My BF is a big crybaby: sign of depression or just overly sensitive? (Update: he's crazy as hell and I'm ending it today)

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    Dec 22, 2014 6:06 AM GMT
    So tonight me and my BF got into an argument. We were having a conversation, and a segment on the recent Cuban embargo lift came onto TV. So, here we are having dinner...then he started talking about his own similar story of tragedy of a family he knew years ago from another country, that had nothing to do with the segment on TV. Fine. But, then he starts CRYING as he's telling me the story.

    I've known this man for 2 months, and I have never seen a guy cry more times than he has in my life. I have known other men to cry when they're drunk, but he will cry at any moment about anything that's even remotely sad. He could barely finish the story, and I just told him...tell me the story without getting emotional. He gets all mad and starts telling me to not tell him not to have emotions, and starts getting all defensive about it.

    Now, this story is something that happened a long time ago. And I'm sure it's not his first time crying about it. It's also not the first time he's cried about other things over and over again, and I'm getting fucking tired of it. We have dished it out over it before, but tonight was the first time I told him...STOP GETTING ALL EMOTIONAL everytime you talk about something. Just last week, he's crying on the middle of a packed dance floor at the club about a discussion we had together. Then he cried some more after we left, then he cried the next day, then cried the day after that.

    My thing is, I'm not saying the man can't have emotions, but he literally cries about things all week long. He read a sad craigslist ad, starts crying. I told him, do you ever see news reporters breaking down on TV about sad stories? No. You need to be able to tell your story without getting all teary eyed about it, EVERYTIME. Plus, what also annoys me is he's crying about everything under the sun, but barely even offering any support on the fact that my grandma died earlier this year after a long cancer battle, and it's the 1st Christmas that she's not around. But I haven't been crying to him about it, because I don't feel it's appropriate to cry about it to him because he's never met her, and I can only get solace from my family. Not to mention, when I did cry once and tell him what happened, he just went on to tell me HIS story about his deceased stepmother and how hard it was for HIM.. Yet He expects me to pat him on the back and console him everytime he cries...which is atleast weekly, but every other day is pretty normal. And it's stupid because it's a sad time for me, but he can't even see it because he's so busy whining about shit from his past, and just random silly shit. I told him to stop carrying around all that baggage and just let shit go.

    What do you guys think? Not to mention, it's a turnoff. He's supposed to be my man, but he's crying like a woman everytime I see him. It's like the redundant phrase, "if I wanted to be with a woman I'd get with one". But a man needs to be a little bit stronger. Hell, I don't even know women who'd cry that much which make me think he might have a problem.
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    Dec 22, 2014 7:41 AM GMT
    Are you fucking serious?
    Okay, no.
    He doesn't have a problem.
    You fucking do.
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    Dec 22, 2014 7:42 AM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 saidSo tonight me and my BF got into an argument. We were having a conversation, and a segment on the recent Cuban embargo lift came onto TV. So, here we are having dinner...then he started talking about his own similar story of tragedy of a family he knew years ago from another country, that had nothing to do with the segment on TV. Fine. But, then he starts CRYING as he's telling me the story.

    I've known this man for 2 months, and I have never seen a guy cry more times than he has in my life. I have known other men to cry when they're drunk, but he will cry at any moment about anything that's even remotely sad. He could barely finish the story, and I just told him...tell me the story without getting emotional. He gets all mad and starts telling me to not tell him not to have emotions, and starts getting all defensive about it.

    Now, this story is something that happened a long time ago. And I'm sure it's not his first time crying about it. It's also not the first time he's cried about other things over and over again, and I'm getting fucking tired of it. We have dished it out over it before, but tonight was the first time I told him...STOP GETTING ALL EMOTIONAL everytime you talk about something. Just last week, he's crying on the middle of a packed dance floor at the club about a discussion we had together. Then he cried some more after we left, then he cried the next day, then cried the day after that.

