Going nowhere in life? :(

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  Dec 18, 2014 10:55 AM GMT

  I've written about this before, so I've felt like this for awhile. I'm turning 22 in like 10 days. And I have achieved nothing and am no closer to my goal.
  
  Basically, I've been working at McDonalds since I was 15, I 2 years ago I found another job. It was professional and full time, I thought I was going somewhere. Until it turned out to be a nightmare, I was 100 times happier working at Mcdonalds then I was working in sales. Every day I felt like I was going to lose my job and the turnover was honestly scary. So I left and chose to finally pursue my dream career of graphic design, however I could only apply to one place that was within travel distance (I live 2 hours from the city) this place was an hour away, however it has the highest crime rate of a city in our state. And it shows. My classmates were honestly all fuckheads, I hated pretty much everyone that I hated going, the travel was terrible because I couldn't afford the petrol and the only transport we have is terrible.
  
  One train an hour (If you're lucky) for two hours to the city, completely packed and always unreliable with trains getting cancelled so you're stuck in the city. I couldn't take it anymore and just left. Now I'm back at McDonald's and where I was when I was 15. Whilst I'm definitely not happy, I feel safe. However now I find I'm too scared to make a move, there is no work down here and I'm too afraid to look for another job because my last two attempts have been terrible.
  
  I just don't wanna go through all of it again, I'm frozen from it and I just don't know what to do. All my friends have moved on and live in the city and one just got accepted into the biggest hospital in the state.
  
  Due to finances, car loans, computer loans, general bills. I need to find work, but I'm just so comfortable I'm scared too leave. I keep thinking (Why would they want me) and I feel like I'm not good enough for anything else.
  
  This may sound stupid, but Carrie Bradshaw is basically my inspiration in life. All I want is beautiful apartment in the city with a fantastic career and a close group of friends. I have an amazing boyfriend, and I think one day we may move to the city but it's not his dream.
  
  This is also kind of a self reflective piece, so I can lay all my thoughts out there, If you can offer any advice I'd be grateful.
  
  

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• thiscouldbeth...
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 12:12 PM GMT

  I guess this is not a profound response, but I don't see you as going no where. You are at specific moment in your life with many options and choices ahead.
  
  I see the experiences you've described as you becoming aware of what you want and what you do not want (you want a career in graphic design but not at the expense of your personal or financial well being ... You want to live in the city, but not at the expense of your relationship or since of security).
  
  You may not be where you think you should be in life; but to someone who has no job and wants one, you might be perceived as a success. Similarly to someone who longs for a partner, you have accomplished something that they would strongly desire.
  
  I encourage you to challenge the perception that we must be a certain this or that at a certain age? We do not all have the same opportunities, finances, intelligence so there is no way that every persons path will be exactly a like. We are not entitled to be handed everything, and sometimes the route to our objectives may require 20 or 1000 times more work than that of another person, but that is ok.
  
  I encourage you to focus on your goals and when/if you encounter an obstacle consider alternative ways to get to that objective. I encourage you to consider the things that are going well in your life and be thankful. I also encourage you to remember that penis, i mean happiness, is not a destination (in other words relax enjoy life, be goofy and laugh a lot).

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  Dec 18, 2014 12:31 PM GMT

  thiscouldbetheend saidI guess this is not a profound response, but I don't see you as going no where. You are at specific moment in your life with many options and choices ahead.
  
  I see the experiences you've described as you becoming aware of what you want and what you do not want (you want a career in graphic design but not at the expense of your personal or financial well being ... You want to live in the city, but not at the expense of your relationship or since of security).
  
  You may not be where you think you should be in life; but to someone who has no job and wants one, you might be perceived as a success. Similarly to someone who longs for a partner, you have accomplished something that they would strongly desire.
  
  I encourage you to challenge the perception that we must be a certain this or that at a certain age? We do not all have the same opportunities, finances, intelligence so there is no way that every persons path will be exactly a like. We are not entitled to be handed everything, and sometimes the route to our objectives may require 20 or 1000 times more work than that of another person, but that is ok.
  
  I encourage you to focus on your goals and when/if you encounter an obstacle consider alternative ways to get to that objective. I encourage you to consider the things that are going well in your life and be thankful. I also encourage you to remember that penis, i mean happiness, is not a destination (in other words relax enjoy life, be goofy and laugh a lot).

