I got upset and went home, left my boyfriend behind while we were on a vacation

  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Dec 08, 2014 5:15 PM GMT
    It was my first time going to the beach,He told me the crime is rife but he will not look after my belongings while I was in the water. He doesn't like swimming,the least he could have done was just to look after my belongings, I follow him around everywhere as he is busy with his things because he wanted me to be by his side. My belongings got stolen indeed. I was hurt, badly wanted a hug the night my belongings got stolen off the beach, but he just kissed me and turned his back.
    In the morning as he was preparing himself to go to his favourite festival(i dnt like chorale music, was only there for him) and expecting me to do the same,I told him I was cutting my vacation short and going home because I was still hurting. I left him behind.He knows lots of people and he would give all his attention to them. I went home. I got upset because he just told me that he would not look after my things even though he has been there several times and it was my first time. He left the beach without telling me. I went to the hotel half naked,used the receptionist telephone to let him know what happened. I know I would have made a uturn had it been him, but he didn't. I don't want to make this post long, the full long story is posted on another forum.

    Do you think it was selfish of me to go home?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 08, 2014 9:29 PM GMT
    Selfish, no. Impulsive? Yes.
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    Dec 08, 2014 9:41 PM GMT
    well... it's definitely not gonna help the relationship in any way
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    Dec 08, 2014 9:44 PM GMT
    also I'm not quite sure I understand the issue? You are upset because he gave you a kiss instead of a hug? I must be misinterpreting this..
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Dec 08, 2014 10:10 PM GMT
    Sounds like you're mainly mad because he had time for everything BUT YOU. Which is fair. I wouldn't break up over something like this but you need to evaluate the nature of the relationship. Is he equally dominant in other areas? Do you like that? Sometimes these things just need to be talked through to establish how you work together as a couple. Next time, tell him you would really appreciate it if all the distractions were cut out and you two go to be together. You have a right to expect that much.
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Dec 08, 2014 10:29 PM GMT
    He is deeply closeted, on the other hand I don't care if anyone find out about me. I am from a different state of the country,he was born and bred here. I play along,I think if we both acted the way he acts there won't be a relationship to talk about. I try my best because I am the one who is older(I am 30,he is 26). He is busy putting up a front and ducking from being caught that he is gay,I don't care much about that though. But when we are together he should be my boyfriend and not a friend. He will make plans and completely forget about them or that is how it looks like. I cannot make plans even though he wants me to, because he is always about checking his schedule, I can be busy all days if I want but I make time whenever he find time to escape from his pretentious life.
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    Dec 08, 2014 11:04 PM GMT
    you love him and won't leave him
    so
    shut up already
    Don't see me going on about how many time's I've left my man setting by his self at restaurants, movie theaters...got out of the car at a stop light before, because he's being an intolerable Dickwadd.
    Why.
    Because I love that Dickwadd.
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    Dec 08, 2014 11:20 PM GMT
    i read some of your initial post

    a relationship is about sharing your life. Impossible if one or both of you are in the closet.

    Being gay is not going to go away. you guys need to relocate to an accepting environment, if you dont take care of your selves no one else will. Being in the closet reduces your critical thinking, messes up your emotions, self image etc.

    by the way 26year old men dont have a big public life?



    the stress of traveling really puts even a solid long term relationship to the test. Welcome to the imperfect world and I hope you two can get back together.
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Dec 08, 2014 11:44 PM GMT
    By public life I meant the life he shows to the outside world. He is very well accomplished and I guess he thinks he will disappoint lots of people,I also think maybe he thinks it will mess with his career prospects. Me on the other hand I had a hard time building up my life, I waited until I was independent enough before I could attempt dating hence I don't care if anybody finds about me.Fortunately I met him and we liked each other. I talk about how I feel, I even let him know that I let my guard down when I am with him. In the past 15 years I only allowed myself to cry when I was with him, I was telling him how I knew he loved me and that I would never doubt him. But the real reason I was crying was because I was thinking of ending the relationship because I found myself no longer being able to work but checking forums to see how people deal with their own relationships instead. I told him about how hard my life has been and he said he could understand why I am so highly sensitive. I never want to bring my previous life as an excuse for anything. He never talks about his feelings. I have been 26 once so I just take it as if maybe he is not yet comfortable enough. I had promised myself that I was not going to be with someone younger than me, but I fell for him and age is no longer a factor to me.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 09, 2014 8:51 AM GMT
    No you don't need to say "sorry", your post wasn't long.