    My thing is, I'm not saying the man can't have emotions, but he literally cries about things all week long. He read a sad craigslist ad, starts crying. I told him, do you ever see news reporters breaking down on TV about sad stories? No. You need to be able to tell your story without getting all teary eyed about it, EVERYTIME. Plus, what also annoys me is he's crying about everything under the sun, but barely even offering any support on the fact that my grandma died earlier this year after a long cancer battle, and it's the 1st Christmas that she's not around. But I haven't been crying to him about it, because I don't feel it's appropriate to cry about it to him because he's never met her, and I can only get solace from my family. Yet He expects me to pat him on the back and console him everytime he cries...which is atleast weekly, but every other day is pretty normal. And it's stupid because it's a sad time for me, but he can't even see it because he's so busy whining about shit from his past, and just random silly shit. I told him to stop carrying around all that baggage and just let shit go.

    What do you guys think? Not to mention, it's a turnoff. He's supposed to be my man, but he's crying like a woman everytime I see him. It's like the redundant phrase, "if I wanted to be with a woman I'd get with one". But a man needs to be a little bit stronger. Hell, I don't even know women who'd cry that much which make me think he might have a problem.


    You are an a-hole.
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    Dec 22, 2014 8:33 AM GMT
    I'm not trying to be an asshole. Its not to be insensitive, but when we're sitting down trying to have dinner and he just starts crying...it's like, come on. And it's not like a once in awhile. Everytime I look around he's crying about something. He cried 3 times when we went on vacation last month about absolutely NOTHING. He cried in front of me and his sister when we went to visit her, and she rolled her eyes because he keeps talking about the same thing from long time ago.

    He himself said something about getting on medication, but what I did instead was read a book to him about letting go of the past and stop hanging on to old wounds and hurts and disappointments from the past. I'm not an asshole for trying to get someone to free themselves and not drown themselves in sorrow day after day.
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    Dec 22, 2014 8:47 AM GMT
    Your right he sounds like a big crybaby…. I can cry over sensitive stuff also… but for fuck sakes keep your emotions in check… Sounds overly dramatic for my liking… icon_rolleyes.gif
  • shutoman

    Posts: 505

    Dec 22, 2014 11:45 AM GMT
    I'm not a psychologist...but even if this is not depression (and it sounds a little more specific than that) it does sound like a problem.

    He clearly is defensive about his crying - and defensiveness can be a sign of an addiction (defensiveness about drinking is, for instance, a diagnostic test for alcoholism).

    My guess is that if you take him to task about it again he'll start crying (call me Sherlock); but I do think you should try to get him to seek help. Start with something along the lines of 'I hate to see you this sad. I wonder what could make you happier?') I note in this article:

    http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/crying1.htm

    that crying releases endorphins, so who knows?
  • samiiow

    Posts: 10

    Dec 22, 2014 12:24 PM GMT
    Im pretty sure your BF is not depressed.

    Crying easily can be problematic in many situations but deep down i think a man "losing control" can be a sign of "that could be me". and that's scary. I don't think u r an arsehole. U just learned not to cry around other males. Kinda like a social norm for man i guess.

    But if u really like ur BF beside this, you should be more supportive when he cries. simple reassurance like "it will be ok." is enough.

    To you BF. Crying is not a sign of weakness. "those do not weep, do not see." just because you can sense something others can't doesn't give them right to look down on you.

    icon_biggrin.gif
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    Dec 22, 2014 2:00 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 saidI'm not trying to be an asshole. Its not to be insensitive, but when we're sitting down trying to have dinner and he just starts crying...it's like, come on. And it's not like a once in awhile. Everytime I look around he's crying about something. He cried 3 times when we went on vacation last month about absolutely NOTHING. He cried in front of me and his sister when we went to visit her, and she rolled her eyes because he keeps talking about the same thing from long time ago.

    He himself said something about getting on medication, but what I did instead was read a book to him about letting go of the past and stop hanging on to old wounds and hurts and disappointments from the past. I'm not an asshole for trying to get someone to free themselves and not drown themselves in sorrow day after day.