  
  
  
  Thanks, even I needed to hear that!

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  Dec 18, 2014 2:46 PM GMT

  Kristoff said... All I want is beautiful apartment in the city with a fantastic career and a close group of friends. I have an amazing boyfriend, and I think one day we may move to the city but it's not his dream.

  dosnt everyone want a fantastic apartment, career and acquaintances. A lot to be said accomplish this if you dont have it. It is easy to attach your happiness to that type of stuff. Its material real, you can touch it and its first order. Your Mother wants it for you too. More difficult to love what is inside you and than others.
  
  so, your post dosnt say much about your partner.

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  Dec 18, 2014 3:02 PM GMT

  
  
  
  
  
  While I disagree with her title, I think the point is so true.
  20s (especially early 20s) are part of adolescence. The important this is not to treat this as downtime but go-time. In our world it's pretty unrealistic to expect to have a life cobbled together in your 20s.
  
  You're way ahead of the curve through. At least you're grappling with the ideas of career, long-term partners, and where you'd like to live. Don't beat yourself up for not being there yet or get frustrated by comparing yourself to the rare exceptions who seem to have pulled it off.
  
  Keep going! Best of luck.

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  Dec 18, 2014 3:16 PM GMT

  Kristoff saidI've written about this before, so I've felt like this for awhile. I'm turning 22 in like 10 days. And I have achieved nothing and am no closer to my goal.
  
  Basically, I've been working at McDonalds since I was 15, I 2 years ago I found another job. It was professional and full time, I thought I was going somewhere. Until it turned out to be a nightmare, I was 100 times happier working at Mcdonalds then I was working in sales. Every day I felt like I was going to lose my job and the turnover was honestly scary. So I left and chose to finally pursue my dream career of graphic design, however I could only apply to one place that was within travel distance (I live 2 hours from the city) this place was an hour away, however it has the highest crime rate of a city in our state. And it shows. My classmates were honestly all fuckheads, I hated pretty much everyone that I hated going, the travel was terrible because I couldn't afford the petrol and the only transport we have is terrible.
  
  One train an hour (If you're lucky) for two hours to the city, completely packed and always unreliable with trains getting cancelled so you're stuck in the city. I couldn't take it anymore and just left. Now I'm back at McDonald's and where I was when I was 15. Whilst I'm definitely not happy, I feel safe. However now I find I'm too scared to make a move, there is no work down here and I'm too afraid to look for another job because my last two attempts have been terrible.
  
  I just don't wanna go through all of it again, I'm frozen from it and I just don't know what to do. All my friends have moved on and live in the city and one just got accepted into the biggest hospital in the state.
  
  Due to finances, car loans, computer loans, general bills. I need to find work, but I'm just so comfortable I'm scared too leave. I keep thinking (Why would they want me) and I feel like I'm not good enough for anything else.
  
  This may sound stupid, but Carrie Bradshaw is basically my inspiration in life. All I want is beautiful apartment in the city with a fantastic career and a close group of friends. I have an amazing boyfriend, and I think one day we may move to the city but it's not his dream.
  
  This is also kind of a self reflective piece, so I can lay all my thoughts out there, If you can offer any advice I'd be grateful.
  
  

  
  
  Hey guy! I remember feeling that way very strongly at your age. It was overwhelming and depressing. And I think it is actually extremely common to feel that way at the start of the twenties. It's a weird age, because you are trying to claw your way out of your teenage world and start to build the life you want, but you dont yet have the experience or resources to make it happen. You've kinda grown out of your old life, but aren't quite able to start building the life you want, and just feel stuck and trapped. At least that's how i remember it for me.
  
  I think an important thing to keep in mind is that even though it probably seems like everyone knows exactly what they want and are moving foward, the truth is most people are probably feeling similar to you. There are tons of people your age right now who have an ok job but are extremely lonely and seeing how everybody else is like you is pairing up and moving forward in relationships while they are stuck alone and going nowhere.
  
  The feeling like you aren't going anywhere in life I have learned is a positive thing. The frustration is usually there to indicate that it is a time to grow, and I find that I start to reexperience it every few years when I start to get stuck in where I am. Over time I've learned it is a good push to take time to clarify what I want and start forcing a change.
  
