PM GMT
    Young, dumb and full of cum applies here...especially the dumb part.
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 9:53 PM GMT
    Awesomepossum saidIt sounds like he already made his decision when he asked you to "just be friends". He probably has a lot on his mind right now, especially if his girlfriend might be pregnant. His decision might not be the answer you want to hear because you suspect he might be a "maybe" gay, but its HIS decision. You have to respect that. He has to respect your decision on what you think a relationship should be as well. If he doesn't, I say move on to someone else who can give you the things you really need.

    P.S
    If you move on now, its going to be a whole lot easier because you haven't done anything with him yet.



    My favorite advice so far. I always tell him in the end i want him to be happy because i care that much but i need to be happy to.
  • AnonymousNYC

    Posts: 60

    Dec 07, 2014 9:55 PM GMT
    I appreciate no one has bashed me or made me feel like a bad person for even feeling this way!!