    Hmm i wouldn't suggest medication or not from what i can take of what you know about him. You should just firmly ask him if he is depressed to a worrying degree, and if he isn't sure if he would like a psychological assessment to determine if he is.
    But from what i take he just seems to be a big cry baby, although i say it not in a negative sense, if you don't like your men to be too emotional maybe he isn't meant for you, because it seems like it's just his personality especially if her sister seems used to it. It doesn't mean he is attached to old wounds but maybe he just gets easily involved, i used to have a friend in high school who was quite the cold person in general but would break down and believe any sad story, he just got easily involved which may make them seem overly emotional but it's just that they can't help either relating or feeling empathy.
    This is my own personal opinion though
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 2:12 PM GMT
    You two don't seem right for each other. He is highly emotional and you don't like highly emotional men. There is someone right out there for both of you. Don't waste each other's time.
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    Dec 22, 2014 2:52 PM GMT
    your best line:

    " He read a sad craigslist ad, starts crying. "
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    Dec 22, 2014 2:59 PM GMT
    FuzzyPecs27 saidI'm not trying to be an asshole. Its not to be insensitive, but when we're sitting down trying to have dinner and he just starts crying...it's like, come on. And it's not like a once in awhile. Everytime I look around he's crying about something. He cried 3 times when we went on vacation last month about absolutely NOTHING. He cried in front of me and his sister when we went to visit her, and she rolled her eyes because he keeps talking about the same thing from long time ago.

    He himself said something about getting on medication, but what I did instead was read a book to him about letting go of the past and stop hanging on to old wounds and hurts and disappointments from the past. I'm not an asshole for trying to get someone to free themselves and not drown themselves in sorrow day after day.


    Instead of reading a book to him, get him professional help. At least someone who is qualified to get to the root of his crying "problem" and offer solutions.
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    Dec 22, 2014 3:06 PM GMT
    Ugh. My boyfriend is like this, but not as bad.

    People are calling you an asshole but they are not thinking about what is really going on. You kind of touched on it..

    When he cries, it draws attention to him and you are expected to console him. He might not realize it, but is a selfish act. I'm willing to bet if you did bring up something personal (like your grandmother with cancer), he would start crying and you'd have to console him..

    Crying isn't wrong at all, but you are right its not something that needs to happen every single time...

    The way I solve this with my boyfriend was being honest. I don't understand why he cries, and if its over an argument then I intentionally do not console him. I let him know I have an opinion and we have to work this out, and its not just going to be focused on him.

    I do also worry that if I have a real problem, that he is not going to be able to handle it..
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 22, 2014 3:17 PM GMT
    I cry all the time, when I'm watching the news, or even just because someone's dream came true on American Idol. Idk why I cry so easily, but I can relate to your teary-eyed boyfriend.

    Luckily, my husband LOVES that about me. He's not a crier himself, but I think it's one of the things he finds most endearing about me.

    On one of our first dates, we went to see a fairly forgettable Tom Hanks movie, in which Hanks plays a man who is stuck in a US airport while his country is going up in flames. My future husband thought it was melodramatic hogwash, and he looked over at me to roll his eyes and heckle, but then he saw tears were rolling down my face. For some reason, he loved that I cry at bad movies.

    A lot of people think men who cry are disgusting, but those men are assholes who don't deserve a sensitive lover.

    My husband and I are the lucky ones. And you'll NEVER see either of us trash the other one on the internet.

    OP, you're a horrible boyfriend.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 22, 2014 3:18 PM GMT
    Adam228 saidUgh. My boyfriend is like this, but not as bad.

    People are calling you an asshole but they are not thinking about what is really going on. You kind of touched on it..

    When he cries, it draws attention to him and you are expected to console him. He might not realize it, but is a selfish act. I'm willing to bet if you did bring up something personal (like your grandmother with cancer), he would start crying and you'd have to console him..

    Crying isn't wrong at all, but you are right its not something that needs to happen every single time...

    The way I solve this with my boyfriend was being honest. I don't understand why he cries, and if its over an argument then I intentionally do not console him. I let him know I have an opinion and we have to work this out, and its not just going to be focused on him.

    I do also worry that if I have a real problem, that he is not going to be able to handle it..