  What i do when I feel like that is define exactly what it is that is making me feel stuck, and then define exactly what it is I really want and need to make me feel unstuck, and then make clear steps to pursue this. It is important also to look positively on failure. You aren't gonna get it right the first time. In fact, life will probably be full of endless failures (it should be! that means you are trying new things!) and with each one you learn what fits and what doesnt and can better decide what you want. The only true failure is when you stop trying. So don't let yourself get paralyzed with fear, you'll never get where you want if you don't try to move! And definitely don't compare your life to your friends (this is an important thing for your whole life) as you can only see a very little part of what they are experiencing.
  
  

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• HottJoe
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 3:30 PM GMT

  In a way, you already are the Carrie Bradshaw of your life. Everyone is the star of their own life. But I wouldn't spend too much time actually comparing yourself to a character who's thirty played by an actress who's forty who lives a luxe life writing a sex column (I don't remember the exact details, but my point is that it's just a show! Most professional writers in NYC are desperate for sex and acclaim, lol).
  
  I think you're on the right path, and you just have to keep your ambitions a priority, or get more education if you need it. In ten years, you'll probably have a lot more stuff, a lot more experience, and you'll think, hm, I could go for McDonalds but my metabolism isn't what it used to be... And yeah, welcome to sex in the city: the rl version.

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• HndsmKansan
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 4:11 PM GMT

  I'm just curious about where your education fits in here? I assumed you graduated from high school, did college ever play a role or a trade school or education specific to a career or job?
  
  Let me say, most people change directions in their lives and can feel like they are "starting over" or "going nowhere". I suggest you make definitive, concrete action toward developing a plan on where you may want to go. I'd be more concerned about not knowing what I want to do than simply being at your present spot. If you aren't sure what you want to do, ask questions and evaluate your interests. Take some time and choose your direction based on careful consideration and review of information.
  You still have plenty of time, but I wouldn't wait.

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• HottJoe
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 4:28 PM GMT

  HndsmKansan saidI'm just curious about where your education fits in here? I assumed you graduated from high school, did college ever play a role or a trade school or education specific to a career or job?
  
  Let me say, most people change directions in their lives and can feel like they are "starting over" or "going nowhere". I suggest you make definitive, concrete action toward developing a plan on where you may want to go. I'd be more concerned about not knowing what I want to do than simply being at your present spot. If you aren't sure what you want to do, ask questions and evaluate your interests. Take some time and choose your direction based on careful consideration and review of information.
  You still have plenty of time, but I wouldn't wait.

  
  Not to derail the thread, but why does HndsmKanas get to be naked in his main photo? No fair!
  
  

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• Destinharbor
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 4:41 PM GMT

  So you're afraid to take a chance and move somewhere where you can start getting some training in graphic design? I don't see what's holding you back. Surely you can get a McDonalds job in any city you want. Are you living at home and paying no rent because it sounds like that's the case. Have you talked to your boyfriend about moving so you can go back to school? If you have no marketable talent, you're stuck. You need school. Figure it out. Pay off or sell your car, clear your bills by working two jobs if necessary, build up a small reserve, apply for a McDonalds job in your target city (not the one you describe, one you like but is affordable), make the move and go back to school**. Once you're in your new city, I bet you can find a job that's better than McDonalds or the sales grind job. Doing nothing leads to nowhere. What's your boyfriend do?
  
  **Watch out for for-profit schools that don't really lead to a good job. I don't know if it's the same here as there but in the USA, there are a ton of them that take government money in the form of guaranteed loans and then teach you nothing that leads to anywhere.

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  Dec 18, 2014 4:46 PM GMT

  Life is a bed of compromises and trade offs. It the jobs are in the city then you must live in the city and compete with and copy the behavior of million of other people for work, food, housing etc. If you don't want to compete then just appreciate where you are.

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  Dec 18, 2014 4:59 PM GMT

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• Trevor_B
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 5:02 PM GMT

  The average person these days has somewhere around 6 careers over their lifetime. So you're not out of time by any stretch. I think searching is pretty normal, and those feelings are something I've definitely struggled with a lot. This past year things have started feeling a little more "active," but a lot of it has taken place because of opportunities I sought out while I was working my boring retail job.
  