    Honestly, if it were me in that situation. I would be SOOOO PISSED OFF at him icon_evil.gif! I would've did the exact same thing you did! Eff the festival! Y'all can't even sing (jk)! I mean seriously, you are always looking after his stuff, why isn't he being a little considerate about yours? Just a little. What if the situation was reverse? Oh my god, and he "kissed you" instead of giving you a heartfelt hug, apologizing, and comforting you..What the hell! Boy, oh boy! If it were my boyfriend (if I had one, of course)...We would've been at it! I think he was being selfish, because you went in the water and he didn't, so it was like you were suppose to say: "Okay, then I won't go in the water, since you don't feel like it". I would tell him that "the reason I left was not only because my stuff got stolen, but when I asked you to watch my stuff for a moment, you said no. I always look out for you, this time you weren't there for me." He told you that the beach was rife, what beach isn't? Even though, that you were sort've "warned" he should've been even MORE considerate over your belongings. He deserves to sleep on the couch.
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    Dec 09, 2014 3:38 PM GMT
    I agree with Grumpy. Ordinary friends, much more so a lover, should automatically extend the courtesy of protecting their beach companion's stuff while the other's in the water. I can't believe he refused the request and walked away.

    That is incredibly self-centered. Not the kind of person with whom I would want to be associated at all. I would not only have walked off the beach without him, but walked out of his life entirely.
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Dec 09, 2014 6:38 PM GMT
    In fact I was not even going to ask him to look after my things, it was my first time going near the sea. I had already told him I love anything that has to do with water such as swimming and surfing.

    So as I was taking my shirt off and putting on my shots, out of blue he was like"Don't expect me to look after your things,theft is rife here". It hurt me that he could say such without me asking him to. I said it was fine. I tell him everyday that he is very selfish. I told him when he got back to the hotel room that what he said earlier on was not fair and that it was selfish of him. He said I should not blame him that my things got stolen and I told him I was not blaming him but I know I do everything he asks me to and I am always there for him just because I love him. He said I called him many names that day, I immediately told him that I was leaving, I could see on his face that he got hurt, then I changed my mind and told him I wont be leaving. We woke up together in the morning, he was supposed to drive me to the mall so that I can buy myself new shoes. He hurriedly went to take a shower and was done quickly as I was about to press my clothes. He was like " oh,you should have done with that while I was in the shower, go take a shower and let me press my clothes so that we wont be delayed" I headed to the bathroom, in my head I was like well fuck him, then I came out and told him I am leaving. After every minor fight he always put his whatsapp status to "what happens to you does not define you, instead your response to that defines who you are". If he was my age or older than me I would have done with him ages ago. We have been together since September,I can tell that sometimes he struggles with his feelings, he is 26 after all. He once told me that the person whom he shares his house with has the same disease as us,I told him that it was weird that he believes that our sexuality is a disease. I understand he is 26 and he did not struggle as much as I did in life to see things the way they truely are thus I am giving him benefit of the doubt.
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    Dec 09, 2014 7:07 PM GMT
    What do you want from us on RJ?

    Sounds like you are set in your determination to accept ill treatment from the BF.

    If it were me (and it would not be me, because I would not be involved with a guy that uncaring about his partner), the beach would have been the end of the relationship. You both decide to go to the beach, and he tells you he won't watch your things while you swim when he is not going swimming. Unless you are going to be in the water for a long time, that is way too inconsiderate. Everyone in your country knows that anything left unattended on a beach will be stolen in minutes. I would not have gone swimming, and would have left for good when we got back to the lodging.

    Whether or not he remains in the closet has nothing to do with how inconsiderate he is as you have portrayed him.)
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    Dec 09, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    HikerSkier saidWhat do you want from us on RJ?

    Sounds like you are set in your determination to accept ill treatment from the BF.