    You seem like a dick too. I feel bad for your bf that you would write this shit about him.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 22, 2014 3:19 PM GMT
    muscleboundfem saidYou two don't seem right for each other. He is highly emotional and you don't like highly emotional men. There is someone right out there for both of you. Don't waste each other's time.

    qft
  • HottJoe

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    Dec 22, 2014 3:20 PM GMT
    Erik101 said
    FuzzyPecs27 saidI'm not trying to be an asshole. Its not to be insensitive, but when we're sitting down trying to have dinner and he just starts crying...it's like, come on. And it's not like a once in awhile. Everytime I look around he's crying about something. He cried 3 times when we went on vacation last month about absolutely NOTHING. He cried in front of me and his sister when we went to visit her, and she rolled her eyes because he keeps talking about the same thing from long time ago.

    He himself said something about getting on medication, but what I did instead was read a book to him about letting go of the past and stop hanging on to old wounds and hurts and disappointments from the past. I'm not an asshole for trying to get someone to free themselves and not drown themselves in sorrow day after day.


    Instead of reading a book to him, get him professional help. At least someone who is qualified to get to the root of his crying "problem" and offer solutions.

    Yes, because men who cry must be fixed!
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    Dec 22, 2014 3:24 PM GMT
    I suggest in a very nonconfrontational, supportive way, suggest he see a therapist. Nothing wrong with being sensitive and emotional, but carried so far it does seem to be a problem. Also, ignore the derogatory comments here.
  • HottJoe

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    Dec 22, 2014 3:25 PM GMT
    socalfitness saidI suggest in a very nonconfrontational, supportive way, you suggest he see a therapist. Nothing wrong with being sensitive and emotional, but carried so far it does seem to be a problem.

    Is there a pill to make someone into more of a sociopath, like you?
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    Dec 22, 2014 3:28 PM GMT
    muscleboundfem saidYou two don't seem right for each other. He is highly emotional and you don't like highly emotional men. There is someone right out there for both of you. Don't waste each other's time.

    I agree. Nothing is going to change this guy's crying, he's an emotional basket case. Whether it's his attempt at getting attention (excessive childhood crying may have worked for him with overly indulgent parents, conditioning his adult behavior), or he's a bad case of arrested development or something else I can't say.

    But I wouldn't waste my time on professional psychologists or others. I am curious though, a question for the OP: does he work, and have you ever seen his behavior in the workplace? Does he cry all over the place there, too? I'd be surprised if he did.

    If he doesn't cry elsewhere and it's limited to the home, he may be consciously playing the OP for sympathy, both of them exhibiting "broken wing syndrome". And I say both because it takes 2 to successfully play that game, even if 1 is participating unwittingly. In any case I don't see a healthy outcome here.
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    Dec 22, 2014 3:33 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Adam228 saidUgh. My boyfriend is like this, but not as bad.

    People are calling you an asshole but they are not thinking about what is really going on. You kind of touched on it..

    When he cries, it draws attention to him and you are expected to console him. He might not realize it, but is a selfish act. I'm willing to bet if you did bring up something personal (like your grandmother with cancer), he would start crying and you'd have to console him..

    Crying isn't wrong at all, but you are right its not something that needs to happen every single time...

    The way I solve this with my boyfriend was being honest. I don't understand why he cries, and if its over an argument then I intentionally do not console him. I let him know I have an opinion and we have to work this out, and its not just going to be focused on him.

    I do also worry that if I have a real problem, that he is not going to be able to handle it..

    You seem like a dick too. I feel bad for your bf that you would write this shit about him.


    Are you crying as you write this? Maybe seeking a little attention icon_razz.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 22, 2014 3:37 PM GMT
    Adam228 said
    HottJoe said
    Adam228 saidUgh. My boyfriend is like this, but not as bad.

    People are calling you an asshole but they are not thinking about what is really going on. You kind of touched on it..

    When he cries, it draws attention to him and you are expected to console him. He might not realize it, but is a selfish act. I'm willing to bet if you did bring up something personal (like your grandmother with cancer), he would start crying and you'd have to console him..

    Crying isn't wrong at all, but you are right its not something that needs to happen every single time...

    The way I solve this with my boyfriend was being honest. I don't understand why he cries, and if its over an argument then I intentionally do not console him. I let him know I have an opinion and we have to work this out, and its not just going to be focused on him.

    I do also worry that if I have a real problem, that he is not going to be able to handle it..

