And he's gone!

  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 11:32 PM GMT
    I met a wonderful guy online a few weeks ago and lately we have been talking on the phone. The dude is so my type mentally, emotionally, and spiritually its not even funny. He comes from a very tight, socially family. Today I asked the dreaded question. "Are you out of the closet?". His answer was no. He preceded to stop engaging in the conversation and has yet to respond to my text. Back to living on a dream I guess.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2014 11:35 PM GMT
    Trust me bro, you don't want to be with someone in the closet if you have happily out. Those types of secrets will lead you down a path of self destruction. Just my opinion
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 22, 2014 11:37 PM GMT
    He probably felt threatened by the question, because being in the closet is weak.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 11:39 PM GMT
    HolyHex001 saidTrust me bro, you don't want to be with someone in the closet if you have happily out. Those types of secrets will lead you down a path of self destruction. Just my opinion


    I'll never date a closeted guy again. Their is no path of self destruction for me to follow
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 11:40 PM GMT
    HottJoe saidHe probably felt threatened by the question, because being in the closet is weak.

    Be nice Joe. I was willing to build a friendship but I can't deal with guys who go ghost
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 22, 2014 11:42 PM GMT
    There are many reasons men are in the closet. Religious, social, or otherwise and we cannot judge. Sure it is easier to be out now than 20 years ago, but we cannot jump and over-judge closet cases.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 11:45 PM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidThere are many reasons men are in the closet. Religious, social, or otherwise and we cannot judge. Sure it is easier to be out now than 20 years ago, but we cannot jump and over-judge closet cases.


    please show me where I judged this man. You are the calling him a closet case, a term usually used as an insult.
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 22, 2014 11:46 PM GMT
    Relax, I was not addressing you in particular. I even said "we". That includes you and I, does it not?
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 22, 2014 11:47 PM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidRelax, I was not addressing you in particular. I even said "we". That includes you and I, does it not?


    I'm annoyed by people who come into my thread preaching no one in particular. Go write blog post or something.
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 22, 2014 11:51 PM GMT
    muscleboundfem said
    1AlanZSky saidRelax, I was not addressing you in particular. I even said "we". That includes you and I, does it not?


    I'm annoyed by people who come into my thread preaching no one in particular. Go write blog post or something.


    Hold on a moment. You write a thread, preaching to us not to date closet cases. You said you would not date men in the closet. Are you not doing the same thing you accuse others of doing?

    I thought you had good chemistry with the guy. The problem is not with this guy but with society in general. Your anger is misdirected and misplaced.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 22, 2014 11:53 PM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidThere are many reasons men are in the closet. Religious, social, or otherwise and we cannot judge. Sure it is easier to be out now than 20 years ago, but we cannot jump and over-judge closet cases.


    1+
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 23, 2014 12:01 AM GMT
    1AlanZSky said
    muscleboundfem said
    1AlanZSky saidRelax, I was not addressing you in particular. I even said "we". That includes you and I, does it not?


    I'm annoyed by people who come into my thread preaching no one in particular. Go write blog post or something.


    Hold on a moment. You write a thread, preaching to us not to date closet cases. You said you would not date men in the closet. Are you not doing the same thing you accuse others of doing?

    I thought you had good chemistry with the guy. The problem is not with this guy but with society in general. Your anger is misdirected and misplaced.


    Nice try but you are failing. My comment was about me and an experience I had. I was not preaching at anyone because I was not trying to persuade anyone. You on the other included more than just yourself in your comment. A comment that did not pertain to the thread because I don't judge him for being in the closet.

    My anger is directed at you and your misguided attempt to stand on an imaginary soap box. I have no problem with this guy.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Dec 23, 2014 12:03 AM GMT
    Going ghost could also just mean that they started a MMORPG.
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 23, 2014 12:04 AM GMT
    muscleboundfem said
    HolyHex001 saidTrust me bro, you don't want to be with someone in the closet if you have happily out. Those types of secrets will lead you down a path of self destruction. Just my opinion


    I'll never date a closeted guy again. Their is no path of self destruction for me to follow


    I WILL NEVER DATE A CLOSETED GUY AGAIN. Basically that is judging. That is also preaching. Why say it? In fact you did not DEFEND this closeted guy. On the other hand, you tell others of your belief and this is one way of preaching.

    Not dissimilar to a blog.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 23, 2014 12:05 AM GMT
    Buddha saidGoing ghost could also just mean that they started a MMORPG.


    Lol that would explain why he hasn't returned my text. I get the same way when a new Fallout or Elderscroll comes out.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 23, 2014 12:10 AM GMT
    1AlanZSky said
    muscleboundfem said
    HolyHex001 saidTrust me bro, you don't want to be with someone in the closet if you have happily out. Those types of secrets will lead you down a path of self destruction. Just my opinion


    I'll never date a closeted guy again. Their is no path of self destruction for me to follow


    I WILL NEVER DATE A CLOSETED GUY AGAIN. Basically that is judging. That is also preaching. Why say it? In fact you did not DEFEND this closeted guy. On the other hand, you tell others of your belief and this is one way of preaching.

    Not dissimilar to a blog.


    You need to give up because you are making a fool of yourself. I'm don't date closeted men because I want to be recognized in public as his boyfriend/husband. That is something a closeted man can not do. I do not date them because to do so would require me expecting me to change for me. An unloving mistake I will never make again. Once again I am speaking about how I live my life with no desire for others to follow suit. You did desire for people to adopt the stance on closeted men you were advocating. Get your head out of your ass.
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 23, 2014 12:10 AM GMT
    Let's look at this properly.

