Bf talks about other guys. Should I stay broken up with him?

  • Eljude

    Posts: 2

    Dec 23, 2014 4:41 PM GMT
    My bf was a big slut in college. He is now 26. We been dating for a couple months but he keeps talking about how hot is exs were and how hung and hot his hookups were. It makes me feel like shit and jealous. I have told him to let's not talk about other guys, but somehow it still happens.

    He says he doesn't have standards but has told me how he wants to have a tall, blonde haired blue eyed navy seal butch bf who's hung...so basically everything I'm not.

    Sometimes I get so hurt I start talking about guys too but it's a never ending competition. Finally right after we had sex he talked about all his hookups he had. Right after we had sex. It hurt me so bad I just ended it. He wants to get back together and said he'll stop but I just can't get it out my head. Now every time I see him, I can't stop thinking about all his hookups and exs that I feel I can't compete with. It hurt me too much. Do I take him back?
  • mybud

    Posts: 11829

    Dec 23, 2014 5:11 PM GMT
    Your jealous stims inner feelings that you aren't as good or hot as his ex's. This fear is irrational, you're with him...his ex's are out of the picture. Talking about, and acting on, past hookups doesn't mean he'll do it. You're a good looking guy, work on getting past jealous feelings,they serve no useable purpose within a relationship. All the best.
  • MikemikeMike

    Posts: 6932

    Dec 23, 2014 5:28 PM GMT
    ELjude,
    Sent you an email response.icon_cool.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 23, 2014 5:43 PM GMT
    Hmmmm; odd you have only 1 post and no profile but what the heck.


    do a come back; "if he was sooo good why am i here?" or "what was his name?" or "what was the reason he Xed you again"...

    if you want to get back together establish some rules. Be quite frank for example "I am insecure and want to remain that way so dont mention your -*!!#@+_ X-bf's EVER".

    Depending on who dumped who or both have each partner write down the reasons. When its brutally honest exchange lists, not before. These are things you two will have to work on if round two is to be a success.

  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 872

    Dec 23, 2014 6:07 PM GMT
    Guys love to brag about their past conquests.

    Carlos Luis Zafon once wrote that all stories are lies but not all lies are stories.

    I cannot think of a guy who has not met and dated a dude who may have been a bit out of his league, and thus, ended being the most desirable man of his life (in his dreams).

    Life is here and now. If a guy thinks that he can do better, who is there to stop him?

    SC
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 23, 2014 6:12 PM GMT
    MikemikeMike saidELjude,
    Sent you an email response.icon_cool.gif

    I can only imagine.icon_rolleyes.gif

    icon_lol.gif
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Dec 23, 2014 6:14 PM GMT
    OP, if you already broke it off with him you might want to just move on. He didn't listen to your feelings when he had the chance, and now that it's too late he wants you back. Tell him to go find a blond navy seal, or whatever.
  • Killer32

    Posts: 9

    Dec 24, 2014 1:34 AM GMT
    Let him go!! Your wasting your time with him.
    Don't hurt yourself any more.
    He has no respect for you. Some one else would come for you and appreciate what a wonderful person you are.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2014 7:41 PM GMT
    As HottJoe said, I suggest you move on. You two were only dating for a couple of months, you'll both get over it.
  • buddycat

    Posts: 1874

    Dec 24, 2014 8:07 PM GMT
    Personally I would say "if they were so hot, why don't you go be with them?".
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    Dec 24, 2014 8:33 PM GMT
    Lol no don't take him back, he's immature. Tell him to get a tall blond bf or better yet, get a hotter guy to make him jealous. Lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2014 9:46 PM GMT
    Of course take him back. That's how you can exact revenge. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.

    Trust me, I've done this. It feels great.
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    Dec 24, 2014 9:54 PM GMT
    mybud saidYour jealous stims inner feelings that you aren't as good or hot as his ex's. This fear is irrational, you're with him...his ex's are out of the picture. Talking about, and acting on, past hookups doesn't mean he'll do it. You're a good looking guy, work on getting past jealous feelings,they serve no useable purpose within a relationship. All the best.


    ^I wouldn't recommend listening to this; some men actually have feelings and acknowledge social etiquette, speaking about past exes when you have a guy in front of you who should occupy all your attention, means this Bf of yours doesn't actually care that much about you. If someone brings up their past a lot, it means they're still living in it.

