Do you rely on dating apps to "meet"/talk to guys?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2014 9:49 PM GMT
    Personally I find it hard to meet a guy in public, let alone start a conversation with them. Social media has made it easier to talk, but I feel like I rely too much on it for that sole reason.
  • mybud

    Posts: 11837

    Dec 31, 2014 10:01 PM GMT
    Don't fret bro...Use the apps and communicate and get to know that other guys. If you hit it off on a guy, this reliance will be forgotten..Enjoy your New Years eve.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Dec 31, 2014 10:01 PM GMT
    Use every opportunity to practice when you are out in public ... Make conversation with the guy in line at the grocers ... Talk about the wheather, the price of gas, etc. Make small talk. Some are going to be clammed up, but most will reciprocate. Practice makes perfect, so throw off that shy demeanor and make some noise.
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    Dec 31, 2014 10:10 PM GMT
    I don't have much experience with meeting or talking to new guys out in public, but I feel it would be easier in a gay friendly or orientated city like Philadelphia or NYC. Places where there are other gay guys, not just you in some small town.
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    Dec 31, 2014 11:06 PM GMT
    I feel like I come off as unapproachable being in a gay bar/club. I don't know if it's neves or the small hope that another guy will make the first move to come up and talk.
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    Dec 31, 2014 11:10 PM GMT
    b491 saidI feel like I come off as unapproachable being in a gay bar/club. I don't know if it's neves or the small hope that another guy will make the first move to come up and talk.


    Sometimes, whether your nervous or not, you have to be the guy to have the balls to go up and make the first move. It may be hard, but it shows a lot if a guy is confident and you'll feel a lot better too.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Dec 31, 2014 11:33 PM GMT
    I use online dating, apps, OKC and bars. My ex boyfriend and I met online. I went to a business mixer and met this one other guy. But yeah, just put yourself out there.
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    Jan 01, 2015 2:07 AM GMT
    I find that dating apps are a great way to get strange messages from creepy looking guys. icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 01, 2015 8:03 PM GMT
    xrichx saidI find that dating apps are a great way to get strange messages from creepy looking guys. icon_biggrin.gif



    Grindr effect. .lol
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jan 01, 2015 10:34 PM GMT
    b491 saidPersonally I find it hard to meet a guy in public, let alone start a conversation with them. Social media has made it easier to talk, but I feel like I rely too much on it for that sole reason.


    I can relate as it's very hard for me to talk to people offline since I have a bad case of social anxiety. I'm trying to work on it and it's helping a little but I'm no where near perfect with communicating. So I mostly use online to try and chat with guys.

    As for you thinking you come off "unapproachable", I think others can feel that way too and when you're nervous, it could potentially increase the feeling.

    StonePeter's advice is pretty good though very hard to follow up on but I'm sure it gets easier as you try more.
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 01, 2015 10:39 PM GMT
    LAXWill10 said
    xrichx saidI find that dating apps are a great way to get strange messages from creepy looking guys. icon_biggrin.gif



    Grindr effect. .lol

    True too for A4A
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 12:12 AM GMT
    Yes to a large extent because most guys I meet are long distance so I wouldn't just run into them out and about (and I don't like bars). I also like to have a little background information before approaching a stranger.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 12:20 AM GMT
    See, I'm just the opposite. I'd rather stick my hand out and say hi, I'm Tony, I don't think we've met.
    You find out pretty fast who you're dealing with and if there is any chemistry.
    I went to New Years Eve party last night with about 30 or so gay guys that I hadn't met. At least 15-20 I met and about 5 turned out to be great connections. I think you gravitate towards guys you have things in common with. I'm talking about likes and not looks.
    Meeting people is easy, if you let it be.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 12:26 AM GMT
    Also, OP is young, cute, and in college. I'm sure plenty of guys are interested talking/meeting with him. Either he's not noticing, or he's really picky. icon_lol.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 12:32 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said I think you gravitate towards guys you have things in common with. I'm talking about likes and not looks.


    SO WISE.

    You'll be much happier with connections based on mutual interests...rather than what seems like only sexual attraction.

