Alone for the holidays :-/ (bf went home to see his family)

  • bj87nyc

    Posts: 15

    Dec 22, 2014 4:06 AM GMT
    Hi all.. I am really struggling as my boyfriend left today to go home to see his family on the west coast for the holidays.. I was invited but I couldn't make it this year because of my work schedule but I miss him so much I can barely function. We have been dating for about 8 months and living together for about 4 months.

    He will be back on 12/30, but I feel so miserable I can't sleep or concentrate on anything else.

    Is this normal? If not, what is wrong with me?? Thx.
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    Dec 22, 2014 5:20 AM GMT
    sometimes you spend the holidays alone. Its life. Make the best of it… sleep, eat shit food, watch movies, get drunk…. lol. its only 24 hours… you will survive. And its kinda fun to be a rebel, when everyone else is 'conforming' to what Christmas should be. icon_cool.gif
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    Dec 22, 2014 5:48 AM GMT
    bj87nyc said
    Is this normal? If not, what is wrong with me?? Thx.

    Not at all unusual. I think it's evidence of how much you love him. Perhaps a hard way to discover it, but now you know for sure, if you didn't before.

    Whenever my husband is away for some reason I have trouble sleeping without him at my side. With my late husband I couldn't even bear to be alone in the big bed we shared, I would go sleep on a small futon in the office while he was gone.

    My late husband and current, and the BF I had in-between them, all did the same curious thing whenever it was me who was away for a few days. They would lay out some of my clothes from the closet on my side of the bed, so they could touch them at night. Each time I learned of this I was shocked, and brought to tears. That anyone would miss ME that much was inconceivable to me.

    Maybe doing the same thing yourself with his clothes would help you? And for you to keep in mind, as hairyandym said, it's only for a very brief time. He'll be back before you know it.

    I do appreciate that Christmas Day will be empty, nothing much to offset that. Did he leave you some presents? If so, and unless he gave you instructions otherwise, I would resist the temptation to open them. Save them until he returns on the 30th, so you can open them with him, along with his own, as if it were the 25th. He'll like that.
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    Dec 22, 2014 5:51 AM GMT
    i elected to not go with my partner this Christmas. His folks live in Boise ID. There is not a lot to do there except goto the mall which i have no use for.

    we save about $1000, plane tickets & boarding the dogs

    i was there mid summer this year, dont need to be there twice in one year

    its a little rough but gives me a chance to do some things around the house
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Dec 22, 2014 7:53 AM GMT
    bj87nyc said
    Is this normal? If not, what is wrong with me?? Thx.

    It's normal to miss someone who is gone for a week; It is not normal not to be able to sleep or concentrate.

    Try using the telephone. Hell, if there is a computer where he is, you could even Skype.

    Nothing is really "wrong" with you. But, like MMTM said, you need to be more independent. IN the meantime, find something to occupy our time.
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    Dec 22, 2014 3:38 PM GMT
    Sounds like you may have some trust issues. Other that you really should pay less attention on the factbthat he is not there. Give your self some lazy time. Go out meet other friends. Watch movie and what ever you want for yourself. And you can still call him through phone or skype. Sry but i see nothing wrong in your situation.
  • Bunjamon

    Posts: 3161

    Dec 22, 2014 8:42 PM GMT
    Your boyfriend should complement you, not complete you. If you do not feel like you can function without him, you should do a little introspection and figure out what's going on there.
  • davfit

    Posts: 309

    Dec 22, 2014 9:40 PM GMT
    at least you where invited.. relax he's coming back do your own thing and enjoy it..Relationships are about adding too. not completing you..be Happy on your own..
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    Dec 22, 2014 9:48 PM GMT
    Lol funny, There is this guy, he and I exchanged numbers a couple days ago. We kinda talked, text a bit. Now, he's in Long Island NY to visit his folks. Lol, I think it's a good thing though. I enjoy my alone time. Come to think of it, I'm not that into him so I will prob. just ignore him when he gets back. Oh well. It's normal for you to miss your bf because well you guys are attached already.
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    Dec 22, 2014 9:56 PM GMT
    MuchMoreThanMuscle said

    No disrespect but your feelings and how you expressed all that you did sound really unhealthy. I could understand if you two broke up and you were having a difficult time adjusting to no longer being with this person. But you're only separated nine or ten days.

    If you can't function when your partner isn't around you are depending too much on him. Being dependent on another is crippling.

    I suggest you work on this for your own benefit.


    +1

    Bunjamon nailed it too.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Dec 22, 2014 10:19 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidYour boyfriend should complement you, not complete you. If you do not feel like you can function without him, you should do a little introspection and figure out what's going on there.
    Nobody could have said it better than this. What would happen if you broke up? You'd be an emotion wreck. Take this alone time to connect with old friends,visit Christmas displays..Enjoy.
  • str8hardbody9

    Posts: 1519

    Dec 23, 2014 2:36 AM GMT
    Bunjamon saidYour boyfriend should complement you, not complete you. If you do not feel like you can function without him, you should do a little introspection and figure out what's going on there.