    Leave the guy or give him a strong warning at first. If he responds poorly leave him and find someone who actually cares about the present, your feelings and how most people don't want to hear about significant others' dirty sex stories. Your sex life is relevant only to yourself and the individual you had the sex with. If you feel otherwise then you should feel obligated to tell your current spouse you are voyeuristic and enjoy freely exploiting all of your sexual desires and history. Some men like doing that and I accept it, though if you date me and talk about fucking other guys in a shallow and careless fashion, you can do us both a favor and go fuck someone else since you're already thinking about it. I have 0 tolerance for that poor quality of a guy.

    And by the way your fear is completely RATIONAL, the guy above doesn't really know what he's talking about. And your boyfriend sounds disgusting. I don't care how attractive he is, if what you're saying is true I would rather fuck a bucket of slime than someone who degrades his BF by telling him he fantasizes about someone else so casually.
  • TonyD

    Posts: 168

    Dec 24, 2014 10:26 PM GMT
    He may not realize how this has hurt you...
    he may NOW only be starting to realize his
    actions have consequences.
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    Dec 24, 2014 10:40 PM GMT
    It's okay to talk about one's ex's from time to time, but it should not be a focus and should never be done as if to say one's current partner is inadequate. If all he can do is obsess about the glorious conquests of his slutty past, then maybe it is not time for him to be in a relationship. If he is saying these things to lay a trip on you, or to be competitive and to establish his superiority in some way, then he's too immature. Competitive relationships are pointless.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 24, 2014 11:35 PM GMT
    Don't look back. Your ex is immature, cruel, and uncaring. What exactly were his positives that you would be willing to be so psychologically abused?
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    Dec 25, 2014 2:01 AM GMT
    Stay away. You were upfront about how you felt and he totally ignored you. If breaking up is what it takes for him to realize he was a dick then he's totally not worth it. And from your post it doesn't sound like you actually want to be with him, like there was something tugging you back to him.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 25, 2014 2:09 AM GMT
    I think he has been trying to give you a hint:

    "He says he doesn't have standards but has told me how he wants to have a tall, blonde haired blue eyed navy seal butch bf who's hung...so basically everything I'm not."

    You are not the one.

    Bang his ass with a good grudge fuck then tell him no ... that should fix him
  • HndsmKansan

    Posts: 16311

    Dec 25, 2014 2:38 AM GMT
    He needs to grow up and realize there are things you discuss in a certain way and things you don't. That would be unacceptable with me.
  • Jav1993

    Posts: 45

    Dec 25, 2014 3:23 AM GMT
    He was obviously doing it to hurt you. Once or twice is a mistake, after that leave his ass. He wants to find a new man to fuck, let him go on ahead. You build an emotional connections with someone who accepts you for you, he obviously just wants to fuck around.
  • PE_Mike

    Posts: 75

    Dec 25, 2014 7:19 AM GMT
    Don't waste your breath or life, both are finite and worth spending on someone else. Anyone else, actually. Merry Christmas
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    Dec 25, 2014 7:25 AM GMT
    It would be unreasonable to expect him never to mention his exs. However, he is doing more than mentioning them; he is going on and on about them in spite of the fact that you have explicitly told him that it bothers you. Thus, it is clear that he is not much concerned with your feelings. Considering that, it is highly unlikely that a good relationship would be possible.

    You did the right thing by dropping him. Doing otherwise would just subject you to more pain. Eventually, if he ever becomes serious about having a relationship, he may learn that he cannot have one unless he stops being selfish and continually talking about things which are hurtful. However, that could take a long time and may never happen.

    By all means tell him exactly why you are dropping him and that because he has repeatedly refused to consider your feelings in the past, you don't expect that he will consider your feelings in the future. You would be doing him a favor by doing so.
  • FRE0

    Posts: 4863

    Dec 25, 2014 7:28 AM GMT
    mybud saidYour jealous stims inner feelings that you aren't as good or hot as his ex's. This fear is irrational, you're with him...his ex's are out of the picture. Talking about, and acting on, past hookups doesn't mean he'll do it. You're a good looking guy, work on getting past jealous feelings,they serve no useable purpose within a relationship. All the best.


    You are wrong!!

    When someone continually ignores the feelings of others, the chances of having a good relationship are nil. Ignoring the feelings of others is cruel and indicates a serious lack of consideration.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2014 8:21 AM GMT
    He's craven. Time to move on.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 25, 2014 10:32 AM GMT
    You should appreciate that he needs to mention his hot ex'es because he must rate you higher then them. He needs to mention them to establish himself worthy to be in your league.