All of sudden he looses interest and does not want to see me..Why?

  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 1:56 PM GMT
    Hey guys.

    So I don't usually post on these forums asking for dating advice but I really need some. I'll try to be as objective as possible in my description.

    Turns out that about six months ago I went to my hometown to visit my parents, I usually do this about twice a year to see the family.

    Well on grindr I met a guy and we went on out. It went awesome he was really cute charming, we had so much in common and so much chemistry. We did not kiss.

    We went out on a second date the day before I left home since I was only there for a week. Again the date went excellent lots to talk about, chemistry, flirting and before I dropped him off we had an amazing kiss.

    When he got home he texted me telling me I was the perfect package, attractive, funny, good kisser etc and I told him I was happy to have met him.

    Now I left the next day back to where I live which is like a four hour flight away. Now I was not expecting to have anything with this guy since I only saw him twice and I live far from home but it was nice to have met someone like that which is rare.

    Anyways in the following weeks we started texting and the chemistry just kept on flowing. We then started stexting and we made each other cum via texts something I had never done before and we did that a few times.Anyways time passed but we kept in contact at least once a month.


    In the beginning of december I told him that I would be going back to visit my parents over the holidays and he replied saying that we has so excited that I was coming, that what where the exact dates.

    The night I got home he initially texted me, and we started talking but when I told him that I wanted to meet up he never answered. The next morning he told me that he was really tired and had fallen asleep. I told him that I had gone on a family trip and would be back in two days and that I would like to see him the night I got back which was yesterday.

    Anyways I texted him yesterday afternoon and he took one hour to replay "Hi" and then I replied "How are you?" and then he replied four hours later that he was not feeling well...I asked what and he said something he ate. Anyways I left it that.

    Anyways you can all guess what my question is why the hell did this guy suddenly loose interest? Again I am not looking for a long distance relationship but it was nice to have something to look forward to when I went home to visit. A part of me never wants to talk to him again but another part simply wants to call him out on his bullshit hat if did not want to see me anymore he should have explicitly said so instead of evading me.

    Would appreciate any input.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 2:12 PM GMT
    How do you know that he really wasn't sick and that he was bullshitting you? Because it took him 1 and 4 hours to reply to you, is that enough evidence to support that he's not interested?

    Your story has too much ambiguity so if you want our advice, then the first thing you need to do is ask him what's going on and tell him what you think. Then come back here and let us know of the results of your conversation with him.
  • ignaceqbc

    Posts: 204

    Jan 03, 2015 2:29 PM GMT
    if i were you..i will never contact him any more.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 2:33 PM GMT
    maybe he's not interested in developing feelings with someone that's not available like you and prefers to keep the distance.

    maybe he has a boyfriend.

    maybe he was really sick, who knows. Why dont you ask him?
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 2:39 PM GMT
    As a rule, the less actual IRL contact you have, the more potential for mixed signals, hurt feelings, suspicion, jumping to conclusions on little evidence, and pointless drama.
    Don't get emotionally invested in something that in reality has nowhere to go.
  • zalcland

    Posts: 51

    Jan 03, 2015 2:43 PM GMT
    Dont contact him again unless he contacts you.

    I have experienced the same thing. A guy seemed really interested and got me looking forward to a date, then suddenly evades me.

    If he was really interested, he would text you. Theres plenty of guys out there that are willing to show interest. Feeling wanted is way better than feeling like you are a bother.
  • Trauts

    Posts: 1012

    Jan 03, 2015 3:24 PM GMT
    He could be really sick, but then again, he could also be avoiding in. You'll never know unless you're honest about it and ask him upfront if he's interested. Besides, you mentioned you don't want a long distance relationship, but it seems like you're thinking too much into this for it to just be a casual friendly relationship.
  • rnch

    Posts: 11524

    Jan 03, 2015 3:29 PM GMT
    I am guessing that his live in bf came back home.
  • PE_Mike

    Posts: 75

    Jan 03, 2015 3:40 PM GMT
    zalcland saidDont contact him again unless he contacts you.