    If it were me (and it would not be me, because I would not be involved with a guy that uncaring about his partner), the beach would have been the end of the relationship. You both decide to go to the beach, and he tells you he won't watch your things while you swim when he is not going swimming. Unless you are going to be in the water for a long time, that is way too inconsiderate. Everyone in your country knows that anything left unattended on a beach will be stolen in minutes. I would not have gone swimming, and would have left for good when we got back to the lodging.

    Whether or not he remains in the closet has nothing to do with how inconsiderate he is as you have portrayed him.)

    +1

    Dump him
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 09, 2014 7:28 PM GMT
    Art_Deco said
    HikerSkier saidWhat do you want from us on RJ?

    Sounds like you are set in your determination to accept ill treatment from the BF.

    If it were me (and it would not be me, because I would not be involved with a guy that uncaring about his partner), the beach would have been the end of the relationship. You both decide to go to the beach, and he tells you he won't watch your things while you swim when he is not going swimming. Unless you are going to be in the water for a long time, that is way too inconsiderate. Everyone in your country knows that anything left unattended on a beach will be stolen in minutes. I would not have gone swimming, and would have left for good when we got back to the lodging.

    Whether or not he remains in the closet has nothing to do with how inconsiderate he is as you have portrayed him.)

    +1

    Dump him


    +3

    I would have had more consideration if it were just a friend. What a selfish d-bagicon_idea.gif
  • AnonymKOIA

    Posts: 90

    Dec 09, 2014 7:58 PM GMT
    I want advice here on RJ.

    The other day I was laughing to myself asking what exactly do I love about him,because he is such a nutcase, he will never willingly apologize. I dumped him a month ago via whatsapp (i did not know it was cruel,now i know) thinking he will say something, well he didn't. After about 6 hours I begged him to forget that I dumped him because I did not mean it, he said NO, words spoken can never be taken back, that was when I decided to open up to him about how I struggled in my life. In hindsight I was trying to boost his ego so that he can be comfortable around me, afterward he said we will be friends and we will see how it goes because he was sad about my initial decision and the method I chose to convey it.I went to see him after a week, tried to bring up our relationship and he was like "stop pushing me,even if it is not me in your future relationships you should learn to give people space because I will cut you off completely out of my life and delete all your contacts". Well, I knew he was tripping. We went to Durban together, I asked him if he loved me and that's when he kissed me. He got back yesterday. Sunday and yesterday and today i sent him a good morning/night texts and he did not respond. I sent him a long text today telling him that he should not feel attacked when I express my feelings to him and I am going to leave it at that. I tell him he is good looking all the time (I know I am way good looking,but I got over that longtime ago as I thought it brought unwanted attention),he never tells me that, not that i want him to but as a rational person that's what i will tell my SO. I think the reason I fell hard for him is that he is the first guy i felt like he doesn't worship me, but I think he is just too selfish. There is another guy of his age, a handsome one who wants me but i am hesitant.I am not set on accepting how he treats me,I was thinking maybe its because he is young and he has been sheltered his whole life.

    Thanks everyone,your opinions helped me immensely. I think I know the right thing to do. Thank you.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 10, 2014 2:07 AM GMT
    MikemikeMike said
    Art_Deco said
    HikerSkier saidWhat do you want from us on RJ?

    Sounds like you are set in your determination to accept ill treatment from the BF.

    If it were me (and it would not be me, because I would not be involved with a guy that uncaring about his partner), the beach would have been the end of the relationship. You both decide to go to the beach, and he tells you he won't watch your things while you swim when he is not going swimming. Unless you are going to be in the water for a long time, that is way too inconsiderate. Everyone in your country knows that anything left unattended on a beach will be stolen in minutes. I would not have gone swimming, and would have left for good when we got back to the lodging.

    Whether or not he remains in the closet has nothing to do with how inconsiderate he is as you have portrayed him.)

    +1

    Dump him


    +3

    I would have had more consideration if it were just a friend. What a selfish d-bagicon_idea.gif


    +5
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2014 10:40 AM GMT
    You should break up with him. He sounds like an asshole. If he knew your shit was going to get stolen then he should have just watched your stuff. And it is his fault that your stuff got stolen.

    He is treating you worse then a stranger off the street. I have asked strangers to watch over my stuff at the beach and most of the time its yes or that they can watch it for so long before they have to leave.