Dating a younger guy

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 6:09 PM GMT
    I started dating a guy who is 26. He's nice but I have some issues with moving forward.

    1 our places in life. He still has a year plus of school before he starts his first job assuming he finds one. When I talk about work stuff he has no frame of reference.

    2. interests. We have totally different likes and dislikes. He's a huge comic book/video game guy. I have no interest in it. I'm a car guy, love great food and travel. He doesn't really care about that

    3 places in life. I own a home. Travel. Eat out. Etc. he works part time and is a struggling college student.

    He is a nice guy. But I am really having s hard time getting passed these issues. At 51 I never envisioned dating someone half my age and in college
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 02, 2015 6:12 PM GMT
    OK. I've been partnered with a guy half my age for 7 1/2 years. He was just starting Grad school when we met. I can offer some thoughts. But first, tell us why you like him. What is good about the relationship and why are you interested?
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jan 02, 2015 6:21 PM GMT
    Is this an "affair," with no expected long term commitment?

    You are not in love, so you are dating him because . . .

    . he's infatuated with you, and he's cute?

    . the sex is good?

    . there is a possibility of a mutual love relationship?



  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 02, 2015 6:24 PM GMT
    Sounds like you should be dating someone closer to your age.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 6:29 PM GMT
    It sounds like you already know the drawbacks. But in the meantime enjoy what the 2 of you have and live for the moment. Remember the sayings, 'nothing lasts forever'.
    Happy New Year.
  • callumity

    Posts: 52

    Jan 02, 2015 6:37 PM GMT
    Perhaps focusing on what drew you guys together and the similar interests you have. It'll drive you crazy if you're always seeing the differences and the major age separation. You're bound to have different interests and allow it to have a positive impact on your relationship.

    You know what they say, age doesn't mean a thing.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 6:37 PM GMT
    Perhaps clarify what you mean by "dating?" That might mean different things to different people.

    I've got friends in that age range with some common interests. That's what our "dates" are, really. Enjoying common interests. A hike, or a scuba trip or a booty-call. Nothing approaching monogamous romance. It's outside my experience, I suppose. Seems as if it could get awkward.
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    Jan 02, 2015 6:49 PM GMT
    To the OP, why not take the opportunity and learn each other's likes? Isn't one of the benefits of a relationship to find out what makes your bf tick? You might be surprised on how much intererest you'll find in comic books just as he may find interest in travel & good food.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 02, 2015 6:56 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidTo the OP, why not take the opportunity and learn each other's likes? Isn't one of the benefits of a relationship to find out what makes your bf tick? You might be surprised on how much intererest you'll find in comic books just as he may find interest in travel & good food.

    That would be a surprise.
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    Jan 02, 2015 8:25 PM GMT


    Have you met his dad?

    --really helped me to move on.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 02, 2015 8:53 PM GMT
    dustin_K_tx said


    Have you met his dad?

    --really helped me to move on.

    I met my partner's dad. I seriously was prepared to to be punched in the nose. In the end he and I got along fine and the age thing evaporated. But I hope that was for two reasons: One, he concluded that he raised a competent son who can make rational decisions about his life and needs, and Two, that his son and I had a very normal, loving relationship devoid of any weirdness, that we actually worked together well. And that I was a decent guy. It might not always be so with a big age split and conventional wisdom (sadly, so often seen here) is that there's a power game going on and a nasty financial angle. The funny thing was that my guy's uncle, a very liberal, gay friendly guy was the most suspicious.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 02, 2015 9:11 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    dustin_K_tx said


    Have you met his dad?

    --really helped me to move on.

    I met my partner's dad. I seriously was prepared to to be punched in the nose. In the end he and I got along fine and the age thing evaporated. But I hope that was for two reasons: One, he concluded that he raised a competent son who can make rational decisions about his life and needs, and Two, that his son and I had a very normal, loving relationship devoid of any weirdness, that we actually worked together well. And that I was a decent guy. It might not always be so with a big age split and conventional wisdom (sadly, so often seen here) is that there's a power game going on and a nasty financial angle. The funny thing was that my guy's uncle, a very liberal, gay friendly guy was the most suspicious.

    Has your bf met your son?
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 02, 2015 9:15 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Destinharbor said
    dustin_K_tx said


    Have you met his dad?

    --really helped me to move on.

    I met my partner's dad. I seriously was prepared to to be punched in the nose. In the end he and I got along fine and the age thing evaporated. But I hope that was for two reasons: One, he concluded that he raised a competent son who can make rational decisions about his life and needs, and Two, that his son and I had a very normal, loving relationship devoid of any weirdness, that we actually worked together well. And that I was a decent guy. It might not always be so with a big age split and conventional wisdom (sadly, so often seen here) is that there's a power game going on and a nasty financial angle. The funny thing was that my guy's uncle, a very liberal, gay friendly guy was the most suspicious.

    Has your bf met your son?

    Sons. Two. Sure. We vacation a lot together. They come here and we visit them. They're good friends and cook up shit to heave on me whenever they can. (And yes, they're both older than Alex.)
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 9:49 PM GMT
    Older guys talk about ageism like its a one way street...