  Some things to do might be to sit down and write out things you're good at. Maybe customer service, creativity, etc. Then narrow it down to some of the things you're most interested. If you don't know people, try finding a non-profit that needs some help so you can get some experience and help someone else out at the same time? That's honestly where I've met all of my strongest connections from a business standpoint. I might have just gotten lucky there though. I'm in school for graphic design now, but honestly I learned a fair amount before I even got here. I was involved in community theater and had been able to help them designing posters, I had gone out and done personal projects just for kicks, and some photography just for fun as well.
  
  I honestly believe you can make it in design even without a degree, but without a diploma you're probably looking more at freelance/starting a company versus getting an agency job.
  
  Getting involved in the community or just doing some volunteering in something that interests you could be a good step in starting to feel unstuck again. :-P Also, helps self esteem when you're out there actively doing something. Hopefully that helps.

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• MikemikeMike
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 5:08 PM GMT

  Kristoff saidI've written about this before, so I've felt like this for awhile. I'm turning 22 in like 10 days. And I have achieved nothing and am no closer to my goal.
  
  Basically, I've been working at McDonalds since I was 15, I 2 years ago I found another job. It was professional and full time, I thought I was going somewhere. Until it turned out to be a nightmare, I was 100 times happier working at Mcdonalds then I was working in sales. Every day I felt like I was going to lose my job and the turnover was honestly scary. So I left and chose to finally pursue my dream career of graphic design, however I could only apply to one place that was within travel distance (I live 2 hours from the city) this place was an hour away, however it has the highest crime rate of a city in our state. And it shows. My classmates were honestly all fuckheads, I hated pretty much everyone that I hated going, the travel was terrible because I couldn't afford the petrol and the only transport we have is terrible.
  
  One train an hour (If you're lucky) for two hours to the city, completely packed and always unreliable with trains getting cancelled so you're stuck in the city. I couldn't take it anymore and just left. Now I'm back at McDonald's and where I was when I was 15. Whilst I'm definitely not happy, I feel safe. However now I find I'm too scared to make a move, there is no work down here and I'm too afraid to look for another job because my last two attempts have been terrible.
  
  I just don't wanna go through all of it again, I'm frozen from it and I just don't know what to do. All my friends have moved on and live in the city and one just got accepted into the biggest hospital in the state.
  
  Due to finances, car loans, computer loans, general bills. I need to find work, but I'm just so comfortable I'm scared too leave. I keep thinking (Why would they want me) and I feel like I'm not good enough for anything else.
  
  This may sound stupid, but Carrie Bradshaw is basically my inspiration in life. All I want is beautiful apartment in the city with a fantastic career and a close group of friends. I have an amazing boyfriend, and I think one day we may move to the city but it's not his dream.
  
  This is also kind of a self reflective piece, so I can lay all my thoughts out there, If you can offer any advice I'd be grateful.
  
  

  
  
  
  There are so many better role models for gay men than a sex in the city character. I saw it a few times and she was a shitty friend. She was all about herself and her rent controlled apartment and her shoes. How bout someone like David M who is taking Diane Sawyers job. He's a nice guy as well. Much better role model and he is real.

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• HottJoe
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 5:11 PM GMT

  MikemikeMike said

  Kristoff saidI've written about this before, so I've felt like this for awhile. I'm turning 22 in like 10 days. And I have achieved nothing and am no closer to my goal.
  
  Basically, I've been working at McDonalds since I was 15, I 2 years ago I found another job. It was professional and full time, I thought I was going somewhere. Until it turned out to be a nightmare, I was 100 times happier working at Mcdonalds then I was working in sales. Every day I felt like I was going to lose my job and the turnover was honestly scary. So I left and chose to finally pursue my dream career of graphic design, however I could only apply to one place that was within travel distance (I live 2 hours from the city) this place was an hour away, however it has the highest crime rate of a city in our state. And it shows. My classmates were honestly all fuckheads, I hated pretty much everyone that I hated going, the travel was terrible because I couldn't afford the petrol and the only transport we have is terrible.
  
  One train an hour (If you're lucky) for two hours to the city, completely packed and always unreliable with trains getting cancelled so you're stuck in the city. I couldn't take it anymore and just left. Now I'm back at McDonald's and where I was when I was 15. Whilst I'm definitely not happy, I feel safe. However now I find I'm too scared to make a move, there is no work down here and I'm too afraid to look for another job because my last two attempts have been terrible.
  
  I just don't wanna go through all of it again, I'm frozen from it and I just don't know what to do. All my friends have moved on and live in the city and one just got accepted into the biggest hospital in the state.
  
