Changing preferences

  • Tropicalcium

    Posts: 95

    Dec 21, 2014 8:46 AM GMT
    You prefer white guys. You prefered white guys. What changed? You like Asian or black guys. It changed. Why? Some men's preferences change because they have actually met people. Sometimes white men would never come to some black guy in the street. Barely registering on his brain. I remember this TV program for men on blind dates. He was shocked to see a black dude. He would never go for a black dude but a black dude was willing to a date a white guy...
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 21, 2014 4:27 PM GMT
    The more I've grown into myself and love myself my preferences have dramatically changed. Now its really more about the mental emotional connection than the physical. Looks don't impress me that much but being a highly compassionate, kind, man of faith with a sense of humor does. I use to only date tall, very muscular, very masculine, black dudes. My last ex was thin and the guy I'm currently talking to is even thinner. Still haven't had a chance to date outside my race though.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 21, 2014 5:20 PM GMT
    Things change, and that's often a good thing, if that means that you are growing as a person.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 21, 2014 5:21 PM GMT
    muscleboundfem saidThe more I've grown into myself and love myself my preferences have dramatically changed. Now its really more about the mental emotional connection than the physical. Looks don't impress me that much but being a highly compassionate, kind, man of faith with a sense of humor does. I use to only date tall, very muscular, very masculine, black dudes. My last ex was thin and the guy I'm currently talking to is even thinner. Still haven't had a chance to date outside my race though.

    Can you clarify what you mean by a man of faith? Does that mean any faith, a specific faith, and would you exclude an agnostic?
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    Dec 21, 2014 5:58 PM GMT
    Tropicalcium saidYou prefer white guys. You prefered white guys. What changed? You like Asian or black guys. It changed. Why? Some men's preferences change because they have actually met people. Sometimes white men would never come to some black guy in the street. Barely registering on his brain. I remember this TV program for men on blind dates. He was shocked to see a black dude. He would never go for a black dude but a black dude was willing to a date a white guy...

    For me it changed over 40 years ago. After growing up for 20 years in an affluent white suburb, very near to your New York, if you're in the City (you know Upper Montclair in New Jersey?), where I almost never saw any Black people, or minorities of any kind.

    In my case I believe my change was caused by working alongside Black soldiers in the Army. Nothing builds camaraderie like military service, nor breaks down racial & ethnic stereotypes, and builds understanding & respect for differences.

    My best buddy when I was a Sergeant was a Black soldier. We went everywhere, did everything, as I've written about here before. And the 2 of us going into restaurants, movies and elsewhere together, in 1971 Kentucky when there were still signs for "Colored" and "White" on restrooms and over drinking fountains, could cause some stares & tension.

    In retrospect I really do think I was dating him (although nothing sexual), but would never have believed I was dating any men at the time, still convinced I was straight. But when I came out it meant I started without color prejudices & preferences.

    Yet I dated only White guys, because that's who dated me. Whose paths happened to cross mine, what I mostly found in the gay clubs I visited or the guys I met online. Today I see lots of Black and Asian guys who are mega-hot, and I'd gladly have dated them, and some less hot ones, but it never happened that way when I was single. But then there's also lots of hunky White guys I missed and never got to approach, or be approached.

    I see a lot of interracial gay couples around here, so skin color doesn't seem to be a major barrier locally. If I were single again (and anybody still wanted me) I could certainly imagine myself being among those dating couples. To me it would just be like Kentucky again, 40+ years ago. Only this time I'd have no confusion about exercising all my options. icon_wink.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 21, 2014 6:50 PM GMT
    Preferences certainly change as you're exposed to more people. Growing up in Asia, I was primarily attracted to Asian men. Then when I moved to the US, I am exposed to a great diversity of men and my attraction grew more diverse too.
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    Dec 21, 2014 7:12 PM GMT
    I'm not sure if I ever have narrow preference when it comes to looks. I have been attracted to wide variety of guys. Tall, medium, short, dark hair, light hair, dark skin, fair skin, skinny, medium, heavy. So I realize that I'm more into guys who are kind, smart, and know how to have a good time and be happy. Who are strong and I don't mean that physically. Good looks certainly helps, absolutely, but that can only bring you so far.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 2:53 AM GMT
    HottJoe said
    muscleboundfem saidThe more I've grown into myself and love myself my preferences have dramatically changed. Now its really more about the mental emotional connection than the physical. Looks don't impress me that much but being a highly compassionate, kind, man of faith with a sense of humor does. I use to only date tall, very muscular, very masculine, black dudes. My last ex was thin and the guy I'm currently talking to is even thinner. Still haven't had a chance to date outside my race though.