    Keep in mind that school is temporary, unemployment is (hopefully) temporary. It's a situation he is in, not who he is. Imagine sticking with him and 10 years from now he's grown into what you imagine he should be. Or if you dump him and you were single all that time and he wants nothing to do with you by that time. Your call

    What were you expecting, by the way? Some exceptional 26 year old who owns a successful company and just paid off his mortgage? Get real
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 02, 2015 9:56 PM GMT
    Destinharbor said
    HottJoe said
    Destinharbor said
    dustin_K_tx said


    Have you met his dad?

    --really helped me to move on.

    I met my partner's dad. I seriously was prepared to to be punched in the nose. In the end he and I got along fine and the age thing evaporated. But I hope that was for two reasons: One, he concluded that he raised a competent son who can make rational decisions about his life and needs, and Two, that his son and I had a very normal, loving relationship devoid of any weirdness, that we actually worked together well. And that I was a decent guy. It might not always be so with a big age split and conventional wisdom (sadly, so often seen here) is that there's a power game going on and a nasty financial angle. The funny thing was that my guy's uncle, a very liberal, gay friendly guy was the most suspicious.

    Has your bf met your son?

    Sons. Two. Sure. We vacation a lot together. They come here and we visit them. They're good friends and cook up shit to heave on me whenever they can. (And yes, they're both older than Alex.)

    That's good. You're like the new Brady Bunch.
  • Destinharbor

    Posts: 4435

    Jan 02, 2015 10:29 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    Destinharbor said
    HottJoe said
    Destinharbor said
    dustin_K_tx said


    Have you met his dad?

    --really helped me to move on.

    I met my partner's dad. I seriously was prepared to to be punched in the nose. In the end he and I got along fine and the age thing evaporated. But I hope that was for two reasons: One, he concluded that he raised a competent son who can make rational decisions about his life and needs, and Two, that his son and I had a very normal, loving relationship devoid of any weirdness, that we actually worked together well. And that I was a decent guy. It might not always be so with a big age split and conventional wisdom (sadly, so often seen here) is that there's a power game going on and a nasty financial angle. The funny thing was that my guy's uncle, a very liberal, gay friendly guy was the most suspicious.

    Has your bf met your son?

    Sons. Two. Sure. We vacation a lot together. They come here and we visit them. They're good friends and cook up shit to heave on me whenever they can. (And yes, they're both older than Alex.)

    That's good. You're like the new Brady Bunch.

    No live-in housekeeper.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 02, 2015 10:39 PM GMT
    ^^^whhaaaat, you must be really hurting from the downturn.icon_sad.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 10:55 PM GMT
    Destinharbor saidOK. I've been partnered with a guy half my age for 7 1/2 years. He was just starting Grad school when we met. I can offer some thoughts. But first, tell us why you like him. What is good about the relationship and why are you interested?
    im just getting to know him. He's nice. Seems smart. A little quirky
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Jan 02, 2015 10:56 PM GMT
    ^^The vague qualities suggest that the main reason is he's hot and young lolol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 10:57 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 saidI started dating a guy who is 26. He's nice but I have some issues with moving forward.

    1 our places in life. He still has a year plus of school before he starts his first job assuming he finds one. When I talk about work stuff he has no frame of reference.

    2. interests. We have totally different likes and dislikes. He's a huge comic book/video game guy. I have no interest in it. I'm a car guy, love great food and travel. He doesn't really care about that

    3 places in life. I own a home. Travel. Eat out. Etc. he works part time and is a struggling college student.

    He is a nice guy. But I am really having s hard time getting passed these issues. At 51 I never envisioned dating someone half my age and in college


    "He is a nice guy."

    If you can't do any better than "nice guy" to describe him, then you both deserve more...and need to look elsewhere.

  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 10:58 PM GMT
    Erik101 saidTo the OP, why not take the opportunity and learn each other's likes? Isn't one of the benefits of a relationship to find out what makes your bf tick? You might be surprised on how much intererest you'll find in comic books just as he may find interest in travel & good food.
    i tried . I'm not interested. As soon as he tries to explain Pokemon to me I check out. And when I explain why the bi turbo is the worst Maserati ever his eyes glaze over lol
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 11:02 PM GMT
    Phoenyx saidOlder guys talk about ageism like its a one way street...

    Keep in mind that school is temporary, unemployment is (hopefully) temporary. It's a situation he is in, not who he is. Imagine sticking with him and 10 years from now he's grown into what you imagine he should be. Or if you dump him and you were single all that time and he wants nothing to do with you by that time. Your call

    What were you expecting, by the way? Some exceptional 26 year old who owns a successful company and just paid off his mortgage? Get real


    Wow.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 02, 2015 11:03 PM GMT
    christastic said^^The vague qualities suggest that the main reason is he's hot and young lolol

    Obviously!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 11:06 PM GMT
    christastic said^^The vague qualities suggest that the main reason is he's hot and young lolol
    nah. Hot and young is a dime a dozen. He has some depth. He's lost a ton of weight. He seems to have his head on straight after not for a while.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
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    Jan 02, 2015 11:21 PM GMT
    Dallasfan824 said
    Erik101 saidTo the OP, why not take the opportunity and learn each other's likes? Isn't one of the benefits of a relationship to find out what makes your bf tick? You might be surprised on how much intererest you'll find in comic books just as he may find interest in travel & good food.
    i tried . I'm not interested. As soon as he tries to explain Pokemon to me I check out. And when I explain why the bi turbo is the worst Maserati ever his eyes glaze over lol


    In that case, focus on those likeable things you have in common. Surely you two have at least one interest you both enjoy.