    If he was NOT closeted, you would still be with him. But he was closeted. How do you know him being closeted did not affect his behaviour in some way?

    In fact YOU SCARED HIM AWAY. That is my feeling on the matter. You forced him to consider his options instead of letting him come out on his own.

    You feel angry at him. No sorry, you feel angry AT YOURSELF. It sounds like you blame other people. You blame closeted gay men.

    So you had a good chemistry with him. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but you ruined it.

    You clearly know he was in a TIGHT SOCIAL family. Is that NOT a clue why he was closeted?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 23, 2014 12:13 AM GMT
    David3K said
    1AlanZSky saidThere are many reasons men are in the closet. Religious, social, or otherwise and we cannot judge. Sure it is easier to be out now than 20 years ago, but we cannot jump and over-judge closet cases.


    1+


    I agree. The term "closet case" is very judgmental and implies that there is one acceptable way to be gay. Some men evolve more slowly and for various reasons, but for some weird reason that really gets under some gay men's skin. OP may have lost out on knowing a great guy.
  • Buddha

    Posts: 1765

    Dec 23, 2014 12:13 AM GMT
    muscleboundfem said
    Buddha saidGoing ghost could also just mean that they started a MMORPG.


    Lol that would explain why he hasn't returned my text. I get the same way when a new Fallout or Elderscroll comes out.


    ino, I'm kind of like that when I go into a streak of playing dota 2..

    I would help to throw some shade on ghosters but I kind of half-way realized I can be one myself. Even to my friends. When too many people try to contact me I panic and just start a dota match.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 23, 2014 12:14 AM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidLet's look at this properly.

    If he was NOT closeted, you would still be with him. But he was closeted. How do you know him being closeted did not affect his behaviour in some way?

    In fact YOU SCARED HIM AWAY. That is my feeling on the matter. You forced him to consider his options instead of letting him come out on his own.

    You feel angry at him. No sorry, you feel angry AT YOURSELF. It sounds like you blame other people. You blame closeted gay men.

    So you had a good chemistry with him. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but you ruined it.

    You clearly know he was in a TIGHT SOCIAL family. Is that NOT a clue why he was closeted?


    +1
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 23, 2014 12:18 AM GMT
    1AlanZSky saidLet's look at this properly.

    If he was NOT closeted, you would still be with him. But he was closeted. How do you know him being closeted did not affect his behaviour in some way?

    In fact YOU SCARED HIM AWAY. That is my feeling on the matter. You forced him to consider his options instead of letting him come out on his own.

    You feel angry at him. No sorry, you feel angry AT YOURSELF. It sounds like you blame other people. You blame closeted gay men.

    So you had a good chemistry with him. Mentally, emotionally, spiritually, but you ruined it.

    You clearly know he was in a TIGHT SOCIAL family. Is that NOT a clue why he was closeted?


    LMAO I will hand it to you don't defeat easily. I am not angry at him at all. He is a great guy and a wonderful influence on me. I truly hope we can become friends. His being closeted is a deal breaker for me. I asked him a question and he answered it honestly. Something that makes me admire him even more. My anger is directed at you and you alone.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 23, 2014 12:20 AM GMT
    sf_swimmer said
    David3K said
    1AlanZSky saidThere are many reasons men are in the closet. Religious, social, or otherwise and we cannot judge. Sure it is easier to be out now than 20 years ago, but we cannot jump and over-judge closet cases.


    1+


    I agree. The term "closet case" is very judgmental and implies that there is one acceptable way to be gay. Some men evolve more slowly and for various reasons, but for some weird reason that really gets under some gay men's skin. OP may have lost out on knowing a great guy.



    Dude learn to read. I chastised the dude who got the +1 for using the term closet case. Why is it wrong for me to not date someone who can not give me what I need?
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 23, 2014 12:22 AM GMT
    "I'll never date a closeted guy again. Their is no path of self destruction for me to follow"

    Earlier, this was said. In other words, this guy will NEVER date a closeted guy again. NEVER. In other words, that is offensive too.
  • muscleboundfe...

    Posts: 392

    Dec 23, 2014 12:25 AM GMT
    1AlanZSky said"I'll never date a closeted guy again. Their is no path of self destruction for me to follow"

    Earlier, this was said. In other words, this guy will NEVER date a closeted guy again. NEVER. In other words, that is offensive too.


    So its offensive for me to not date a man who cannot give me what I need? Its offensive for me to offer friendship and allow that man to come out of the closet at his own pace?
  • 1AlanZSky

    Posts: 1505

    Dec 23, 2014 12:35 AM GMT
    Have you given this guy encouragement?
    Have you given this guy some time? Clearly not because you seem impatient hence this thread.
    What if he comes out of the closet in two weeks time?
    A month?
    Would you be with him then?
    Of course you cannot wait for him.
    But it is your attitude.

    "tight social family"
    You even said "dreaded question"
    WHY DREADED?

    For fuck sake, if you did not ask him this at the VERY BEGINNING it was only your fault from the start.

    Yes, I used the term "closet case" but that is because it was implied in this whole thread. Your demeanor throughout this thread suggests you will stay clear of closeted gay men after this.

    It is offensive that you used the word "dreaded" when clearly you could have asked him this at the beginning of your "relationship".

    Then you said "back to the dream".

    Look, you said this dude was YOUR TYPE. Before you knew he was closeted HE WAS YOUR TYPE. Now that you know he was closeted YOU BACK OFF.

    Just that one word and you back off. Just like when you come out gay and "friends" back off.