    I have experienced the same thing. A guy seemed really interested and got me looking forward to a date, then suddenly evades me.

    If he was really interested, he would text you. Theres plenty of guys out there that are willing to show interest. Feeling wanted is way better than feeling like you are a bother.


    Couldn't say it better. It's human nature to hanker after and persist when teased by a tasty tidbit that withdraws - try not to repeat the mistakes of everyone else. accept it was just a snog, in the past past, and move on. you need a man where you live, not where you used to live - be sure you are not playing long distance games to avoid stepping up to the game where you are right now...
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 4:38 PM GMT
    I really appreciate all the feedback that you guys have given.

    In retrospect it was my mistake getting so emotionally involved with someone who I was not physically seeing.

    I'll take your advice and not contact him again.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 03, 2015 4:58 PM GMT
    CALIKE saidI really appreciate all the feedback that you guys have given.

    In retrospect it was my mistake getting so emotionally involved with someone who I was not physically seeing.

    I'll take your advice and not contact him again.

    Good grief. I can just see the other side of argument: some guy writes about how the guy he was talking to dumped him for having food poisoning.icon_rolleyes.gif
  • zalcland

    Posts: 51

    Jan 03, 2015 6:14 PM GMT
    HottjoeGood grief. I can just see the other side of argument: some guy writes about how the guy he was talking to dumped him for having food poisoning.



    Like I said. If the guy is interested, he will text. Too much effort with very little to no reciprocation is not very attractive. If he ends up asking about plans after he is well, great. Till then, dont let him make you beg for it.
  • bobbobbob

    Posts: 2812

    Jan 03, 2015 6:44 PM GMT
    If I felt like being sarcastic I'd say....
    It sounds to me like he's dying of leprosy and is trying to spare you from knowing it.

    The truth is that you may never know what changed. After knowing him such a short time/seeing him twice/kissing him once you really can't say the two of you are involved to the point where he owes you any sort of explanation....

    As for the reason he lost interest it might be time to do some introspection about it.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 03, 2015 7:42 PM GMT
    zalcland said
    HottjoeGood grief. I can just see the other side of argument: some guy writes about how the guy he was talking to dumped him for having food poisoning.



    Like I said. If the guy is interested, he will text. Too much effort with very little to no reciprocation is not very attractive. If he ends up asking about plans after he is well, great. Till then, dont let him make you beg for it.

    I was more struck by him seemingly making up his mind after consulting RJ than in disagreement with the general consensus. This seems like like such a familiar situation, and the advice is always the same, (block/ignore/delete). Certainly that could be the right advice in many situations. On the other hand, the quickest, easiest, most typical recourse is to burn a bridge the second uncertainty settles in. We've only heard one of the story. Maybe the guy is telling the truth, and yet the OP still has to has to be persistent. It is sometimes the case that Mr. Right needs to be wooed a little more than the average trick, whereas the guy whose interest is full throttle from the start can lose his spark after a month. You really have to try if you want to make it work. Just don't be a stalker, and obviously always take a concrete no for an answer.
  • christastic

    Posts: 376

    Jan 03, 2015 7:47 PM GMT
    lol if OP put 1% of the time he spent writing the first post towards showing more obvious interest in his texts, he would have had his answer by now
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 8:06 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    CALIKE saidI really appreciate all the feedback that you guys have given.

    In retrospect it was my mistake getting so emotionally involved with someone who I was not physically seeing.

    I'll take your advice and not contact him again.

    Good grief. I can just see the other side of argument: some guy writes about how the guy he was talking to dumped him for having food poisoning.icon_rolleyes.gif


    I agree ... not sure why there was a rush to judgment here. Even if his feelings did cool, OP should not be angry about it because this was bound to happen sooner rather than later under the circumstances.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 8:09 PM GMT
    HottJoe said
    zalcland said
    HottjoeGood grief. I can just see the other side of argument: some guy writes about how the guy he was talking to dumped him for having food poisoning.