    Get out and explore what interests you about Life. You'll meet your companions(and maybe even soulmate) along the way.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 12:43 AM GMT
    xrichx saidAlso, OP is young, cute, and in college. I'm sure plenty of guys are interested talking/meeting with him. Either he's not noticing, or he's really picky. icon_lol.gif

    Maybe he's shyer than he let's on. I'm social, so connections and friendships come easy.
    I've known many a good looking guy that was shy about opening up with new people in public.
    Kinda like being Pee shy, only with strangers in social settings. I'll walk up and talk to anyone. Why not?
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    Jan 02, 2015 12:46 AM GMT
    StonePeters said
    b491 saidI feel like I come off as unapproachable being in a gay bar/club. I don't know if it's neves or the small hope that another guy will make the first move to come up and talk.


    Sometimes, whether your nervous or not, you have to be the guy to have the balls to go up and make the first move. It may be hard, but it shows a lot if a guy is confident and you'll feel a lot better too.


    Agree with this because if you (OP) rely too much on social media to start a conversation, then what do you think it'll be like when you're in a situation where social media is not appropriate? Such as going out to dinner, meeting a potential bf's family or friends, etc.

    Learn how to be unplugged socially. It's not that hard!
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    Jan 02, 2015 12:54 AM GMT
    Erik101 said
    StonePeters said
    b491 saidI feel like I come off as unapproachable being in a gay bar/club. I don't know if it's neves or the small hope that another guy will make the first move to come up and talk.


    Sometimes, whether your nervous or not, you have to be the guy to have the balls to go up and make the first move. It may be hard, but it shows a lot if a guy is confident and you'll feel a lot better too.


    Agree with this because if you (OP) rely too much on social media to start a conversation, then what do you think it'll be like when you're in a situation where social media is not appropriate? Such as going out to dinner, meeting a potential bf's family or friends, etc.

    Learn how to be unplugged socially. It's not that hard!

    I agree 100%! All you have to do is turn your phone OFF... no, not just the ringer.. or turn it down, but OFF.
    Like if you go to dinner or at the movies or at a party.
    Last night I turned my phone off. It was buzzing with all the Happy New Year texts and I realized it just looked rude to keep looking at my phone while I was at a party.
    So, I did the right thing and just turned it off till we got home. Being social with a group of people in someone else's home still has some good manners involved.
    Putting your phone down and joining the real world is so much better..
    If you let it be.
  • BloodFlame

    Posts: 1768

    Jan 02, 2015 8:20 PM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    Erik101 said
    StonePeters said
    b491 saidI feel like I come off as unapproachable being in a gay bar/club. I don't know if it's neves or the small hope that another guy will make the first move to come up and talk.


    Sometimes, whether your nervous or not, you have to be the guy to have the balls to go up and make the first move. It may be hard, but it shows a lot if a guy is confident and you'll feel a lot better too.


    Agree with this because if you (OP) rely too much on social media to start a conversation, then what do you think it'll be like when you're in a situation where social media is not appropriate? Such as going out to dinner, meeting a potential bf's family or friends, etc.

    Learn how to be unplugged socially. It's not that hard!

    I agree 100%! All you have to do is turn your phone OFF... no, not just the ringer.. or turn it down, but OFF.
    Like if you go to dinner or at the movies or at a party.
    Last night I turned my phone off. It was buzzing with all the Happy New Year texts and I realized it just looked rude to keep looking at my phone while I was at a party.
    So, I did the right thing and just turned it off till we got home. Being social with a group of people in someone else's home still has some good manners involved.
    Putting your phone down and joining the real world is so much better..
    If you let it be.


    Lol For me, it's my Ipod. Music helps calm me when I'm in social places but I've noticed I use it too much when /i'm out and about.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2015 3:26 AM GMT
    Good question. These days I use apps and sites to see what kind of guys are out there and check out different groups and scene on meetup.com, FB groups and such. It's a way to meet guys who you may not normally come across in your day to day life but still it's more of a resource than the main tool.

    I've met a lot of great guys online but I met my former BF through a friend just by chance despite searching online for someone like him at the time. I'm gravitating away from online dating and apps to meet guys and back to the "old fashioned" ways like meetups and networking. A lot of real time information is lost through messaging people or even in profile pictures such as body language, vocal intonations and such when you talk to someone in person. Plus, sometimes people look a lot better in person so you can write off a guy who is actually attractive than their pics because of a bad photo or two.

    I've also found online dating may enables unrealistically high standards of what guys should look like and how they should "be" in general. There's also perpetual pen pal/ texting going on I found with a lot of guys... kind of defeats the purpose of meeting guys online if they don't really plan on meeting offline. Or if you do go on a date with them they've built you up to already be the perfect potential boyfriend and falling short on a first date leads to major disappointment. This isn't always the case but putting people on pedestals seems to be a growing trend on OKCupid at least and I'm not sure why.

