How do you cope with having been with a guy who's "set the bar high?"

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 30, 2014 10:30 PM GMT
    Ok, last year I met a guy who I completely fell for. I thought I'd go with my gut for the first time pretty much ever (I'm very much an analytical person). Well, he was an American-raised Persian. Very smart. Very considerate on dates. Charming, Sociable, funny. Just all those good things. We were only together (not even official, but he and I weren't actively going on dates with other people) for a short 3 months before he dropped the "not ready for anything serious" line. But, what was confusing was that he'd always make an effort to assure and reassure that he's not just going to run off and move on to the next person.That he liked me. Even a little break of eye contact, on my part, during intimate discussions would have him telling me there's nothing I should be worried about. Anyway, after the aforementioned line he dropped, he became distant. The more I tried to regain constant communication, the more annoyed he seemed. One day I suggested we meet a last time and leave on a good note. he blocked me icon_sad.gif... on everything actually. And that was it.

    Despite the devastating ending (with which I try to convince myself I am over), he was great. In fact, every date I've been on after him kinda sucked in comparison to even the worst dates he'd take me on.

    So, QUESTIONS:

    1- Do you ever feel like you've already met the guy of your dreams (regardless of you not being his perfect guy) and will never meet anyone to match up?


    2- How do you cope with hard breakups?
    Myself, I play on my keyboard and sing, I don't know how I'd survive without those things icon_smile.gif


    **Random Question** Don't you think top-oriented men get the pick of the litter with bottoms? lol (including top-verse.s) What do you think about this?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 31, 2014 1:03 AM GMT
    You keep on living and maturing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 31, 2014 1:37 AM GMT
    1) Remember that this "guy of your dreams" is just that, a dream. This idealised version you have in mind for your perfect guy will, in most cases, never exist. That American-Persian guy could have ended up being the worst guy you ever dated if the relationship had continued.

    2) Everyone copes with difficulties in their lives in their own way. For me, it's keeping busy with work and swimming/running. As long as you keep busy and keep your mind off what's bothering you, you will eventually get over it.

    It sounds like he was quite the charmer and got exactly what he wanted from you. Just turn this into a positive by learning from it.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 875

    Dec 31, 2014 10:32 AM GMT
    tyrjammer said1) Remember that this "guy of your dreams" is just that, a dream. This idealised version you have in mind for your perfect guy will, in most cases, never exist. That American-Persian guy could have ended up being the worst guy you ever dated if the relationship had continued.

    2) Everyone copes with difficulties in their lives in their own way. For me, it's keeping busy with work and swimming/running. As long as you keep busy and keep your mind off what's bothering you, you will eventually get over it.

    It sounds like he was quite the charmer and got exactly what he wanted from you. Just turn this into a positive by learning from it.


    Great posticon_smile.gif

    Yup. The guys who seem to be too good to be true, usually are not true.

    Take this a great chance to grow immensely in stature. Convince yourself that you are now so mature that you can let him go without any grudges. You loved him for a reason. You never owned him. And if the time for him to move on and be free has come, you command the strength to set him free without anything ado.

    Nope. You will never meet him again. But you will meet some guys who are even more your match than he ever has been, and yup, you'll meet some who are not. It is never about them. It is always about you.

    There is no known successful way of coping with breakups. One that works for me is a hot shower, a nice breakfast, and a decision that I will now move on. (Wonder why is NIKE still sticking their guns with "Just Do It"?)

    There are far too few tops and far too many bttms. This is a fact of life. No matter how you look at it, the market rules will always win the dayicon_smile.gif.

    Speaking from a total top's perspective, finding a bttm is easy. I get to pick and choose. Finding a great guy who is also a bottom is very difficult. With the former, I have a huge advantage. With the latter, no one has any advantage whatsoever.

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Dec 31, 2014 5:00 PM GMT
    Thanks for your advice everyone icon_smile.gif i have actually forgiven him without him apologizing. I'm still excited to meet a great guy, just more wary ha. Guy of my dreams is just an expression. He of course wasnt perfect but I was most willing to work with him on any problems that came up than any other guy I've met so far. But yeah, hopefully there's someone better and he'll come by soon ;) but it looks like as a bottom-verse I'll probably have to wait a while to meet an actual good guy. Oh well, I guess that leaves time to work on the self icon_smile.gif