    You seem like a dick too. I feel bad for your bf that you would write this shit about him.


    Are you crying as you write this? Maybe seeking a little attention icon_razz.gif

    No, I'm not crying, and your attention makes my skin crawl. If I was your bf and you wrote this about me, you wouldn't get tears, you'd get dumped.icon_idea.gif
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    Dec 22, 2014 3:38 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Adam228 said
    HottJoe said
    Adam228 saidUgh. My boyfriend is like this, but not as bad.

    People are calling you an asshole but they are not thinking about what is really going on. You kind of touched on it..

    When he cries, it draws attention to him and you are expected to console him. He might not realize it, but is a selfish act. I'm willing to bet if you did bring up something personal (like your grandmother with cancer), he would start crying and you'd have to console him..

    Crying isn't wrong at all, but you are right its not something that needs to happen every single time...

    The way I solve this with my boyfriend was being honest. I don't understand why he cries, and if its over an argument then I intentionally do not console him. I let him know I have an opinion and we have to work this out, and its not just going to be focused on him.

    I do also worry that if I have a real problem, that he is not going to be able to handle it..

    You seem like a dick too. I feel bad for your bf that you would write this shit about him.


    Are you crying as you write this? Maybe seeking a little attention icon_razz.gif

    No, I'm not crying, and your attention makes my skin crawl. If I was your bf and you wrote this about me, you wouldn't get tears, you'd get dumped.icon_idea.gif


    Hmm. I guess my relationship is stronger than your judgement.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 3:39 PM GMT
    Adam228 saidUgh. My boyfriend is like this, but not as bad.

    People are calling you an asshole but they are not thinking about what is really going on. You kind of touched on it..

    When he cries, it draws attention to him and you are expected to console him. He might not realize it, but is a selfish act. I'm willing to bet if you did bring up something personal (like your grandmother with cancer), he would start crying and you'd have to console him..

    Crying isn't wrong at all, but you are right its not something that needs to happen every single time...

    The way I solve this with my boyfriend was being honest. I don't understand why he cries, and if its over an argument then I intentionally do not console him. I let him know I have an opinion and we have to work this out, and its not just going to be focused on him.

    I do also worry that if I have a real problem, that he is not going to be able to handle it..


    Are you making the assumption that he cries to get your attention. Maybe he simply cries a lot and you wrongly assume you have to console him. Me and ex got into many arguments about this. He could never accept that I didn't want my emotions fixed or changed. I think my emotions just made him realize how little control he had on any situation and that annoyed the heck out of him. Sometimes I would avoid him if I was sad to keep him from trying to fix it.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 22, 2014 3:40 PM GMT
    It's funny to see gay men declaring that crying is a sign of a disorder. Most of you exhibit signs of disorders, (mainly excessive bitterness and internalized homophobia) but I'm not going to waste any tears on it.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 22, 2014 3:43 PM GMT
    Adam228 said
    HottJoe said
    Adam228 said
    HottJoe said
    Adam228 saidUgh. My boyfriend is like this, but not as bad.

    People are calling you an asshole but they are not thinking about what is really going on. You kind of touched on it..

    When he cries, it draws attention to him and you are expected to console him. He might not realize it, but is a selfish act. I'm willing to bet if you did bring up something personal (like your grandmother with cancer), he would start crying and you'd have to console him..

    Crying isn't wrong at all, but you are right its not something that needs to happen every single time...

    The way I solve this with my boyfriend was being honest. I don't understand why he cries, and if its over an argument then I intentionally do not console him. I let him know I have an opinion and we have to work this out, and its not just going to be focused on him.

    I do also worry that if I have a real problem, that he is not going to be able to handle it..

    You seem like a dick too. I feel bad for your bf that you would write this shit about him.


    Are you crying as you write this? Maybe seeking a little attention icon_razz.gif

    No, I'm not crying, and your attention makes my skin crawl. If I was your bf and you wrote this about me, you wouldn't get tears, you'd get dumped.icon_idea.gif


    Hmm. I guess my relationship is stronger than your judgement.

    Congratulations. I'm sure there won't be a dry eye at your wedding.