    Part of me worries that a lot of 20-30 something's are relying too much on apps or online dating to find them the "perfect" boyfriend when in reality you have to go offline to find them and create a relationship. There are exceptions such as people who have social anxiety but still online dating is used best with offline dating methods.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2015 5:18 AM GMT
    TheGuyNextDoor said
    xrichx saidAlso, OP is young, cute, and in college. I'm sure plenty of guys are interested talking/meeting with him. Either he's not noticing, or he's really picky. icon_lol.gif

    Maybe he's shyer than he let's on. I'm social, so connections and friendships come easy.
    I've known many a good looking guy that was shy about opening up with new people in public.
    Kinda like being Pee shy, only with strangers in social settings. I'll walk up and talk to anyone. Why not?

    I think he should just go for it. icon_cool.gif
  • aaron123dodo

    Posts: 28

    Jan 04, 2015 6:07 AM GMT
    I have a tip that may or may not be useful: as you're scanning the room and nervously waiting for someone else to make the first move, just think that many of them must feel the same way (not all, some have a "hunter" mentality on). If thinking this doesn't help, just try to find the guy who looks the most nervous in the bar, and head over. Wouldn't you instantly want to talk and smile and do all you can to soothe his nerve? Suddenly YOU yourself won't feel nervous anymore, AND you saved someone else in a tight spot.

    Some people prefer games, games are easier to deal with, you follow formulas and you get rewarded. You also don't really have to think of the other guy as a "person" much, which helps if things don't go well. But I'm sure many people are also looking for sincerity, being nervous is one of the signs for sincerity, showing your nervousness can sometimes speak for itself too. "Being cool" is not the ONLY way to get people to come over. I'd say only act cool if you ARE cool. Think about it, two guys are equally hot, if you yourself are nervous already, would you go over and talk to that guy who acts like he's a hunter but is not making a move (meaning he's probably picky)? Or would you rather talk to that guy who's nervous, something that you also understands and something that suddenly gives you more confidence?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2015 12:05 PM GMT
    Erobert saidThese days I use apps and sites to see what kind of guys are out there and check out different groups and scene on meetup.com and such. It's more of a resource than the main tool.

    I've met a lot of great guys online but I met my former BF through a friend just by chance despite searching online for someone like him at the time. I'm gravitating away from online dating and apps to meet guys and back to the "old fashioned" ways such as meetups and such. A lot of real time information is lost through messaging people or even in profile pictures such as body language, vocal intonations and such when you talk to someone in person. Plus, sometimes people look a lot better in person so you can write off a guy who is actually attractive because of a bad photo or two.

    I've also found online dating may inflate unrealistically high standards. There's also perpetual pen pal/ texting going on I found with a lot of guys... kind of defeats the purpose of meeting guys online if they don't really plan on meeting offline. Or if you do go on a date with them they've built you up to already be the perfect potential boyfriend and falling short on a first date leads to major disappointment.

    Part of me worries that a lot of 20-30 something's are relying too much on apps or online dating to find them the "perfect" boyfriend when in reality you have to go offline to find them and create a relationship. There are exceptions such as people who have social anxiety but still online dating is used best with offline dating methods.


    I agree very much with the last paragraph. It's not just 20-30 something, but even older guys. Everyone thinks that the guys on the global page of dating apps are the norm these days.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 04, 2015 10:52 PM GMT
    Sadly yep. I'd much rather meet a guy in public based on shared interest but no luck for me. So online stuff is what I basically have to resort to icon_neutral.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 05, 2015 8:24 AM GMT
    I think it depends on where you live, if its a heavily populated gay area get out there as much as you can and talk to guys. You'll feel more confident that who you are approaching is gay and will reciprocate your feelings. That being said, don't completely disregard the online stuff. I met my ex-boyfriend on Grindr and he was my most favorite man that I have ever met in my life.

    My problem with the online stuff is that you got a lot of hot looking dudes that won't ever speak to you, a lot of no face guys that catfish, and a lot of subpar guys that share too much too quick that you quickly get over because we live in this consume consume consume society.

    So look out for the guys with face pics, that aren't quick to show you their stomachs, and won't have sex with you until you both get tested together for STD's.