Coming out in ur late 20s and early 30's

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 1:34 AM GMT
    Hello there I would be curious to get some of your advice. I am now 30 and came out (well still partially) 1 year ago but I feel stuck.I always knew I was gay, well ever since the age of 12 but I pushed myself to live as a straight guy to please people that I know now did not deserve me going to all that trouble for them. I dated girls and all that, I loved them without being physically attracted to them. But last year I had enough and told my mother who was very accepting, now my Bro and sis know.The issue is now what? It is a very strange feeling.I have to work at being open and I have to get to meet people in the gay community but after so many years in the closet, I feel very lost and I don't know what to do or where to start.I so wished I had came out at a younger age as it would have been much easier. Any of you guys had that same feeling? What did you do to fight that feeling of being lost or stuck after the coming out? Thanks in advance!
  • Suetonius

    Posts: 1842

    Jan 03, 2015 1:58 AM GMT
    Remie saidHello there I would be curious to get some of your advice. I am now 30 and came out (well still partially) 1 year ago but I feel stuck.I always knew I was gay, well ever since the age of 12 but I pushed myself to live as a straight guy to please people that I know now did not deserve me going to all that trouble for them. I dated girls and all that, I loved them without being physically attracted to them. But last year I had enough and told my mother who was very accepting, now my Bro and sis know.The issue is now what? It is a very strange feeling.I have to work at being open and I have to get to meet people in the gay community but after so many years in the closet, I feel very lost and I don't know what to do or where to start.I so wished I had came out at a younger age as it would have been much easier. Any of you guys had that same feeling? What did you do to fight that feeling of being lost or stuck after the coming out? Thanks in advance!

    Go out and be in gay venues. Years ago, I was visiting Cork, and met a number of guys in a gay bar. The Irish are a terribly friendly lot. I am sure it is much easier today.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 6:59 AM GMT
    start enjoying your life man. do whatever you want. go out and meet folks. travel. coming out can be a huge relief of weight off our shoulders, so enjoy it!
  • AMoonHawk

    Posts: 11406

    Jan 03, 2015 8:04 AM GMT
    Part of being gay is exploring ... life is an adventure ... hop on board and take a ride icon_biggrin.gif
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 8:30 AM GMT
    First, you're not that old. Second, try not to regret a hypothetical ("if I came out earlier ..."), since you don't really know what might have happened "if"; the past is the past so try to let it go. Third, your experiences with women have probably made you a more well-rounded man, in my opinion, and your experiences will give you a unique perspective. Fourth, if you stick around here a while you'll see that many guys in their early twenties are having their own struggles with being gay and gay life.

    Good luck, man!
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 9:01 AM GMT
    It's good that you didn't make the mistake of getting married to a girl and destroying her life, having kids and then coming out late in your life. Good thinking on your part and kudos for standing up for yourself without making any excuses.
    Now that you're out, you don't need to hide or pretend to be straight by going out with a girl.

    You can go out to gay bars, if you want to have more real life interaction with guys. There isn't as such "what now" part after coming out. It's more about feeling liberated and living your life. So enjoy it and meet people, gay or not.
  • roadbikeRob

    Posts: 14372

    Jan 03, 2015 5:16 PM GMT

    I began my gradual coming out process in my late 20s and I mean gradual. It was 1988 and it was not exactly a great time to be out and proud. Today it is a lot easier to deal with than it was when I was in my late twenties. I was very discreet while I was serving in the US Army from 1990 to 1993. I would always watch my surroundings when going to gay bars back then because you just never know who would be on the street at the time.
  • SilverRRCloud

    Posts: 874

    Jan 03, 2015 6:46 PM GMT
    The truth is that little has changed in your life.

    So, your family basically know that you are gay? Which is both fine and great.

    The rest of the footwork is still on you.

    You still need to go around, meet people, explore fall in love, get hurt or not, and go through all the motions everyone in your position does.

    Don't get me wrong. There is really nothing intrinsically bad about coming out at any age. Sadly, there is really little intrinsically useful about it, too.

    Most people I have come across have told me incredible stories about how they got relieved of a terrible burden, etc. I can see their point. I was never able to share in that experience. I have always believed that my sexual life is simply my business, and that the interest the others may be having in it is purely based on their desire to gossip. icon_biggrin.gif

    SC
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2015 8:05 AM GMT
    Thanks for the answers, I'll be working on going out more often and being more open with myself.