    I totally agree. icon_redface.gif
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    Dec 23, 2014 2:49 AM GMT
    mybud said
    Bunjamon saidYour boyfriend should complement you, not complete you. If you do not feel like you can function without him, you should do a little introspection and figure out what's going on there.
    Nobody could have said it better than this. What would happen if you broke up? You'd be an emotion wreck. Take this alone time to connect with old friends,visit Christmas displays..Enjoy.

    Perhaps a little of the 'lust' period that hasn't ended yet. I agree with both these guys, think further down the road, a week or so he'll be back and what a great feeling that will be. In the mean time, do something you've been putting off, make a plan for a great welcome home romantic dinner for him, clean the house, do the laundry, a week or so will pass quickly. Then of course, there's always a call, text, skype. It's not like he's isolated from you in a jungle half way around the world...it's only the west coast! LOL
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2014 3:40 AM GMT
    be a slut and cheat on his ass icon_twisted.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2014 3:48 AM GMT
    Bunjamon saidYour boyfriend should complement you, not complete you. If you do not feel like you can function without him, you should do a little introspection and figure out what's going on there.


    Thank you! I have always corrected people when they say their significant other completes them. I do not want to have to complete someone. I want someone who is whole to begin with.

    My story is quite similar. My BF who I met in April of this year went home to Mexico to visit his family. I'm functioning just fine. I love him so much his happiness is just as important as my own and I am happy that he will be with his siblings and parents for the holidays. Yes, I miss him very much, but I'm not falling apart.

  • Dec 23, 2014 12:35 PM GMT
    Guuurl please .. call any of your peeps left in town and ..



    But seriously, just think about it .. while you're pining like a 12 yo preteen now; when he gets back home you'll get to release the days of pent up angst ... and then its just a matter of deciding will you greet him in mode 1:



    or mode 2:



    Like my gay-momma says ... absence makes the heart grow fonder and the dick grow harder ... now bye Felicia bye!!

    happy reuniting icon_twisted.gif







  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2014 1:37 PM GMT
    You could exchange slutty nudes with your bf, and then when he comes back you bent him over (or he bents you over) and take revenge for these nine or ten days. icon_twisted.gif
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1767

    Dec 23, 2014 2:56 PM GMT
    This is a much better song for this context than those above:

  • Hotgymguy22

    Posts: 98

    Dec 23, 2014 3:27 PM GMT
    bj87nyc saidHi all.. I am really struggling as my boyfriend left today to go home to see his family on the west coast for the holidays.. I was invited but I couldn't make it this year because of my work schedule but I miss him so much I can barely function. We have been dating for about 8 months and living together for about 4 months.

    He will be back on 12/30, but I feel so miserable I can't sleep or concentrate on anything else.

    Is this normal? If not, what is wrong with me?? Thx.



    You have a boyfriend who is simply out of town visiting family. Stop whining and bitching. You HAVE a boyfriend. Think of all the guys who will spend Christmas and every other holiday/birthday alone because they don't have anyone.
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    Dec 23, 2014 4:06 PM GMT
    Hotgymguy22 said

    You have a boyfriend who is simply out of town visiting family. Stop whining and bitching. You HAVE a boyfriend. Think of all the guys who will spend Christmas and every other holiday/birthday alone because they don't have anyone.

    Why should he care about those people who don't have a bf?
    He hasn't stopped anyone from having a bf, go find one for yourself. Wait, you haven't met the perfect guy yet.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2014 4:21 PM GMT
    Bunjamon saidYour boyfriend should complement you, not complete you. If you do not feel like you can function without him, you should do a little introspection and figure out what's going on there.


    Well said. Was thinking the same thing. People should add to your life, not take over it. It's not healthy for either of you and it puts a lot of stress on the relationship. In your introspection maybe you could map out your needs, rate their importance and figure out which ones he's meeting. Then you can figure out additional ways to meet them in addition to him. Good luck.
  • Hotgymguy22

    Posts: 98

    Dec 23, 2014 4:33 PM GMT
    __morphic__ said
    Hotgymguy22 said

    You have a boyfriend who is simply out of town visiting family. Stop whining and bitching. You HAVE a boyfriend. Think of all the guys who will spend Christmas and every other holiday/birthday alone because they don't have anyone.

    Why should he care about those people who don't have a bf?
    He hasn't stopped anyone from having a bf, go find one for yourself. Wait, you haven't met the perfect guy yet.


    I didn't bring myself into that; I was speaking generically. He is complaining about being away from his boyfriend for a few days while others on this site would love to have a boyfriend, especially this time of the year.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2014 5:41 AM GMT
    bf gone:
    tip a box wine
    watch Gardians of the Galexy & other off Broadway hits
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2014 8:15 AM GMT
    IDK to me you sound like you are kind of clingy but there is nothing wrong with that as long as your partner knows how much he means to you. But don't you have family to go home to? You could also text him, facetime him, or call him.

    For me if I could avoid going home for the holidays with out feeling guilty I would enjoy it. icon_smile.gif

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2014 10:19 AM GMT
    Is this normal? If not, what is wrong with me?? Thx.[/quote]

    It's not . Sale season is on in NY, why don't you go and check out the options on Madison avenue , bloomies, BG etc

    In addition why don't you check out some of the neighborhoods that you never got a chance to see.