  Due to finances, car loans, computer loans, general bills. I need to find work, but I'm just so comfortable I'm scared too leave. I keep thinking (Why would they want me) and I feel like I'm not good enough for anything else.
  
  This may sound stupid, but Carrie Bradshaw is basically my inspiration in life. All I want is beautiful apartment in the city with a fantastic career and a close group of friends. I have an amazing boyfriend, and I think one day we may move to the city but it's not his dream.
  
  This is also kind of a self reflective piece, so I can lay all my thoughts out there, If you can offer any advice I'd be grateful.
  
  

  
  
  
  There are so many better role models for gay men than a sex in the city character. I saw it a few times and she was a shitty friend. She was all about herself and her rent controlled apartment and her shoes. How bout someone like David M who is taking Diane Sawyers job. He's a nice guy as well. Much better role model and he is real.

  
  Lol, I was thinking that too, but you know how gay men can get about sex in the city. It's like insulting golden girls. You're just looking for trouble!

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• MikemikeMike
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 5:14 PM GMT

  I guess so Joe, didn't she dump her friends anytime she found new dick. No wonder gay men love her

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• Destinharbor
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 5:40 PM GMT

  She was also college educated. Makes a huge difference. OP needs to get to work to get in college if even part time.

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• wellwell
  
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  Dec 18, 2014 5:44 PM GMT

  It is far far-easier to start your own business, than people realize; do it! You can even get by w/o a business license; until, the city catches up w/ you. That can take years! By then, you should be well-established!
  
  LOTS OF FREE ADVERTISING ON "C L" DOT COM.!

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  Dec 18, 2014 7:02 PM GMT

  Follow your bliss.
  
  If you want to move to NYC then figure out what would be necessary to do so and then decide if it would be worth it to you. Either you'll figure out a way to achieve what you want (there's usually a way), or you'll decide the goals isn't worth the cost. Then you'll put that goal behind you and find a new one.
  
  The 20's are a decade of floundering around punctuated by realizations that it's up to you to make what you want happen ... and that there's usually a way to get at least an approximation.

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• rip12
  
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  Dec 19, 2014 2:23 AM GMT

  youre 22 - you have your whole life ahead of u
  
  this wont resonate as much now - im not being condescending when i say youve not been alive long enough to know enough about the world to know what you are capable of yet - that takes years - u just have to believe that because its true
  
  i graduated from college at your age with a degree in journalism - the job market was horrible and the one position i was offered that would utilize my education was not of interest to me
  
  a friend i had attended college with (with the same degree) faced the same dilemma and took a job in a completely unrelated field and told me about it
  
  it seemed interesting to me and i pursued it
  
  long story short, after 25 long years of work all around the country (and a couple posts outside the country), i wound up starting my own company
  
  pay attention to the people around you - talk to them about their careers - what they are doing, possibilities in their respective fields, etc etc etc
  
  im unfamiliar with all the opportunities in victoria state but i worked for an australian company in the mid 1980's and can tell you there are opportunities there
  
  being impatient isnt a bad thing - you wont believe me now but those feelings of desperation arent really a bad thing in the long run - they force you to push yourself forward even when u feel like you dont have the energy or knowledge to do so!!

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  Dec 19, 2014 4:57 PM GMT

  You are going the same place we are all going the grave. Your life is yours to make of it what you will within your means and capabilities. Comparing yourself to others is counterproductive, especially a fictitious, vacuous TV character.

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  Dec 19, 2014 10:11 PM GMT

  My job is ok but I can't stand some of assholes I wor k with.
  

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• HottJoe
  
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  Dec 19, 2014 10:22 PM GMT

  UndercoverMan saidYou are going the same place we are all going the grave. Your life is yours to make of it what you will within your means and capabilities. Comparing yourself to others is counterproductive, especially a fictitious, vacuous TV character.

  
  Now he's making death threats!

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• thiscouldbeth...
  
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  Dec 19, 2014 11:17 PM GMT

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• buddycat
  
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  Dec 19, 2014 11:32 PM GMT

  You are still young. One option is to maybe get some online gigs doing web graphics. The other option is to stay at McDonald's and apply for management. General managers and above do well there I hear even though others may knock it. Good to keep your options open. I know artists are generally limited to big cities but if you can get experience now, that would be great.

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