    Like I said. If the guy is interested, he will text. Too much effort with very little to no reciprocation is not very attractive. If he ends up asking about plans after he is well, great. Till then, dont let him make you beg for it.

    I was more struck by him seemingly making up his mind after consulting RJ than in disagreement with the general consensus. This seems like like such a familiar situation, and the advice is always the same, (block/ignore/delete). Certainly that could be the right advice in many situations. On the other hand, the quickest, easiest, most typical recourse is to burn a bridge the second uncertainty settles in. We've only heard one of the story. Maybe the guy is telling the truth, and yet the OP still has to has to be persistent. It is sometimes the case that Mr. Right needs to be wooed a little more than the average trick, whereas the guy whose interest is full throttle from the start can lose his spark after a month. You really have to try if you want to make it work. Just don't be a stalker, and obviously always take a concrete no for an answer.


    I apareciate your feedback Hot Joe but I think if you read the story' earlier details then you might understand my position better. But ill provide a little more context.

    After we first kissed, months latter in fact we kept in contact and knew what was going on in our lives. It wasn't all the time we talked but every now and then. during these conversations he complimented me more than once saying how sexy and friendly I was. I thought that he was definitely into me.

    Before coming home for the holiday break he told me that it was awesome that I was coming, that he couldn't wait to kiss me and he usually responded to my texts quickly never taking more than half an hour.

    Then just when I got home and try to meet up with him the first night I ask him out he doesn't respond. The next day when I asked what happened he took hours to respond and then he says that he fell asleep. The second time I get in contact with him while I'm home he takes again hours to respond and says he gets sick. He was also being very short and almost rude in his responses when usually he responded in a friendly manner. Look maybe he was tired and maybe he was sick but too me he doesn't want to see me but at the same time doesn't want to say it outright. And this is what pisses me about the situation. I prefer that people be straight and upfront about their intentions.

    And the reason that I have invested myself in this is that in fact I did have great chemistry and compatibility with this guy something that for me is very rare to find.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 03, 2015 8:12 PM GMT
    Of course he might really be sick - and I might be Mother Teresa.

    Given that you and he 'kept in contact at least once a month', I'm amazed you thought this 'relationship' had any real long-term prospects. Did you really imagine he was going to save himself for your biannual visits? He was probably into you, but has decided it's all too much like hard work and doesn't want to be too blunt about it.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 03, 2015 9:21 PM GMT
    CALIKE said
    HottJoe said
    zalcland said
    HottjoeGood grief. I can just see the other side of argument: some guy writes about how the guy he was talking to dumped him for having food poisoning.



    Like I said. If the guy is interested, he will text. Too much effort with very little to no reciprocation is not very attractive. If he ends up asking about plans after he is well, great. Till then, dont let him make you beg for it.

    I was more struck by him seemingly making up his mind after consulting RJ than in disagreement with the general consensus. This seems like like such a familiar situation, and the advice is always the same, (block/ignore/delete). Certainly that could be the right advice in many situations. On the other hand, the quickest, easiest, most typical recourse is to burn a bridge the second uncertainty settles in. We've only heard one of the story. Maybe the guy is telling the truth, and yet the OP still has to has to be persistent. It is sometimes the case that Mr. Right needs to be wooed a little more than the average trick, whereas the guy whose interest is full throttle from the start can lose his spark after a month. You really have to try if you want to make it work. Just don't be a stalker, and obviously always take a concrete no for an answer.


    I apareciate your feedback Hot Joe but I think if you read the story' earlier details then you might understand my position better. But ill provide a little more context.

    After we first kissed, months latter in fact we kept in contact and knew what was going on in our lives. It wasn't all the time we talked but every now and then. during these conversations he complimented me more than once saying how sexy and friendly I was. I thought that he was definitely into me.

    Before coming home for the holiday break he told me that it was awesome that I was coming, that he couldn't wait to kiss me and he usually responded to my texts quickly never taking more than half an hour.

