StonePeters saidI know this has been talked about and everyone has had their different experiences and blah blah blah. But I'm actually struggling with how and to whom I should come out to. If anyone at all. I feel like whoever I tell will either judge me or feel affected by it and I don't want any of my friendships or relationships with anyone to change. Basically, I'm just looking for advice or your personal story from coming out, good or bad. I perfer men, but a couple girls isn't bad once in awhile.
Says the guy who was last seen on RJ forums writing group-sex fantasies and TL;DR "true stories" about his hook-ups.
Now he's back using the same screen name. No worries, bro, you're forgiven. Guys in their teens have done that shit forever.
TBH the best way to come out is gradually
- and to somebody you know well. It may sound obvious, but if a friend (no matter how close) likes to talk about people don't think he or she will make an exception in your case. Also resist the impulse to film yourself coming out and/or putting it on FB, Twitter, etc. Ideally you'd want to get it across after you've just done something fun with a person, like going swimming or lifting, when you're both relaxed. Definitely (like has already been posted) don't be drunk or baked or whatever at the time. That's one way somebody can feel "threatened." ("OMG, we were wasted and he started talking all this gay shit; dude, I swear I thought I was about to get raped...")
Your "opening" would be any time the subject gets into a conversation. These days that could be pretty often: Michael Sam, Ellen DeGeneres, Anderson Cooper, Queen Latifah, "trans" people, equal marriage rights...they're in the news and discussed a lot. Just say you (dis)agree with the other person's thoughts and then be like, "Maybe I feel that way 'cause..."
One of my stories: In college I was walking along one night with a new friend, a guy I'd known for maybe a month or two. He was a big, stocky "bro" type, and like a true bro was always talking about chicks and sex. The convo turned to bikers after one roared by on the street. He said, "Supposedly a lot of them are gay! HA!!!" So I decided to "grow a pair;" turned and said, "Do you know I'm gay - or not?" His first reaction was to roar with laughter: "NOOOOO!!!" Then, "Hey, that's cool." A few days later, out of the blue he said to me, "I bet I'm gonna walk in on you sometime while you're fucking some girl." What did I hit back with? "I bet I'm gonna walk in on you sometime while you're giving some guy head."
Oko for the win! Down the line it turned out he was "partially bisexual," as he put it. (A lot of men are.) No, we never Did It, though hints were thrown my way sometimes.