    Can you clarify what you mean by a man of faith? Does that mean any faith, a specific faith, and would you exclude an agnostic?


    It doesn't mean a specific faith. Since a man talking about his faith is really attractive to me it would be hard for me to date an agnostic. On the other hand the guy would also have to be spiritually tolerant as well.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 22, 2014 1:22 PM GMT
    "Live and learn". We are continuously the sum of our life experience, and many people use the insight we gain to adjust, grow and adapt. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Joeyphx444

    Posts: 2382

    Dec 22, 2014 5:14 PM GMT
    The more I meet people the more it helps to know what you like and don't BUT I do not completely X out that group because I met 1 or 5 guys like that that didn't work out. I feel like a lot of men do this. They meet a bunch of guys who are for example, younger and it was all bad so they X them out of their possible interests. Some still meet those guys but then have preconceived notions and even project them and ruin it. Almost like if you expect it, it will happen type thing going on. I think this is most prevalent in grouping types of men like jocks, gym rats, nerds, college guys, older guys, etc

    I try to be open and meet different guys but if you don't like someone, then you don't like someone.

    What I said pertains to just mental compatibility-which is so variable but in terms of vanity, if you don't like big guys, then you don't like big guys. Some people just can't get passed the look since it's the very first thing HUMANS see.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2014 3:50 AM GMT
    I think preferences are mutable and I think they change a lot based on what we see around us. I grew up in New Mexico and there were maybe a dozen black students at my high school and even fewer Asians. Consequently, my interests in either demographic were sort of non-existent. I moved to DC after college and was surrounded by a lot of interesting, beautiful black men and developed an appreciation that I didn't have before. The same thing happened when I moved to San Francisco and was around a lot more Asian guys.

    I think being open to the possibility that attraction can happen outside of the boxes we put ourselves in is key.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2014 4:06 AM GMT
    My preference for dark hair and dark eyes will never change unless I go blind of course.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 23, 2014 10:28 PM GMT
    UndercoverMan saidMy preference for dark hair and dark eyes will never change unless I go blind of course.

    I thought you were blind? Or was it dumb?icon_neutral.gif

    icon_lol.gifjk, merry xmas!
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 23, 2014 10:37 PM GMT
    Are you ok?
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 23, 2014 10:49 PM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidAre you ok?

    What kind of question is that? He wouldn't be here if he was OK!icon_mad.gif
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 23, 2014 10:53 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    1AlanZSky saidAre you ok?

    What kind of question is that? He wouldn't be here if he was OK!icon_mad.gif


    I was talking to you though.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 23, 2014 10:55 PM GMT
    1AlanZSky said
    HottJoe said
    1AlanZSky saidAre you ok?

    What kind of question is that? He wouldn't be here if he was OK!icon_mad.gif


    I was talking to you though.

    UUUUmmm, hm, same answer!icon_lol.gif
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 23, 2014 11:07 PM GMT
    LOL, rofl...
    So are you ok, HottJoe?
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 24, 2014 3:01 PM GMT
    I have no preference. Just men.
  • TonyGee

    Posts: 6

    Dec 25, 2014 4:18 AM GMT
    polfsky saidPreferences certainly change as you're exposed to more people. Growing up in Asia, I was primarily attracted to Asian men. Then when I moved to the US, I am exposed to a great diversity of men and my attraction grew more diverse too.


    Exactly! Whenever I went back to China, I found myself become only attracted by Asians. A handsome asian guy with big muscle and smooth skin is everything I can expect. Then after coming back to US, I found whites attractive as well. I was surrounded by lots of muscular white guys with bigger body frame in gym... Although I'm still super attracted to asian guys' smooth and clean body skin, I have to say I can't resist whites' sexy muscle.
  • Paperless_Pen

    Posts: 573

    Dec 29, 2014 1:59 PM GMT
    TonyGee said
    polfsky saidPreferences certainly change as you're exposed to more people. Growing up in Asia, I was primarily attracted to Asian men. Then when I moved to the US, I am exposed to a great diversity of men and my attraction grew more diverse too.


    Exactly! Whenever I went back to China, I found myself become only attracted by Asians. A handsome asian guy with big muscle and smooth skin is everything I can expect. Then after coming back to US, I found whites attractive as well. I was surrounded by lots of muscular white guys with bigger body frame in gym... Although I'm still super attracted to asian guys' smooth and clean body skin, I have to say I can't resist whites' sexy muscle.


    Any muscle is attractive. :-)