    Then just when I got home and try to meet up with him the first night I ask him out he doesn't respond. The next day when I asked what happened he took hours to respond and then he says that he fell asleep. The second time I get in contact with him while I'm home he takes again hours to respond and says he gets sick. He was also being very short and almost rude in his responses when usually he responded in a friendly manner. Look maybe he was tired and maybe he was sick but too me he doesn't want to see me but at the same time doesn't want to say it outright. And this is what pisses me about the situation. I prefer that people be straight and upfront about their intentions.

    And the reason that I have invested myself in this is that in fact I did have great chemistry and compatibility with this guy something that for me is very rare to find.

    Yes, it is rare to find. That's why you shouldn't necessarily take advice from people who act like it's no bigger deal than taking out the trash.

    If you think what you had is real then just ask him for the truth. The worst he can do is ignore you or tell you what you don't want to hear, which is what you've already assumed anyway.

    If he rejects you then move on. But if he's a rare catch it's maybe worth trying.
  • HottJoe

    Posts: 21366

    Jan 03, 2015 9:24 PM GMT
    Ex_Mil8 saidOf course he might really be sick - and I might be Mother Teresa.

    Given that you and he 'kept in contact at least once a month', I'm amazed you thought this 'relationship' had any real long-term prospects. Did you really imagine he was going to save himself for your biannual visits? He was probably into you, but has decided it's all too much like hard work and doesn't want to be too blunt about it.

    I've often suspected you're Mother Teresa.
  • Webster666

    Posts: 9217

    Jan 03, 2015 9:53 PM GMT
    For some reason, most guys are afraid of the reaction they might get when they choose to end any kind of relationship. So, they lie, or they just stop all contact.

    Congratulations.
    Now, you can go out and find someone who deserves you.
  • IAmTheOneWhoK...

    Posts: 154

    Jan 04, 2015 3:43 AM GMT
    My friend and I got into a gigantic argument, a kind of stupid one, and pretty much one of the only arguments we've ever gotten into, over this kind of shit. Sounds a little like your issue, so perhaps this will give you some perspective.

    I was chatting with a fellow over an app, talked to him for a short while, he seemed attractive enough, sweet, funny, etc. So I figured, meh, should give the guy a call.

    I call him. The chemistry's very awkward. There's no ebb and flow, jokes are answered with silence on the other line, his voice is a little off putting, etc. So I end the call with a "have a good one", thinking it was very clear that we had absolutely no chance of ever meeting. However, the dude texts me a few hours later saying he liked me and was looking forward to meeting.

    I pick up my phone to text the guy saying something like "You seem like a decent guy, and nothing against you, but I just didn't feel like we had the right kind of chemistry. Hope that's understandable." My friend who I was with saw that I was sending that, and flipped out on me in a way he never has before.

    In his mind, it's incredibly rude of me to say something like this, even though I believe people would prefer you be honest and not lead them on. He said that's being so mean when you should just ignore the dude. I don't understand this policy, and I frankly think it's for pussies, but maybe this guy you thought you had this great passion with...just kind of outgrew his feelings for you and doesn't know how to "nicely" say he's not interested. People's advice on here saying to let him come to you is the right one. You've put the ball in his court man.

    But that whole "food poisoning" excuse. Dude, I can count on one hand the amount of times young guys get food poisoning that leaves them bedridden, the kind that's so awful that it just happens to coincide with the return of someone he's apparently been missing so harshly, but will just sit in bed and apparently not even give you a call to welcome you back. Interesting.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2015 5:49 AM GMT
    Pick up the phone, call him, and ask if he wants to see you.

    By his answer (or failure to answer), you will know for sure if he wants to see you anymore.
  • Posted by a hidden member.
    Log in to view his profile

    Jan 04, 2015 3:49 PM GMT
    I agree with what most of the other RJ's have written. I would let him contact you. From my experience (not that you and I have the same experiences) once you show vulnerability some might try to exploit or take advantage of that.

    In the meantime do something for yourself! Work out, read a good book, buy yourself something, whatever your vice is! Treat yourself.

    He very well may be sick and doesn't answer his texts right away, or he is trying to evade you.

    Either way I hope it works out for you!